• Member Since 11th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Anonymous Pegasus


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Comments ( 114 )

Um...
Um...
Words cannot express how much i love you right now.

Is good. Is very good :moustache:

Some errors or fixes:
I’ll now allow you to come to harm - Should most likely be I'll not allow you to come to harm, unless she's a masochist
“Thou wings must beat fast if thou art hoping to win this content!” - First 'thou' should be a 'thy', and 'content' should be 'contest'
to tell her how to breath the funnel wall - Should be 'breach', not 'breath'
“Is thou fine with this position?” - 'Is' kinda breaks the archaic speech pattern, should really be 'Art' as in "Art thou fine..."
“Does thou require a reminder?” - Same thing, might be better off saying 'Dost' instead of 'does'

Other than that, awesome story. Good pacing and very nice dialogue and characterisation. (By the way, I'm Agrian from SF, who you might or might not remember :derpytongue2:)

1109766 I fixed all of those mistakes, thanks! :twilightsmile:

1109794
Not a problem, glad to help.

Anonymous Pegasus is best poni

Haven't read it yet, liked and favorited nonetheless.

If it's by AP, you know it's guuuuuuuud.

Pretty good story man

:twilightsmile:
That is all.

Hey, HEY! Pay me royalties, now! :flutterrage:

Heh, I keed, I keed :twilightsmile: Good stuff here. I just wanted to pimp my own Everfree Nightwatch folks. And cheer you on. :yay:

Nice! Very entertaining!
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!

So refreshing to read a real romance after all the trashy stuff I've been drowning myself in.

This story is amazing, just as beautiful as the nightsky in a lonesome desert.

*Beginning of story*
Hey, I don't see why this is rated Mature, it's not bad at all... :rainbowhuh:

*Scene after cyclone scene*
Oh man.. PLEASE tell me this isn't... :unsuresweetie:

What has been read cannot be unread :applecry:

Good story though, overall. :twilightsmile:

Whenever I look through the recently added or popular lists and I see 'Anonymous Pegasus' I know im going to be preoccupied for awhile. I love the way you tell your stories. This one especially cause the 'Luna-romance' stories are my favorite. So passionate. Love your stuff.

Congratulations on making featured.

Some constructive criticism, you abuse the — button to an extreme degree.

Simply noting that the character has a hesitant, nervous stutter in their voices will go farther than making the dialogue a slight annoyance to read.

S'more errors I noticed.

...he could find no trace of Princess Luna’s almost omnipotent Dark Guard...
Omnipresent (With omnipotent Night Guard who would need princesses?)
And perhaps some of my needs are greater than other’s due to my position...
others' (The original was singular possessive, but she was referencing a plural.)
...enlist the help of various groups, such as the Wonderbolt trainee’s...
trainees (They are helping, but it feels weird to say that they "own" the help they give.)
“Tis not our fault thou hast no horn!”
hath (The Princess aparently knows some German.)
...firing thick roads of his milky liquid deep inside her...
loads (Ow...! Just, OW! And I can't believe I even caught THAT.)

That was ridiculously sweet, and I am very glad I read this. Now, I'll be honest, I skipped the sex -- didn't impact it negatively though, which was good. It's enjoyable seeing the princess slowly go from timid and shy to rambunctious and squirrely, coming out of her lonely and anti-social shell. And like I said before, it was sweet, the ending especially. Warm and fuzzy feelings abound.

I do want to question were the name Selena came from, though. Is that her actual name, and Luna is just the alias or common term for who she is and what she does as princess? Ah well, I like the name, personnally. Reminds of the awesome vampire chick in Dawngaurd.

Great story, wonderful writing, fun character, romance, all of the good stuff. Well done :twilightsmile:

1112406 Selena is actually a name that she is given in the book that comes with the Friendship is Magic gift set. It comes from the greek 'selene' meaning 'moon', :twilightsmile:

1111587 YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

What the bloody hell... I thought I made a Night Watch group similar to this. :pinkiegasp:

the ending made me D'AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW:twilightsmile:

Mmmm... Nice. Good work, good work!

Oops!
It's a REALLY good story!
There are few well-written romance stories about Luna dating with a stallion instead of a mare (such as Twilight or some mare else).

GJ!

Luna comes off as too much of a rookie.

I absolutely adored how Luna came out of her shell and appeared to be so vulnerable. It's nice how you show a completely new side to her. :twilightsmile::heart:

I really love the scene you created when you described the clouds, the peaceful night, the twinkling stars... almost makes me -- no. Scratch that. It makes me want to be a pegasus so I can gaze imploringly at the night sky and hopefully wait for Princess Luna to appear. It would be awesome!! Yay! :yay:

Keep writing :3 I love your writing style, BTW. Try writing another story like this that's not a clopfic!~ :pinkiehappy:

An interesting premise. I'll definitely give her a read soonish.

1111768
There is but ONLY ONE way to get some stories out your head.

1113656 Put more disturbing ones in?

1114215
Only worse.
But you just play the hardest minecraft parkour maps. You'll get so annoyed you just use your head to 'collect' the nearest thing. I, how ever, just have to call my brother and then there's instant madness. He does the stupidest thing to try and make me laugh. And their ALL annoying!

Stealth clop?dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_rainbowderp_flip.png Might want to change the tags on this :raritywink:
It was wonderful though, nice to see Luna get some loving!

Very well written piece of work. No "mary sues" in sight, no whore princesses, a bit of natural character development, and some dramatic excitement. The clop was more of a result of a strong relationship instead of casual lust... then again, I'm pretty sure saving her life after already doing so much for her that others would not made him look pretty hot to her. So it was a little honest about the lust part, it just wasn't shallow is all. I like clop with a bit of depth and building emotion to it. You did well.

1114343 That's also why the clop was so...vanilla. Usually I go the whole hog, but it just didn't feel right to have debauchery after such long buildup and romance :twilightsmile:

This fiction makes me suprised to see Luna as a normal (?) mare instead of being a powerful or fearsome goddess in a romance fiction.
Sometimes we can see her weakness or vulnerability in Advanture fiction (battle or facing her past) or Slice of Life fiction (lonely) or Romance fiction (socially awkward)
I enjoy reading the aggressive Luna in many fictions.

However, reading your fiction also brings lots of fun.
It's a short and sweet fiction about Knight and Princess.
(I mean, she acts like ruler/goddess/adventurer/prankmaster but not like her title "princess" in many fictions.)
GJ again!

Ugh.. this is gonna be a long read.:ajbemused: Will edit once done!
EDIT:Finished it and I really liked it hope you make more clopcloppityclop. You should do one for Celestia.

1114566 I was considering playing on the angle that she can mess with storms, to make her at first summon up a freak storm so she can go storm chasing with Cloud Dancer, or possibly save him from a cyclone with her magic. But it's a lot more fun and you can empathise with the characters better if they're actually in mortal danger and SCARED of what might happen :twilightsmile:

1114612
I think you made a good decision and made this fiction better.
She might just rescue Cloud Dancer with her mighty power but it may bring you more difficulties to continue writing.
If this is a Luna-Fluttershy (I never read that after season 2) or Luna-Rainbow (it never happens..) fiction, it works.
But in your fiction, your decision makes things much better.
A knight should not always be rescued by his princess after all. :twilightsheepish:

She had too many times of playing knights (especially after S2E4), it's her turn of being a princess.

Haven't read, still love it! Will update after finished!
P.S. I knew watching you was the right decision!

YES!!! A Luna shipping that isn't with twilight :rainbowkiss:

Isn't this a dream every brony that supports the Lunar Republic wants to come true? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png

1114215
I don't think that would work very well. I've read Cupcakes, Rainbow Factory, and Cheerilee's Garden, and I enjoyed them...

Other than the clop part, I enjoyed the rest of this story.. :twilightsmile:

Excellent story. Well written and sexy. :heart:

That was a really sweet story. I especially liked the shy, yet royal, characterization of Luna. The build up into a romantic relationship flowed really well and made the story that much more engaging and enjoyable.Bravo, and well done! :yay:

Princess Luna was an immortal goddess, and he was just a simple Nightwatch pegasus. He had no intention of seeking her hoof in marriage or anything silly like that, though if she sought him out for that, then he would definitely not deny her. Another fantasy to add to his pile.

Sequal, NOW
I wonder what their baby would look like...

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