a fic where the pony isnt petrified and emediantly bucks them in the face? ......

im intrigued

>>10788301078830   Well now that you mention it i just might have Pinky bounce on his toes a few times....

Show's lot's of promise. I would suggest editing a little more closer first. But I give it a thumb's up. keep going. Also, a little more detail would be good such as what kind of weapon's he carries specifically. M-16? AK-47? what? In order to attract more reader's you're going to have to give more details. all in all though, I enjoyed it.

>>10858441085844

I'll keep that in mind, though if you don't mind me askin, where did I start screwin up with the formatin, i'll gladly go and fix the big stuff

:edit: and yeah I know there are probably close to a million i's that are not capitalized, each time I go through i find more of the stupid things....

I noticed in this sentance a grammatical error from the first chapter. "I sat up and wiped out my pistol." I'm pretty sure you ment "whipped."  It's just small thing's like that. nothing amazingly bad like that story "Beyblade come's to equestria." I took one look at the discription and puked rainbow's all over my laptop. Anyway, I can see you're still doing a good job, so just read over all the chapter's in edit mode and if you see something that looks messy just clean it up.  and make another chapter already! The waiting is killing me!

>>10918781091878

lol at the beyblade comment, im glad i wasent the only one, though im pretty sure i didnt puke rainbows.......

Anyways, new chapters up, i'm really hating typing accent now, i'm half tempted to start fazing Applejack out just so i dont have to rewrite her parts of the conversations 3 or 4 times before they even begin to start sounding like her. Though i just cant leave the Big Mac issue un-resolved and cant resolve it without some orange pony's help

EDIT: oh and another side note, if someone could conjure up a pic that would be a suitable cover that would be greatly appreciated, my artistic skills when it comes to drawing are close to nil soo......

I would recommend getting a pre-reader or an editor to help clean this up a bit.  

>>10970121097012

well if your volunteering....

>>10976291097629

Oh no... sorry, but I've got a lot of pre-reading I'm already doing.  Was just suggesting.  

RIP ITS BLOODY HEAD OFF!

Drunk AJ. HAHA! funny. But serously? cliff hanger? when will I find a story that dosen't have one of those. But it's a good touch. I shall keep reading.

>>11049491104949

It's a good writing device that keeps people coming back, and I'm not going to complain about people coming back and reading more

true that. And I just want you to know that I'm not trying to troll your story. I find it refreshing from all the sci-fi fiction stuff that's going around. anyway, keep up the good work and keep them chapter's rolling in.

>>11087721108772

Sci-fi, hmm, maybe I need to get out of my corner and read more stories, and if your trollin your doing it in a subtle way so I really don't mind, now I just need to figure out some way to introduce rarity without resorting to "oh you must meet my friend, she make dresses hur dur"

I would suggest a chance encounter in the market where Rarity is buying supplies and your character accidently runs into her. Introductions are made and she critisises his uniform.

there yah go. thats one Idea.

Ummm.... PTSD stands for Post Tramatic Stress Disorder not Syndrome. Other than that, good chapter

>>11109021110902

thanks for the save

>>11105171110517

And how many times have I seen that done....

it probobly has been done before. other than pinkie shooting him with the party cannon and him crashing through rarity's doorway, I might have a few other idea's

>>11139661113966

Well im listening

though I haven't read another story where pinkie had shot him with a cannon, its not surprising that i'm not the only one who had thought of her doin that

well, there's alway's vinal scratches bass cannon. in case pinkie just dosen't work. The character could meet celestia and she could say that he dosen't have the proper clothing to walk around Ponyville in. I'm pretty sure a Mariene in full combat armor is a bit intimidating to pony's.

>>11141661114166

Not a marine, thought I had said US army at several points, i'll have to check that, and shoot him with vinyl scratche's cannon? I'd rather not kill him.

who said that it would be set to max?

>>11144241114424

True, maybe if it was just set to dishwasher....maybe he would survive, maybe....

You sir are awesome I've always had dreams about this happening somehow teleporting to equestria as a soldier meeting applejack.and wahts best is that you're updating new chapters each day!

Poor Applejack! Wait a lifetime for the stallion of your dreams and he's engaged! And the wrong species! And from the wrong universe!

In Equestria, the ponies ride you! Castle should start making a list of all these facts! I loved Sweetie Bell's overreaction (and Rarity's too).  Obviously the fillies of that family have excellent imaginations and atrocious tempers!

well. I never thought of that as a way fro you're "Meet rarity" idea. Ah well. Good job on the new chapter.

>>11168221116822

>>11188701118870

I actually had alot of fun writing that chapter, just imagining the scenario and putting the characters into it just made my night better, and yeah, that's not how they where supposed to meet, I had the whole chapter planned out and had it written when i scrapped it and wrote that one in about 30 minutes

>>11162951116295

Thanks

I wish I had that ability to crank out a chapter in 30 minutes.

Got some bad news,I just got hit with a surprise range today, it'll be an all week thing, so, ill be back sometime Friday evening(local Hawaiian time), Til then, hope ya'll have fun

"Now why can't more of out adventures be at the spa and need nothin other than me to relax all day long" She thought bitterly.

APPLEJACK AT THE SPA!! LIES I SAY... no wait, I'm thinking on RD.. Carry on.

ponies don't have butts, they have flanks.. Humans have butts... Silly goose...

good chapter eager for next one

Who knew rarity could be such an asshat?

>>11266661126666

Who knew

Anyways, i think that was more because she was pissed because one of her friends nearly got killed because of a certain someone

But meh, what do I know

Okay, I'm sorry, but I got bored and this one just kinda flowed, see ya friday

ha ha i just finished reading the last chapter and then left and then i came back i felt like an idiot thinking i missed this one

So far i'm really liking this story. Keep up the great work!!

"Now why can't more of out adventures be at the spa and need nothin other than me to relax all day long"

I think that should either be "more of our adventures" or "more of my adventures".  The word "out" seems like a typo.  Aside from that, interesting first chapter.  I wish it was longer, but since you update so quickly I guess I can forgive you .

hahahaha i swear nice ending there

YOU'RE!!!! DEAR GOD!

>>11274521127452

Eh, it just ninja-ed its way in

>>11275131127513

>>11313051131305

thanks

>>11275541127554

Fixed, and thanks

>>11459871145987

what? again? dammit! where?

big mac..... why is he always portrayed as over protective in every story?

.... although im saddened as i can probably predict how this conflict with mac is gonna go i shall continue to watch and wait

*fades into the shadows*

>>11617541161754

And I bet your probably wrong And i see him as over-protective because that's what I would do If I was in his place, that is, if my sister wasn't already happily married and had a kid....

>>11617681161768 true true and im not saying i would do any different if i had a sister

but still to me anyway im slowly starting to get tired of overprotective big mac as i tend to see him as a simple laid back farmer. but i guess in many peoples minds there is only room for one chilled out brother and shining fits that bill a bit easier. and as for me guessing for how this go's we shall see. and if you do surprise me and this doesnt go with one of the scenarios in my head, then i pinkie promise to tell you and admit i was wrong. Until then i shall wait for the next chapter

More?

>>11617901161790

whoops, completely forgot about him....

>>11622171162217

GAH! Workin on it, got a chapter in the works already

WHOOOO!!!! Go Virginia!!!!!!!

Details and grammar my dear Watson!

Since reading up to this point, there were a few events in the story that I felt could've used more depth and detail as they played out. Of course, I become one of the detail-freaks when I write... but still! Also, there are still a couple weird little word mix-ups and sentence things that dot the chapters, but other than this, the story is very enjoyable so far. I look forward to the next chapter. Cheers.

>>11627141162714

yeah, but proof reader can't keep up with me.. speaking of which  haven't heard from him this week....

anyways, its a standing request to point out what miffs you, usually a 100% guarantee that ill go through and fix it when i log back on

Cools story bro...

>>11627671162767

thanks

"No, you've been unconscious for 8 days. When we first brought you in, you had fallin unconscious due to blood lose, and the doctors here gave you blood transfusion, and unfortunately there where a few complications, turns out human blood and pony blood are too different to be compatible. The shock to your system and the blood lose together almost killed you, fortunately for you I know a few spells that they didn't and we where able to save your life, barely. And as for Applejack and Big Mac, since we couldn't find the cockatrice that turned them to stone we were only able to make a partial cure, Applejack only just burst through the shell today, and it seems like the last thing she remembered was you flipping a table when Pinkie Pie surprised you."

"No, you've been unconscious for 8 days. When we first brought you in, you had fallen unconscious due to blood loss, and the doctors here gave you blood transfusion, and unfortunately there were a few complications, turns out human blood and pony blood are too different to be compatible. The shock to your system and the blood lose together almost killed you, fortunately for you I know a few spells that they didn't and we were able to save your life, barely. And as for Applejack and Big Mac, since we couldn't find the cockatrice that turned them to stone we were only able to make a partial cure, Applejack only just burst through the shell today, and it seems like the last thing she remembered was you flipping a table when Pinkie Pie surprised you."

Putting it through Google Docs will catch most problems like that with the build in editor.

Good story so far can't wait for more

>>11628201162820

hmm, nice to know, and thanks, will fix that here shortly.

"Are you sayin' my mouth is makin' promises my I can't keep?" I asked teasingly.

>>11631001163100

I get the feelin i should be attempting to hire you to replace my current proofreader...

I'm eating this story up!

Image: http://iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/173478%20-%20animated%20applejack%20eating%20nomnomnom%20rainbow_dash%20sandwich.gif

A few minor grammatical mistakes here and there, but the story has me so intrigued that it doesn't even really bother me. Keep up the good work.

>>11633691163369

lol, workin on fixin them

>>11631231163123 What is the code on that page break you use?

Seeing she needed comforting I pulled her close, reversing our earlier positions. I held her close as she held me close, the small toy between us as we drifted off into a comfortable sleep.

**** Right Here? ****

I woke in a happy daze, a warm body cuddling next to mine. I just laid there for a long while, just enjoying the company.

>>11635601163560 line break that is in their word program should be [ hr ] minus spaces, why?

>>11636061163606 So like this?

>>11636221163622

That looks right

>>11636661163666 Ch.9

Just one question :

WHERE IS THE GODDAMN RIFLE ? WHERE IS HE ? YOU CANT LET A RIFLE IN PONY'S HOOFS JUST LIKE THAT

And your story is awesome, keep going

>>11637951163795

now are those fully edited chapters?

>>11637971163797

getting to that, it'll make its reappearance later

And also, if Cass is 6"3, how tall is a pony ?

>>11638421163842 Mostly, a few spots I wasn't sure quite how you meant something but that's exactly the sort of thing you get readers to comment on. ;) Cass's dialog is a little rough in places but since that is your OC only you know his verbal idiosyncrasies. Plus I'm not really an expert, or professional... or anything other than a humble Virginian.

>>11638421163842 SHIT! No Ch.9 wasn't, forgot to format the "CRASH". Done now.

>>11639381163938

well point them out and ill explain, or fix, probably fix

>>11639581163958

Saw that :P

That's about the point that I recognized it as Rainbow Dash, who had a dazed look on her face and was bleeding slightly from her face.

It seems like it should be:

That's about the point that I recognized it as Rainbow Dash, who had a dazed look on her face and was bleeding slightly from her nose.

But it could also be lacerations from when the lamp broke. It doesn't really seem that serious until: I was about half-way done when Apple Bloom came down the stairs, stopping and staring in shock at the carnage before her. and "Anyways, seems to me like I didn't break your nose or anything, just blood everywhere, I got the majority of it up but you might want to wash your face to get the rest of it."

>>11639981163998

Truthfully re-reading the first sentence Im not liking it, Im thinking it should be rewrote as

"That's about the point that I recognized it as Rainbow Dash, who had a dazed look on her face and was starting to bleed from the multiple cuts on her face."

and for "Anyways, seems to me like I didn't break your nose or anything, just blood everywhere, I got the majority of it up but you might want to wash your face to get the rest of it." It could probably be rewrote as "Anyways, seems to me like I didn't break your nose or anything, a few cuts and a bad nosebleed. I got the majority of it up but you might want to wash your face to get the rest of it."

>>11640541164054 If thats the case might want to amp their reactions up a bit. They are being pretty mellow. AJ and Dash that is.

>>11640931164093

Well one of them is upside down being carried down the stairs, she has bigger things to worry about, and AJ, well yeah...

Its a work in progress

>>11640931164093

New updates are up, and ready to go, thanks to Vātēs Dēspērō

what happend to this mans rifle and side-arm?

now if he had his guns . . . then what?

>>11647741164774>>11648361164836

What would he use them for? that what im wondering

If you need a pre-reader/ Editor I can do it for you. I pick out errors pretty easily. I noticed a good amount in this chapter. I'll be happy to type em all out when I'm off work, and not using a bloody tablet.

>>11662861166286

Feel free, it would be much appreciated, just pm me them whenever you feel like it

>>11648531164853

Use it as a prop to show what he really did and how dangerous he is. Make him scare the living fuck out of Bigmac. Also sorry, I just hate over protective people. Not saying I hate you, I just don't like that aspect of people.

>>11617541161754 dude all brothers should be like that i put a guy in a coma for mistreating my sister so dude don't fuck around with guys sisters

>>11674831167483 ok i can understand intervening with some douchbag messing with ur sister but putting them in a coma? im honestly not sure whether i believe you or not as that is probably the most stupid thing you could do or at least in places like were i live cause thats a 1way trip to a massive fine plus possible jail time but i digress im basing this of how big mac seems to know nothing of him yet as is strait away on him. id atleast try and find out abut a guy first before i jump on him like that. but never mind i'm clogging up the comments section so good day  i shall wait for the next chapter and see how he reacts.

>>11683841168384 ok here let me explain it now to you my sister is now as they call a 'Vegetable' she has no awareness and no motor controls because of that douche bag hit her with a fucking tire iron because she left him now can you understand?

>>11684151168415 i can but i was referring to a normal situation with a non aggressive douchbag

and i have watched my brother bleed to death infront of me and the bastard who was responsible  got off the charges due to claiming damaged eye sight or somant like that so he got off no punishment and if i could i would smash his head with a baseball bat until there's nothing but a mush left. you want to know the icing on the cake with that one? my brother was only 10 and me and him were both fostered due to our mom being addicted to heroin. he was the only thing keeping me going through that part of my life and i watched him die. now these are what i call special situations wich of course you beat the shit outa somone for doing. what i was referencing was some one who has done nothing wrong and you know nothing about or if they were just being an asshole with money loans or somthing. now as i said before lets not spam this storys comments. i think we can both agree theres some shit you have to do in life and there is shit you avoid.

"I just blank out and become a ruthless killing machine with no mercy, completely unstoppable, completely out of control, completely a hundred percent monster." Please proceed, Dr Jekyll.

Okay, I'm tracking this because it's rather good and I'm bored.

I kind of think these ponies are moving to fast for the poor guy. He's had it rough losing his home and they're angry at him for not wanting a relationship when we just lost his love. These ponies are jerks. Let the man settle down in the strange alien world before pushing for a relationship.

sister to find

her first love,

Unnecessary 'enter' here.... you should fire your proof reader!

>>11735891173589

fixed, and you know what, I should

Poor Mac, constantly confused

Poor Twi, sounds like us Bronies better start wearing the time traveler info T-shirt, (just in case... )  Yes, the gag t-shirt printed with all the tech and science info unintentional time or space travellers will need to be a tech god to the natives wherever they end up...

And given how everybody is nudging them together, Cass had better grab that book while he can.

>>11736361173636

Nah, i don't think it would be wise to take her "study" material from her, though I sure Cass will have to fight through Rainbow Dash and big Mac to get to that book next time....

>>11736361173636 Might be awhile before she is done fixing that book.... WITH CELESTIA'S CROTCH! BUUUUUURN!!!!!!

: Gratuitous Twilestia reference?

: Check

Ggggreat!

Image: http://2damnfunny.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Zoidberg-Out-Woop-Woop-Woop-Woop-Woop.gif

>>11736531173653

....

Is it weird I've had a flashback almost exactly like that a few years back?

Anyways, I always love a good fic involving a military member going to Equestria. Especially when it's someone from the United States Army. It makes it easier to pretend it's me there instead of the main character.

Sgt. Castle likes to eat poop, something tells me that this story will be like almost every other fanfic with military guys in it, they will go on missions for the princess or be serious.... ALL THE TIME.

>>10858441085844

if he was an sergeant in iraq,i should guess he had m-16/m249/m4a1

Mooaaarr

If it's okay with you of course

>>11647741164774

probably:they thought that it was part if its clothes and gave ti to him and because he didnt need it he left it in the room he slept in or it is somewhere in apple farm

Okay, who the heck is Twilight reading that book so she knows how to please them? RD? Luna? Celestia?!?

I can only think that either (a) The poinies all have dirty minds or (b) Ponies do a lot less of the social jumping through hoops than we humans do when it comes to sex as part of a relationship.  The former is funnier, the latter makes for interesting writing regarding cultural and moral differences between the two species.