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SteampunkBrony 1168419

Joined October 2011
810 followers

    SteampunkBrony's Stories (11)

    • Among the Ruins
      Canterlot, once my home, now it is but a husk. I bring my memories back as a warning... to everypony

      19,394 words · 11,270 views · 1,543 likes · 25 dislikes
    • Symphony Shattered
      With nopony to go to after a madmare bestows her with a gift, 'tavi takes things into her own hooves
      9,959 words · 1,390 views · 156 likes · 3 dislikes
    • :Demon:
      Ten years after Celestia's fall to The Nightmare, the final battle for the fate of Equestria begins
      3,175 words · 1,349 views · 128 likes · 8 dislikes
    • Night's Magic
      What if the other statues in canterlots garden were sealed ponies? this is one idea.
      23,564 words · 2,138 views · 58 likes · 3 dislikes
    • Steampunk's Story
      3,126 words · 621 views · 35 likes · 1 dislikes
    • September
      3,061 words · 827 views · 21 likes · 0 dislikes
    • Stonershy
      2,183 words · 1,155 views · 35 likes · 2 dislikes
    • Discordant ramblings
      3,295 words · 910 views · 35 likes · 3 dislikes
    • Queen of Hope: Colab version
      1,700 words · 185 views · 20 likes · 1 dislikes
    • Shamanic Wisdom
      3,679 words · 464 views · 11 likes · 0 dislikes
    x

    Among the Ruins

    By: SteampunkBrony



    ((Edited by DoomManta, thanks again brony.))



    Echoes... 

    Echoes of the past...

    Echoes of my hoofbeats on the melted flagstones...

    Echoes of the memories of the dying...

    Echoes of my friends... 

    Echoes of better times... for me at least...

    I wish I could be more upbeat about this, but there really is nothing to be happy about as I walk the once pristine streets of Canterlot. The formerly white stores are stained a dark crimson by the blood that was coughed up that day two years ago, the streets still stink of the decay of two million ponies as their flesh is slowly consumed by the few decomposers that can survive the green miasma that chokes what is left of this grave.

    It all started with a few small developments, but it became so much more over time. Larger and larger projects, posing more and more risk to the city took over the skyline, great factories fueled the city as it grew, supplying everything from manufactured foods to industrial chemicals like the acid that has replaced my blood.

    That was a surreal discovery; watching a glowing green ooze fall from a cut on my fetlock, and then eat through the stone I was standing on.

    Gah, I'm getting ahead of myself... My name is Twilight Sparkle. Former student of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, Bearer of the Element of Magic, and now, monster of the Canterlot Wastes.

    Anyhow, back to the story at hoof. As Canterlot grew, soon encompassing the whole mountain it resided on, old projects were forgotten. Buried by the new, the shiny, the cutting edge, these ecological disasters seeped down into the caves below the mountain, tainting the crystals there. The chemicals formed an acidic compound, I call it 'The Glow' due to its fluorescent nature, which vaporized and built up within the tunnels, pressurizing them.

    It wasn't the first strike the old projects hit Canterlot with, merely the killing blow. Before The Glow came the Nanoplauges, swarms of microscopic magical machines that were designed to help everypony...

    They didn't. 

    Some of the swarms simply shut down your brain, those were the ones you hoped you'd fall victim to if you saw a shimmering cloud around you...

    The rest... It varied. Some ate the flesh from your bones, some ate the bones from your flesh, some paralyzed, some liquefied... the list went on. Soon enough, ponies developed the solution, an EMP.

    The Electro-Magical Pulse was supposed to shut down the Nanoplauges for good, it only put them to sleep.

    Then one day, they woke up, rose up from the dust around us and attacked once more. Sometime during the turmoil I walked into one... It was almost the worst pain I have ever felt... Then... the sealed tunnels below the city could no longer hold the pressurized Glow, and it escaped, hundreds of thousands of cubic meters of the glowing gas erupted into the sewers, spewing out of manhole covers, out of drains, power boxes whose conduits ran to the underground...

    The Princesses were fortunately out of the city with Shining and Cadence when it happened... I'd hate for them to have to endure the pain I did. 

    Ponies choked on their own blood as the Miasma destroyed their respiratory system. Others simply dissolved.

    I... changed. The Glow somehow left me alive, but turned my blood into an acid so strong it can eat through glass. The Nanoplauge I had been caught in went haywire, changing me inside, I no longer need to breathe and my eyes have become green and draconic... I don't know how, but I’m certain that more than just that changed. I haven’t eaten or slept in two years... 

    And to top it off... I am alone. There was no rescue sent, no attempt to save those dying.

    They just magicked up a wall, tall enough to contain the city's toxic cloud as it killed. They sealed off the top with a pane of diamond that allowed light in. 

    I saw the Princesses looking in one day; I tried to show them I was alive...

    But they either didn’t see the flare I fired, or they ignored it. After that, nopony has walked on the diamond roof since. I want to hate them for not looking harder… for not saving me, but I know better than anypony that to come here would be suicidal.


    Now, I wander, alone as I record my very thoughts onto the gems I carry. There is no rain to sooth my parched throat, no water at all, just poison. Oily sludge cascades down the gutters, the sewers having long since filled to capacity. 

    I look at a skeleton as I pass, the dirty, acid bleached bones all that remain of a joyful life.

    The pony is clutching a book in his hooves, it is surprisingly well preserved and bears the mark of the Canterlot Archives.

    Interesting... I think, picking up the book, my magic still its gentle purple as the skeleton crumbles. 

    Noticing a bookmark, I open the pages.


    April Fourth, third year after the Rebellion of the Moon

    The tunnel is progressing well, and the escape route for the palace staff, should they ever need to, is nearing completion. Once we finish, we will seal up both ends with a marking spell and notify Her Royal Highness Princess Celestia of its location, the far end reaching all the way out into the Whitetail Wood. To help preserve our work, and the air quality, Celestia herself is laying down the preservation spells, guaranteed to filter out even the nastiest of toxic gasses that plague tunnels such as these. Our work shall remain for years to come, I hope we never need to use it.

    ~Tattered Scrolls, recorder, Canterville Castle. 


    It can't be... Can it? Scribbled onto a sheet of parchment is a rough map detailing the location of the tunnel, beginning directly below the castle archives. A way past the wall... If I can reach it, I can escape... 

    A simple glance at the castle tells me that will be no easy feat. After the incident, vast explosions rocked the city and fires broke out everywhere, with nopony left to control the factories, the damage was… severe. The castle sat just above a manufacturing plant for the city’s fuel, the explosion had been visible from across the city, blackening the castle and weakening it. Once, shortly after Canterlot was sealed, I went to the castle to look for the library and I barely made it out of that death trap, I was almost crushed six times by collapsing walls or ceilings.

    Is it worth the risk? I couldn't help but think. To leave this place? Is it worth the risk?

    I thought back to before this happened, to my mentors, to my parents, to my brother... to my...

    To my friends...

    The rock boiled at my feet as acid green drops fell from my eyes. I fell to the ground crying, the first time I had cried in months, the first time I had felt anything in months. 

    I decided there and then that this city would no longer hold me in its death, and that I would rise up and live once more.

    I decided that even death was better than remaining here.

    I decided that, even after two years of no contact, no way out, no hope...

    I decided to place my hope of escape with a book.

    I was leaving, alive or dead, I was leaving.


    My home for the past few years had been a clothing store, which was now filled with the various nick-knacks I had collected in my wanderings. The shelves were full of baubles and trinkets of the city's grander days. A steam valve here, a coffee tin full of shiny bits there, a...

    A photo I found of the Princesses and my friends, it was from my last birthday before the city died...

    Anything and everything occupied the sturdy false-wood shelving, a collection of junk, yes, but it kept me sane. One has to have a hobby in a place like this; it is all you can do. 

    I levitated the last two gifts from my friends over to me, one, brass flight goggles from Rainbow, Fluttershy, and Rarity. The other, a small shoulder bag, courtesy of Applejack and Pinkie Pie. I placed the photo in the bag, alongside a few light cells, a former Royal Guard's sword, some rope, and my memory gems. 

    Trotting over to another wall of the store, I pulled down a bolt of olive drab cloth that was hanging there. I sliced out a square and tied it around my neck after donning the goggles and shoulder bag. I tied the rest around my legs to help cut down on the number of inevitable scrapes I was going to get climbing through rubble. I looked around at my collection of objects and smiled. Someday, somepony would find this place, once the air was clean again, and the city was cleansed, and they would be fascinated at all of the things that were here. 

    I closed the door behind me as I left, latching the deadbolt out of habit from so long ago. I took one last look at the shop, and began my ascent.


    My hoofbeats echoed on the stone of the Canterlot Market, the first major obstacle to my route up the mountain. Hidden among the Market were puddles of acid that had eroded walls and collapsed buildings across the wide street; the tall towers once used for commerce were now tall piles of rubble. Bones lay everywhere, the Glow had escaped at midday, during the middle of business hours. 

    More than one skeleton was posed clutching a smaller one, or lying on top of one. Nopony was spared by the cloud, why had I survived? 

    I doubt even the Princesses could give more of an answer than 'luck'.

    "The fire of friendship lives in our hearts, as long as it burns, we cannot drift apart..." I sang quietly, my voice was mercifully unchanged, it was one of the few things that still felt me. The sound of my voice echoed through the mall as I clamored over the fallen buildings and through crumbling stores. 

    I was the only thing making sound in the market, aside from the occasional rock falling free from its acid spattered perch.

    Wait...

    I whirled around to look at the towers behind me, in the direction the rock had fallen from, and then I looked up.

    A pane of glass larger than me smashed to the stone as I rolled out of the way, scrambling to escape the shimmering display of falling glass that threatened to slice me in two. Sliding the goggles over my eyes with magic as I ran, I dodged pane after pane of glass falling from one of the towers. I felt a shard embed itself in my back, but the pain slowly disappeared as my acidic blood dissolved the unwanted object and my body stitched itself shut. 

    As the glass stopped falling, I slowed and turned to look behind me... It was breathtaking.

    The whole street glittered as if in the first snow, the luminescent green mist causing the glass to shimmer and dance as the shimmering dust in the air glistened as if it were rain. I never thought I would see anything beautiful in these ruins, for that matter, I didn’t think beauty was possible in these ruins, but this was something truly special. I removed the goggles and took one last look before I started walking again, the Market District fading into the mansions and homes of the rich and noble.


    The pristine lawns and massive homes of the nobility fared even worse than the Market District; they were mostly constructed from organic materials, especially wood. Piles of rot were all that remained of many homes, piles of rot surrounded by small ponds of acidic sludge. 

    A river from the mountain, poisoned by the Glow, ran across my path. At one point, there had been a wooden bridge across it, but it was long gone, consumed like everything else. I focused my magic, and with a bright flash I was across, the glowing water burbling as I continued on to my access to the castle, my brother's house.


    My hooves were silent on the rotted carpets of the home, the stone having held from the onslaught of acid.

    You know... I've never really taken a look around in here... I decided to explore a little before leaving, and went up the stairs instead of descending into the cellar. 

    I found three rooms upstairs, two bedrooms and a washroom. Modest for the Captain of the Guard, but that was how Shining liked it, simple, spartan. I'm sure the carpets were Cadence's idea. I hoofed open the door to their bedroom first.

    It was well preserved, the bed still looked intact, but I knew not to trust looks. I opted to instead look through the cabinets.

    I opened the first cabinet and found various dresses, Cadence's no doubt.  There was a jewelry box at the bottom, which I set aside to look at later. The other cabinet had Shining's Dress Uniform, still in pristine condition. Taking the entire uniform was unrealistic, but I did take all of the ribbons and medallions off of it, some of them were one of a kind and Shining should have them back. 

    Working through the rest of the room I found some other small things to bring, a photo album from the wedding, Shining's old teddy bear, and my grandfather's pocket watch to name a few. In the jewelry box though, I couldn’t believe what was inside.

    Sitting atop the other bits of jewelry were two simple gold bands, the same two that were present in every picture of the bride and groom after the ceremony. 

    In Equestria, wedding bands are irreplaceable treasures, each one is linked with the pony who gave it to their partner. They’re only ever made once, out of metal linked to the pony at birth, and formed into their final shape only days before the wedding.

    Losing them would be akin to losing a small part of yourself.

    I quickly closed the jewelry box and set it in my bag, the 'bag of holding' enchantment I had placed on it years ago holding strong. I stepped from the room one last time, and crossed the hall.

    I pushed the door open to the former guest room, now housing all the necessities for a foal. I had forgotten that Cadence had been nearing the end of her first pregnancy, and for a moment, I wondered what being an aunt would be like. I looked around for anything that I should take, but found nothing.

    I closed the door and trotted down the stairs, heading to the cellar.


    I emerged from the hidden passageway into the Gatehouse, it was filled with armor-clad skeletons. One was still locked at attention, probably a victim of a Nanoplague swarm if the silver dust around his hooves was any indication. I stepped past him and out into the castle courtyard.

    I was instantly reminded of why I hadn't visited the castle in over a year and a half, the windows were gone, shattered from the force of the factory explosion. The once great doors of the castle were now but iron hinges holding air as I passed them, the wood they had held had long burnt away. Piles of rubble were all that remained of entire sections of the castle. I trekked through the castle, heading for Celestia's tower. She usually kept a key to the archives there, to allow easy access, I hoped it was still there and intact. 

    The windows let in plenty of light from the sun as I walked through the Hall of the Elements, the vault door at the far end was cracked and crumbling. I trotted up to it and gave it a nudge with my magic, and jumped back as the metal turned to dust, the impenetrable star-steel doors had been reduced to nothing by the Glow. The chest of the Elements of Harmony was still there though, strangely enough. I quickly opened the chest and retrieved the necklaces and tiara, adding them to my saddlebags. As I levitated them, I felt a twinge of familiar magic; it felt peaceful, like home, like the princesses.

    I left the hall and proceeded up the adjacent tower to Celestia's chambers, the doors that had stood for centuries crumbling at the slightest touch of my magic. Two lone skeletons sat at the top of the stairs, hugging each other in front of the doors they had guarded with their last breaths.

    I pushed open the large door, oddly enough, they were still intact, even though the vault for the Elements had disintegrated. Celestia's chambers were just like I remembered them, right down to Philomena’s cage. I trotted over and looked into the cage and saw a pile of ash with a golden feather sticking out of it. I scooped the ash and feather into a teapot that was lying nearby and placed them into my bag. 

    After a few minutes of searching, I found the key to the archives and began my descent into the depth of the castle.


    Even in the windless lower levels of the castle, the Glow was present, providing me with much appreciated light. Light cells were good, but they only lasted twenty minutes minutes each, and I didn't want to waste the precious few I had.

    Soon enough, I reached the gate to the archive levels. I pushed the key into the lock, twisted, and with a click and a snap, the door was unlocked. The key broke off in the keyhole, but it’s not like the gate was ever going to be used again, so it didn’t matter. 

    The gate screeched on rusty hinges as I opened it, my entrance slow, reverent of the knowledge stored around me. Withdrawing the map, I went straight to where the tunnel was supposed to be. A tapestry hung there, depicting an ancient battle. I carefully levitated it down, revealing a spell inscription on the wall. 

    Built by the families of those who needed a way out and never had one, so that others will not have to share the same fate.

    I channeled my magic into the diagram, gasping as the bricks folded back into themselves to reveal the tunnel. I removed a light cell from my bag and activated the small orb, the light flickering into existence as I started down the tunnel.


    Twenty minutes earlier...

    Celestia sat bolt upright, her wings flaring out as her face took on a look of utter surprise and confusion, startling the members of the guard around her.

    "Your Majesty, what's wrong?" In all his years in the Guard, Shining Armor had never seen the princess startled, and rarely saw her surprised.

    "Th... the warning spell... on the chest that held the Elements..." Celestia stammered.

    "What about it?" Luna asked, concerned.

    "Somepony just opened the chest!" A murmur went up through the room. "Somepony is alive in Canterlot!"

    "Sister, that is impossible." Luna said, looking out the window of the recently restored palace in the Everfree. 

    "You're right... It has to be a coincidence... the... the castle probably collapsed." Celestia said relaxing.

    Not five minutes passed before Celestia shot up again. "The spells protecting the keys in my chambers just went off as well." Celestia explained with a sigh. "The tower must have held on longer than the rest of the castle."

    Fifteen minutes later Celestia jumped to her hooves and started for the door. "Shining Armor, get a chariot, pegasi to pull it, and have it retrieve the Element Bearers and your parents, and bring them to the palace. Also get a hazmat team with a quarantine chariot to Shimmering Falls in the Whitetail Wood at once!" 

    "Your Majesty?" Shining asked, confused.

    "There was an escape tunnel built into the archives when Canterlot Castle was built. I placed a spell on it to alert me if it was ever opened. Only a unicorn can open that passage, the spell would not trigger otherwise, and it just went off." Celestia said. "That combined with the spell on my keys... only one pony that was in Canterlot that day knew that I kept a key to the archives in my room."

    "Who, Sister?" Luna asked. 

    "Twilight Sparkle."

    The response was immediate, Shining Armor spurred the guards in the throne room into action, the large doors slamming open as he galloped out of the throne room, shouting orders.


    I can hear a waterfall... I thought as I trotted along the passageway, my horn being my only source of light by this point.

    A white brick wall came into view, an identical spell diagram to the one in the archives sat, waiting to be unlocked. A quick pulse of magic was all it took to open the passageway to reveal a torrent of crystal clear water. I had finally made it.

    I cast a waterproofing spell on my bag, put my goggles back on, and took my first breath of clean air in years, before stepping out into the flow. I had forgotten what water felt like, forgotten what cold felt like, so many things came rushing back to me as I was swept off my hooves and out to a sandbank.

    I pulled myself to my hooves, removed the shoulder bag, and cleared the lenses of my goggles. I froze as I heard breathing near me, followed by the sound of somepony putting a hoof down.

    "Twilight? I-is it really you?" That was a voice I would recognize anywhere, even after being alone for so long. It was the voice of my brother. I opened my eyes and saw his face behind a protective shield; finally, another pony.

    I fought to hold back acidic tears. "Yeah, BBBFF." I said. "It's me." Behind Shining Armor, I saw four guards in protective gear trotting out of a quarantine Chariot.

    "Let's get you home." He said, his voice betraying the fact that he was crying.

    Comments ( 247 )

    #1 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Hummm This better not stop you from makeing the vampony story

    Omg this story is  great I love how you discribed canterlot wasteland

    Someone needs to Draw this  you allways do great job in makeing stories

    Keep it up

    zel
    #2 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    The last part was kinda... anticlimactic

    Still, awesome.

    #3 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Dude.

    Dude.

    I... I...

    Fuck, words fail me.

    Have a favourite, and DON'T STOP.

    #4 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    This is very good. I wonder how they will accept new twilight.

    0
    #5 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    YES YES

    #6 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Okay, that was strange, but good. Twilight Nano-zombie?:pinkiecrazy:

    Isp
    #7 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    good story. Go on...

    #8 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    This is good. No more to say, really.

    #9 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Wow, just... wow.

    Such good writing quality, I felt everything you described.

    Have 6/5 Twilights (not the corrupted ones) :twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

    #10 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>1056218

    you can't really tell though, her eyes are closed. :derpyderp2:

    #11 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    :raritystarry: YOU'D BEST CONTINUE THIS, IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU.

    #12 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>1056223 WOW, featured ALREADY! Grats man!

    #13 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    This was fucking baws, please don't stop

    #14 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Yeah, okay, this is really kinda neat. Kinda looking forward to see how Abomination Twilight fits in to Equestria after having been presumed dead for two years.

    #15 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    MOAR :flutterrage:

    #16 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    I kinda expected the escape from Canterlot to be a lot longer and harder, and I have to agree with >>1056078 the ending seems anticlimactic, Otherwise it was amazing, an original and interesting concept expanded in a well written story. Good work, wonder what kind of reception awaits Twilight after been changed and considered dead for such a long time. Between the acid and the nanos is not exactly safe to be around her without some precautions...

    #17 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    I fucking love this story. please keep it up. and please release the next chapter soo....NOW!!!!!!!!!...*ahem* sorry about that. yes, please release the next chapter soon as this is possitively brilliant

    #18 · 40w, 6d ago · · ·
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    also. congrats on getting the featured box. if it wasnt for it i wouldnt have found this beautiful story

    #19 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Tis' a one-shot, no? I atleast hope that Symphony shattered shall continue.

    #20 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    You are making another chapter right? Or are you just going to the end it here.

    #21 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    OH MY GAWD!!!! I burst into tears at the ending. PLEASE, MOAR!!!! :rainbowlaugh:

    #22 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    two good stories one after another, you have my bow. I will follow you.

    And if the chapters are not updated regularly:twilightangry2:

    #23 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    might want to have someone go over it, editor-wise.  uhm, quite a few lowercase 'i's, an extra line break here or there and such.  nothing too bad.

    the idea is nice.  it feels a bit rushed.  i think you should have focused more on Twilight's emotive response to some of this.  this is her home - both her old home and her new home - her prison and a reminder of her loneliness and 'abandonment' by the Princess's.  i would like to see more emotional internal monologue from Zomblight here, especially as she's going through her brother's things.  how she feels about things, not just what she sees,

    the reason given why she couldn't signal the Princess's seems a bit ... i don't know.  simple?  i can't explain that, so nevermind.

    overall, it was ... nice.  i liked it.

    #24 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    And many tears were shed.

    I have run out of good words to describe this, although you might want to watch your I's, I noticed three or four were not in the proper case. Nothing else really glared at me.

    Great, great fic.

    #25 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I must follow this.

    I am most intrigued.

    #26 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    AM I THE ONLY OVERLORD HERE WHO NOTICED A FAULTY SITUATION HERE?...

    UGH... IF THE NA-NITES CHANGED TWILIGHT SO THAT SHE NO LONGED NEEDS TO BREATH,

    WHY DOES SHE NEED TO HOLD HER BREATH WHEN GOING THROUGH THE WATER FALL?...

    NO ONE NOTICED THIS:facehoof:

    #27 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    This was awesome!

    Definitely following this one!

    #28 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    This is wondrous. Continue.

    #29 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1056562

    I'd imagine getting water in your lungs, even if they're non functional, isn't all that pleasant. Also, old habits probably die hard.

    #30 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1056562 reflexes? Old habits?

    #31 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I have to say, this is an amazing short story. I would like you to continue this particular story if possible.

    #32 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    An interesting start, though there is not enough to get a good sense of the direction it will be taken.

    #33 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Well it appears I will have to write more now.

    Also: feature box *squee*

    #34 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    great story and first chapter! looking forward to more!:raritystarry:

    >>1056562

    to speak; you need to push air from your lungs, so she still uses them, just not to supply her body with oxygen, meaning that if she were to get water in her lungs she would still cough it up like everyone else, which isn't a pleasant experience in itself. oh, and old habit/reflexes ofc!:twilightsmile:

    #35 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    What an intriguing story. I'm very much interested in this AU that you're creating and I very much look forward to finding out what happens next. Please don't keep me in suspense for long.

    :rainbowwild:

    #36 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1056511 I always love it when someone else says exactly what I was going to.

    I'll be editing this when I get off work later today.

    #37 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    MOAR :D

    :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

    Me Gusta :moustache:

    Do Want :yay:

    #38 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    MOAR :D

    :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

    Me Gusta :moustache:

    Do Want :yay:

    #39 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Beautiful, that is all.

    #40 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1056769

    It's been a pretty depresing afternoon for me... Then I saw that you had written this story and I was like fuck yeah!:pinkiehappy:

    #41 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I feel that It should have been longer but not to much longer.  Seeing as how you have forgone the bitter-sweet reunion until the next chapter and there are a lot of people saying "MOAR", I would guess that you are going to put additional conflict in the story right?  A few themes I see having a hand in causing conflict:

    Twilight is now a walking mutant bio hazard due to potential acid burns/death or nanite related issues.

    Twilight is now the only one really capable of going back into the ruins to fix any large issues that might occur.

    Twilight LOOKS corrupted, her morals and mental faculties appear to be functioning normally so I doubt that she is actually corrupted, merely the subject of some physical alterations and abnormalities.

    Now the ideas I see sprouting from these facts:

    Attempts to cure Twilight and change her back to her normal, biological pony self.

    Solving an issue that may occur in Canterlot ruins which might become a threat to the rest of Equestria.

    Emotional feelings of affection for another which would end up causing her and possibly her love interest pain due to the dangers of physical contact and mating incompatibilities (especially if Twilight's maternal instinctive needs decide to kick in).

    Other's reaction to her fearsome looks.

    I'm sure there could be a few others but these seem to be the most prominent in my mind at the moment.

    #42 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    1 chapter, 3,500 words or a prolouge and i'm already fucking super-hyped for the next chapter! :pinkiehappy:

    #43 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR

    You have the choice:you finish this story or i stalk you-FOREVAAAAAAAAAR!

    That's unfuckingknowable!

    #44 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    The end was so anticlimactic. That's only complaint I can think of ! :rainbowderp:

    #45 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Might be cliché... but....

    FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MOAR! :flutterrage:

    #46 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    you need to add some parts of the story where twilight got into trouble between the point of the explosion in the factory and that of her escape from the city. maybe even putting something there about how she discovered what caused the explosion at the factory as well possably more exciting moments between what happened. because the story still needs it.

    #47 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    damn man! 131 likes and not a single dislike.

    #48 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Interesting, but littered with spelling errors.

    #49 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I know everyone else is saying this, but...

    GODDAMNIT MAN/WOMAN, WRITE MORE.

    I've always wanted to read a story where it's a sort of semi-apocalypse. I'd even been planning on writing one. But you beat me to it :derpyderp2:

    Ah well.

    Listening to this made it even BETTAR:

    http://www.youtuberepeater.com/watch?v=F9BrsAqdWsk

    HOW CAN I ADD A PICTURE

    #50 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    This is pretty good, but the grammar gets increasingly bad towards the end.

    #51 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    This is a great story so far! Although... I can't say I much care for the Luddite undertones near the beginning.

    #52 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1057651

    Doom will be giving it a runthrough soon, in all honesty I didn't think this would get so popular

    In a related note, ye I will go into more on twi's stay in the ruins, but progressively as she tells others the stories.

    #53 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I feel I should point out... THAT THIS IS BUCKING AMAZING!!! :pinkiehappy: Hats off to you, you've put out another awesome story. :twilightsmile:

    Now, I just want to see what happens, and how they react to the changed Twilight. Now, if you will excuse me, I must go and reread it to makes sure I didn't miss anything.

    #54 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Words fail me... The only thing I know is that i love it :twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

    #55 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    It's been said many times by now. So I think you know what we want from you. We want MOAR!

    Nuff said...:rainbowdetermined2:

    #56 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Uh.. steampunk, nanomites/nanits/nanites/nanos(those little robots have impossible many names), modified twillight and really talented writer. I LOVE THIS!!!!!!

    Please keep writting.

    #57 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1056562

    She holds her breath as an automatic response to the water.

    :facehoof:

    #58 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    :yay:YAAAAAAAY~

    #59 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    dude! 180+ likes and NO dislikes!

    i mean, it's really really good, so i can see why most would like it, but there's usually at least one hater in the mix...

    edit: i hope i didn't jinx it now...:twilightsheepish:

    #60 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    This is an excellent premise. I can't wait to read more.

    #61 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1057737

    Here take EVERY.BODY!!!:ajsmug::applecry::coolphoto::derpyderp1::fluttershysad::pinkiehappy::rainbowwild::raritywink::twilightsheepish::twilightsmile::twilightblush::moustache::trollestia::duck::eeyup::twistnerd::scootangel:

    and some moustaches

    :moustache::moustache::moustache:

    #62 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I don't usually like to read grim-like stories or depressing ones, but this has got my interest and I love this story in how it's written, the idea and potential and stuff. :pinkiesmile:

    You deserve a cookie but alas I only have a star an eyeball and a thumb...well here ya go. :pinkiecrazy:

    #63 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I love the concept... but you need to work on your storytelling. This has a lot of potential, I think, so keep working on it, but... you have to be more clear in your sentence structure. (i.e. Sometimes you had questions that were presented as statements and then they run on without pause; What happened I have little doubt you are asking... )

    Anyway, I look forward to see where this is going.

    #64 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Awesome. Nano-zombie Twilight is best Twilight. Were you inspired by something for that glas shard scene? Because it reminded me a bit of a scene from Haunting Ground.

    #65 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Who did the cover art?

    #66 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    That was pretty damn awesome, can't wait for more.

    #67 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I listened to this song while reading her trek through Canterlot and the castle. It was amazingly moving.

    Please, PLEASE continue this. It's one of the first "Dark" tag stories I actually like.

    #68 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I adore the concept, but...

    I don't know. I feel like this could have been so much better.

    The ending is anticlimatic. The fact she's been there for two years and never thought to check the castle seems odd, especially considering she's never slept. Maybe there should have been some kind of backstory and idea of what she'd been doing all that time, apart from a collection of garbage. The journey itself didn't seem very hard either, considering it's meant to be a deathtrap.

    Twilight also shows no emotion. She cried and nearly cried at some points, but apart from that, she doesn't seem to feel anything for the ruined city she spent her childhood in. Or for the ponies who died, or for what her friends might be feeling outside. Even over two years, I doubt she'd have come to terms with her destroyed life, and that's another reason I feel this maybe should have started before she found out there was a way out. It's not even Twilight who shows no emotion, Celestia, Luna and Shining seem equally apathetic to the situation. You think they might be surprised, or happy, but no.

    And there were some minor grammar mistakes, a few lowercase "i"s, etc.

    Good story, but I can't help but be disappointed.:fluttershysad: Sorry.

    #69 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Sorry, my connection is so slow it seems I triple-posted there.

    Awfully sorry good sir.

    #70 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1056562 >>1056621 Breathing is an automatic reflex so even if she doesn't need to breath she would probably do it anyways.

    #71 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Incredible job.  I could feel the wasteland vibe.  Keep up the great work.

    #72 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Pleas! make moar chapter or sequel!

    #73 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I don't know about ya'll but I got a bad feeling about this. Cant wait to see what happens in the next chapter.

    #74 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    You have a thing for dark stories, don't you? Not that there's anything wrong with that...

    So, your first story was a fantasy, and this one is more sci-fi. Both of them have something happen to Twilight Sparkle. Do you hate her, or something?

    Faved, liked, looking forward to more!

    #75 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    listen to this while watching:

    #76 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Heh, this is like, a 'lite' version of End of Ponies. Tracking :rainbowdetermined2:

    #77 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I like:rainbowwild: alot

    #78 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Cool story, but very sad. :twilightsmile: I seem to be a sucker for sad stories featuring Twilight Sparkle. Not that I'd want anything bad to happen to her, but the canon character is a tad flat by comparison, when life isn't perfect you get to see the more real side of ponies (and people...).

    Any bets on how long it takes them or her to realize she's a considerable threat to their health and well-being, even if it's unintentional?

    #79 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1058281 This person: http://kairaanix.deviantart.com/

    #80 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    One thumb down? READY YOUR WEAPONS! I DETECT A HIPSTER!

    #81 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    sorry but i have to post this 2nd comment!

    1st literally every 10 mins i check for a update for your story cause I CANT WAIT! I find it amazing! I feel this could easily become my fav story! (but 1 chp wont change that) I find the concept amazing and the outcomes cold be anything so nopony could even try to guess if it will or not be right! :scootangel:

    Ps. the one pony that disliked is Nightmare moon (depressed that Twilight is still alive) :pinkiesmile:

    #82 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I have a feeling her return...won't be as easy as it is implying.

    #83 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1057444 OH NOEZ THERE IS ONE! Guess who it is NIGHTMARE MOON!

    #84 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1057138 >>1057737

    And don't forget Twilight handing over that tea kettle to `Tia, only for Philomena to poke her head out of it.

    :trollestia:

    And now I can't get this scene out of my head~

    -

    --

    Apple Bloom: "So... A techno zompony, huh?"

    Twilight: "Yup." *Beat* "So... a ghoul?"

    Apple Bloom: "Eeyup. Could be worse, though. Turns out Sweetie Belle is a robot, and Scootaloo's an orphaned Changeling."

    *The rest of the CMC run past the viewer's field of view. The roster has expanded over the last two years. First up was Twist and Sweetie Belle. On Sweetie's flank were musical notes apparently made up of gears and wires. Next up were a still unmarked Dinkie Do and Pipsqueak. Lastly was a translucent mare with glowing yellow eyes and a magnifying glass Cutie mark, followed by Scootaloo. The pink maned (if you could call it a mane) was sporting a pair of crippled wings on her back, and a splotch of orange on her otherwise black flank. Upon that patch of color was a scooter wheel with a rainbow colored wing sticking out of it. She may never be able to follow in her Idol's hoofsteps in the air, but on a set of wheels she was unmatched.*

    Apple Bloom: "We asked Princess Celestia how we all managed to get our Cutie Marks, despite... You know."

    *Twilight glances at Apple Bloom's flank. Her Cutie Mark was a hammer and hoofsaw crossed underneath a shaman's mask*

    Twilight: "And what did she say?"

    Apple Bloom: "She said something about the 'Magic of Friendship' or something, but underneath all the pretty words, it was clear she didn't know either."

    --

    -

    Any authors reading this, feel free to draw inspiration from this snippet. The fandom needs more Scootaling fics. :scootangel:

    #85 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    :raritydespair::raritydespair: Please... for the love of all things right and harmonious... please write more... :raritydespair::raritydespair::raritydespair:

    #86 · 40w, 5d ago · 1 · ·
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    holy crap steampunk!

    Amazing!

    Great job!

    Sooo following!

    Keep up the great work!

    #87 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1058823 what story has a changeling Scootaloo?

    #88 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Nice work. I found a tonne of errors, though.

    I opened the first cabinet to find inside various dresses, Cadence's no doubt. At the bottom sat a jewelry box which i set aside. The other cabinet contained Shining's Dress Uniform, still in pristine condition, however i only took the medallions, knowing that often they were one of a kind and most likely the sentimental value would greatly outweigh their monetary worth.

    Working through the rest of the room i found some other small things to bring, a photo album from the wedding, Shining's old teddy bear, and my grandfather's pocket watch to name a few. In the jewelry box though, i nearly cried when I beheld what was inside.

    There were a few lowercase 'i's in here.

    I tr eked through the castle, heading for Celestia's tower, the only place that I knew I could get a key to the archives, for she used to frequent them.

    Space in trekked (plus it’s spelt wrong), and there was also an error with the indenting before 'them'.

    the cold water numbing my senses as i was swept off of my hooves and out onto a sandbank.

    Lower case I.

    As others have said, the ending was pretty anti-climactic, but that and the errors aside, I really liked it. I'm looking forward to reading more.

    -Sparklight

    #89 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I am now patiently awaiting two of your stories.

    Do not fail me.

    #90 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    #91 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    Twily as Techno-orgainc is very cool.

    Will she be a Beast Machines Techno-organic? (transformers) or Warlock Techno-organic? (marvel comic New Mutants)

    Maby a Shadowrun Twilight. :heart: :twilightsmile: :heart: :twilightsmile:

    #92 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1059066

    Apparently Doom is gonna give it a runthrough, which reminds me i should fire him a .doc copy for simplicity's sake...

    >>1059148

    to be honest, i have no idea. I've not seen beast machines, and was never really into marvel's stuff. Transformers i've seen, however she ain't gonna be that robotic.

    #93 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1057617

    Change all squiggly brackets to square ones

    Images: {img} <paste url here> {/img} or click the button of a picture at the top of the add comment section, it's right beside the anchor and youtube.

    to link properly you go as follows:

    {url}www.google.com{/url} to get this ----> www.google.com

    and to link some text you go like this:

    {url=www.google.com}click here for google{/url} gives this -----> [url=www.google.com]click here for google[/url]

    just replace the brackets and the website and you're good.

    #94 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1059244 Don't bother, I'm halfway through right now.

    #95 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1059285

    Aye aye cap'n *salutes*

    #96 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    I must say, I like the opening so far.  I hope you are able to maintain two stories while giving them both the attention they diserve. :twilightsmile:

    #97 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    >>1059244

    There was a gen of beast machines where the transformers had bodies made of machines so small they united to form an organic like body. esentially a body made out of nanomachines. the characters kinda sucked but the idea was cool. Machines evolving into organic. not robotic at all. :heart:

    Warlock's body was a mass of nanomachines that could be reformed into anything (usually simple machines or solid objects). Need a sword? reform body mass into a sword plus an arm to hold it. Need wings? reform some body mass and grow some. :heart:

    One other benefit of a Warlock type is that the body is made out of nanomachines and no one part is more important than any other part. As long as a sufficient mass is still alive the rest of the body can be reformed and can be replaced at will. Immortality after a fashon.

    I really cant wait to see what you do with the world and Twily. (these ideas or something else :twilightsmile: )

    This story has the potential to be one of the most badass Twily EVER. :twilightsmile: :moustache:

    #98 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOARMOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOARMOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR :flutterrage::rainbowlaugh::pinkiecrazy::pinkiesmile::trixieshiftright::fluttershysad::rainbowlaugh::twilightsmile::scootangel::twilightsmile::fluttershysad:

    #99 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    This the third story that I am tracking of yours, so don't DROP THE BALL.

    #100 · 40w, 5d ago · · ·
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    ... usually i read a story and think hmm this would be fun to follow

    but this this story is different

    i like different

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