Source
<

ImJustAnotherBrony 1710946

Joined November 2011
1,368 followers

    Groups

    ImJustAnotherBrony's Stories (17)

    x

    Rainbow Dash glanced down at her saddlebag, letting a light sigh escape as she looked over the bunch of rolled up parchments protruding from the sack. With a gulp and a deep breath, she lifted her hoof and tapped on the door.

    A voice called from within. "There's no need to knock ya know."

    "Ah, heh. Right." Rainbow pushed through Ponyville Library's front door and made her way over to Twilight Sparkle's desk, setting her saddlebag down in front of her.

    "What's this about, Dash?" Twilight inquired, placing a hoof to her chin.

    "I, uh..." Rainbow scratched the back of her mane and looked off to one side. I shoulda prepared for this...

    "Is everything alright? You're acting kinda funny..." The concerned unicorn stood up, peeking inside the bag.

    "Yeah, yeah. I actually just wanted to show you something." Rainbow slid the bag out of her reach and grabbed the rolled-up scrolls with her teeth, setting them down.

    "And what's this?" Twilight curiously looked them over.

    "Well, you know how the final book in my favorite series just came out? Yeah, I decided to make my own fan-continuation, and I wanted you to take a look... if you aren't too busy." Rainbow blushed and chuckled.

    "Ah, I see." Twilight lifted the papers with her magic and spread them out over her open book. "I'd love to read this for you, and I'll give you all the advice I have to offer. Just give me... about eighty minutes to read this over."

    "Alright, sure." Rainbow leaned over on the table and rested her cheeks on her forehooves.

    Twilight took a deep breath and sat back on her chair, leaning forward to begin reading.

    Rainbow twiddled her hooves, wondering if she'd made the right choice in letting Twilight see her writing. She impatiently tapped the desk and watched her friend's focused eyes scanning over her work. She huffed and wondered what could possibly be going through the unicorn's mind. Then Twilight grinned.

    What was that for?! Rainbow's mind began to race. Oh crap, I messed up. She thinks I'm an idiot...

    Sensing Rainbow's gaze, the purple mare peered up at her friend. "Dash, please stop staring – you're distracting me. If you'd like, you're welcome to go have a seat over there while I read."

    "Right, sorry." Rainbow Dash blushed and stood up, clumsily trotting backwards and plopping down on a nearby sofa.

    Twilight nodded and went back to reading while Rainbow stared at the ceiling.

    Why did I decide to do this? She's not gonna like it... I'm so stupid! She smacked herself in the face and dragged her hoof down, attempting to wipe the anxiety away. She's gonna laugh at me, I know it!

    Rainbow's pessimistic thoughts kept her occupied for a while as the clock ticked away. Every so often, the quiet would be broken as Twilight flipped through the pile of pages, almost stoic as she did so.

    After several of these page-turnings, Rainbow could contain herself no longer. "So where are you at?"

    "Shhh. I'm almost done."

    The pegasus looked over to see that Twilight now had a quill in her magic and was taking notes on a separate parchment as she read. She groaned, and let her head plop rather forcefully back down onto the cushy arm of the couch. "Hurry up will ya?"

    Twilight shook her head at the mare's impatience. "Just a few more... minutes. Okay?"

    The sound of the clock ticking, and Twilight's periodic dipping of the quill and tapping it to the paper on the desk began to sound almost rhythmic as Rainbow waited, fidgeting with anticipation.

    Tick-tock... tick-tock... tick-tock tap, tap tick-tock tap tap tap tick-tock, tap tick-tap-tock-tap

    "Guh! Are you done yet?!" Rainbow shouted, leaning up suddenly.

    "Yeah yeah, hold your horses." Twilight quickly jotted down a few more details and rolled the scrolls back up in the proper order.

    "Finally!"

    "Hey, it was a long story, alright? And you should be thanking me for this. I didn't have to read it you know..." Twilight pointed out, crossing her hooves.

    "You're right, I'm sorry... Well? What did ya think?" She smiled, her eyes wide.

    "Dash... You blew me away with this story. I'll admit, it's much more than I expected. I really didn't know you had it in you." Twilight laughed and trotted over to her, the scrolls floating along behind her in an aura of magic.

    "Really?" Rainbow said, her eyes gleaming with pride.

    "Yes, really. However, I did find a few issues I'd like to discuss with you." The studious unicorn returned to her seat and gestured at her notes.

    "Issues?" Rainbow gulped and followed.

    "Nothing serious, just a few tips to keep in mind for your future writing, and in case you want to edit this one up a bit before you show anypony else." Twilight turned the first page around to face her friend, then looked up into her eyes. "First thing's first: writing errors. This is a list of all the misspellings and grammatical errors I spotted. Nothing major – it happens to anypony writing anything. We all make mistakes now and again."

    Rainbow Dash blushed and looked the list over. "Wow, this is kinda long..."

    "It's thorough," Twilight explained. "The next two sheets are about a few things that caught my attention. Come look."

    Rainbow trotted behind her friend and leaned over her shoulder to read with her.

    "Here are a couple of things I wanted to ask you about. These sections stuck out to me, and... well, you get the point."

    Daring Do stared out over the unfamiliar landscape from atop a cliff, familiar and comforting thoughts entering her mind. Though the strange new world stretched out below her boasted a beauty like nothing she'd ever seen before, it still failed to compare to the gorgeous purple eyes she knew were waiting for her when she returned home.

    "I can only assume you were referring to Haypenny, Daring Do's personal assistant and researcher. Right?" Twilight looked up and grinned.

    "Yeah... I, uh..." Rainbow blushed and cleared her throat.

    "Well, the thing is that I don't recall her eyes ever mentioned as being purple before. Also, I'm not so sure that Daring was that fond of her."

    "Well..." Rainbow looked away and huffed. "It's my story, and I wanted there to be romance, okay?"

    Twilight's eyes widened and she scooted back. "Yeah, it's okay. I was just pointing it out, is all."

    "Fine, what's the next thing?" As soon as Twilight looked back down, Rainbow shuddered and blushed, feeling more embarrassed than ever.

    Trapped! Daring began to kick the walls around her, hoping to find a weak point. Not-so-surprisingly, there didn't seem to be a single one. She spread her wings and fluttered to the roof of the sealed-off cavern. She rubbed a hoof against the ceiling and felt the rocks crumble away. Suddenly, the cavern began to fill with water! She looked down to see a stone shaped like a dragon's head, with water gushing out from its open mouth. She closed her eyes and began to think. She knew there had to be a solution, some sort of way out. She just needed to keep calm.

    "I wish you were here with me, I really need you right now." Daring sighed, then forced herself to stay cool. "You're so smart... What would you do if you were in my place?"

    Her eyes snapped open, an idea forming. She rushed down to the rising water and dived under. The dragon-head was in sight, still gushing water.

    "The rest isn't important, but once again, Haypenny is mentioned. Why?" Twilight rubbed the side of her head. "She was never a big part of the series, and was definitely not so highly regarded by Daring Do. I don't get it."

    "Look, I liked Haypenny, okay? I can mention her if I want, so what's the big deal?" Rainbow retorted, frowning and crossing her hooves.

    "It's not that big of a deal. It's just that your readers will be as confused as I am. They won't be thinking about how you for some reason liked Haypenny; most of them probably don't even remember who she is." Twilight sighed and pushed the paper away, bringing up the last one.

    "Alright, this last part is kind of important. I realize you like Haypenny, but she's far too underdeveloped in both the main series and in this fan-fiction. The next segment just doesn't work, but it's so beautiful."

    Daring Do sat, her muscles aching, and stared out the window of the train.The Crown of Nightmare Moon was secured, its dark powers rendered useless. Daring, of course, felt relieved by this, but couldn't quite figure out what was missing. No matter what she accomplished, no matter how much praise and love she received from everypony around her, there was always something missing. There was always something she longed for, an experience not yet experienced, a question still unanswered.

    She exited the train from the Dragon City, the ashy remains of the crown still in her saddlebag, and an empty pit in her chest.

    "Daring! You're safe! I missed you so much, I'm so glad to see you... So glad." Haypenny rushed to the pegasus' side and wrapped her front hooves around her neck.

    Daring Do winced beneath the tight hug. "Careful there..."

    "I'm so sorry, are you alright?" Haypenny backed up and began looking her friend over, searching for injuries.

    "Just a little sore is all, nothing serious." Daring hugged Haypenny, then it all became clear.

    It wasn't until that very moment, that she finally felt complete, that her journey finally meant something. Daring lifted her two weary front hooves and wrapped them around her closest friend's neck. "I'm glad to be back. I... I think I..."

    Haypenny nuzzled her neck, gently massaging the mare with her cheek. "I'm glad to have you back. Let's go home, and please, promise that you'll never leave me again. I can't bear the thought of losing you, and it's all I think about when you're gone. You're my best friend, and I love you Daring Do, I really do."

    Daring nuzzled her back and breathed against her ear. "I love you too, Penny. And I promise, I'll never leave your side again. Every time I was in trouble, I thought of you, and how I couldn't let myself die, not yet. There was something I still had to do..."

    "...What was it?"

    Without another word, Daring kissed her. The world disappeared around her and she knew her journey through life had finally come to an end. Of all the mysterious, magical artifacts and amazing treasures Daring had encountered on her adventures, a simple kiss proved to be the most amazing thing the world had to offer.

    "Rainbow, this is... Well, coming from you..." Twilight laughed and placed a hoof on her horn. "Coming from you in particular, this is beautiful. I've never seen this side of you before."

    She smiled softly at Rainbow, who blushed madly and suddenly took great interest in a piece of lint on the floor.

    "But this character just doesn't have any substance." Twilight turned back to the manuscript, poking at it with a hoof. "I mean, you've barely introduced her and she's already fallen in love with Daring. Since in the canon storyline they don't have anything other than a platonic relationship, you need to develop the pair as a couple, and show how their love grew. Otherwise, it's just not as believable."

    Twilight glanced sideways at Rainbow, a bright smile on her face. "Still, though, it really is a nice piece of writing. I especially love that last line."

    Rainbow couldn't bring herself to speak, blushing deeper than ever before and breathing in and out deeply. Stepping towards the couch, she fell over and buried her face in the cushions.

    "Rainbow, there's no need to be so embarrassed! This is really great, and I do like it. It's just... I think... Maybe you could... use a little help? I could maybe lend a hoof? If you'd like, that is."

    Rainbow peeked one eye out from between the cushions.

    "Are you serious? Uh, yeah, that'd be awesome!"

    Twilight beamed, turning her eyes back to the writing. "Great! I'm positive that, with a little effort, this could make for a really amazing story! I have to confess though..." She paused, her hoof tapping her chin. "Why did you choose Haypenny? And where did the purple eyes come from? I mean, she has a green coat, I don't think purple would really be the most natural color to go... oh."

    She turned slowly towards the couch, comprehension dawning in her eyes.

    Rainbow forced her face deeper into her cushiony hiding place. "Mrrrf, leave me alone..."

    "I will not leave you alone... Purple eyes, smart – are you trying to convey your own personal emotions through this writing?" Twilight stood up and trotted over to her friend, concern etched on her face.

    Rainbow didn't move or speak. She simply faced the cushions and let out a long breath.

    "You're using these characters, aren't you? Daring Do is you, and Haypenny is... me." Twilight blushed and looked down. "Am I right?"

    Rainbow looked slowly upwards into Twilight's big, beautiful purple eyes, and gave a tiny nod. "I... I was so mad when they ended the series. I always hoped that Daring would end up with Haypenny..."

    Twilight smiled and placed her hoof on Rainbow's shoulder. "Awwww... You're a hopeless romantic, aren't you?" She sighed and leaned down. "And that's exactly what you were trying to show me, wasn't it?"

    Rainbow couldn't find a voice to reply, lost in Twilight's gaze.

    "Dash... it's okay." Twilight closed her eyes, smiling gently, and held out her hoof.

    Rainbow sat up, never having felt so insecure in her life, and smiled back. She reached out and touched her friend's hoof. "So, you liked my story?"

    "I loved it." Twilight took a seat next to her, their hooves now interlocked.

    "That's good, because you were my inspiration for the whole thing. I never stopped thinking about you while I was writing – I knew you'd love it if I did this. I never doubted it for a second!" Rainbow threw on a cocky grin and tapped her chest.

    "Of course... Write a book for the egghead, right?" Twilight laughed and leaned forward, her muzzle now nearly touching Rainbow's. "You know me all too well. I really do love it, and I'm glad to have been your inspiration. That means the world to me, Dash, it really does. And I can't wait to turn this into our little story, together."

    Rainbow gulped and closed her eyes, Twilight's warm breath trailing across her cheek.

    "Dash?" Twilight whispered, slightly opening her eyes as they inched closer.

    "Yeah, Twi?"

    "If I was your inspiration for the entire thing, and you were projecting us each into the story, then why not write my character into the story more?" Twilight couldn't help but giggle at her own silly words.

    Rainbow backed up and took on a serious tone. "Don't you see, Twi? It's not about that, it's about me. It's about how I do all these things, like... like, how I won the Best Young Flyer's Competition. Or how I impressed thousands at your brother's wedding with the best sonic rainboom ever! It's just like that with Daring Do. She goes on amazing adventures and experiences everything anypony could ever dream of, but there's always been something missing. Haypenny has never been a really big part of Daring's life, but when they're together, you just get the feeling that they're happy. At least, I do. When I'm with you Twi, I just feel happy, like all my big adventures led me to you, and you're the real prize – you're my treasure. You're all I want, and you make me feel complete."

    Twilight's eyes scanned over Rainbow Dash's burning face, trying to read every emotion she possibly could. "Dash..." She suddenly thrust herself forward and locked lips with her closest friend.

    Rainbow Dash wrapped her hooves around Twilight's head and pulled her tightly against herself. They continued kissing, as lovingly as the most passionate romance novel either had read. Twilight felt her body begin to tremble, and pulled away from her friend's lips.

    "...Was it like you imagined?" Twilight asked, her voice soft and her breaths short.

    "Better." Rainbow hugged onto her friend, and laughed. "It was so awesome, so sooo awesome!"

    "In that case, I regret nothing. Now, let's go have an adventure of our own..."

    "Together."


    ***

    This was a request by This awesome Guy

    Watch me and keep an eye out for blog posts for your chance to request anything you want.

    Edited by the greatest editor in all of Equestria, Silver Cloud.

    Comments ( 141 )

    #1 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Perhaps I should have Twi preread my -- no, wait, that wouldn't work at all, would it?

    There are few questions in life more frustrating than "How do I tell her?"  [Substitute other pronouns as needed.] I like the idea that Dash came up with a method that didn't make her look like she was going to facehoof at any moment.  Love, after all, is supposed to embolden us.

    #2 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    TL;DR, Thumb-Down, Reported :trollestia:

    #4 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Bravo my good sir, bravo! Short, but very sweet, I loved it. :rainbowkiss::twilightsmile:

    :moustache::moustache::moustache:

    #5 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1071072

    Annnd the point of that was?

    Well done, i enjoyed it :) i'm sure knighty would.

    #6 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Another very sweet story....made me smile when Twilight finally figured things out. =p

    #7 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1071168

    Srsly? He's my boyfriend IRL. :ajbemused:

    #8 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I like the recent surge of Twidash recently, and this story is no exception

    #9 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I see this when it's added to the Twidash group, instead of my watches. Time to watch. And add to 'read later'

    #10 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    BOREDOM IS A WONDROUS THING!

    ... Was there a point to me posting this?

    I THINK NOT! HAVE A FACEHOOF! IT IS HOW I FEEL AT THE CURRENT MOMENT OF MY STUPIDITY IN THIS COMMENT!

    :facehoof:

    #11 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Adorable.

    #12 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    For a second there i thought this was gonna end up being a story written by Twilight.

    #13 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Truly amazing story :twilightsmile: very immersive, and yet not too long.

    Here, have a YAY :yay:

    #14 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    phenomenal... nuff said

    #15 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    awesome:moustache:

    #16 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1071193

    Bitch I know you ain't talkin bout my man! My boo woukdnt touch yo nasty ass scrotum with a ten foot pole!

    #17 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Oh my Celestia, was this a great story! <3 <3 <3

    You felt everything thorugh every little sentence and this version of Dash being a hopeless romantic and insecure of it was so great presented, same with Twi´s helpful and though first oblivious slowly understanding pattern when reading the bits of the story from Dash to the readers was also great.

    The last line of Dash´s fic was awesome and their kiss in the fic itself was awesome too! The whole fic was awesome! :twilightsheepish: :rainbowkiss:

    A really good story for a quick read, i enjoyed it alot. Thanks. :pinkiesmile:

    #19 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Very cute, my upvote! I think Twilight caught on far too quickly, just from the way she remember Haypenny's eyes were never said to be purple. But all in all, cute story!:twilightsmile:

    #20 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    That was just too damn adorable. Bravo, sir!

    #21 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    DAWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

    #22 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1071193

    not like i was being mean to you, not like i can tell if he is your boyfriend or not...

    #23 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    *clap* bravo good sir!

    #24 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    :ajsmug:

    Well, now you pretty much have to write Daring Do and Haypenny.

    No excuses!

    Or you could have Rainbow and Twilight do it for you, but then you have to write them doing it. Writing that is.

    #25 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1072583

    Awww, shit! This thug got some mad spitx goin'. :duck: Betta watch mah FB for hatemail...

    >>1072825

    Oh come off it, you~ I was just trolling :trollestia:

    #26 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Why did it take me so long to see this? I loved it though. FUZZY FEELINGS TO ALL!!:pinkiehappy:

    #27 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Dude...  That's two TwiDash's in a row that I liked!  and after HATING so may others, this is amazing!  :rainbowhuh:+:twilightoops:=:heart: (this time)

    #28 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 
    #29 · 40w, 2d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    The plot was pretty predictable. And yet, I can't wipe the dawwwwwww off of my face.

    Faved.

    #30 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1073237

    :rainbowlaugh:

    The plot was meant to be predictable. I basically summed up the entire little story in the description. It was a request from one of my watchers saying "Write a TwiDash romance please."

    Glad you liked it though. :twilightsmile:

    #31 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    All the yay :yay:  Enjoyed it. though i.m.o pinkiedash/rainbowpie is where its at.  

    :twilightsmile: overall a good read.  I'll enjoy seeing what else you can do in the future

    #33 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    When I first saw the story, I was skeptical, but upon reading it, it turned out to be really good. My only notice, however, is Twilight's reaction. Unless she had feelings for Rainbow beforehand, she didn't seem very flustered, nor did she seem to take much time in deciding whether she liked her back or not. It sounded like Twilight did like Rainbow before, but it was a little [adjective not found] when she responded. :twilightsheepish:

    Have a thumb. :twilightsmile:

    #34 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    This story was indeed very predictable, but that didn't matter at all.

    I loved this story very much.

    Found one tiny mistake you might want to fix though:

    Rainbow's pessimistic thoughts kept her occupied for a while as the clocked ticked away.

    Keep up the great work!

    #35 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Finally!! A Twilight who isnt a complete naive idiot when it comes to this! Took long enough for me to find one... Anyway, this story was short and sweet! I liked it alot!

    #36 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    This story is very cute. I like the idea of Rainbow trying to confess her feelings this way and Twilight not being too thick to realize that the story was about the two of them. This is really high quality stuff and has given me feels that have uplifted my spirits. I am now watching you and await more great stories.

    #37 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    So much D'aww. :heart::heart:

    Can you build onto this?  Write more!

    #38 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    :rainbowkiss::twilightsmile:

    Aww, that was really cute. :heart: I've always had a soft spot for TwiDash.

    #39 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    D`AAAAWWWWWW :heart: I NEVER KNEW RAINBOW COULD BE SO ROMANTIC :heart:

    #40 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Not sure if like. It seemed a bit rushed to me. And Twi's reaction wasn't at all what I expected. Did she like Rainbow before and didn't say anything because it seemed like she didn't really have much of a reaction. Other than that good fic. Not gonna up or down vote for reasons mentioned before. Have a good day! :scootangel:

    #41 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    *read* Where's the clop?

    #42 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    and then they fuck... giggity giggity

    #43 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::trollestia: 4 and 1/2 out of 5. Trollestia counts as half for intentionally being predictable.

    #44 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1074355

    Dangit! :facehoof: Thanks, will fix that now.

    #45 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I like it, may i read this on my youtube channel? plz pm me back

    #46 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1074116

    PinkieDash is my favorite ship. :rainbowkiss::pinkiehappy:

    #47 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1075678

    You can on the strict condition that you give me the link when you're done. :twilightsmile:

    #48 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1074702

    In all honesty, it was rushed. I posted a blog saying I'd write the first request I got. The guy said "TwiDash Love Story!"

    Three hours into writing and this was pretty much done. My editor actually got me to flesh out what I originally had quite a bit, he even added a few paragraphs of his own.

    #49 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1074417

    Thank you very much, I definitely appreciate that. :pinkiehappy:

    #50 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I will give you link after posted, thank you very much for letting me read it  on youtube

    #51 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Nice story, man! Yeah, it seems rushed near the middle, but not too terribly.

    #52 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    TwiDash needs to stop being so darned adorable. This is the most adorable of things. The most.

    #53 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Oh, the feels.... they are great in number.

    #54 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    In my most eloquent of words:

    HHHHHHNNNNNGGGGG

    #55 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Wow!  That dropped like a ton of bricks!

    #56 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    So cute! :twilightsmile: You've warmed up my heart this cold morning.

    I stumbled a bit over this part

    Rainbow backed up and took on a serious tone.
    — and the following monologue. Such a large and heartfelt speech is something I'd never thought RD is capable of. Then again, I'd never thought she is capable of writing a full-fledged story a hundred pages long. Guess she'd just been hiding everything from us.

    Anyway, that was wonderful. Keep it up!

    #57 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Twidash is best shipping, and this my friend proves it. Awesome story! :twilightsmile::heart::rainbowlaugh:

    #58 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Cudos this was a vary cute little story:twilightsmile:

    and now to Continue my Adventure of another story GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR!

    #59 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Very cute! Better than some romance fanfics that are way longer than this one.

    #60 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1072583

    I enjoyed that comment about 5,000,000.04x more than the actual story itself

    have a free internet

    #61 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 
    #62 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1077108

    dont cry

    not even the ultimate of the best can compete with dat sass

    we are all way out of our league

    Katatakat for CEO of ponies

    #63 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    oh rainbow you don't have to hide your feelings from twilight

    #64 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Hah, of course I would love a story where proofreading a fanfic is at the heart of it. Though so far I haven't detected any romantic advances in the stories I've proofread. :pinkiegasp:

    #65 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1077422

    Well duh, that's because you aren't looking deep enough. :raritywink:

    #66 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Looks a bit closer at the stories... "Is that? No, it couldn't... be... ...nah!" :facehoof:

    #67 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Short and sweet. Good way to go.

    #68 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Cool story bro. :twilightsmile:

    #70 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1078072

    Cool picture, bro.:moustache:

    #71 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1078158

    Danke. God bless the internet.

    #72 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I liked the idea behind this story, and the story itself as well of course :twilightsmile:

    #73 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Lol!

    "In that case, I regret nothing. Now, let's go have an adventure of our own..."

    That line made me go "YES!" for some reason. Can you find out what it is? :pinkiecrazy:

    Anyway, VERY nice story man. It was amazing to watch twilight become more and more aware of the situation then this paragraph:

    Twilight beamed, turning her eyes back to the writing. "Great! I'm positive that, with a little effort, this could make for a really amazing story! I have to confess though..." She paused, her hoof tapping her chin. "Why did you choose Haypenny? And where did the purple eyes come from? I mean, she has a green coat, I don't think purple would really be the most natural color to go... oh."

    Then this line shortly after:

    "You're using these characters, aren't you? Daring Do is you, and Haypenny is... me." Twilight blushed and looked down. "Am I right?"

    Dash: "NOPONY SEES THE WIZARD!" *flees*(that should be some sort of alternate story write there XD, just kidding.)

    Anyway those lines made me laugh. Twilight finally understanding and then her usual awkwardness. This was awesome. 5 brostaches.

    :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

    #74 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Cute little story. >w< Very nice.

    #75 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    One of the most adorable things I've read in weeks. You win again! :pinkiehappy:

    #76 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Very cute ! the plot was kinda unexpected, which pleased me ^^

    It was fast and the end a bit cliché (but I like that sorta thing), but I know it was meant to be a short short story =)

    Very cute pairing also.

    Faved !

    #77 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    It was cliche, yet not cliche at the same time... -head explodes-

    #78 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    IMHO: Spitfire is best pony, because fighter plane for a name.

    TwiDash is best ship, because HHNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG the adorables are overwhelming!

    #79 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Oh God, right in the HNNNGGG. :twilightsmile:

    #80 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    *raps fingers on desk*  I'm honestly not sure why I even read this.  I guess pure curiosity?  Simply seeing what's been showing up in the Featured box lately, I've been curious to see why certain things keep trending.  I'm not a big shipper and I don't really like RD at all.

    But still, I read it--so I owe you a critique, at least.  Let's see what I can say.

    Well, from a purely technical standpoint, you get top marks.  I don't think I saw any errors--which means if there are any, they are indeed very minor.  Moving to style.  A little name heavy in your dialogue tags.  Not terrible, but a few more pronouns would've served you well.  Also, and this is more a personal nitpick probably, being so action heavy with your dialogue tags is a little unpleasant to the eye.  Still though, they are not done incorrectly, so I guess whatever you prefer.

    So I didn't really enjoy it, but I didn't hate it or anything.  No thumb up or down here.  I don't feel like I wasted my time, at least--there were a few VERY good lines here, so *applauds* for you.  It did make me grin and get the occasional 'd'aww'.  But overall?  The emotions are too quick, too linear, too forced.  There's some Out Of Character issues, though generally you do fine.  But I can't stress it enough: this developed waaaay too fast.  So it sounds hollow and pointless, defeating the story's existence.  

    You could've really played around a bit more, had a little more subtlety, and therefore more believability and depth.  As it stands, I almost did a double take--you mean to tell me, Twilight--the pony who didn't really have friends until pretty much marehood--figured out Dash's plan that fast?  Sure, Dash isn't the most cunning of ponies...but, that's just stretching the imagination too far, I think.  And I get it's supposed to be a moment, a short one-shot, but Twi just jumps right into it?  Right into a passionate kiss?  Too fast, and therefore distasteful and uninteresting.  If there's no work for it, I don't see the purpose in caring.

    Still though, as I said, you had some parts that were just fantastic and full of emotion and heart.  I didn't hate the piece, I just didn't like it.  So I welcome you your success and good luck in your future endeavors!  'Til the next.

    #81 · 40w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    is all I can say

    May the Grace of the Valar Protect You

    Shire Folk

    #82 · 40w, 23h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I can tell when I'm reading a good story when my heart flutters, I breath deeply and smile goofily and bite my lip. And that's EXACTLY what happened when I was reading your story. Bravo, my friend, bravo!

    At first I was like :pinkiesmile:

    Then I was like :twilightsmile:

    Then I was like :pinkiehappy:

    And I finished off with a I wub wis story! :rainbowkiss::heart:

    #83 · 40w, 23h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    twidash love fics...twidash love fics everywhere :twilightsheepish::rainbowwild:

    JAG
    #84 · 40w, 23h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I agree with Peregrine Caged. It was way too rushed to be believable, and as such I couldn't really care about it.

    Still, it wasn't outright bad. The concept, "write a book for the egghead", was a sickeningly cute one and probably the kind of thing Dash (now with extreme reading action!) would do. Twilight's instantaneous acceptance was what brought it down. 3/5. No thumb either way.

    #85 · 40w, 22h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Short, sweet, and adorable. You have been granted a moustache :moustache:

    #86 · 40w, 21h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I loved this. Twi and Dash are a little out-of-character, as mentioned above, but this is cute and well-written enough for me to suspend my disbelief.

    #87 · 40w, 18h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    :yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay:

    #88 · 40w, 18h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    D'aww.

    I wub it.

    That is all.

    Journcy Out.

    :twilightsmile:

    #89 · 40w, 17h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    ... Oh mah lord. I teared up at the last line in Dashie's fic :fluttercry: So adorable! :heart::heart::heart:

    #90 · 40w, 17h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    i really enjoyed n_n

    #91 · 40w, 16h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Fanfiction, in Pony Fanfiction?

    Fanficception.

    #92 · 40w, 15h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    There are some times when I wish I could make that adorable little 'squeak'-ish sound when I smile.

    You know the one... It sortof sounds like a rubber duck.

    Anyway, upon reading the last line of Dashie's fic, this was one of those times. Excellent work, Mate.

    This is Australia...

    #93 · 40w, 15h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1071934

    Then why did you even post it?

    #94 · 40w, 14h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Loved it. Brilliant. :twilightsmile:

    Now, off to another adventure!

    #95 · 40w, 13h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    It deeply saddens me that anyone could bring themselves to click Dislike on this amazing piece of work. This (to me) seems like something an enamored Dash would attempt to win the heart of her favorite Egghead. This was an amazing read and a part of me wishes there was more to it...hm, Perhaps I could do my own Fan continuation. :pinkiehappy:

    #96 · 40w, 13h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1083306

    I would love it if you did your own fan continuation. :rainbowkiss:

    #97 · 40w, 13h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>1083321 Then this is what I must do -Opens Notepad-

    #98 · 40w, 12h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I loved this story. I only wish it was a little longer. It was so kind hearted and sweet. It's what I want most out of these romance stories. :heart: :twilightsmile: :rainbowkiss:

    #99 · 40w, 11h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    I have tried this. And it failed. :raritycry:

    Still attempting. :facehoof:

    At least Twilight is smart and caught on eventually. :pinkiehappy: Great job. I could relate and enjoyed every bit of it.

    #100 · 40w, 10h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    GOLD thats what this waz gold great job

    0 138407
    Anonymous comments currently disabled. Please register to make comments