Nightmare Moon was defeated and split from Princess Luna. Now, the Former Mare in the Moon must Face Punishment for her Crimes, but nothing could prepare the proud Alicorn for this kind of Punishment!
Okay, I need a Editor for this Story to! Yes, English is still only my Second Language
There are so many Fics out there, were Twilight is some kind of Servant or Lover of Nightmare.
I ask myself, why not turn everything a bit upside down?^^
Sad and Comedy parts were planed for later chapters.
Chapters (2)
The grammar and spelling errors in the description are a huge turnoff.
Ok this seem really cool.
This story seem reallly kool, but is could using a editor persons.
Good story, it has potential but the grammar and spelling needs work.
I got halfway through and had to take a break, because the grammar hurt my eyes that bad.
That said, the idea is VERY nice....but the grammar is killing it. Badly enough that I can BARELY tell what's going on, and I'm not even an english major.
Even the "unedited" in the chapter name is spelled wrong.
Looking already for a Editor
Hahahaha, its like reading a Hellsing fic almost. Poor Nightmare being bound to serve a mere mortal unicorn and her descendants. I'll keep an eye on this I do believe.
Concept is nice, but you really do need an editor.
I´m looking for one already.
I could help, but I'm not currently at my computer and I don't feel like trying edit on my phone. XD
I might be able to edit the story.
Is your first language German, by the way?
Really? Cool, I was, like I said, looking for a Editor!
Yes, German is my first Language
1605706 I already sent you a message with a correction of the first paragraphs. Also, words like editor, language, etc. don't start with a big letter in English (language, not Language) Try to read more short stories in English, it will help you you will become a lot better at writing.
I know and i try it already, but sadly i fall often back to my old "English writing style"!
1605926 Did you get my message?
yes^^
1605946 I marked your mistakes red. You can fix your first paragraphs now. I'll correct the rest of your story as soon as I get the chance to.
Ok, i do it tomorow if i come back from my work.
i'd help but you already have a psudo editor I really cant wait for the story to blossom forth you just need to get the chapters made then edited.
If this guy doesn't work out for you then i'm open to help.
cheers
Ah, is this Mindreading? A couple of minutes ago, i wanted to ask you, if you could help me with the Description again
1610303 sure I wouldn't mind though as I said before i'm not the best i'll send it to you via pm.
And as to the mind reading I seem to usually be in the right place at the right time. and i'm usually pretty good at answering others wishes.
cheers
Hm, i only have one question,
Why the hell is every line of spoken dialogue in italics?
Well, I#m used to do it this way. Old habits die hard. Sorry for late answer.
This idea amuses me. continue.
OUCH
WOW That was cruel Dash
Not bad, little rushed, need more descriptions about Nightmare Moon feelings. You need to show more how hurtful for her all that situation is. Maybe more description about that single fact she cried, just few words was something totally not enough. This should make impact on Twilight, NMM vile creature just started crying, and practically no reaction from others?
And you have few errors like "week" should be "weak" etc.
2151637 you should have seen the unedited version.If we can get another proofreader/editor we can get the descriptions problems fixed.
2151702
There is alot of proofreaders just search for them ;p
2151757 it's all up to Echo7 how many and who he wants on the team.
2151831
Oh i didn't watch who anserwed me :P
Poor Nightmare Moon.
Forced to serve the elements of magic for more than 2000 years.
Let's see what will happen to my favorite pony
Hm! His Majesty Nightmare Moon certainly does not pass a good time.
I wonder how can a rabbit and muzzle Celestia heart worm dare condarre Nigtmare Moon to serve ponies.
Why are the sentences italicized?
Well, because I'm used to do it this way. Why?
2152340
Just curious, I haven't seen it done like that before out of when there thinking or its a flashback. I was just a little disorienting.
Well, I do it always so. It just seems right for me and thats why I do it.
From here, it looks like your editor is not a native English speaker, either. This looks like it hasn't been edited at all. In fact, I decided to take the liberty of fixing it myself. I can send you the finished version in a message when I'm done, if you'd like.
For now, some tips for writing in English:
-You don't need to start every noun with a capital letter. Only names and the first word of a sentence are capitalized.
-Don't put dialogue in italics. Only use italics for something special, like thoughts or flashbacks.
-You're using too many exclamation points. Outside of dialogue, you should use a period.
where did you plan updating this one ???
Don't worry, the next Part is already in the making!
looking foward to it
oh SHIT D: GLORIOUS.
D: TROLLUNA~! XD I damned near choked to death on my soda on this...
...And then the enchantment. TROLLESTIA~! :D
I like this story, after all Nightmare Moon was born from loneliness and jealousy, so love and respect is all she wanted and never received.
And I am sure that Twilight will be as kind as possible to her so it may help Nightmare to open up.
Oh, Nightmare will get plenty of attention later! Wait until she meets three certain little Fillys!
okay, now I feel sorry for nightmare, I hope she can get her revenge... the maid's outfit was just plain cruel.
can we have twilight override any order rainbow gives to nightmare until she earns it back?
additionally, wouldn't a smarter course of action be to give Nightmare an incentive to reform instead of jumping straight to punishment? ugh, and Celestia wonders why some taunt her with the nickname 'Trollestia'
I need more Please. I like the story so far. Keep it up
Update more please
this story is getting very interesting to read keep up a good work update more soon 
Please make more chapters, i love this story so far, and the end to the chapter just REALLY makes me want to know more!