Twilight Sparkle has every intention of crawling in to her freshly cleaned bed sheets.
So why is it so hard to get there?
I figured I'd give a little experimentation of something more amusing and humourous, just to see if I could do it.
It was also a little exercise in not relying as heavily on dialogue as I feel that I have been recently.
All critique and opinions are appreciated.
All my lulz are belong to you!
Very decent short, and I can totally relate to Twi. Well, at least as much as a bipedal can relate to an equine.
I dare say your experiment went pretty well
oh my that was a fun read ! good work
I shall allow Rainbow Dash to express my feelings on this fic for me. Take it away, Dashie
Five laughing Dashies out of five! It's wonderful to see a stream of consciousness fic like this that keeps Twilight in character and makes it all funny.
Every. Single. Time.
Heh... I was amused.
5 Pinkie + 2 for the lulz.
hahaha that ending
"Celesti-O's" got a good chuckle from me too
The ending sentence...
Poor Twi. I like this story's length--not so long that the words drag on, but not so short that it feels rushed. And the Celesti-Os? Awesome. xD
Congratulations on getting featured; you deserved it. :D ^_^
Vegeta: I HAVE TO PEE!!!
Spike approves of this story.
Ugh, that very last sentence....so true.
I mean you gotta make sure your flush out before bed or otherwise we be struggling to hold it in our sleep.
For some reason I want to know so much more about the cereal.
Does it have marshmallow princesses? Is there a sub-variant in chocolate for Luna? Did the manufacturers have to get permission to use the royal image? Are there cute little quizzes on the back that contain random whimsical facts about Celestia that even Twilight doesn't know?
And above all else, is the fact that Twilight habitually consumes her mentor for breakfast SYMBOLIC in any way either terrifying or adorable?!
Ah well, a simple but cute short, nonetheless. Kind of wish you'd thrown in more about where poor Spike was though - it seems uncharacteristic to allow him off without supervision.
I feel like somewhere along the way, absurdist oneshots about Twilight Sparkle's domestic life became their own genre.
>>10623031062303 Maybe a story should be made about that I would read it.
Damn...what a very, very well crafted story, seriously you done perfect and I for one am very impressed.....ahh....bed, poor Twilight, nothing seems to ever work in her favor does it What happened to Peewee? Poor guy, and I'm hoping to read another story for you soon, your a very great author, onto the next one!
Twilight reads "Love is in the Air" before bed, and then Twilight was pee!
Does Celestia herself ever eat it? Does it make other ponies feel weird when she does?
I am entirely okay with this.
I've neglected sleep before. Not for such things as trivial as cleanliness and hygiene, but seeing how many more gold matches I can get into ME3. Those premium spectre packs are not cheap.
Ohh, I think I added the like number 100!!! At least that's the number I got after thumbing up.
Oh and 100/0 rate
Oh, and I also was like: Wait what? Why did they bought this piece of crap by Flim & Flam? Seriously are they the only ones to sell owl food?
And Celestia-shaped cereals? Neato! Though they are probably just O's in the colors of her mane or something.
Goodness, do I know this feeling. Great fic. Very entertaining, light-hearted reading!
where did you get that picture of twilight sleeping like that. The story wasn't half bad either
>>10630201063020 thats from episode 1 when twilight is in bed and everyone else is on the welcome to ponyville party for twilight, i think xD
>>10630301063030 I found it thank-you
You are a very talented writer. I felt as if I was there the entire time. Keep up the good work. Wait whats that? My own bed is calling. That can't be its only 4 p.m. Tell it to leave a message and I will get back to it tonight.
Brilliant, 'nuf said
Fantastic story there chap.
I really enjoyed the story. Everything felt right, pacing and character thought process.
Hilarious short story, and all OCD maniacs like me, can relate to her frustration.
Ahhh that moment of perfection, ruined by our bladder
And the sweet moment, were everything is were it has to be.... zzzzz
Clearly it has tiny yellow marshmellow Tiaras.
Harmoni-Os Has 6 colored marshmellows with flavours like Vanilla baloons, Lavander stars, Daffodil butterglies, Apple flavoured Apples, Rainbow clouds, and of course pure marshmellow (white) diamonds
Lun-Atycs are half chocolate/half vanilla spheres that represent the different phases of the moon. They come with a cardboard silver tiara and slippers to play Luna dreesup!
Smashing job, ol` chap.
That happens to me all the time
Bah, I can understand her feeling a bit too good at the moment. Bed, where are you?
IT SHALL BE DONE! I'll place that right between my Discord-dies-and-respawns-as-pony and the Twilight-goes-sailing-to-visit-Zecoras-native-land story I'm writing atm. The name shall be..: The mysterious vanishing of the Celesti-O's!
But for now, good night all! Apuh!
I have experienced this exact thing on so many occasions. You have earned my moustaches.
Yes. Just yes.
I do believe they did.
Bridle Gossip, actually.
And thank you to everyone for the wonderful support and comments.
*whistles* yep, they sure aren't, and dont seem to be worth it in the end IMO, btw my GT is rouge narwhal, not very good at ME3, but I do what I can, so send me a friend request... if you have xbox... and youre not a squeaker ...
The Tanith First and Only? WH40K reference much?
No, actually. I haven't had much to do with 40k.
It reminded me of that old Donald Duck cartoon with leaky tap.
Twilight probably writes letters to the manufacturers trying to get them to correct factual errors about Celestia.
Nice little short story.
Haha! That was funny!
I have to pee.
>>10635181063518 I can promise the former, and only half of the latter. I'll invite you to a game. As in now.
First off, your username/pic..... so much yesness there
Second, this story? Twilight's so much fun to troll
>>10633261063326 Works for me, let me know if you need any help with it, I'm not able to watch people on this computer for some reason so if you do ever write it, be sure to inform me if you please would love to read it....now all we need is Pinkie Pie being the main to add to the laughs...maybe even either the CMC or Rainbow Dash...they both work though.
This story reminds me of one of those really long and extensive jokes. Those kind that you're just listening till the end and the punch line just hits you like a ton of rocks. Completely and utterly awesome.
I would laugh at Twilight's misfortune in the final sentence...but same thing has happened to me far too many times.
A well wrought tale, sir!
What is this I don't even-
Haha. Very good. I LQL'd all through. It is just so absurd the way she practically lusts after her bed. So brilliant. Would you mind if I tried a dramatic reading of this? I was reading it in my head, and it just seems like such a good, short story to start off with.
>>10631021063102 someone needs to make those cereal ideas reality! I would pay for Harmoni-O's!
I would love it! Please, do link it when it's ready!
>>10641891064189 Woah, I didn't expect you to say yes... Thanks. Just so you know, in case I wasn't clear, it would be my first. Is that alright?
We all need to start somewhere.
>>10642271064227 Thanks. Alright... I need to find a program to record my voice with... I wasn't really prepared for you to answer back so fast. I hope I can record with a . Ah well, I'll figure it out, and post the link to the Youtube video when it is ready. Thank you for the third time. This is going to be great!
Celesti-O's, priceless! Good job sir/madam!
I relate to this fanfic very well. I ALWAYS forget to do something right before falling asleep!
And the picture you chose for the story is soooo cute!
when she finally got to bed, the descriptions made me wonder if she was sleeping in them, or sleeping WITH them.
What a coincidence. I am reading this in bed as well; although I already took care of my ablutionary needs well in advance.
I too would like to see a one shot sequel of sorts with Twilight eating her bowl of Celisti-Os for breakfast
Now this story, I can relate to. Great job
Amazing I give it:
Moustaches out of five.
I got a good chuckle out of this, well done!
This sort of thing happens to me every night. Is it comedy - or horror?
Good ending. Nit-pick: Bed linen is never dry-cleaned, because dry-cleaned bed linen can be fatal due to the toxic fumes emitted by dry-cleaned items. I know this because some sleeping bags come with warning labels (see under DO NOT DRY CLEAN at that link) saying never to dry clean them because of toxic fumes. (Why, then, do we wear dry-cleaned clothing? Good question. I don't.)
First off, I really enjoyed this story, and I wish I could find more like it. I laughed my head off at the end, mainly because that happens to me all the time. I can totally see Twilight doing stuff like this; I think you captured her character very well. Definite thumbs up and fave.
However, being the utter nitpicker that I am, I just have to point out a few things that stuck out to me: "The Owl Pellets weren’t in its usual place." should be either "The Owl Pellets weren't in their usual place" or "The box of Owl Pellets wasn't in it's usual place" and the phrase "she could swear it" just sounds weird to me. I think the sentence might sound more natural if you moved that phrase to the front of the sentence into something like "She swore that the inventory was different each time...etc. etc." There are also a few times where I feel like the commas are unnecessary. For example: "Twilight growled under her breath as she began systematically rearranging the pantry, in the hopes that she would find what she was looking for" doesn't really need a comma at that point in the sentence. "rearranging the pantry in the hopes that..." would work perfectly fine.
You should also consider extending the story a bit. The more travails Twilight has to go through before getting to bed, the funnier the punchline at the end will be.
But anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed this story. Great job.
Really? That's an unnerving thought.
I can sincerely appreciate this punchline. *salute*
Read the fic while listening to this.
The fact this fic made any reasonable sense is a miracle, considering the soundtrack to it was mostly Terry Scott Taylor.
Oh man I know the feeling. The bed is so freakin' comfortable! But when you gotta go you gotta go...
Stupid call of nature ruining my blissful naptime...
Took me four hours to read this.
Don't i know it.
And then... QWOP!
First of all, I have to say that this was good story to read. there were many parts to this fic that my nights could easily relate to and I not the only one apparently has one of those.
However, if i may, I would like to make a suggestion; something to to add to the story at the end(but that's your choice of course; it's your story after all).
after the last part, have Twilight goes to the bathroom to relieve herself, then go back to her lustfully warm comforts of her bed. There, have her about to close her eyes for some much needed sleep only to get....blasted (in a sense) by light as the first rays of the sun light up the room, starting off the new day....with Twilight not having been able to get any sleep the night before and wanting to complain about it.
LOL Problem Twilight?
But again, this is just a suggestion, nothing more.
Wow, all of that build up for one of the most simple and classic punchlines in history? Fantastic!
I HATE WHEN I FORGET THINGS BEFORE BED
Like and Favorite! Congrats, you are the fifth and final fanfic on my top five.
I've never wanted to go to bed more than I have now, after reading this fic. You make bed sound so gooood. Fantastic build up to the last line. Have a thumbs up and a fav.
inb4 HLT writes a sequel
>>10655601065560 Trollestia. Never forget.
At author: I really appreciate the non-seriousness of this. It's cute, charming, and ultimately leads to laughter all the way through. (I don't even know why laughed that hard)
I feel your pain, Twilight.
Or in the words of abridged young Marik Ishtar:
"Ishizu, I have to pee tinkle."
Hey you. I did a fanfic read of this.
check it out:
That was very amusing. Thank you.
Thank you for that! I do have a little habit of adding too many commas.
Silly and funny. And most of all true, since we have all gone through this at some point. Have my thumbs up!
My initial response:
lol XD funny storry is funny! Great work! ;)
i feel the pain... teh pain... T-T
>>10641891064189 Okay, scratch the last comment. I have recorded it, now I need a program to put it together. I kept laughing and stumbling as I read, so I split it up into separate MP3s. I might be able to read it all the way through now, I have been reading it to myself, and getting used to the jokes. We'll see. Sorry it's taking so long.
Heh heh. I honestly expected her to get into bed, and then realize what she forgot. But either way, was a cute little fun read.
Nice story ! It makes me sleppy, but I can't return to my bed before tonight I'm ok with that, because it's well written
:>>10648521064852 BECAUSE THE TEST MONKEYS LIVED DURING TESTING. The chemicals may not be toxic anymore.
Great stuff as always *claps*
LOL I loved it!
I NEED TO PEE!!!
I Can't! *goes potty*
Dude, That was great.
Have this as a reward:
Every damn night!!
Oh I can so relate to that! xD especially the last one!
Always! Just as I get all comfortable, I have to pee......
I can just imagine Twilight groan-screaming as she flings off her covers at the end. Hehehe.