Very good. But get an editor to fix up some of these problems, will you? There's a good darling!

I really like the idea of the story, you just really need to take a lot time to edit and proofread, and I mean A LOT(no offence though)

For the prologue, (in my opinion) I think it's a good idea to remove everything except paragraphs 1, 2, and 3, just to give like a backround of the story, and add everything that was removed to chapter 1.

Also, there are a lot of spelling mistakes and incorrect/missing grammar.

I suggest using spell check and grammar check.

That's all I could think of for now. If you disagree with my suggestions, I totally respect your opinion, and I can't wait to read more of this!

Image: http://i1077.photobucket.com/albums/w468/x_iHeartMLP_x/imagesCAJV3239.jpg

>>10704471070447

Thank you but we really don't know any editors, or very many other people here So do you have any reccomendations for one?

>>10706031070603 I really don't know anybody that well except BronyWriter. He is currently editing my story (not the one I currently have right now on this website, but another one), so you can ask him, I guess.

Very impresive, other then the spelling and grammer errors I'm hoping to see how this will turn out, I like this, Pinkie and Rainbow are a very awesome cule in my eyes and I' hoping to see where this goes. I'll be watching, also breif hints of SORROW! Awesome (she's the dark half of Pinkie Pie and second in command of the Dark Elements, aso known as Disharmony)

Sorry for the short chapter   -Facehoof- Longer chapters soon PROMISE!

Lightning~

Ha, Pinkie just disappered.Damn, wonder if Dash will not kill Twilight as promised? Pinkie never seems to take much seriously and sometimes it could get annoying....this is going to be fun.

>>10811191081119

Bahaha, Soon enough. I would say different but Its wild wings' turn next. shes writing chapter 3. so i honestly don't now what shes planning until i proofread.

~Lightning

>>10825091082509>>10825091082509 Hehehehe*evil smile* Y'all will have to wait and see...

~Wild

so fast paced....

Slow down, for Celestia's sake! It's nothing but talk. And there are some errors. Actually a lot. I suggest you look this over and add more fat to it.

>>10841521084152

Well in my eyes there's nothing wrong with it, THAT^^ is just your opinion.

I read what you have so far, and I like it. A few parts seemed a little jumbled and difficult to understand, but I think i only ran across two sentences that were like that in what you have so far. The only other problems were minor spelling and grammatical errors, but those could be easily fixed. All in all though, good job, keep it up!

>>10868631086863

...

Just.... nevermind.

Image: http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/moods/sadness.gif

I like this one, but I felt as if Rainbow let Pinkie and Twilight off a little to easy, it just does not seem like her.....and I'm glad to know a bit about Applejack's mother, it's a very impressive concept, please write more. Poor Pinkie.

>>10901801090180

Thank you!

>>10948151094815

We only made that happen because she was pissed, and it barely sunk in that she wasn't going to be able to fly any more, Dont worry. shes going to be a bitch soon.

>>10948401094840 Works perfectly for me.

>>10948521094852

Sorry, chapter four is running VERYVERYVERRRY late...

Jesus, man. That cliffhanger. When I was reading it, it was like having heartwarming, happy background music playing, like everything's going to be okay. And then, during the last sentence, it immediately jolts into a LOST violin screech.

Welp, time to start tracking this, then.

>>11855101185510

This comment made me laugh, i knew that last sentence would grab somebody. Glad you liked it!

    ~Lightning

>>11855171185517

I think that worked as intended.

Because "Dun-dun-dun!"

>>11876711187671

Thanks! glad you liked it!

Hey Crazy! So, anyways, I really like your story

>>12047311204731

Thanks!

Its really good.......I'm serious

>>12114551211455

Haha, thank you! we actually share an account and we take turns writing each chapter. .

Whats it like to have lots of fans for your book? I only got one book, just published it, and I gotta wait 23 minutes...I'm getting antsy! Oh and Crazy? Why aren't you on Warrior Cats RPG anymore? We all miss you

>>12142411214241

Well we don't have a lot of fans but its nice and you just published a story? ill give it a read!

and whats warrior cats rpg?

lol nevermind xD

>>12180431218043

Alrighty then.

I think its amazing! or, at least the concept is. But it moves a tad to quick, her getting the wings, just like that *snaps fingers* aside from that...

It was good, but I would have imagined Rainbow being a lot angrier, instead of sobbing. and totally being FURIOUS at Twilight

CLIFFHANGERS!!!!! They make me so and and

I love angry dash! I want to see more of that!

IMPORTANT PLEASE READ

if you enjoy reading this story,it will not be continued on this account. The account this story is on is my old one and for some reason it locked me out....i dont know. SO....it'll be updated on 'kathole23' very soon.