First thoughts: This is before I've read the story: Oh god it's going to be awful isn't it? OCXTwilight never ends well. Ah what can you do eh? Forward unto the breach!

After reading: It's dictated well enough to keep attention (I think. I got distracted by a squirrel halfway through). And they all seem to be in character. Oh well, it's still going to be a placid read anyway. But at least it's a properly edited placid read.

>>10831421083142 So what, do you hate it or not?

Folks will always hesitate to read OCxMane6 shipping, because as fans we all get a little too attached to characters, their canon and our headcanon. The way I see it, the guys and gals making the show have the power to create a brand new character at any time and start a romance with a main character, and it will be canon. So I think it's safe to say it has to be written well or it will receive huge backlash.

My suggestion is to research writing tools and aids an optimize your characterization of your OC, so that we as readers will want to see the pairing happen. I'm not against OCxmane pairings if the OC is fleshed out and likeable, and not a Mary Sue/ Gary Stu.

Mordecai here is trying his best, the poor little blue jay." Fluttershy said quietly.

I see what you did there :)

I'm loving the story so far. Can't wait to see it continued!

Wow, getting far more Favorites than my previous fanfic, and we haven't even went into Rainbow's wonderbolt ticket plotline yet!

I'll say that the story is much more alive than most fics, particularly the introduction. Although sometimes the love at first sight is just something that doesn't seem plausible, to me, anyway. But it is possible to still make a great story from it - I see you already have a story line. I look forward to the next chapter.

Pinkie and Rainbow dash's fighting scene was very funny!

I hope too see more of this story, keep it up.

I have no complaint's

>>10981611098161 You'll see alot of Pinkie and Rainbow together in future chapters, they're part of the 2nd plotline of the fanfic.

I'm already working on chapter 2.

No complaints? Awesome!

>>10986181098618

I love how you really make the characters come to life.

I can't wait for chapter two!

Yay new chapter! It was good, enjoyed it, but it seemed a bit rushed and slightly choppy. However I look forward to the next chapter.

>>10994491099449 I had to implement the Rainbow story into this story without fully making it about her. I don't like ending chapters in an odd number of words, for some reason. And can you explain by how it's choppy? I get "rushed", though. I might try to make Chapter 3 at least 3000 words.

>>10994651099465 I do love the Rainbow segment. And we are all entitled to our little literary quirks! However, in response to the original question: "choppy" in the sense that the flow of the chapter is a bit bumpy. Readable and easy to follow, but transitions between scenes could be improved a bit for better flow. And I don't mean to offend you or anyone else over this, it's just a suggestion.

I enjoyed this, I loved how Twilight and aqua were in unison.

Yet again Pinkie and Rainbow made me laugh.

I'm just curious as to how you're going to make two stories work.

Will they link into one or something?  

>>11000221100022 Thanks for your opinion on that segment, and I understand your opinion, as long as it's not that offensive.

>>11001081100108 Thanks, they're very similar. And the might link up, I just haven't thought of it yet.

>>11003801100380

I'm positive this is going to be interesting.

I shall wait in my time capsule for the next chapter.

Wake me when you need me.

>>11004991100499 So I guess you'll have to tune in for Chapter 3, or don't.

>>11005101100510

I wouldn't dare miss it.

You can execute Pinkie's character perfectly, but the whole shrub thing confused me a little.

Twilight and Aqua seem too be getting too close too soon.

I guess if it is true love at first sight then I can understand that.

Nice job on this chapter.

>>11215361121536 For the sake of being random, I wanted some more humor.

Twilight's kinda antisocial, like in the first few episodes, explaining why she would read a book on love. Any other questions?

>>11219431121943

Now that makes so much more sense, Thanks for the information.

I have no more questions, thanks for answering.

Sorry for the long hiatus. You may notice Celestia is now in the characters section. I felt it was needed. I hope you enjoy.

I exploded at the Adventure Time reference.

>>12856231285623 Thanks, man.

lol with Pinkie and Rainbow Dash.  Those two just work so well together.

>>12859961285996 When you watch Griffon the Brush-Off, it changes your perspective...

Wow, still nothing about Twilight? Black sheep much?

Well I really enjoyed this chapter!

And strike me down for saying this, but it must be done.

"Twilight... Use the force." < Star Wars.... I'm so not funny.

Anyway, I think I've made up my mind... Have a watch.

>>12904311290431 The first hint was in Chapter 1 itself, if you recall Twilight mentioning Aqua being in a counsel.

She's not a Force-Sensitive cuz she has a horn, and magic in Equestria is the counterpart of the Force. Bad joke JK

As for the watch...YES!!! I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW!!!...but I should wait until this fanfic is complete.

>>12912111291211

Don't you dare die on me! I can see you writing some amazing fan-fics in the future.

>>12914521291452 Oh go on. No seriously go on.

What did you think of the Twilight+Aqua part in this chapter?

>>12915471291547

I have to admit it was very cute! I never enjoy OCxwhatever pony stories, but yours... I really love.

>>12915601291560 Pool scene leaves you in suspense, doesn't it? You notice, they haven't kissed yet, so what goes on after is left for debate until Chapter 5.

>>12915761291576

Well whatever you do with it, I can't wait to see it.

>>12915601291560 Any specific part of the Twilight+Aqua plotline (no pun intended), you're curious about? Ask away.

>>13167981316798

I'm curious about they're personality's.  They seem so perfect for each other, but perfection can be a bad thing. It makes you fall into the same mundane routine, nothing ever changes and hence it causes carnage in a house hold. So I'm curious about if they will ever fight, in other words get into an argument of some sort?

>>13244771324477 All couples fight at one point or another. Fight, make up, and love each other again. Take notice that they haven't actually kissed yet. As for if they argue, that's for a later chapter.

>>13244951324495

I see and the fact they haven't kissed also leaves open a topic for debate. I'm going to assume this is both they're first time ever getting this close to a fellow pony. So they don't wanna mess it up, they don't wanna make the first move, but one of them is going to have to. If they make it to soon it could mess everything up, but leave it too late and it will make them think all sorts like. 'I'm I not attractive enough', 'maybe Twilight is just with me for the money' etc etc. This kiss has to be 100% perfectly timed, but I believe in your ability to deliver and make it as amazing as a first kiss can be. Also they are both obviously very nervous after all; first love is a scary thing.

>>13245131324513 Nopony's a gold-digger here. And don't worry, young Twilight and Aqua will find the right moment, they basically know they love each other, seeing as how they're in each other's thoughts, but they wanna plan the kiss perfectly. I'm thinking of a massive revealation in a future chapter.

Who knows...play your cards right, and I might throw in an alternate ending.

>>13245791324579

Alternate endings are tricky... They can sometimes destroy a story so be careful.

>>13245961324596 I see...maybe an alternate's not such a good idea. I'm not one for Killing Ponies fics.

Just asking, what do you wanna see happen between Aqua and Twi in chapter 5?

>>13247221324722

I'm not sure what I wanna see, I would much rather be on the guessing stick than anything. Thinking about it too much can give you expectations then let you down if those expectations don't become true. I guess most of all I would just love to see some bonding time between them.

Finally, after one whole month, Chapter 5 is done!!! I hope you enjoy this, I know someone will!

Dat Star Wars reference...

>>14536801453680

Star Wars + Ponies = A++

Oh God... I started to panic a little when Twilight was writing her letter to Celestia. I thought there was gonna be like a hidden Jedi history, it explains that Celestia had to get rid of them all or something like that. I was beginning to think Celestia feared the Jedi and was going to attempt to murder or banish Aqua... Sigh.

Well at least things are going great by the looks of it, keep it up!

>>14701391470139 Twilight will find that out on her own, Aqua lent her the book. Also, Celestia was explained by Aqua to have been involved with the Jedi Counsel, so she wouldn't be evil. It's not like she's the ultra-powerful Sith Queen Darth Solstice...

Besides, she doesn't have the Force, so she couldn't cloud the Jedi's vision like Palpatine did.

Lastly, Twilight and Aqua finally kiss...on the cheek. Way to troll you with romance. You get the Phantom Menace reference?

>>14702651470265

I didn't get the reference due to me not actually being a huge Star Wars fan. I've seen the films when I was young... Like way young and I remember all the normal stuff like the Jedi's, Light sabers, Blasters etc. But nothing big sadly.

Also yes... Way to troll... and I look forward to finding out what's in that book.

>>14703101470310 It's based on a lightsaber duel from Episode 1. Harry Potter reference, when they're talking about Dark Lords. Besides that, what did you think overall?

>>14704201470420

Yeah I got the Harry Potter one

Overall I enjoyed it, but I admit. twilight's sudden kiss on the cheek was a surprise; I thought she'd be more shy. And the "bedroom eyes"... I got bad images bro... bad images. Anyway back to the kiss, I guess it's understandable because she sorta did it on a whim, she kissed and as the saying goes: Got the fuck out. Excuse my foulness.

So yes, I really enjoyed this chapter.

>>14704611470461 She didn't really leave quickly, you know, they spent a whole chapter together in a pool, near a fireplace, at the balcony, he showed her his entire house, what did you think she was gonna do after that? The guy gave her his most-cherished book. And bedroom eyes, the fanfic picture, man. The fanfic...picture.

>>14704961470496

She left quickly after the kiss, she stayed a long time, but after the kiss she was gone, but yeah... I now understand that picture.

>>14705241470524 What else could she stay for? Not in a bad way. She went to his house to see if she had feelings, and if it was real, and it is, and she's got the big book, all the Jedi knowledge from his talk, she's got alot to dwell over on it. First love, man, so she can't be those 'Kiss and break up right after' mares.

>>14705471470547

I'm not saying anything bad about it, don't worry. I think you made the right move.

>>14705551470555 Alright good. I'm glad I brought them alive here, and you saw more bonding time. Hint hint: Even more bonding time, and the others too.

>>14705701470570

I look forward to the rest.

To my fans, as a result of Hurricane Sandy, power loss is a possibility. With that in mind, my battery will be on reserves, so updates will be scarce until further notice.

Furthermore, enjoy Chapter 6.

Chapter 6 is duly enjoyed.  

>>15241081524108 Ah thank you, new fan. I do enjoy a good happy ending. But this isn't the end of the story, I assure you.

this needs a star wars them song.... and some clop form twilight and aqua..like where this story is going  

>>15246901524690 Yeah it does. Maybe some end credits from Return of Harmony. And to answer your 2nd statement...what? What they do is private, bro. But hey, did you notice Rarity in the first half of this chapter?

>>15249141524914 ok i gues your one of the writers that don't write clop... i get it its cool bro.. but ya i see what rarity is doing on here free weekends but i think it needs some thing star wars related music but when i think of what i go ... it will bug me till i find it!!!

>>15250851525085 Never have, never will. IMO it's somewhat sick. Hate to bash the fandom but seriously, that's what they write these days? Can't they just write Adventure tag storys and be done with it? Keep it kid friendly, sheesh.

>>15251441525144 just some of us adults want some thing more... i enjoy  and adventure stories just as any else... its  just mlp fim is kid friendly already... its keep the older minds active lol.... i will enjoy this story with out the clop... i will admit that some times the clop add more to the story to get the reader more involved... but thats just my option  

>>15252931525293 Eh, I won't judge ya. I actually enjoyed the more kid-friendly Season 1, but Season 2 was a thrill for me.

>>15255671525567  thanks.. i hope season three is better tho.. i hear around the web that there is only 13 episodes

>>15256141525614 It's alright, I heard in a link on Deviantart from William Anderson (i think that's his name) himself, he wrote a little poem, and it basically said that this season is shorter because he and the crew are preparing for FUTURE seasons.

I finally got round to reading this! NOW ON WITH THE CLOP, IT MUST BE DONE! Nah, I'm just kidding, do as you please.

This chapter was very enjoyable, I'm really beginning to enjoy the calm and funny side to it, I normally don't read stories like that. I read ones that are kinda grimdark and sad, they appeal to me, but this is awesome and I also sense that something dark will eventually happen so I look forward to it.

Sorry this took me so long to get round to.

>>16151711615171 Took ya long nuff. Just kidding, but I actually began writing the next chapter. I'm happy this chapter was the longest because it ties all the essential plot points together so smoothly. Highlights to this chapter was Rarity's...unexplained escapades, Rainbow's fangirl moments, and Pinkie's 4th wall breach. I seem to have jinxed this, as the LAST chapter took the 2nd longest period of time for you to read it.

Great chapter cant wait for the next one.

good chapter cant wait for the next one.

>>17681511768151 Ooh, you wrote 'good' this time instead of 'great' like last time. Did you not like this one as much?

>>17700291770029

do like it but it reminds m of star wars sometimes but all in all great idea but good story.

>>17705201770520 That's the idea. Hope you like what I have planned for the future.

>>10831421083142

OCX? Placid? What in the hoof do those mean

also, this is an amazing story. Aqua was definetly an unexpected kind of pony for Twilight to fall in love with, seeing as his competitiveness rivals Rainbow's. Other than that his personality is so in sync with Twilight's, its almost creepy

>>17729291772929 Thank you for the compliment. While unexpected it seems, Aqua does have the brave Jedi personality, and the same sense of sarcasm like Twilight. But mind me asking, competitive?

It's almost as if the Force paired them together...

First impressions: "Jedi council", huh? I like this story already! let's dive deeper...

Overall opinion: I stopped after chapter 3, seeing as it's not my favorite...

But...

This fiction has no doubt earned it's followers. While you may not be the best writer in the world, what with you few yet obvious grammar mistakes*, I could definitely see someone enjoying this.

I'm no professional, but I think in my humble opinion that this story gets a 6/10 as an average fan fiction.

*

such as

Angel scurried up to Twilight shoulder

>>20490202049020 Oh wow, how'd I forget to fix that? Normally I'm more cautious with my grammar.

And, 6/10 eh? Well...not a good score imo. I see I failed to meet your expectations.

And I cheer the happy couple.  

perfect song to end the this story

oo an adventure time reference...actually I could see those two trying that.

By far the best Twilight x OC romance I have ever laid my eyes upon.

Image: http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/34916706.jpg

>>21267762126776 The Yoda Seal of Approval! Planned more for the future, I have.

>>10832581083258

I have never hesitated reading OC x Mane 6.

I actually prefer them over Canon x Canon

>>21268452126845

Excellent.

My watch is yours.

what was rarity doing???????

>>22629382262938 Big Macintosh