• Member Since 14th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Jan 14th, 2016

Teridax1234


I think I should start posting my FIM stories here.

T

A human from a time long before Equestria's founding has escaped from his prison in a realm of nothing. Expecting a world where no sentient life exists, he receives a much different result: a world of magic and truth buried in myths. Now in the form of a less-than-typical inhabitant, he must reacquaint himself with the land and its people. But someone has followed him along the way: his arch nemesis, the Ninetails. And with his captor, a nameless evil for now, attempting to kill him, his time in Equestria shan't be simple...

I am publishing this here because I'm keeping my deviantart for the MoCs, and FF.net for non-MLP fics. I will delete the chaps from my deviant art. RR and leave some constructive feedback, I'm trying to get better.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 8 )

hmm... Interesting

I'm going to make a guess here. ... -steeples hooves- Mary Sue.

I have a serious question: Should I submit this to EQD?

If you do submit it to EQD I have no doubt it will be rejected.

Not great, but not bad, I feel. This is a somewhat interesting premise, though. If you want to know where to improve, I seriously recommend you slow the pace right down. Go into more detail. We know pretty much nothing about this guy, so just give us some time from his perspective to get to know him. This first chapter isn't bad by any means, but as a guideline, I'd have to say you should draw out this much detail over at least two or three times this length, maybe even more. Fiddle with your pacing a bit and you're golden.

Well, that's my opinion anyway. Keep at it!

Shit just got real, real fast... :rainbowdetermined2:

-Jorofrarie

If your going for naruto cross, Amaterasu is the name of the mangekeyo sharingans black fire ability

789517
I was actually going for Okami. Amaterasu is the name of the game's protagonist.

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