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PinkamenaPiePrincess
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Joined November 2011
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39w, 1dPony Warfare
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Private Cadence seemed not to hear the orders that Captain Smartypants had given her. Of course, this wasn't unusual, Private Cadence was a great soldier, but for some reason I had to translate all the orders the Captain gave her.
"Private!" I barked "Did you not hear Captain Smartypants's orders?"
Cadence giggled. I glared. A private was not supposed to giggle at her superiors, I'd read that in the book I read about military rankings. And a general, which is what I was, was the highest rank ever. A private was on the very bottom.
"No, General Twilight ma'am, I don't speak her language," Cadence replied. I glared until she remembered to salute, which is what your supposed to do to a general. She seemed confused by my glare for a few minutes until she remembered protocol and saluted.
"She saaaaaid to guard the East End of the Fort!" I ordered. I was very good at ordering. I was a general after all.
"Ma'am yes ma'am!" Private Cadence replied with a silly grin on her face, and saluted again.
"And no smiling! Captain Shining Armor will be attacking Fort Book any minute now and we must be prepared! Army people don't smile!"
"Ma'am yes ma'am!" Cadence said again, this time struggling to keep a straight face.
I don't know what she thought was so funny. Fort Book was the most stunning Fort in all of Twilightopia, the glorious land we were defending from the Evil Emperor Shining Armor. Who was also my big brother, but that's not that important.
Fort Book was big. It was at least one hundred feet tall and one hundred feet wide! It was made to look like it was made of books, but it was actually made of rocks so that evil invaders wouldn't get in. It had another rock wall protecting it, and a moat, because moats are cool. It was the most beautiful fort in the world, though right now it was raining so the fort wasn't as comfortable as it was when it wasn't raining. When it wasn't raining it was sunny and the sun made the rocks look like gemstones, they sparkled so much.
Now...about my big brother.
He was the Captain of a huge army and he was gonna come and take Fort Book and soon all of Twilightopia for himself! He was evil and greedy and it was my job to defend Fort Book against his forces. He was an army captain from the land of Armor which was right next to Twilightopia and was always trying to take part of our country for itself, which is apparently what countries who aren't friends, or allies as my books call them, try to do. He does it a lot, which is why Fort Book has to be the best possible fort ever, so he and his allies can't get in.
Captain Smartypants tapped me on the shoulder, snapping me out of thinking about my big brother. "General, I think that might be them heading over the hills right now!" my quiet captain told me. "In fact, I think it is them, and they're heading right for us! We have to be one hundred percent prepared!"
"Get your men to the West Wall to defend that side, I'm going to the East Wall!" I ordered Smartypants. She saluted and didn't laugh, which is why she is a captain, and Cadence is still a private.
"All soldiers to their battle stations!" I ordered, which I am very good at of course, "We have the enemy upon us!!!"
Captain Smartypants saluted again as she took her position and began ordering her men around. I went to where Private Cadence was standing and cleared my throat to get her attention.
"Captain Smartypants spotted Captain Armor, and we must be prepared! Load the cannons!!" I ordered her. She obeyed, though I thought I saw a smile, which of course were not allowed.
"No smiling!" I said. Cadence saluted and forced herself into a straight face.
"Sometimes I don't know how you got out of boot camp with all that smiling you do!" I said.
"Because I'm a good soldier anyway, ma'am," she replied.
"Then man your battle station and stop all the talking you silly nincompoop!" Nincompoop was one of my favorite insults.
Shining Armor came to our front gate.
"I'm here General Twili!" he said, challenging me. "Whatcha gonna do about it?"
"This!" I said and yelled "FIRE!!" to Cadence, who fired the cannonball at Shining's face, where it missed and landed with a whump. Another cannonball was fired, which hit members of his army in the face, and they slowly fell to the barrage of attacks from the amazing Fort Book!!
"Keep firing, Cadence! We have to hit Shining Armor! He's the leader!!"
"Right away General!" she said.
Cadence fired our last cannonball, which hit Shining Armor right in the face.
"We won! we defended Fort Book!" I said as my brother fell over.
"Oww, Twili!" my big brother, who wasn't really evil, he was really the best big brother in the whole wide world, said. "For a pillow, that hurt!"
I giggled. The real Fort Book was really just kind of a pile of books with a sheet over it and pillows surrounding it as a wall, but it was still the best Fort ever.
"Blame Cadence, she's the one that threw it!" I said and collapsed into giggles.
"I guess I can smile now, huh?" said Cadence, the best foalsitter ever. "I got you good there, Shining!"
Shining smiled that weird smile he always does around Cadence. I don't know why he does it, I think it's one of those "almost grown up" things that happens sometimes.
"Yeah, you did," he said, and smirked, then broke into hysterics like me, and then so did Cadence, and even though it was a rainy yucky day in Canterlot, it was a super fun day in our books. Even Smartypants giggled a little, and she's normally pretty quiet.
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I wrote you a heavy metal song:
HNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnNNNNNGGG!!!!
Aw, how adorable. Very nicely done! Could use a cleaner edit, but not bad at all! I think I would've closed it off in Cadence or Shining's PoV though--the sudden break from imagination to reality was a little stilted...or perhaps that ending could just be smoothed out some more.
But I liked it anyways! Thumbs up and faved. Fantastic little work.
Adorable. In such a land of debauchery and depravity as this, a golden light shines through. I... I think I feel...
Oh my God, I have feelings, now. See what you did to me!?
(It was awesome, had the full vibe of the show and just lovely innocence. Warms my crotchety old heart.)
Long reign General Twili! Remember the Battle of the Book!
Image: http://chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-daw-time.png
That was adorable. 
There are a few minor formatting issues (whenever a new character starts speaking there needs to be an indent or a new paragraph or something), but for the most part I was too distracted by the cuteness to really care. Definite fave and thumbs up. Keep up the good work. 
Faust darn it, you blew up my daaaw 'o' meter, oh well, this story is just to good huh. All joking aside, this story really is great, a good light hearted break from Aegis Shield (who remains one of my favorite authors, no offense meant to him.) thanks for boosting my spirits! Adding to my faves.
Cooliofir135
Warning! D'aaawww has been detected! Critical system failure imminent! *internet explodes*
But yeah, this was pretty buckin' cute. Screw Patton or Grant or whoever: Twilight is Best General. The story was a little rough; some editing and rewording might be a good idea. But it worked fine as the short, funny cutefest it was trying to be. Thumbs up, because moats are cool. 
This is, as a couple of people before me may have mentioned in passing, utterly adorable. You've got a good ear for writing the narration of a young child and the story doesn't overstay its welcome. It's small, but perfectly formed (except for the double line break before 'All soldiers to battlestations'). Love it.
The thing that kind of catches me out is that last line, 'even Smartypants giggled a little, and she's normally pretty quiet.'
I really can't quite put my finger on what it is, but that line, especially as the last line of the story, just feels ... weird. Like, not bad-weird, not grammar-weird, just kinda ... out of kilter with everything else in the story. I really can't explain it, but there's something oddly melancholic about a child describing an inanimate object - particularly one who, by most accounts, is their only friend bar their foalsitter/other family members - as 'normally pretty quiet'. It does weird things to my feels. I dunno. I think it's something to do with the fact that it's a weird line to end on. Like, it lacks finality and is also a rather odd statement to finish a story on; it almost feels like the 'twist ending hinting that the killer is still alive' in the last line of a horror novel, but it's so innocent and sweet that my brain doesn't know what to do with it.
This probably makes no sense so I'ma shut up now. Great story.
Image: https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT9TnmkY0R40uzu3Nmsf7UK4-m3eJfAYWs90662pN5EoBrP3sF1
10 smiling icons out of 10!
Image: http://i.imgur.com/JF7Hp.png
Image: https://i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/6/18/pcPn5gOs7UygYvO2OCR3pw2.gif
Oh my dear sweet Goddesses, I think I had a genuine d'aww moment.
That was SUCH an adorable story! It reminds me of so many bizarre and oddly entertaining games I played with my grandparents and my little brother when I was much, much younger. We had such fun back then!
The story does commit the sin of 'tell instead of show', but if you were going for making it sound like it was written entirely from Twilight's youthful perspective, then you did a perfect job. Thumbs up and favorited regardless! 
Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/044/032/heart-attack.jpgthis story game a diabetic heart atack
Image: http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/308/031/880.gif
Image: http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/330/785/cea.gif
this d'aaw. it must be countered.
Image: http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/1af115befb1335053c61cdfb7d6e1e32/110034%20-%20artist%3ATex%20cute%20pinkie_pie.png
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