Hummm This better not stop you from makeing the vampony story

Omg this story is  great I love how you discribed canterlot wasteland

Someone needs to Draw this  you allways do great job in makeing stories

Keep it up

The last part was kinda... anticlimactic

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl2.png

Still, awesome.

Dude.

Dude.

I... I...

Fuck, words fail me.

Have a favourite, and DON'T STOP.

This is very good. I wonder how they will accept new twilight.

YES YES

Okay, that was strange, but good. Twilight Nano-zombie?

good story. Go on...

This is good. No more to say, really.

Wow, just... wow.

Such good writing quality, I felt everything you described.

Have 6/5 Twilights (not the corrupted ones)

>>10562181056218

you can't really tell though, her eyes are closed.

YOU'D BEST CONTINUE THIS, IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU.

>>10562231056223 WOW, featured ALREADY! Grats man!

This was fucking baws, please don't stop

Yeah, okay, this is really kinda neat. Kinda looking forward to see how Abomination Twilight fits in to Equestria after having been presumed dead for two years.

MOAR

I kinda expected the escape from Canterlot to be a lot longer and harder, and I have to agree with >>10560781056078 the ending seems anticlimactic, Otherwise it was amazing, an original and interesting concept expanded in a well written story. Good work, wonder what kind of reception awaits Twilight after been changed and considered dead for such a long time. Between the acid and the nanos is not exactly safe to be around her without some precautions...

I fucking love this story. please keep it up. and please release the next chapter soo....NOW!!!!!!!!!...*ahem* sorry about that. yes, please release the next chapter soon as this is possitively brilliant

also. congrats on getting the featured box. if it wasnt for it i wouldnt have found this beautiful story

Tis' a one-shot, no? I atleast hope that Symphony shattered shall continue.

You are making another chapter right? Or are you just going to the end it here.

OH MY GAWD!!!! I burst into tears at the ending. PLEASE, MOAR!!!!

two good stories one after another, you have my bow. I will follow you.

And if the chapters are not updated regularly

might want to have someone go over it, editor-wise.  uhm, quite a few lowercase 'i's, an extra line break here or there and such.  nothing too bad.

the idea is nice.  it feels a bit rushed.  i think you should have focused more on Twilight's emotive response to some of this.  this is her home - both her old home and her new home - her prison and a reminder of her loneliness and 'abandonment' by the Princess's.  i would like to see more emotional internal monologue from Zomblight here, especially as she's going through her brother's things.  how she feels about things, not just what she sees,

the reason given why she couldn't signal the Princess's seems a bit ... i don't know.  simple?  i can't explain that, so nevermind.

overall, it was ... nice.  i liked it.

And many tears were shed.

I have run out of good words to describe this, although you might want to watch your I's, I noticed three or four were not in the proper case. Nothing else really glared at me.

Great, great fic.

I must follow this.

I am most intrigued.

AM I THE ONLY OVERLORD HERE WHO NOTICED A FAULTY SITUATION HERE?...

UGH... IF THE NA-NITES CHANGED TWILIGHT SO THAT SHE NO LONGED NEEDS TO BREATH,

WHY DOES SHE NEED TO HOLD HER BREATH WHEN GOING THROUGH THE WATER FALL?...

NO ONE NOTICED THIS

This was awesome!

Definitely following this one!

This is wondrous. Continue.

>>10565621056562

I'd imagine getting water in your lungs, even if they're non functional, isn't all that pleasant. Also, old habits probably die hard.

>>10565621056562 reflexes? Old habits?

I have to say, this is an amazing short story. I would like you to continue this particular story if possible.

An interesting start, though there is not enough to get a good sense of the direction it will be taken.

Well it appears I will have to write more now.

Also: feature box *squee*

great story and first chapter! looking forward to more!

>>10565621056562

to speak; you need to push air from your lungs, so she still uses them, just not to supply her body with oxygen, meaning that if she were to get water in her lungs she would still cough it up like everyone else, which isn't a pleasant experience in itself. oh, and old habit/reflexes ofc!

What an intriguing story. I'm very much interested in this AU that you're creating and I very much look forward to finding out what happens next. Please don't keep me in suspense for long.

>>10565111056511 I always love it when someone else says exactly what I was going to.

I'll be editing this when I get off work later today.

MOAR :D

Me Gusta

Do Want

MOAR :D

Me Gusta

Do Want

Beautiful, that is all.

>>10567691056769

It's been a pretty depresing afternoon for me... Then I saw that you had written this story and I was like fuck yeah!

I feel that It should have been longer but not to much longer.  Seeing as how you have forgone the bitter-sweet reunion until the next chapter and there are a lot of people saying "MOAR", I would guess that you are going to put additional conflict in the story right?  A few themes I see having a hand in causing conflict:

Twilight is now a walking mutant bio hazard due to potential acid burns/death or nanite related issues.

Twilight is now the only one really capable of going back into the ruins to fix any large issues that might occur.

Twilight LOOKS corrupted, her morals and mental faculties appear to be functioning normally so I doubt that she is actually corrupted, merely the subject of some physical alterations and abnormalities.

Now the ideas I see sprouting from these facts:

Attempts to cure Twilight and change her back to her normal, biological pony self.

Solving an issue that may occur in Canterlot ruins which might become a threat to the rest of Equestria.

Emotional feelings of affection for another which would end up causing her and possibly her love interest pain due to the dangers of physical contact and mating incompatibilities (especially if Twilight's maternal instinctive needs decide to kick in).

Other's reaction to her fearsome looks.

I'm sure there could be a few others but these seem to be the most prominent in my mind at the moment.

1 chapter, 3,500 words or a prolouge and i'm already fucking super-hyped for the next chapter!

MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR

You have the choice:you finish this story or i stalk you-FOREVAAAAAAAAAR!

That's unfuckingknowable!

The end was so anticlimactic. That's only complaint I can think of !

Might be cliché... but....

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MOAR!

you need to add some parts of the story where twilight got into trouble between the point of the explosion in the factory and that of her escape from the city. maybe even putting something there about how she discovered what caused the explosion at the factory as well possably more exciting moments between what happened. because the story still needs it.

damn man! 131 likes and not a single dislike.

Interesting, but littered with spelling errors.

I know everyone else is saying this, but...

GODDAMNIT MAN/WOMAN, WRITE MORE.

I've always wanted to read a story where it's a sort of semi-apocalypse. I'd even been planning on writing one. But you beat me to it

Ah well.

Listening to this made it even BETTAR:

http://www.youtuberepeater.com/watch?v=F9BrsAqdWsk

HOW CAN I ADD A PICTURE

This is pretty good, but the grammar gets increasingly bad towards the end.

This is a great story so far! Although... I can't say I much care for the Luddite undertones near the beginning.

>>10576511057651

Doom will be giving it a runthrough soon, in all honesty I didn't think this would get so popular

In a related note, ye I will go into more on twi's stay in the ruins, but progressively as she tells others the stories.

I feel I should point out... THAT THIS IS BUCKING AMAZING!!! Hats off to you, you've put out another awesome story.

Now, I just want to see what happens, and how they react to the changed Twilight. Now, if you will excuse me, I must go and reread it to makes sure I didn't miss anything.

Words fail me... The only thing I know is that i love it

It's been said many times by now. So I think you know what we want from you. We want MOAR!

Nuff said...

Uh.. steampunk, nanomites/nanits/nanites/nanos(those little robots have impossible many names), modified twillight and really talented writer. I LOVE THIS!!!!!!

Please keep writting.

>>10565621056562

She holds her breath as an automatic response to the water.

YAAAAAAAY~

dude! 180+ likes and NO dislikes!

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png

edit: i hope i didn't jinx it now...

This is an excellent premise. I can't wait to read more.

>>10577371057737

Here take EVERY.BODY!!!

and some moustaches

I don't usually like to read grim-like stories or depressing ones, but this has got my interest and I love this story in how it's written, the idea and potential and stuff.

You deserve a cookie but alas I only have a star an eyeball and a thumb...well here ya go.

I love the concept... but you need to work on your storytelling. This has a lot of potential, I think, so keep working on it, but... you have to be more clear in your sentence structure. (i.e. Sometimes you had questions that were presented as statements and then they run on without pause; What happened I have little doubt you are asking... )

Anyway, I look forward to see where this is going.

Awesome. Nano-zombie Twilight is best Twilight. Were you inspired by something for that glas shard scene? Because it reminded me a bit of a scene from Haunting Ground.

Who did the cover art?

That was pretty damn awesome, can't wait for more.

I listened to this song while reading her trek through Canterlot and the castle. It was amazingly moving.

Please, PLEASE continue this. It's one of the first "Dark" tag stories I actually like.

I adore the concept, but...

I don't know. I feel like this could have been so much better.

The ending is anticlimatic. The fact she's been there for two years and never thought to check the castle seems odd, especially considering she's never slept. Maybe there should have been some kind of backstory and idea of what she'd been doing all that time, apart from a collection of garbage. The journey itself didn't seem very hard either, considering it's meant to be a deathtrap.

Twilight also shows no emotion. She cried and nearly cried at some points, but apart from that, she doesn't seem to feel anything for the ruined city she spent her childhood in. Or for the ponies who died, or for what her friends might be feeling outside. Even over two years, I doubt she'd have come to terms with her destroyed life, and that's another reason I feel this maybe should have started before she found out there was a way out. It's not even Twilight who shows no emotion, Celestia, Luna and Shining seem equally apathetic to the situation. You think they might be surprised, or happy, but no.

And there were some minor grammar mistakes, a few lowercase "i"s, etc.

Good story, but I can't help but be disappointed. Sorry.

Sorry, my connection is so slow it seems I triple-posted there.

Awfully sorry good sir.

>>10565621056562 >>10566211056621 Breathing is an automatic reflex so even if she doesn't need to breath she would probably do it anyways.

Incredible job.  I could feel the wasteland vibe.  Keep up the great work.

Pleas! make moar chapter or sequel!

I don't know about ya'll but I got a bad feeling about this. Cant wait to see what happens in the next chapter.

You have a thing for dark stories, don't you? Not that there's anything wrong with that...

So, your first story was a fantasy, and this one is more sci-fi. Both of them have something happen to Twilight Sparkle. Do you hate her, or something?

Faved, liked, looking forward to more!

listen to this while watching:

Heh, this is like, a 'lite' version of End of Ponies. Tracking

I like alot

Cool story, but very sad. I seem to be a sucker for sad stories featuring Twilight Sparkle. Not that I'd want anything bad to happen to her, but the canon character is a tad flat by comparison, when life isn't perfect you get to see the more real side of ponies (and people...).

Any bets on how long it takes them or her to realize she's a considerable threat to their health and well-being, even if it's unintentional?

>>10582811058281 This person: http://kairaanix.deviantart.com/

One thumb down? READY YOUR WEAPONS! I DETECT A HIPSTER!

sorry but i have to post this 2nd comment!

1st literally every 10 mins i check for a update for your story cause I CANT WAIT! I find it amazing! I feel this could easily become my fav story! (but 1 chp wont change that) I find the concept amazing and the outcomes cold be anything so nopony could even try to guess if it will or not be right!

Ps. the one pony that disliked is Nightmare moon (depressed that Twilight is still alive)

I have a feeling her return...won't be as easy as it is implying.

>>10574441057444 OH NOEZ THERE IS ONE! Guess who it is NIGHTMARE MOON!

>>10571381057138 >>10577371057737

And don't forget Twilight handing over that tea kettle to `Tia, only for Philomena to poke her head out of it.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png

And now I can't get this scene out of my head~

-

--

Apple Bloom: "So... A techno zompony, huh?"

Twilight: "Yup." *Beat* "So... a ghoul?"

Apple Bloom: "Eeyup. Could be worse, though. Turns out Sweetie Belle is a robot, and Scootaloo's an orphaned Changeling."

*The rest of the CMC run past the viewer's field of view. The roster has expanded over the last two years. First up was Twist and Sweetie Belle. On Sweetie's flank were musical notes apparently made up of gears and wires. Next up were a still unmarked Dinkie Do and Pipsqueak. Lastly was a translucent mare with glowing yellow eyes and a magnifying glass Cutie mark, followed by Scootaloo. The pink maned (if you could call it a mane) was sporting a pair of crippled wings on her back, and a splotch of orange on her otherwise black flank. Upon that patch of color was a scooter wheel with a rainbow colored wing sticking out of it. She may never be able to follow in her Idol's hoofsteps in the air, but on a set of wheels she was unmatched.*

Apple Bloom: "We asked Princess Celestia how we all managed to get our Cutie Marks, despite... You know."

*Twilight glances at Apple Bloom's flank. Her Cutie Mark was a hammer and hoofsaw crossed underneath a shaman's mask*

Twilight: "And what did she say?"

Apple Bloom: "She said something about the 'Magic of Friendship' or something, but underneath all the pretty words, it was clear she didn't know either."

--

-

Any authors reading this, feel free to draw inspiration from this snippet. The fandom needs more Scootaling fics.

Please... for the love of all things right and harmonious... please write more...

holy crap steampunk!

Amazing!

Great job!

Sooo following!

Keep up the great work!

>>10588231058823 what story has a changeling Scootaloo?

Nice work. I found a tonne of errors, though.

I opened the first cabinet to find inside various dresses, Cadence's no doubt. At the bottom sat a jewelry box which i set aside. The other cabinet contained Shining's Dress Uniform, still in pristine condition, however i only took the medallions, knowing that often they were one of a kind and most likely the sentimental value would greatly outweigh their monetary worth.

Working through the rest of the room i found some other small things to bring, a photo album from the wedding, Shining's old teddy bear, and my grandfather's pocket watch to name a few. In the jewelry box though, i nearly cried when I beheld what was inside.

There were a few lowercase 'i's in here.

I tr eked through the castle, heading for Celestia's tower, the only place that I knew I could get a key to the archives, for she used to frequent them.

Space in trekked (plus it’s spelt wrong), and there was also an error with the indenting before 'them'.

the cold water numbing my senses as i was swept off of my hooves and out onto a sandbank.

Lower case I.

As others have said, the ending was pretty anti-climactic, but that and the errors aside, I really liked it. I'm looking forward to reading more.

-Sparklight

I am now patiently awaiting two of your stories.

Do not fail me.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Twily as Techno-orgainc is very cool.

Will she be a Beast Machines Techno-organic? (transformers) or Warlock Techno-organic? (marvel comic New Mutants)

Maby a Shadowrun Twilight.

>>10590661059066

Apparently Doom is gonna give it a runthrough, which reminds me i should fire him a .doc copy for simplicity's sake...

>>10591481059148

to be honest, i have no idea. I've not seen beast machines, and was never really into marvel's stuff. Transformers i've seen, however she ain't gonna be that robotic.

>>10576171057617

Change all squiggly brackets to square ones

Images: {img} <paste url here> {/img} or click the button of a picture at the top of the add comment section, it's right beside the anchor and youtube.

to link properly you go as follows:

{url}www.google.com{/url} to get this ----> www.google.com

and to link some text you go like this:

{url=www.google.com}click here for google{/url} gives this -----> [url=www.google.com]click here for google[/url]

just replace the brackets and the website and you're good.

>>10592441059244 Don't bother, I'm halfway through right now.

>>10592851059285

Aye aye cap'n *salutes*

I must say, I like the opening so far.  I hope you are able to maintain two stories while giving them both the attention they diserve.

>>10592441059244

There was a gen of beast machines where the transformers had bodies made of machines so small they united to form an organic like body. esentially a body made out of nanomachines. the characters kinda sucked but the idea was cool. Machines evolving into organic. not robotic at all.

Warlock's body was a mass of nanomachines that could be reformed into anything (usually simple machines or solid objects). Need a sword? reform body mass into a sword plus an arm to hold it. Need wings? reform some body mass and grow some.

One other benefit of a Warlock type is that the body is made out of nanomachines and no one part is more important than any other part. As long as a sufficient mass is still alive the rest of the body can be reformed and can be replaced at will. Immortality after a fashon.

I really cant wait to see what you do with the world and Twily. (these ideas or something else )

This story has the potential to be one of the most badass Twily EVER.

MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOARMOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOARMOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR

This the third story that I am tracking of yours, so don't DROP THE BALL.

... usually i read a story and think hmm this would be fun to follow

but this this story is different

i like different