Curosity... piqued... fighting urge... to track... need to be... hnngh, writing my own story...

Thanks for all the likes guys! This is my very first story.

wait is there going to be more or only these two chapters

That's it? Really?

Please continue, this has potential..... It feels wrong to leave it hanging like this

I can try but i don't know what else to do with it. any ideas>>10994571099457

um parents

that's actually a good idea. thanks

That doesn't tell me much do what with the parents. look I just need an idea because i do not see how i can add much else to it

The premise that Twilight walks along with her filly self is good

you already have the fact she is adopted....continue on to the next point.

Do you stay in the memories? so Twilight sees more of her past

Will she go look for her biological parents?

Or a mix of the two as the the spot where she can view the memories is a place she can revisit.

Confront her parents and view another memory later.

Which other memories could she see... the entrance exam. Her studious years which she wasted on...well. study..and not friendship.

You already did somewhat but you could go in extra detail, What would she think about seeing herself bathing in magical power...

Also after re-reading the bit where Spike comes back, it doesn't flow right.

It needs more emotion - she worried sick about him and after that is ,"oh I was over there. Ok let's go home" but maybe that's just me.

Why were the parents there? Even if she was lost, the parents being in her house when she gets back..

bit of a tall leap.

Also even in the past, she calls herself Twilight Sparkle

And finally, try to re-read the story - there are a couple of sentences and words which make bumps in the flow of the story.

Nothing to bad, but you might want to work on that..