I'd give it four stars. It was enjoyable and has a lot of potential. I'd give it a full five depending on how the story goes. It was well written and as a scotch man myself(Chivas Regal 12 yr old blended Scotch Whiskey) I really like the character of Seth who is an aristocrat that doesn't hold himself above others. My only complaint is that I think Octavia needs more character development. I've read similar fics that focus way too much on one side of the relationship and the end result is that the other character comes off as 2 dimensional with no defining characteristics. I hope this doesn't fall into those traps because like I said this story has potential.  

Peace Out.    

I really enjoyed this story. In hopes that you will continue, I will track.

>>6506665066 Awesome! Thank you so much! I really hope to live up to your expectations. I felt like this chapter had a lot of exposition for Seth and now I can start developing Octavia over the natural course of the story as Seth gets to know her. Thanks so much for the track!

>>6508665086 I'm really glad you liked it! And don't worry, even if this story got 0 views, I would probably still continue it! (Broken heart aside, haha). I hope you enjoy what's to come!

I am intrigued. The mystery of Octavia's miserable past. I am curious: abusive parents, abusive relationship, death in the family, death of a dear friend, prostitution, abandonment. I am expecting her to go all Good Will Hunting on Seth, meaning a mixture yelling, crying and hugging with Seth as Robin Williams' character saying, "it's not your fault."

Looks like I made a good decision is tracking this story.

Peace Out.  

Much better on the comma splices this time around!

I didn't know how rare Octavia het ships were until I took a look around for them. Seems like everyone just loves pairing her with Scratch. lol

Keep up the good work!

Oh! Someone told me that Word of God is that they apparently don't have booze in Equestria. Explains the salt bar. lol

Still, I imagine somepony out there is brewing hooch in their basement.

>>6669366693 Hehe, I am very excited to say the least. :D

>>6683566835 And no thanks to you of course! :D Also, I hear the ACTUAL bar in Appleloosa was actually right behind the salt bar. However, due to budget restraints (I hear it's really expensive to shoot on location there), they couldn't show it.

What? :P

This was highly entertaining and pretty well constructed.

Just a general writing thing: even through you are doing a great job at description, I think you could draw less emphasis off what Seth is feeling at a given time. Obviously he is the central figure in your story, but I feel as though sometimes his feelings and motivations for his actions are too bluntly stated. Especially the phrase "Seth was beginning to love her home." I think the reader can infer that. If you don't think so, you could help better define his emotions by describing his personal thought (italics and that jazz) and actions.

Other than that, I'm interested in seeing where this goes. You've given the reader a good base of background knowledge; I hope you use a large portion of it for the development of the (not pony lol) plot.

>>6904969049 Thanks for the feedback! It really makes my day!

I feel though you have highlighted something quite important. The introspection is something I am trying very hard to minimise for Seth in current chapters. It is always better to show the readers, rather than tell them, after all. That was one of my big concerns for chapter one especially. I felt like a significant portion of it was self-actualisation, which while is important in a) characterising Seth and b) setting up plot points for the rest of the story, it did run the risk of being tedious.

Rest assured, I am trying to keep that stuff to a minimum in the future! And once again, thank you so much for the feedback! :D

FamGuy Bruce: Ooooohhhh nooooooooo!!

Another great chapter, it's well written, manly tears,  yadda, yadda. yadda. I'm kinda burnt out of giving fics praise so from now on I will in include a mini movie review/suggestion.

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. The only glaring issue with movie is it's title. It has nothing to do with the Final Fantasy series or hell even Fantasy at all; it's like they were making thier movie and needed a way to get people to see it so they tacked the Final Fantasy name to trick people into filling those seats. That being said the movie's CGI animation still looks great and begs to be released in a HD format. The sound is fantastic and the voice acting is FUCKING AMAZING. They got Ming-Na, Alec Baldwin, Keith David, James Woods, Ving *fucking* Rhames, Steve Buscemi, and Donald Sutherland. The story itself is a sci-fi flick about alien ghost that have killed most of the population and the heroes have to find the eight spirits to stop them. The movie is dragged down by how cliche the situations are and you know well in advance which characters are gonna die and the movie expects you to feel sympathy for the two-dimensional villain halfway it's running time. All in all it's worth checking out And there's run to be had, just don't expect anything deep. Oh and if you loved Mass Effect this movie was one on the main inspirations for it.

Peace Out.      

>>8134081340 Haha now that is a unique comment! I shall give you that! :P Also, I freaking love Mass Effect, so that film actually sounds kind of cool.

But seriously, thank you for actually taking the time to comment on a small story like this one. It makes my day! :)

Hhhhhhhhnnnnngggggg

What's left to say that I haven't said before? It's smart, well written, heartwarming, charming and I really like your OC. I love the happy ending of this chapter and I'll continue to read this fic as long as you keep the quality up.

The only way to keep me from reading this is make Octavia's past too dark(prostitution, rape, molestation). That's where I draw the line on anything.

I'm done, here's a new movie suggestion/review:

Event Horizon or I like to call Paul WS Anderson's last great movie. It's about a derelict Space shape that reappears after 10 or so years. It has great atmosphere, tension and sound editing. A crew is sent to investigate it...Sound familiar it's what the game Dead Space was influenced by but it instead of zombie this film is has a space ship possessed by the f-ing devil. It's a great horror movie and it's my second favorite in the genre of all time.

Peace Out.

>>9197191971 Yay! That's exactly what I was after! :D Thanks for the comment!

>>9240292402 Why thank you very much! Rest assured though (slight spoiler here), I don't have the heart to do anything that dark in a fic like this! Haha. This fic is too light hearted for that level of dark.

I'm really glad you're liking it!  And thanks for the comment! :)

Words cannot discribe how much iblove this story

DAWWWWW!!!

Thank the maker, you didn't go dark with Octavia's back story. A lesser writer would have made it bleak and not fun to read. I can deal with her getting huffy, getting upset at her kin and running away from home. I do kinda know where the story is going, but please do not take that in a bad way. I still like the fic very much and everything I've said in previous reviews applies here as well. Time for my movie review.

Postal is Uwe Boll's only great film only cause the game was suit to his type of directing; I thought this was going to be an utter and complete turd sandwich and by the time it was over my jaw hurt from laughing and smiling. The plot is so small you could write it in the margins of a piece of loose leave paper. The movie is about party A(cult) trying to get to the plot device before party B(Osama and friends) gets to it first with a few predictable twist. This is a video game movie based on a series of hyper violent first person shooters that really had no plot other than kill, create mayhem and be as offensive as possible. Does it live up that? Yes, yes it does. This movie also shows that Boll isn't afraid to make fun of himself. When he is interviewed in the movie and he makes a joke about the funding for his movies. He says its Nazi gold. I was like Brilliant, even the tiny details like the boxing gloves referencing how he likes to fight his critics. The gags in this movie are extremely low brow(Vern Troyer getting raped by 1000 monkeys) and crass(baby getting run over by a truck), but if you aren't disturbed by them, you'll probably be on the ground laughing. I highly recommend this. Also the DVD comes with a copy of the Postal 2 video game it's like Boll is showing us that he can back up his movie by showing how accurate it is to the source material, I wish other directors would do show that they can talk the talk and walk the walk.

>>101635101635 You sir, just made my day! Thanks so much for comment! :D

>>101780101780 I'm glad you approve! Rest assured, however, I still have a few twists and turns for this story left. :P I hope you like what's to come! Thanks so much for the comment! :)

uh oh

Well, another cliffhanger. Good story btw.

>>112791112791 Heh heh :D

>>113246113246 Thanks! I'm really glad you're enjoying it!

I loved the father/son dynamic in this chapter. A son fed up with following the dreams of his father. Seth throwing all his cards on the table and essentially telling his old man to f**k off was great. The speech given was also rather enjoyable as well as how Octavia and Andrea play off of each other. I'll end up repeating myself if i go any further about this chapter.  I really like this story and I think it's very underrated.

Go watch The Last Star Fighter. The CGI in this film very dated as it came out in 1984, but it's the other stuff that matters. Alex is a guy fresh out of high school, rejected by the college of his choice and going nowhere in life. The one thing he is good at is a certain arcade game that just so happens to be a recruitment tool for a intergalactic police force. The movie is actually kind of a rip off of Star Wars IV: A New Hope, but that shouldn't matter it's still a great movie with great and likeable protagonist.

>>121553121553 I am really glad you think so! This chapter was actually one of my favorites to write, so it's so awesome to hear that someone enjoyed it! I hope you like what's to come. Thanks so much for the comment! :)

Wow, I'm really impressed with this story. I have seen it numerous times but finally decided to read it, and was not disappointed. I love Octavia, love the oc's, the father' son interactions. Really great emotion into the story. 5/5

Update soon! I demand more That is all.

>>122906122906 Thank you so much for the comment, it really means a lot! Rest assured, more is definitely coming. I am very excited for what's to come. I hope you enjoy it!

Oh... Oh my god. This, this story. This GODDAMNED story has had me in tears since the beginning. I've laughed, I've cried, I've shown every emotion I can ever feel, andnow this.

You sir, you are a brilliant writer. You bring up emotions that haven't stirred in me for years. You writing has changed my life, and I amglad it did so.

I applaud you. Here, take my stars, take everything I own. It's yours!

5 Stars, Hands down i dont care what anyone says, This story is fantastic.

>>134738134738 Thank you so much for the comment, they make my day! :) I cannot express how thrilled I am to hear that you are enjoying the story like you are. It means a lot! I hope you like what's to come!

>>135510135510 Thanks so much for the comment! I am very excited for what's left to come so I hope I continue to impress!

Dear sir, I must declare that this fic is FULL OF WIN! *tracking* *rates five stars*

GAH! CLIFFHANGERS! I would hang you from I cliff for this, but then you could write the next part.

As much as I love happy endings, I respect your decision to go either way(kill of her mom or make a last minute save). The story still a good read even though you follow a set pattern of happy, sad, happy, sad, etc. Anyway good fic and I enjoyed this.

Peace Out.

>>145392145392 Haha, why thank you! I am glad you are enjoying the story!

>>145498145498 :D Writing a cliffhanger = not being killed? I love it! Haha

>>145734145734 There is so much that I want to say, but won't for fear of spoilers haha. All that I can say is that I really hope you enjoy what's next. Also, that formula thing is something I haven't thought about, so thanks for the feedback!  :)

I cannot begin to contain the level of D'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW I am experiencing right now.

WARNING LONG REVIEW AND ASS KISSING:

I really loved this story and it's one of the few long stories I actually spend time rereading out of pure enjoyment. It's about as perfect as they come. I think the writing is well done, i never noticed and grammar or syntax errors. The formatting is great and easy to read. The content itself is mixture of d'awww, suspense, feel good moments and very witty dialogue(It feels smart). Seth is extremely likeable and charismatic, he feels real, he has motivation, drive and personality. Octavia wasn't window dressing and had her own set of character traits and again she too came off as likeable. The side characters are also great like Octavia's band mates(my favorite being Troy), Seth's mom and Octavia's parents. Even the assholes in this story like Seth's father and his work colleagues are fun to read.  This isn't just an gushy ship fic, it's subtle and actually has build up and a real reason for characters to be in a relationship.

I used to give movie castings when I did reviews and now I'm bringing it back so here are my picks:

Director: Sofia Coppola(I loved Lost in Translation)

Seth is played by  Bradly Cooper

Octavia is played by Scarlet Johansson(if she can pull off the British accent) or Mila Kunis (she can act and she's extremely hot)

Versaille is played by Andy Circus or Micky Roarke

Andréa is played by Jennifer Connelly

Grafton is played by Liam Neeson or François Berléand

Orchid is played by Salma Hayek.

I have other Ideas for the rest of the cast. The music is done by John Powell.

I a little bummed that the next chapter will be the last one. Oh, well it's been a fun ride and I look forward to your next fic. If I can make a request for a shipping idea how about a F/M shipping for Apple Jack or Trixie, those two are rare. Anyway thanks for the entertainment and this ends my ass kissing and praise.

Peace Out and Good Luck~ Jim  

>>155839155839 Haha, I am glad you liked it! :D

>>156558156558 Thank you so much for your continued support, it really means a lot! While I am taking a short break from shipping (I am definitely still writing), I will certainly return to romance one day. For the time being, I hope you enjoy the last chapter, and thanks so much for the comment!

Also, Bradley Cooper, Mila Kunis and Liam Neeson? I approve. I so, so approve! Haha

A good ending :) I am looking forward to your next fic.

YES! oh this is just how I wanted it to end. Thank you so much for your time you put into this work of art.

I just realized that damn near every character in this fic is an OC with the exception of Octavia and that Mr. Mystic is a feat in and of itself. Every character feels real and three dimensional. This fic is so good even if you strip all references to Friendship is Magic the story could still support its own weight and make for a great romantic comedy with some drama elements in it. I am sad that's over and again if you've been keeping up with the comments I've been leaving than you know that this one of my favorite fics and I strongly recommend it to anyone.

I loved the story's ending and it's resolution. Hell, you even redeemed Seth's dad and gave us one hell of a special ending that was diabetic levels of d'awww.

If this was Oregon Trail it would be like this: "The audience has just died of Diabetes"

I look for forward to your next project. I don't care what it is, it could even be a clop fic where Big Mac nails Hilary Clinton. My strength has always in been in reviewing instead of writing(I have a couple of good stories, but nothing like this) and this fic has allowed be to stretch my reviewing muscles and for that I thank you.

Here's a meme as a gif:

Image: http://a1.twimg.com/profile_images/1783118174/funny-gifs-gorilla-with-a-machine-gun.gif

I don't know why.

Peace Out~ signed: Jim.  

>>175103175103 Thank you so much for reading! I am glad you enjoyed it! :)

>>175123175123 It was my pleasure! I am so glad you liked it!

>>175311175311 I am so thrilled you enjoyed it as much as you did. Knowing that some people liked it so much was the greatest thing in the world! Haha. The ending was nice and sweet, but it also gave Seth and Octavia some closure. I have to admit, not having them in my head all of the time has been kind of weird!

Thank you so much for your continued support! It really means a lot! Also, I am so glad you liked the story! :)

(Finally, a gif on a story of mine?! YES! I have always wanted one of those! Haha)

This is the kind of story that I go here to read. Thank you for posting a masterpiece! Cool gif.

>>176578176578 Thank you so much for reading! I am glad you enjoyed it!

It was quite a good story indeed. I look forward to your future works.

>>178127178127 I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for reading!

My word... This was amazing. I only hope my story will turn out as well. This showed me it's okay to be clichéd to some degree, there is a reason it's cleché after all. Take all the stars. You fucking earned them.

>>185481185481 Thanks so much for the comment!

As for the clichés, that's an interesting one. As far as I'm concerned, I agree with you. Things are cliché for either one of two reasons: A) because they work, or B) because people like them. The hard part is then dancing along that fine line to make sure that it never becomes too heavy handed or lame. That's when people start to dislike it.

Again, thanks for reading. I am really glad you enjoyed it!

this was amazing. i honestly have nothing else to say.

>>280486280486 Thanks for the comment! I am really glad you liked it!

actually a treble clef is only one line, that curves back on itsself, an s with a line looks more like $ not like

Image: http://www.portamental.com/wpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/treble-clef.jpg

>>288918288918 Haha, good point! Perhaps 'a vague, inverted S shape' would be more appropriate than just 'a vague S shape'?

Last minute save? YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS and also FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKK

I was hoping for a sad ending because I see happy endings way to much. But still this is an amazing story. 5 moustauches for you good sir.

>>374980374980 Haha, thanks! I am glad to hear you liked it!

Cool showing, lad. I'm a huge novice myself, so I ask around from talented writers this to break my own telling habit as much as I can;

How does the kind of showing like "getting comfortable on the marvellous antiques Octavia was fortunate enough to call furniture." a.k.a/instead of "relaxing on the sofa" not sound over the top to people?

Call me literal minded, but I just have hard time thinking it isn't over the top.

On chapter 3: Don't you think Troy Keyes is a bit too human name?

>>388987388987 Well, it depends on the style of the story. 'Showing' is normally a good thing - over telling, that is. Of course, the problem then arises where authors have a habit of becoming overly verbose or using 'purple prose'. The best way to identify purple prose is through too many/unnecessary adjectives. The sentence you identified, while being admittedly a little wordy (ie, marvellous antiques), isn't quite purple prose. In fact, its purpose is to not only establish an action, but also add description seamlessly at the same time. All in all, in just contributes to the 'tone' of the scene. This is because that's the kind of character Seth is - he would notice and appreciate these things.

Then again, looking back, it's a little sloppy. But that speaks more about my opinion on this story in general, really.

Also, you think Troy Keyes (Keys? Get it? He's a pianist! ... Oh God, I suck), is too human when the protagonist's name is Seth?

>>389154389154

so is seth.

Image: C:\Users\Matt\Pictures\New folder\trixie_u_mad-(n1297487137376).gif

>>392906392906 I think your comments are derping! =/

>>390879390879 I think Troy and Seth are names that no equine in Equestria could adopt, mainly because the naming in Equestria doesn't work this way, nor in fanon.

While some rare exceptions exist, generally the names follow a theme where the name tells something about the pony in question, for example, Luna is latin for Moon. What does Luna do? Raise the moon, hence why the name is perfectly logical.

A fanon example could be Doctor Whoof. It mixes the original name of the Doctor and manages to fit a pony prefix in it, which makes it passable to people and instantly tips them off on his fanon profession, time traveling.

As for Seth and Troy Keyes... Am I supposed to, as a reader, be able to logically deduce from their names what they are talented in or what occupation they are linked to BEFORE I read far?

Do you get what I mean yet? And this is not complaining, just pointing out what all the other pony stories do with names.

>>393182393182 Haha, nah, I know exactly what you mean. I was just too stupid (and impatient, and did I mention stupid?) to know at the time how to come up with decent pony names when I wrote this. Please forgive the names, haha. Not only are they incredibly lame, they are also very, very bad by any standard.

>>393194393194 At least you said it and that's what matters. People don't seem to be bothered by it, so why fix what's not broken?

>>393203393203 I personally would argue that it is broken (along with many, many other things with this story), but that's ok. This was a real learning curve for me, particularly as it was my first multi-chaptered story ever. To me, this story was a springboard to bigger and better things. I learned many important lessons writing this (rest assured, creating pony names was one of them!), so even though I am not really all that proud of this story per se, it is valuable in its own way.

In saying all that, I am still thrilled to see that people are still reading it and enjoying it. I am incredibly critical of my own work, so it's nice to get feedback from 3rd parties such as yourself.

Fantastic, just fantastic.

It's criminal this story doesn't have more thumbs-ups. I feel awkward as MLP watcher to say that the fanfics led me to watch MLP, and not the other way around.

>>401790401790 I am glad you enjoyed it! And hey, I had never even heard of fanfiction before MLP. That changed pretty quickly!

Thanks for the comment!

Thank you for giving us this absolute masterpiece. It was brilliantly written and anything else I say would not do it justice. All I have left to say is well done.

>>445826445826 Haha, I'm thrilled you enjoyed it! Thank you for the comment!

very nice story Mystic ! i'm happy that if got this off from my "to read" list !

>>11284021128402 Haha, why thank you! I'm glad that you enjoyed it!