- Member Since 15th Feb, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 24th, 2017
Rust
Out at sea, rockin' steam dreams and pilot valves... Deuces.
Rust
Joined 15th Feb, 2012 ·
Offline
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Zecora wat r u doin sta...
I mean scoot over, I wanna see
This was damn impressive, dude.
Excellent buildup, excellent in the act, too.
Plus, the plot was awesome.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3808417
Thanks, mate.
3808420
Of course, boss!
~Skeeter The Lurker
At first, I thought you meant 'rough' but later down I see it was meant to be 'rogue'.
Their.
After that, I stopped caring about typos...
3808453 I was about to point out the "rogue" mistake, but I see you beat me to it!
This is your first clop? . . . Coulda fooled me. This is excellent! Aaaaand it's not just mindless sex for the sake of sex. Good clop with depth of character isn't always easy to find.
Thanks for writing!
3808453
&@#$!!!!
Good catch. Fixed with haste... and shame.
Mostly shame.
3808547
i112.photobucket.com/albums/n191/awilson529/sad-i-know-that-feel-bro-l.png
D'aww! This was so sweet! A bit absurd, but that's to be expected. Still, real emotions, great prose during the sex scene, and an all around great story.
Cheers, brah!
3808576
Coming from you, that made my fucking day.
DRILL SERGEANT THIS SAILOR THANKS YOU DRILL SERGEANT
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/569/298/6b0.png
3808585
Me: Are you a female?
You: Um... no...
Me: THEN STOP MAKING ME A GODDAMN SANDWICH! I KNOW I HAVE ENOUGH BALLS FOR TEN, BUT I'M ONLY ONE MAN, SO ONLY ONE DRILL SERGEANT!
If you are, in fact, a female, I apologize.
Well. Freaking. Done.
3808736
I'm one hundred percent ma-male.
...And it seems my brothers in the Army have got mockery down to a science. That shit's hilarious!
BUT THAT'S NOT HOW WE DO IT IN THE NAVY, GUY
WE MAKE SANDWICHES BECAUSE REAL MEN CAN COOK
Also, well done. I liked this one, mostly because it wasn't just about the sex. There almost seemed to be some thought in it, unlike most clopfics on this site. And it was well-written enough that I stuck with it. Also, the title almost scared me off since I thought it was going to be silly and straight-to-the-point, but it wasn't, which made it better. Not bad; not bad at all.
3808856
The original title for this was going to be "Stitches." Smarty was intended to receive a great deal more characterization and perspective time, experiencing new things in her new body.
But then I realized I wasn't writing a one-shot anymore.
So I avoided going down that road, keeping things in the here and now, and I think it worked out for the better. Let someone else forge onwards where I balked.
3808908
Personally that title still would have worked, but I don't care either way since you pulled it off well enough.
3808856
I agree. Not many clopfics like this.
img.4plebs.org/boards/tg/image/1365/62/1365625896178.jpg
Fapping jokes aside, this was good, and not just for Big Mac doing the nasty with a animated doll.
Yes! Finally! I've been waiting for this shit!
Agreed.
10/10 would read again, then bang.
as you said, it's not perfect. you could have used a little more detail here and there, but for your first time writing clop? i wouldn't be surprised if you've written adult material before, because this is really good for a first time writing this kind of material.
I would love to see what would happen should Smarty Pants come alive, permanently. Maybe as another story??
I haven't read it yet, but I would like to point out that that is the BEST chapter name. Ever.
EDIT: Just read it, and it was great. Gonna agree with General Spritz though.
Also, that Zecora line has officially made her a fannon potty mouth, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
It feels like I've read this before
Nuff said Zecora, nuff said...
That was incredibly well written, and a very interesting premise too. Great work!
This story belies your talents. You have an amazing skill for stories like this. That said, there was one problem that I saw with this whole thing, and that was the orgasm scene.
Simply put, there's simply not enough detail to get invested in it. How does it feel for both of them? What do they do? What do they say?
Sadly, this is a mistake I see far too often. Making the orgasm scene a simple cum-and-done does nothing good for any story.
Still, this was well written enough that I enjoyed it, and I'd give it a 98 on my approval scale, spelling errors aside.
I have seen, Rust. I have seen.
Well done on another incredible story, as well as some amazing character development!
I'm not so inclined to swear as well, Zecora.
But holy shit balls on a damned freeway! That was some Hawt sex. That... was... awesome...
Well, putting aside that it actually was hot... I apreciate the fact that the fic had a bigger purpose than just mindless clop (though I like one of those once in a while), I've often seen that when clop is involved, the story's plot (heh) is just sh!t, but is good to see something meaningfull floating around... sort of.
That maniac magee referance tho
If you hadn't said so, I never would have thought this was your first attempt at clop, but you have produced a fine story here that I'm proud to add to the folders of the High Quality Mature Fiction Group.
Here's hoping that while this may be your first, it won't be your only foray into the genre.
This was an amazing story. Although i did find it quite sad.
Damn that sex scene!
...Wooooooow
Whoa...
Just...Whoa
3811024
Well... shit! Thanks, dude!
This is really really good. Like, absolutely stellar. I love love LOVE smut with story. I almost can't believe this is your first attempt at smut, it's just too good.
If I had to give you a criticism, it would be this:
I think there wasn't enough of this emphasized bit, considering it's, you know, half of your summary. You conveyed Mac's loneliness incredibly well (and I loved the resolution at the end of him coming back to give Cheerilee another shot), but I really would have loved to see more of the world from Smarty's perspective as an inanimate (but conscious) doll, SEEING his loneliness and hearing him share his hopes and fears and such and yearning to help him......and THEN go into the rest of the fic, rather than starting off with her already in the midst of the 'fortuitous circumstances.'
Other than that, really incredible work, and I'd love to see more sexy stories out of you.
--CG
Honestly man, with your wordchoice and writing I'm guenuinly surprised this doesnt have more likes, great work sir!
I like the fic, but there's one particular passage that weirded me out a bit.
Usually, 'showers' and 'golden goodness' do not go together in ways that involve getting cleaner....
It's pretty good.
Wow, that was superbly well done! The way you handled the surrounding story made the clop scene less incidental and more important to the whole, which gave the story a really natural feel. The clop scene itself was extremely well done: Smarty's desire to experience, and the building reactions of the two were all very smartly approached and worded, and wow, pretty damned sexy! So yeah, I liked this.
You call us sick fucks? We aren't the ones who had the idea of having Mac have sex with Smarty Pants. You're just as twisted as us, if not more so.
You know you love us either way
3812905
Yes... that's the joke.