I really like his mane?

Okay author, you have our attention, you have your premise, and it does seem intriguing. Naturally, I will withhold rating with stars until I have more to read and evaluate. Still, you have accomplished the goal of any short opening, to garner the readers interest. (and even sympathy.)

yea i have to agree, this shows a lot of potential. will track for now, and see where it goes

Why do I get the feeling that "Homeless Scootaloo" in Pony fanfiction is going to be as much a cliche as "Physically Abused Naruto" in Naruto Fanfiction?

Don't get me wrong, if worked well it's a nice lead in, but still...

i really do suggest you continue this because it is really getting my attention

mmh i agree this could become a very nice Story

But be wary, where there’s potential for good there’s potential for bad.

I trust you to take the right way,

just don't disapoint me.

this looks very interesting, i would like to see this continued. hopefully some Scootalove (i dont see much of it these days) but thats entirely up to you.

Tracking.

This is surprisingly good, and I enjoy the concept. Tracking.

This is very good, love to see more soon

Still great. How is this going to turn out for our hero's? Will the police arrest him for something? We will just have to wait and see.

I like to see how this is shaping  up, I want to see where this is going

Also, the large spacing between the paragraphs is really fitting, but i feel like you overdid it in a few of them, right between the ==========='s

Keep'em coming and I'll keep reading

Interesting....

Woah, fast updates. Awesome!

this is turning very interesting, now the wait for the new chapter begins...

more please

This proves that a story can have glaring flaws and still be wonderful. The content of this fic is great character piece, that's well written, funny, heartwarming and sad. The only problem is the spelling and grammar which doesn't matter because the rest of the fic is great that it transcends errors that would destroy a lesser fan fiction. I'm looking forward to what happens next.

Peace out.

Plot twists!

OH MY GOD! WHAT NEXT???!?!?

shit just got real

GILDA?

Actually.... thinking about it now, that doesn't sound all that far-fetched.

I agree, it doesnt at all. In fact, it seems to fit surprisingly well...

Why is that?

>>7151371513

haha! The plot thickens!

how?

wait ummm so she's a chimara

Well. Now the chicken jokes make more sense.

Certainly tugged the heartstrings here, which is a nice bit of exercise for that cold piece of charcoal in my ribcage.

Thanks for warmin up my heartstrings mate. Just hope they aren't going to be ripped out like with My Little Dashie.

>>7298872988

OH HAY NO! I'm not going there but it will get painful just sayin

hmm, mind if i use that poem on the end there in a techno track?

>>7308473084

not at all! Funny thing is I came up with that thing on right as I was finishing the new chapter

But, what type of techno track would require that sort of poem

Hmm... so Gilda's Scoots mom? She looks like a normal pony so it's a bit odd, but I like it. and Flyte's right, RD is being really heartless.(that is his name right? I skimmed back through and looked, but you weren't clear on that) I have kind of hard time picturing her being like that, but I guess it's not so far out as to be out of character.

Loved the song choice BTW, it's one of my favorites.

good goood....

you be giving me heartache now, I wish to read more, but now I must wait because the next chapter is not completed

i like this alot. please continue because i eagerly await more

FIRST! I just had to do that, anyways, I await your continuation and you should honestly when your ready upload this to equestria daily, I have a feeling they'll put it up for you

Wow... This is...

...

...

Wow...

...

...

like holy moly... but the spacing is too big. 1 star >:(

>>7393073930 I'm sorry, did I mistype 4.5?

Wow, you have a gift for writing. Keep it up!

D'aaw moar

Good so far.

I like how you personify the arguing parts of his mind.

Dayum.

As it turns out, fire BURNS

Okay Griffons are officially the most scary race on Equestria now. Any culture that considers Mordred's Lullaby a good traditional song... I mean the implications are that a local Mordred managed to take over the kingdom, and said kingdom was so successful that this particular piece of culture spread widely. (That or some playwright thought it up and it resonated with them, also a grim prospect).

Rainbow Dash is... shall we say, not the greatest judge of emotional states?

well, there you go, taking the easy way out by using your might rather then your mind. Everything has a price my friend. Fortunately he at least realizes what he has done.

Now were this anything other then a charicter driven drama, I would complain about the white/black flame thing. But it is a tool, and so long as the author uses it well, I can find no fault with it. Besides, if dragons fire can send messages, there is no reason it can't do any other esoteric magical feat an author needs.

Aaand I don't really know if it was because of my advice but you really reduced the spacing between the paragraphs and scene breaks

Dragon powers are awesome, and I'm just waiting to see someone do at least one fanart of your OC (who knows I just might unbury my pens and try it myself) he looks very cool

Can't wait for the next chapter

I knew a guy who was like that in my school, his dad was the principal so he thought he could get away with everything. Then a friend of mine hit him really hard .

The next day we were all buddies.

How that happened I haven't the faintest clue.

Finally gave im a name eh? only took you, wat, nine chapters?

your boredom is our amusement

keep em coming and we'll keep reading

is it bad if i like when parents are mean to their children so the children can beat the CRAP out of them later?

>>7513075130

Image: http://mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/magic.png