Taking place 4 months after the Anon a Miss incident, Twilight Sparkle starts to get worried as she hadn't heard from Sunset ever since she cut ties with the Rainbooms and had gone solo. But when she suddenly gets a message from Sunset after the camp Everfree trip telling her that she's having a fun time with the Rainbooms , Twilight at first thinks she's forgiven them but soon after becomes suspicious, so she goes trough the portal to have a chat with the humanized version of her friends, but what they are about to tell her what they did to Sunset during their trip will send our princess into a downright spiral of shock and confusion.
(Also this does not take place during Dainn's Anon A Miss story, this is my own universe.)
Chapters (3)
This needs an editor. Badly.
I'm available.
Ok very intrested hardly any aftermath stories to Anon A Miss.
9675031
Sure if your interested I'll let ya tweak it Blue😉
9675080
I'll do so tomorrow. Be warned, this may take a while.
9675081
No Problem I can wait, I should have the finale up by tonight or tomorrow too. So how'd you like it so far?
9675093
I really like the concept, but (and I don't intend to sound mean here) the execution could use some work.
9675096
Execution?
9675130
How it is written. Dialogue is punctuated awkwardly, and some character names are misspelled, to name two.
Can I please get a link?
9675170
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/272101/anon-a-miss
9675133
Yeah I can see it now. Like I said its my first attempt at writing a fic so there would be a few mistakes. Thanks for the honest critisism I'll try to make sure the finale comes out properly executed.
Two hours is clearly not enough (no offense). Regardless, this story has potential.
9675093
It's a two parter?!
Hmm
It feels rushed. But it has my attention I look forward to reading more of this
Good start, looking forward for more! :)
9675579
Yeah It's a two parter. It's my first story so its gonna be a simple 2 chapter but its gonna be full of suspenseful moments.
9676351
Well just great now i don;t want to read it, sounds like it be a very weak plot now.
9676404
Don't worry I decided to make it three chapters as Chapter 2 was quite long, but the story's gonna get better I promise and The Blue EM2 is helping with the edits after all, but i appreciate the honest critisism.
9677191
Ok still think it too short. I mean that was a huge build up, and the second part is really good and tragic. Wonder if Rarity's family sued the School for allowing this to happen?
Ok but right now wondering what the heck happened to Sunset?! What did they do or didn;t do?!
And Flash dating Sunset now..............AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Knew not new.
This was...physically hard to read, and not because of the action
"Somethin' 'ere smells like a fish's rotting carcass mixed with an SAS Vaccine Bomb and ah'm pretty sure it's their story."
9677222
My bet is they pulled a Wallflower and wiped her memories of the whole anon-a-miss fiasco.
9677338
I HOPE NOT! There a time limit!!!
I started reading this story and I read this chapter and the next one already. I have to say it's off to a good start though Spike sounded a little out of character. Sorry for the nit picking. Anyway Sunset had ended her friendship with the Rainbooms and she was in the right to do so considering what she went through from everyone at school. In fact none of the students or teachers deserve forgivness for what they did. Hell I'm surprised Vice Principle Luna and Principle Celestia didn't get fired or that the school board was called in to take action for what was going on. And the students were a bunch of two faced assholes. Seriously no one forced them to share secrets to the CMC, no one put a gun to their heads and there was no magic involved.
I like the call back to the Canterlot Wedding fiasco that you mentioned in this story. Also after what Sunset wrote to Twilight I think I got an idea on what those stupid assholes the Rainbooms did but I'll wait and see for what you have planned. Hope to see what happens next and I really hated that comic from MLP.
Good Luck ALoneWolf.
Read this one already and I got confused because in the last chapter it stated the CMC were giving six months detention, grounded for a whole year and not allowed to see each other. Did I get that right? Now I found out that all three got expelled for what they did and man did they go through hell at each different school.
But now I'm wondering what did those five idiots do to Sunset and I swear if it's what I think it is, don't have Twilight forgive them and have her take Sunset back home to Equestria after she fixes what they did to her. Before I forget the CMC are now back in their old school but with some ground rules to follow, though it's better then what had happen to them. They got punished so it's done and over with but if the Rainbooms did something man are they going to be in deep shit. Looking forward to more.
Good Luck ALoneWolf.
9677378
Me and The Blue EM2 decided to change the crusaders punishment in the edited version of chapter one which should probably arrive sometime tomorrow along with the finale. Also thank you glad your enjoying the story
If I think of what happened I think this should do:
Warning: enraged Alicorn incoming.
Twilight actually has a memory spell. I bet she can undo the memory stone. She's just needs to be in the ponyverse to use it.
Ok...SERIOUSLY WTF !!!!! Ok one Fluttershy is the Kindness.
lord will always forgive and forget there will always be second chance's. yes that is true...to bad NOTHING LIKE THAT HAPPENED! THERE IS NO SHORT CUT!! WHAT THEY DID IS WRONG!
Forgiveness must be given out of FREE WILL Like twilight did for her family and Friends and teacher.
You can't force it or trick someone or just erase their minds if not memories!
There Is nothing to show what happen is the same!
They took a massive easy way out, did nothing to return her memories! That is WRONG!
I get why they thought it was the only choice,but it no excuse!
Maybe if they had returned her memories it would shown how much they are for her. Maybe maybe be worthy of forgiveness!
the Principals should done something for Sunset transferred her out of there if it was that bad for her, or gotten her some bloody therapy!
Now Flash is Taking advantage of Sunset!
Ugghh!
Because Flash was also guilty of hurting Sunset as well greatly now that she can't remember everything she dating the same person who hurt her?!
It's no different then say a .....................I hate to say it I really do.
But it reminds me of this movie a girl was raped and afterwards met this guy who supported her and cared for her.
Went all out to take care of her, seem to be a great guy and was...too bad he was the one who raped her.
Yup it was the same guy! He started to take care of her due to feeling guilty for what he done to her.
She never knew till later, and no matter what it wasn't right.
Flash hurt Sunset and now because he feels guilty and such wants to make it up for ehr, thou he never get a chance WAIT. Sunset lost her memories she can't remember what we did what i did?! Flash smirks
Well well time to. Licks hands smooths hair. "To play my moves and get her Winsk at the audience and swaggers over.
Not bad
It's a bit rushed but not bad
Good job!
I just finished reading this and I was afraid this would happen, the Memory Stone came into play but I didn't expect it to be used like this and happen the way it did. Also quick reminder Fluttershy is the Element of Kindness. And now I'm sorry to say this but I hate how the story ended. I'm not a religious person or anything but while it's true to forgive and forget I can't agree with what the Rainbooms did. Forgiveness has to be earned, not just giving because what if something like this happens again?
Also it's funny how the Rainbooms welcome Sci-Twi who is a complete and other stranger with open arms considering they never meet. Plus what about the event's of the Friendship Games? Sorry I'm getting off topic.
Point is what the Rainbimbo's did was selfish, stupid and downright evil! It was bullshit that they took advantage of Sunset and she was brainwashed like that. I have to agree with Diablo4000 on how Flash is taken advantage of this because even he hurted Sunset with hate mail. If anything all the students at CHS and the Rainbooms had to do was just leave Sunset alone and move on with their lives! If she didn't ever want to speak to them again or have them in her life that was her choice. They should have done the right thing and give her memory's back so it would show that they truely did care about her and wouldn't take advantage like that. Though I will agree on one thing, I didn't want Sunset to murder anyone as she would later have the death of someone on her conscience. But the beat down should have been on AJ, Rainbow and Rarity.
I'm sorry but I just didn't like the ending at all. But it was your story so it was your call so best of luck on your next story.
Good Luck ALoneWolf.
It’s an interesting concept and not bad for a first story. I would advise though that you do more showing than telling on your next one. Think of reading a story like watching a movie, because for most everyone it kinda is like watching a mental movie. In this, all the drama and details have been told to us, especially that “flash back” by applejack. We don’t get to experience the memory, we are just told the details. So using my movie comparison, a great story will allow the reader to experience the events as they happen, which is where all the drama is. The way you have done it is as if we had a slide show of the events with a narrator providing exposition of what was happening. We don’t have time to get emotionally invested in those scenes because we are simply being told the events and not experiencing them. Of course, that would mean your story would be exponentially longer as the vast majority of it would be about the events before and during the camp, and it is daunting to write that much, but it’s the difference between a synopsis of a story and an actual story. Best of luck on your next one.
I can’t with this fic. It’s way too rushed for my liking, and the grammar was some of the worst I’ve seen
The fuck is this bullshit? So instead of solving a problem the right way, with patience, repentance and genuine emotion. I should instead, insist that I do not deserve the punishments I receive and instead take the easy as fuck way out because I cannot endure the very thing I put them through?
Great life-lesson you fucking idiot.
Edit: the lord forgives and forgets when genuine repentance is given. Never in the bible has superficial thought or actions lead to any positive outcome. A man must do the will of god as it is absolute, he would sacrifice his only son for god, by his obedience and absolute devotion, the one above provided.
These creatures of your making cannot endure the hell they unjustly made for another. And in their selfishness they understand their evil but DO NOT correct it or attempt to. This is the differance between a sinner and a saint. A saint is not one who is sinless but one who tries to repent and correct his mistakes. A sinner is one who sees his mistakes but ignores them, consequences included.
These mortal beings made no attempt to correct their sin. For if they truely cared they would help the one they called 'friend'.
Only by perseverance and genuine devotion is true forgiveness ever given.
I pity the fool who does not understand this concept.
9679595
I assume you are referring to Apple Bloom's attempted suicide?
9679626
I'm referring to this ending, this resolution, their action and everything else. No one actually repented. Sure they regret it because they got punished by the divine but that is it. They never wanted forgiveness, they wanted her. If they did want her forgiveness they would have acted like actual friends and helped her when she was wiped.
9679225
Thank you I'm glad you enjoyed the story, I chose to just use the aftermath of the friendship games where they befriend everyone because I wanted to focus mainly on the last few months leading up to the memory incident at Camp. Also the reason i chose Fluttershy and Pinkie for the beat down scene is because since they're the most sensitive characters in the series they figured Sunset would give them a chance to talk to her.
9679659
Fair point. It wasn't the best course of action, but the best-laid plans of Mice and Men gang aft aglay.
9679661
I can see your point about Fluttershy and Pinkie. But in all honesty Twilight would not be okay with what the Rainbooms did. Hell if anything she would ask Discord to help find the stone and undo what they did. Because Orrm is right about with what he said the Rainbooms. Instead of being patient, trying to repeant the right way with Sunset they took the easy way out like a bunch of cowards.
Not bad for a first, but why is the entire thing behind a quote bar?
9724415
When Blue was helping with the editing it just showed up I'm not really sure how it got there.
Hey sorry for the late reply
There was a better way to end this and using THAT was a poor excuse.
I'm sorry 😒 but that isn't a good idea! I don't like the idea of the girls wiping out Snset's memories and Twilight going to give an okay on this. I really hope that you are making a sequel to this story and have Sunset get her memories back.
9679595
If God told me to strap my son to an altar, plunge a knife into his chest, and then praise God... I would tell God to fuck off. And go join the rest of His Goa'uld brethren.
And I wouldn't let God pull the "I provided you your son." thing either.
I'd tell Him "No. My son was provided for me when I put my dick in my wife. You had nothing to do with that. This is the 21st century. Get with the times pal. Unless you want a rocket launcher straight in the face. You want human sacrifice? Go to the past. Otherwise, fuck off."
9808361
My argument to god is simply metaphorical, you seem to have taken it literally.
Then let us.
Let God = True, for this equation. (Back to algebra we go)
If we say that there is an all powerful hand in the sky then, who are you to deny it? If God exists then all things are done by his will. Of we take your argument, the existence of a greater being, then we would have to acknowledge that indeed he is all and all is he.
And, in that case I ask, who are you to deny such a being?
In that case, you would be forced to have faith, no?
My point, oppose to your, rather confrontational statement, was to use the idea of karmatic intervention to express my faith that once a mistake is repented properly, all will be well. In doing so I pointed out a key flaw in this story.
For one bad action, one must do good or undergo penance in repose. The idea that a sinner who repents in equal measure shall be given mercy.
It is quite a simple concept.
For whatever reason, though, you appear to have missed it.
Edit: looking back, I suppose I pity you, a fool who appears to not understand, or perhaps you do and choose not to.
9808380
Then you should not have invoked the words "God" and "bible". For the moment you did, you brought up Christianity. Whether that was your intention or not. Let this be a lesson to you. In the future, choose your words with more care.
9808383
I have nothing to say anymore. I have already spoken, It was used as a metaphor.
Dear god, do I really have to bolden words for you t' understand?
If something is difficult, could I not compare it to hell? Language is a diverse thing that allows creative expression of ideas, of which I use freely. However, of one is unable to fully comprehend such language, and by extension the meaning behind the message, then I suppose such a person would be pitied, no?
I know not your quarrel with religion, and frankly I do not care. It is clear that you are, for some reason, taking deliberate offense to using anything "holy", despite the fact that It was a simple comparison and Christianity itself is not the focus of my original arguement.
Rather, I use an incident in the bible to orchestrate a point and in doing so I relate a 'lesson' comparable to one from a fable.
Thereby critiquing one of the strong flaws in this piece with a well-founded argument and a widely-known example that is simple to understand.
I will repeat, I am not a pastor for you to preach your frustrations on whatever religion you do not favor, I am an individual with a command of the human language and nothing more, it is not my problem if you cannot differentiate a main idea from a comparison.
And here I thought the comic was one giant steaming pile of horseshit. Now it's even bigger with this. And yes I read this, thing, before I commented.
Yeah, this is pretty weak. There's no way Twilight would just accept them screwing over Sunset so they could forget what unfaithful assholes they were.
5/10 average story. interesting start but a bad end.