Not bad. An ok start, but it needs work. There are some spelling and grammar mistakes in the second chapter (eg 'wards' instead of 'towards'). And the plot could use some work; once you finish the raid, focus alot more on the relationship with Applejack, and just throwing in the general as a cliffhanger wasn't very good. It seems wrong that a 4 star general would be involved in an attack on a base, and be lingering at a barrack they attacked.