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Canterlot... For centuries, Canterlot was the shining gem of Equestria, the pinnacle of pony society. Now, it’s a reminder, a bleak and monolithic warning to the world.
Changed by the chemical and technological poisons that plague the mountain, an abomination of nature, I wander the greatest disaster Equestria has ever seen.
... I will escape eventually, and when I do, I hope my friends still see me as Twilight Sparkle, and not the monster that hides among the ruins.
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Hummm This better not stop you from makeing the vampony story
Omg this story is great I love how you discribed canterlot wasteland
Someone needs to Draw this you allways do great job in makeing stories
Keep it up
The last part was kinda... anticlimacticdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl2.png
Still, awesome.
Dude.
Dude.
I... I...
Fuck, words fail me.
Have a favourite, and DON'T STOP.
This is very good. I wonder how they will accept new twilight.
YES YES
Okay, that was strange, but good. Twilight Nano-zombie?
good story. Go on...
This is good. No more to say, really.
Wow, just... wow.
Such good writing quality, I felt everything you described.
Have 6/5 Twilights (not the corrupted ones)
1056218
you can't really tell though, her eyes are closed.
1056223 WOW, featured ALREADY! Grats man!
This was fucking baws, please don't stop
Yeah, okay, this is really kinda neat. Kinda looking forward to see how Abomination Twilight fits in to Equestria after having been presumed dead for two years.
I kinda expected the escape from Canterlot to be a lot longer and harder, and I have to agree with 1056078 the ending seems anticlimactic, Otherwise it was amazing, an original and interesting concept expanded in a well written story. Good work, wonder what kind of reception awaits Twilight after been changed and considered dead for such a long time. Between the acid and the nanos is not exactly safe to be around her without some precautions...
I fucking love this story. please keep it up. and please release the next chapter soo....NOW!!!!!!!!!...*ahem* sorry about that. yes, please release the next chapter soon as this is possitively brilliant
also. congrats on getting the featured box. if it wasnt for it i wouldnt have found this beautiful story
You are making another chapter right? Or are you just going to the end it here.
OH MY GAWD!!!! I burst into tears at the ending. PLEASE, MOAR!!!!
two good stories one after another, you have my bow. I will follow you.
And if the chapters are not updated regularly
might want to have someone go over it, editor-wise. uhm, quite a few lowercase 'i's, an extra line break here or there and such. nothing too bad.
the idea is nice. it feels a bit rushed. i think you should have focused more on Twilight's emotive response to some of this. this is her home - both her old home and her new home - her prison and a reminder of her loneliness and 'abandonment' by the Princess's. i would like to see more emotional internal monologue from Zomblight here, especially as she's going through her brother's things. how she feels about things, not just what she sees,
the reason given why she couldn't signal the Princess's seems a bit ... i don't know. simple? i can't explain that, so nevermind.
overall, it was ... nice. i liked it.
And many tears were shed.
I have run out of good words to describe this, although you might want to watch your I's, I noticed three or four were not in the proper case. Nothing else really glared at me.
Great, great fic.
I must follow this.
I am most intrigued.
AM I THE ONLY OVERLORD HERE WHO NOTICED A FAULTY SITUATION HERE?...
UGH... IF THE NA-NITES CHANGED TWILIGHT SO THAT SHE NO LONGED NEEDS TO BREATH,
WHY DOES SHE NEED TO HOLD HER BREATH WHEN GOING THROUGH THE WATER FALL?...
NO ONE NOTICED THIS
This was awesome!
Definitely following this one!
This is wondrous. Continue.
1056562
I'd imagine getting water in your lungs, even if they're non functional, isn't all that pleasant. Also, old habits probably die hard.
1056562 reflexes? Old habits?
I have to say, this is an amazing short story. I would like you to continue this particular story if possible.
An interesting start, though there is not enough to get a good sense of the direction it will be taken.
Well it appears I will have to write more now.
Also: feature box *squee*
great story and first chapter! looking forward to more!
1056562
to speak; you need to push air from your lungs, so she still uses them, just not to supply her body with oxygen, meaning that if she were to get water in her lungs she would still cough it up like everyone else, which isn't a pleasant experience in itself. oh, and old habit/reflexes ofc!
What an intriguing story. I'm very much interested in this AU that you're creating and I very much look forward to finding out what happens next. Please don't keep me in suspense for long.
1056511 I always love it when someone else says exactly what I was going to.
I'll be editing this when I get off work later today.
MOAR :D
Me Gusta
Do Want
MOAR :D
Me Gusta
Do Want
Beautiful, that is all.
1056769
It's been a pretty depresing afternoon for me... Then I saw that you had written this story and I was like fuck yeah!
I feel that It should have been longer but not to much longer. Seeing as how you have forgone the bitter-sweet reunion until the next chapter and there are a lot of people saying "MOAR", I would guess that you are going to put additional conflict in the story right? A few themes I see having a hand in causing conflict:
Twilight is now a walking mutant bio hazard due to potential acid burns/death or nanite related issues.
Twilight is now the only one really capable of going back into the ruins to fix any large issues that might occur.
Twilight LOOKS corrupted, her morals and mental faculties appear to be functioning normally so I doubt that she is actually corrupted, merely the subject of some physical alterations and abnormalities.
Now the ideas I see sprouting from these facts:
Attempts to cure Twilight and change her back to her normal, biological pony self.
Solving an issue that may occur in Canterlot ruins which might become a threat to the rest of Equestria.
Emotional feelings of affection for another which would end up causing her and possibly her love interest pain due to the dangers of physical contact and mating incompatibilities (especially if Twilight's maternal instinctive needs decide to kick in).
Other's reaction to her fearsome looks.
I'm sure there could be a few others but these seem to be the most prominent in my mind at the moment.
1 chapter, 3,500 words or a prolouge and i'm already fucking super-hyped for the next chapter!
MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR
You have the choice:you finish this story or i stalk you-FOREVAAAAAAAAAR!
That's unfuckingknowable!
The end was so anticlimactic. That's only complaint I can think of !
Might be cliché... but....
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MOAR!
you need to add some parts of the story where twilight got into trouble between the point of the explosion in the factory and that of her escape from the city. maybe even putting something there about how she discovered what caused the explosion at the factory as well possably more exciting moments between what happened. because the story still needs it.
damn man! 131 likes and not a single dislike.
Interesting, but littered with spelling errors.
I know everyone else is saying this, but...
GODDAMNIT MAN/WOMAN, WRITE MORE.
I've always wanted to read a story where it's a sort of semi-apocalypse. I'd even been planning on writing one. But you beat me to it
Ah well.
Listening to this made it even BETTAR:
http://www.youtuberepeater.com/watch?v=F9BrsAqdWsk
HOW CAN I ADD A PICTURE
This is pretty good, but the grammar gets increasingly bad towards the end.
This is a great story so far! Although... I can't say I much care for the Luddite undertones near the beginning.
1057651
Doom will be giving it a runthrough soon, in all honesty I didn't think this would get so popular
In a related note, ye I will go into more on twi's stay in the ruins, but progressively as she tells others the stories.