A peaceful conclusion
Trixie was lying in the middle of the circle. The foals cautiously approached her.
“Miss Trixie? Are you okay?” asked Dinky.
“Dinky?”
Dinky scampered over. “What?”
“I need you to do a really big favor for me, okay?” said Trixie. Her speech was slow and halting.
“What is it?”
“Go to Carrot Top’s house. She keeps her spare key under the small rock just to the left of her front door; use it to get inside. Or just break in if the key’s not there. Go to the uppermost cabinet in her kitchen, open it, and take one of the bottles you find there. Bring it to me right away.” Trixie shut her eyes. “It’s, uh, adult medicine.”
“Oh. For hangovers!” said Snails, brightly.
“… yes, fine. For hangovers.”
Dinky grinned. Trixie was back to normal! “Of course, Miss Trixie! You can count on us!”
*
The foals helped get the adults back on their feet, passing out the hangover cures and assisting a staggering Carrot Top with brewing more. And, by the end of the day, the adults were almost back to normal. The town looked quite damaged, true, but at least the adults were okay.
Mayor Scrolls and Trixie had an impromptu town meeting the next day to talk about what had happened. Standing in front of the wreckage of town hall (it seemed that Cloud Kicker had wandered into an errant raincloud and decided to see how lightning-proof city hall was), Trixie gave a speech. “I don’t remember much of the past three days. I don’t think any of us do,” said Trixie. “Hay, my memory of today is pretty much gone. But, as you can see, we overcame the problem. I was able to lift the spell!” There was cheering.
Trixie waved a hoof to quiet the crowd. “But of course, I didn’t do it alone.” Dinky grinned, wondering if she was about to get honored. “I could never have done it if not for the magic of friendship helping to inspire me! Lyra, Cherilee, Raindrops, Ditzy, and Carrot Top have all helped me to be a better magician, and…”
“What?!” demanded Diamond Tiara. “They didn’t do anything! We did!”
“Of course, dear,” said Filthy Rich, absently.
“Hmph!”
(On stage, Trixie was explaining that, while Zecora had indeed somehow escaped while being escorted to Canterlot by the royal guards, they were confident they’d find her soon. She also mentioned that she’d asked for a larger guard contingent to guard the zebra, and maybe a Shadowbolt anti-magic specialist to help, but nopony listened to her).
Dinky giggled and nuzzled up against her mother. “You’re sure you’re okay, Momma?”
“Of course I am. I have you looking out for me.” Ditzy smiled and placed a wing over Dinky. “What you did was very brave.” A smile crossed her face. “And I think you learned something.”
Dinky thought hard. “Rainbow Dash likes the Wonderbolts?”
Ditzy giggled. (Meanwhile, on stage, Trixie was describing how they were going to get Canterlot to pay for all the repairs. Cherilee had gone up on stage to help detail what forms would need to be filed and what all the ponies would need to say to the government inspectors). “That sometimes we adults know what we’re talking about when we tell our foals not to do something.”
Dinky thought back to Snips, who was still in bed due to all the candy he’d eaten, or Snails, whose house was being debugged (to Raindrops’s dismay). Or, more broadly, all the adults who had been acting like foals for the past few days and just doing whatever made them feel happy, without regards for the town or other consequences. “But I already knew that, Momma.”
Ditzy grinned. “You’re the best daughter in the world.”
“And you’re the best Momma!”
Later, Dinky was enjoying a muffin in the park – Pinkie had worked overtime to get some decent baked goods prepared for the ‘we’re all sober again’ party – when the other foals showed up.
“So, that was kind of fun!” said Scootaloo. “We should have more adventures.”
“No way!” insisted Diamond Tiara. Her coat was still poofy in weird places. “Adventures messed up my coat.”
“I WANT MORE LOUD ADVENTURES!” yelled Bee Bop.
Dinky grinned. “What kind of adventures, though? The town’s saved.”
“Well, your Mom’s part of the Elements because she’s good friends with Trixie and the others, right? Maybe we can all be good friends and do foal-Element stuff!” said Twist.
The foals all looked at each other.
“No way,” said Diamond Tiara. “Nope. Some foals here are just too gross for refined ponies like myself.”
“I can’t be good friends with ponies who are creeped out by cute little bugs,” said Snails.
Dinky giggled. “How about just regular friends then? Good friends can come later.”
“Yeah! And we can fight evil! Like – like if Corona has an evil foal who wants to take over Ponyville!” said Scootaloo.
"I dunno," said Twist. "That sounds like it might take time away from making candy."
"Or playing music!" yelled Bee Bop.
“Eh. I’ll think about it,” said Diamond Tiara.
The foals talked for a bit longer before dispersing, all going their separate ways. Soon, it was just Dinky, but she still smiled as she went home. She felt like she’d maybe strengthened a few friendships. Sure, the foals weren’t all best friends now, but maybe they wouldn’t be quite as isolated from each other (well, Diamond and Silver would likely still hold themselves apart, and Snips and Snails would probably still be treated as gross, but she meant the rest of them). And they’d saved the adults. It was a good day’s work.
*
Dinky smiled as she entered her home. It had been interesting being one of the most ‘grown-up’ ponies in town for a few days, but she was looking forward to being able to be a foal again.
After all, foals got special treats sometimes.
“Momma? May I have another banana-nut muffin, please?”
“Of course, dear. The hero of Ponyville can have another muffin.” Ditzy grinned and put one on the counter. “But just one more. I wouldn’t want you to get a tummy ache.”
Dinky grinned and tucked in with gusto.
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1) I didn't expect anyone who wasn't cross-eyed to see that the kids saved their flanks.
2) Zecora teleports away having learned nothing about how betrayed ponykind feels by her boss.
Aww. Such a lovely ending. Yeah, almost nopony realised what they did, or just how badly they would have been screwed if not for Dinky's sense of responsibility. But at least the kids got to hang out together and almost became good friends! It does kind of bode well for the future.
All in all, a lovely story! The children were all realistically written, which is something I always have trouble with. Excellent work!
man, the kids got gipped.
1134925: Hey, Ditzy knows, and that's what Dinky cares about. :-)
1134721: Glad you liked it!
(More seriously, if enough people really want me too, I have no objection to editing it so that the ponies do know that the foals saved them, and they get medals and, I dunno, a free Pinkie party or something.)
1134985: I'd rather think of it as 'Apple Bloom had her in one fixed location; the guards had to keep track of her on a bumpy, moving train.' Plus, Apple Bloom I figure would take care of the task with a foal's earnestness; she'd be very careful to always watch the cage. The guards might be all 'what'll she do? She's a pipsqueak!' And get sloppy.
Alternately, perhaps the poison joke just wore off en route and Zecora was awesome and escaped that way.
Or, third, Zecora didn't want to escape while still near drunk-land. She could have run from AB as well, but waited until she was on the train and far enough away that she didn't need to worry about getting roped into liquored-up shenanigans.
Hmm...overal I like this chapter, but I'm not sure about Trixie essentially taking all the credit. Especially given that she likes foals, and especially Dinky.
I mean, yes, she tried to steal Twilight's thunder in "Boast Busted," but then again she doesn't like Twilight.
1135067: I see her as legitimately not remembering what happened and just assuming 'well, I cast the counterspell, must have been all me.' I don't see her as deliberately lying to get credit. (Otherwise she'd fear the wrath of Raindrops).
1135075
I'll be honest, I hate it when a kid jumps through hoops and saves the day, than some adult gets the credit, accidentially or otherwise. That always bothered me, even when I was a kid.
1135067
Come on, she just isn't Trixie without a little self-aggrandizement, you know?
1135075>>1135167 Yeah. Those kids should've gotten recognition at least. I don't like them being cut out like that.
Honestly I say leave it as is. I feel like it fits better to have the adults fairly ignorant of what the foals did. Very cute and definitely good fun. A nice intro to the Lunaverse.
This chapter was much shorter than I'd expected.
To better emphasize Trixie's likely pattern of speach here I might suggest some addition formatting.
“Go to Carrot Top’s house -- She keeps her spare key under the small rock... just to the left of her front door -- Use it to get inside -- Or... -- Well, just break in if the key’s not there -- Go to the uppermost cabinet in her kitchen -- Open it -- And take one of the bottles you find there -- Bring it to me right away.”
Either way though, I find this scene absolutely hilarious, especially as she's not just telling Dinky to trespass and steel, but to literally break her way in if necessary.
To be perfectly honest I'd prefer if there weren't enough ingredients to brew up enough cures to go around, and that the citizens of Ponyville just had to get over their hangovers entirely the hard way.
I honestly can't make up my mind here. On the one hand I like how Trixie basically takes all the credit (even while sharing it with her friends), on the other hand the foals getting no recognition at all feels like overkill. I don't think the need medals or a parade or any other such, but well...
This I don't care for at all. I mean yes Zecora had to escape, but written as is it just feels like such a cheap cop out written in to cover your ass for getting her caught in the first place. Maybe something where instead AB was so relieved to see curse end that she rushed off to check on her family, leaving the crafty zebra to escape her cage before the royal guard ever even gets involved.
I also kind of feel that maybe Trixie shouldn't even mention Zecora's involvement at all. I think it would better drive home the point of just how clueless all the adults are about what has happened. I also don't really like the part about forms to fill out or what to say inspectors. Makes it feel too much like the town is running a con rather than making a fairly legitimate request for financial assistance after a magical catastrophe. Personally the less said about the specific details here the better, in my opinion.
1134991
That's pretty much what I was thinking.
It's why many jail breaks occur during prisoner transfers rather than at the prison itself. There are much fewer obstacles to an escape once you're past the initial break.
Moving train between developed areas (aka the 'middle of nowhere') is a much better escape prospect than a farm in the middle of drunken party central.
1134930
Nice story I really enjoyed it, you mentioned that you'd maybe consider modifying the ending if enough people requested it, but i think Trixie taking a good deal of credit for fixing the town is pretty on par with her character :)
One thing that i thought was a bit odd though was that in the story you wrote “Rainbow Dash likes the Wonder bolts?” also i believe you mentioned the wonder bolts to distract Rainbow dash back in chapter 6 or maybe 5. Shouldn't her idols be changed to the shadow bolts since the wonder bolts were Celestia's flight team? or do both flight teams exist simultaneously? ( for example one for stunts and one for missions.)
but all in all i thought it was a good story
1141158
Both teams exist. In fact, the Wouderbolts have been mentioned as far back as LNLD, maybe even BB. The Shadowbolts were never really brought up until the BB epilogue chapter that was added more recently.
The Wonderbolts are pretty much what they are in the M-verse, a team of elite stunt flyers, while the Shadowbolts are a covert special ops team with limited to no public awareness (also not even exclusively pegasi).
1142539
Ah that clears up a lot its been a while since I've read through the longest night / longest day. once all 26 stories are done from the first "season" I'll have to go back and read them in order. keep up the good work lunaverse writers :)
I'll admit it, when i first heard of this fic i was concerned, and even avoided reading it at first until it was near the end, but then when i actually read it
This was hilarious! just everything that happened and considering the general chaos of the event it was very well paced, and even more importantly you managed to do an excellent job writing foal and even pulled of making DT... semi likeable, and even better you got be behind Dinky as the main character.
Overall excellent and amusing fic (claps)
1137019
As much as i enjoyed the entire fic i do have to agree with Emeral's points here.
After re-reading this story, I've become rather neutral to it. Plenty of good and bad things that largely balanced out eachother.
That is however, barring two things which annoyed me the more then any good thing about this fic could fill me with joy.
In Chapter 6, Scootaloo goes full on strawman. If this had occurred closer to the start of the story, then yeah it'd probably have worked better, but near the end felt like she was just being used to directly tell the reader one of the lessons we're supposed to get from this story. When we'd already been shown why constant parties are a terrible thing. In essence, you wrote that scene with all the subtlety of a rocket powered brick to the face, when you'd already demonstrated the effects of a rocket powered brick to the face without, y'know, shooting a rocket powered brick into our face.
But the bigger problem I had was Ditzy. Ditzy just...wandering off in the middle of the story was just wasteful. Hell, I don't even know why that happened. I mean, When she initially left on her walk, I was half expecting her to show up and act just as crazy as the others, but...nope. She just wandered off somewhere for the entire story.
1137019: What I was worried about, if I made AB responsible, was basically bringing in fridge horror to the story the next time Zecora did something evil. Like, if AB gets distracted and Zecora escapes, and then Zecora does something evil, AB could be considered partially responsible, and that'd put a down note on this story. Since this is a funny story, I really didn't want to go there. I'd like the story to remain funny even after other stories in the verse are written.
(This is the same reason I ran into trouble with the 'foals in Canterlot' story. There'd be funny jokes during the story, but those would take on a bad taste later once the more evil of the politicians begin doing worse things. It's not as funny to see, say, Silver Spoon casually chatting with Puissance, after the story where Puissance decides to do something horrifically evil.)
1178430: Scootaloo strikes me as kind'a dumb sometimes, so I figured she'd be the one who most wanted to leave things like they were.
As for Ditzy, I couldn't find a way to bring her back while keeping things funny. Dinky would either be sad for or scared for her mother, and neither of those are especially funny, so I just sidelined her.
1186058 1135067
Adding RDD, here because I think a crucial misunderstand of the setting may be at hand.
If any of the villains ever do something so horrifically evil that it would make this or the Canterlot Foals webisode become unfunny in retrospect, well, that would mean that the Lunaverse has drifted in entirely the WRONG direction. The Lunaverse isn't supposed to EVER be that much darker than the maneverse setting; this is still My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Besides, if anything I think there's more fridge horror to be had in making out the Royal Guard to be more incompetent at guarding a prisoner than a mere school-filly.
(heck I could even almost like it if Zecora had simply managed to convince AB to let her go after the curse was lifted. It would fit with expectedly childish takes on morality, plus toys with the fact that M!AB was the first pony to extend friendship to Zecora.)
Really though, I think that much like with your attempts to de-vilify Applejack, you are putting WAY too much thought into this and losing perspective on the individual entrainment value of each story on it's own merit. In this instance, Apple Bloom is only a child; it's okay for her to make foolish mistakes when dealing with a crafty trickster like L!Zecora. Especially since no matter how bad things MIGHT get, because this is MLP:FiM it should all work out for the best in the end.
1186131: I would call Corona's threat to murder all the foals in LNLD evil, and the abduction of Dinky in Hard Bargain, and the abduction of AB in CTS. So that's all fair game. If Zecora comes back then, and abducts some foals, some of the blame might fall on AB -- either from the other foals who knew why Zecora had escaped, or AB herself, or at least from the readers. That would sour the story and be unfairly cruel to AB, and I'd rather that not happen. Similarly, if one of the politicians in Canterlot Foals later decides to embark on a scheme that will involve abducting or threatening some of the foals, or doing something about as evil, that would cause problems in CF, since people reading that would have the thought in their mind that 'yeah, politician X is funny and quirky, but in two seasons he or she will be threatening these exact same foals.')
Also, the Royal Guard is famously incompetent in the mane-verse. I see this more as a joke on that.
...although I do like the idea of Zecora talking AB into it. I'll think about it. :-)
1186138
I can scarcely begin to describe how wrong headed this approach of yours seems to be. Seriously, it's just a story, and she's just a child. If anyone starts putting the blame for any potential crimes Zecora may or may not commit onto AB's shoulders, then it's that attitude that is the real problem. It's like blaming the CMC for releasing Discord; it's just crazy.
Yes we've had foalnappings (on a massive scale even) but in the end no one got hurt, and regardless of what REALISTIC psychology might say, there were no lasting consequences to any of it.
The threat that stuff like that might happen makes for great dramatic tension, but if any of it ever actually occured in the core-canon, well, I'd probably up and quite this group. That kind of stuff is not the MLP:FiM I care to read about or participate in.
Well, if nothing else maybe that much can at least workout. I really don't mean to be coming across as quite so harsh, but your cynical take on both the setting and blame getting unduely transfered is REALLY bringing me down.
Now if you'll excuse me I've got to get back to reading PAST SINS (a story where characters make bad decisions and some pretty serious shit happens because of it, yet it all still manages to end on a profoundly happy note anyway).
1186192: ... weren't you the one who was saying that we shouldn't take too long with the Discord arc because then the L6 would start to blame themselves for not fixing things sooner? That seems a lot more specious than AB blaming herself for letting a zebra loose that then went on to help a crazy tyrant.
Anyway, no, I'm not suggesting that foals actually die or anything like that. But it's somewhat reasonable to assume that if Zecora gets out, she'll go back to help Corona do bad things, and AB might feel guilt (justified or not) about that. When Corona comes back, should she abduct the foals again, I don't want anyone -- even Apple Bloom herself -- thinking that it's partly her fault, because she let loose Corona's best servant. (And they would; if no one else, Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon would certainly bring that up., or AB would think it to herself.) And since I don't think we want to go there (I certainly don't), I had Zecora's escape be caused by nameless other ponies that no one cares about. Ensuring that AB is blameless and can go back to being a happy apple farmer foal.
Honestly, the whole 'a character almost destroyed the world, tee hee hee' thing kind of bugs me in lighthearted stories. Take Order of the Stick -- in an early strip, the comic relief character blows up one of the 'five things that stops the world from crumbling to dust' because he's an idiot and doesn't think before he blows things up. This isn't revealed for a hundred strips, but when it is, it's played mostly for laughs -- as opposed to the correct answer, which is firing him and booting him from the party, because good grief, he moved the world 20% closer to total destruction. And I love OotS, but that's the one thing that still bugs me. I don't really want to see the Lunaverse go there, where characters inadvertently bring about total doom and then it's played as a great laugh. "Ha ha, Apple Bloom let loose a crazy zealot who's helping Corona threaten all our lives!" It's just not... funny to me.
1186211
I really don't want to get dragged into this right now. I'm trying to re-read my all time favorite fic.
What I will say is, it's different with the Discord scenario. The L6 are the main characters so they carry more weight, plus whether they would be under a spell at the time or not, the fact would remain that they would still have actively preformed those actions and have to live with the memory of doing so. That story is also a major event, the kind that should have lasting consequences, where as your story here is mostly just a random one-off with few larger implications needed (heck I'm even a bit iffy on RDDs plan to link it to Nightlight's revenge scheme, if only because we've seen M!Ponyville suffer worse damage, such as the Parasprites, and yet always be back to normal by next episode).
By comparison L!AB is just a side character at bast (practically a background pony), she can make a careless mistake in one episode without the consequences having to hang over her like a shadow forever more. M-verse Snips and Snail led the bloody ursa to town just so they could watch Trixie do awesome magic, but that was just a single instance and no one in setting or out really places any lingering blame on them.
Except that's exactly what lighthearted stories are supposed to be able to do, it's part of the definition of being lighthearted. Save your cynical consequence for moody melodrama. This is MLP:FiM, it is whimsical, comedic, and above all else optimistically lighthearted.
1186058 My problem isn't that Scootaloo was dumb, It's that she's used as a blatant strawman with all the subtly the Hulk is capable of possessing, while also at an incredibly inappropriate time. (The end, when even the most dim idiot should be able to know that leaving everyone as they were was a terrible idea)
1205162: It's the Lunaverse, an AU started by RainbowDoubleDash where Celestia went evil instead of Luna, and a millenia later Luna sends her student Trixie to Ponyville to set up the 'Longest Night' celebration, and it goes on from there. The Lunaverse group has all the stories.
Too bad Twilight doesnt live in Ponyville in the Lunaverse...I want drunk Twilight dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy_invert.png
1134690
Uh, when was she supposed to learn anything about ponies being pissed at her boss? Most of the ponies she saw were BLITZED OUT OF THEIR MINDS. Or children.
1319231
Not even exposure to sober ponies would have made a dent. Quite simply, foreigners like her and Gilda have no idea of the visceral sense of betrayal ponies feel when the name "Corona" is mentioned no matter how clear it's made to them.
1319310
Add to that that she spent most of her time hiding, micro-sized, in a cage, or some combination of the former, and you don't really have the full cultural experience.
1319975
Not that she'd profit from walking around Canterlot's streets. It's all very simple from her perspective; she sees the Sun (and thus by extension, Corona) as the bringer of light and life so knowing that there's a species that loves the Moon and its dark guardian is simply incomprehensible. No wonder Spike is parroting her line about how Luna rigged the history books in her favor.
Awesome fanfic!
I loved it!
1127975>>1134985 THESE
Well, this was pretty amusing. I have to admit I was kinda worried by the premise -a bunch of drunk adults could cause some serious damage to themselves, each other, and the town- but you did a good job of sending Ponyville to pot without going overboard with or entirely losing the sense of zaniness. All in all a good episode.
Also, the zombie bit with DT and Scootaloo was great.
All in all that was a lot of fun.
1600040: Glad you liked it!
Awwe funny and great
It was a cute and funny story, and I enjoyed it very much. Dinky has well earned her Element of Cuteness. I liked parallels to Discord's rule of chaos and your usual zombie flick.
It would be interesting to see where Scootaloo and Diamond's relationship might develop in time.
Don't want to start another argument, but I feel that Trixie taking all the credit for saving Ponyville is not the ending the foals deserve after when they managed to accomplish.
Cloud Kicker accidentally damaged City-Hall by lightning. This reminds me about E02S14, where Ditzy Doo accidentally damaged the City-Hall with lightning because her poor depth-perception meant that she was closer to the City-Hall than she believed when she tried to drain the charge before is discharges onto something or somepony.
Great fic over all. My own complaint is none of the foals getting any credit for saving the day, that just seems so lame. Anyway, very funny and at times a bit scary, lol. The adults started giving off that mob zombie vib there at the end. Blasted Zecora, that is one slippery zebra!
1134690
Sounds about right.
love the story!
Town Hall
City Hall
______________
... some of the fun of reading through this a second time was a bit disconcerting. Heck I knew as little as a 40ish weeks ago nothing was getting fixed in your fics. But 113 weeks. Over two years ... I'm thinking I'll just skip commenting on your future fics other than small things here or there. It's actually a bit depressing.
5194122 'Where is it?' is indeed translated to 'Où est-il?' yes.
5194019
Yep.
Oh, Trixie, you bastard. Taking all the credit-
OW, HANGOVER! BUUUUUUUU-
A cute and silly fic that had some great character devlopment for Dinky.
Here is the first chapter
A very enjoyable original story.
Bravo! Bravo! Excellent story just a perfect balance between the original theme of mlp and the mature touch of Lunaverse.
Just the ending was kinda anticlimactic.