This is the story of Josh, he goes to a bad school, full of thugs and stoners, and he just manages to get by thanks to his friends. Rumours circulated that a few new kids where coming to school, chances are they wont fit in and they will get bullied and harassed, but who knows?

>>10697671069767

Call me lazy, but this is the best I could think of

Good story. I usually don't like humanizing them, but you did a good job with what little I saw.

Good writing, its just hard to read. Put an extra space between each paragraph. The conversation with the brain, called thoughts, are usually in italics. A few typos, like author's notes in the middle of a paragraph, such as, "What is he, like, ninety?" would be in parenthesis.

This is just constructive criticism. Your welcome to not follow my advice.

>>10698571069857

will see what I can do, thanks

It was certainly very pessimistic.

>>10698571069857

also, what are parenthesis, i'm not he brightest crayon in the box

Needs improvement, but the plot.... I cant take my eyes off it....

Inform me of any mistakes!

Everyone seems a little too shitty.

This ain't half bad keep going with this.

>>10700341070034

Thanks man, this is my first story

Also, a big thank you to Zornia, he's the one that inspired me to make an account and starting my own stories

just wanted to let you guys know, if you haven't already read any of his stories, do so

this has my kind of humor

INSTANT WIN

>>10700501070050 Small world! I gave Zornia a hand with the FlutterFic (as far as I can remember, maybe it was just advice ) He's a bloody good chap, and is handling that fic well. I'm glad he inspired you

>>10699221069922

Also called brackets. (these are parenthesis)

(what is he, like, ninety?)

>>10704741070474

ah, ok thanks

>>10700281070028

Seeing as i'm setting it in a school that's meant to be so shit that the government pays for it, I think it's realistic, also I went to a similar, school, only there was not sexual harassment, but there were still stoners and daily beatings up

not bad keep it up. thats all i got to say XD.

i love this fic

>>10714291071429

Thanks bro, next chapter will be out in either 2 hours or tomorrow, depends on what i have to do

Point out any mitakes!

>>10723041072304 ICWAHTUDIDTHAR

You really have to live in a very shitty place if rape and murder are commonplace in your school.

Once again, wonderful writing and wording. You paragraphs are a bit too hard to distinguish, but it is well worth it. I cant wait to read more! (luckily I don't have to.)

That is a terrible neighborhood. Poor Twi.

>>10731501073150

Murder?

d'aww how  cute you are in love with twilight

Wow this is not bad of a story after all.

Wish I could see more of this. I would say okay.Since that's all I got to say right now.

Are the mane 6 just humanized, or is this just a teleportation  spell gone wrong?

God never deserts. Not even the non-believers.

>>10743881074388

Humanized.

>>10744301074430

I was thinking the same exact thing.

>>10745771074577

Just checking.

And your thumbnail is my computer background

You did it cheese.

Seems like you based this off something.

>>10747781074778

Cuz thats not at all creepy.

>>10765241076524

Its not. I have no idea what you're talking about.

Its just a hilarious picture.

I should make that into a fanfic...

>>10748611074861

I could never have even done the little I have without your amazing story

All credit should go to you

This was a good story, but I have a question. Why do all stories in the human world have to be in the worst neighborhoods? Overall good story bro

>>10799841079984

I dunno, I got the idea from someone else

Wait a minute! What about the local police? I don't care how bad your neighborhood is, there HAS to be police somewhere!

>>10878391087839

Image: http://www.everfunny.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Fuck-the-Police.jpg

>>10895851089585

lol I guess your right.

Sorry for the long wait, but I finished it all then my pc glitched up and deleted half of it so I rage quited and didn't work on it for a couple of days, and remember tell me of any mistakes

This will be my last chapter, I was willing to continue but I don't know where to take it from here so i'm just gonna leave it as it is

You had a good run just let it come naturally.Great job by the way love your work

Sequel. Now.

That was...unexpected. Especially when their...moths?...touched.

Even if you don't plan to do it in the near future, you should definitely NOT leave it there. Also, if you're sure your done, label it as finished in the Edit Story button.

You should either continue writing this, or do a sequel. It CAN'T end there!

Parenthesis are these()

>>10895851089585 Okaaaaaayyyyyy...

You can tell it's a bad nayborhood if rape and school are in the same sentence.

>>11520281152028

Rape will never happen in this school?

sounds fine to me