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A stallion leaves for the town of Ponyville so he can apply for a new job, but an incident renders him unable to do so. He turns to somepony to help give him a second chance, but what happens when his problems catch up with him...
Cover art by Soapie-Solar (Not a commission)
Edit: Edited chapters will be marked with an asterisk.
*sigh* I don't know why, but I am starting to feel like crap after seeing the rating. 4.3 is still a great score, but the 21st rating got it down by 0.2 of a rating. Why do I feel like this? 
Oh and a positive note- Chapter 10 will be released soon, with chapter 11 nearly finished. for C11, just a few more words and a pre-read. (Thanks Zeph for the help, I have plans for you... 
)
Not bad, but when reading I always feel you could have gone into more detail.
e.g:
“You don’t know the half of it.” Answers Twilight as her mind wanders back to the time the crusaders nearly burnt down Sugar Cube Corner. “So aren’t you supposed to be borrowing a book?”
or
Dusk’s face lit up, “*gasp* THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!"
The ecstatic stallion leapt up and pulled Rainbow Dash into a hug almost strong enough to kill a bear. "You have NO idea how happy I am.” He cried.
Dash managed to wriggle her way out of his crushing embrace.
“I hope that you are as good as Zeph said you are.” she said after a few deep breaths.
You also changed tense between past and present several times during this chapter.
>>96124 Detail has never been high on the list for me, but might have to agree with you on that. I may try to add more detail to future chapters, but I might just stay to what I'm comfortable with. I'm writing this because I want to, not because I want it to become a masterpiece. I'll have to admit though, the second example is pretty damn good. (But knowing my OC, he would never just bear hug someone who tild him good news. Too intrusive) You raise a good point. 
Also unintentional past/present tense... FUUUUUUUU... 
(How did you miss that Zeph?)
Editing time... 
If fluttershy drank from a juicebox in pers....pony at the UN there would be 1000 years of world peace....
The dawameter would be over 9000!!!!!
Man the story past sins is my favorite fan fic ever made!!!!!
i didn't run across it untill like two months ago.... if anyone knows any other awesome story that rival its epicness please throw some suggestions my way.
Yes I did say something about a possible delay, but the big word was 'possible'.
Sure Skyrim + Fallout 3 + Live is quite fun and distracting, I still feel like I have to update every possible day. (Even though I to reduce Chapter length to fill this quota of mine )
You should see the amount of times I have said something about a delay to Zeph, and it being absolutely false. I think the count is up to 8 now. (Sowwy Zeph 
)
>>100204 As Dusk sees Fluttershy making out with Big Mac, he asks something.
"Errr, if you are making out with Mac on the couch, then how did you open the door then."
Fluttershy (?) doesn't answer, instead, pulling off the mask. There is somepony inside the mask, which Dusk doesn't recognize.
Big Mac just says, "I'm making out with Mare-Do-Well?"
She shakes her head and pulls off the 2nd mask, revealing... wait what?
Inside the mask, is the 60s Spiderman, and Big Mac just recoils in terror. He goes to the sink and starts washing his mouth out. Fluttershy enters the room, in bewilderment.
"Long story Shy"
"God damn Pinkie and her pranks." Says the superhero.
"God?"
----------
"...and that is how Equestria was made."
"Pinkie, what did that even have to do with getting our cutie marks?" Asks Applebloom.
"Dunno lol."
-------------------------------------
P.S. This is not what is going to happen obviously, but it is quite random if you ask me.
P.S.S. Yo Dawg, I heard yo like masks, so I put a mask in yo mask so yo can be disguised while yo disguised
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! I MUST KNOW HOW IT ENDS !
Sue me... Cant wait for the next part ! 
+ Juicebox = 
Looking forward to the next part! 
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