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Hands are a Handful
A My Little Pony fanfiction by will1982
Chapter 1-final draft (8/8/2012)
A/N: The text is rather small, you can change it at the top right if you want
Lyra sighed as she trotted down to the Ponyville library. She knew they wouldn’t have anything on humans, but it’s not like there was something else to do today.
When Lyra walked in the door, she was greeted by a warm smile from Ponyville’s resident librarian, Twilight Sparkle. Lyra was about to speak up, when she was interrupted by Twilight.
“I have something, Lyra.” Twilight trotted to the back and arrived a few seconds later with a dusty old tome.
“This is a book written by a philosopher that was obsessed with humans. He dreamt up spells that would supposedly allow a pony to gain ‘hands’. He was considered insane and put in an asylum before he could try these spells. However, they didn’t take his book. Here you go.” Twilight gave Lyra the book.
Lyra was speechless. “I-uh-really…”
Twilight spoke up. “Just take it.” She gently nudged Lyra toward the door.
Lyra walked slowly out the door, trying to process this. I could get hands? She thought. No way.
The lyre-playing mare arrived at her apartment a few minutes later.
Thank Celestia Bon-Bon is at work today. I can just tell that she wouldn’t approve of this! Lyra thought to herself. She cracked open the journal and began reading. It was scrawled in rather unintelligible writing, but Lyra knew it would be worth it.
-2 hours later-
Lyra’s ever-curious eyes were still glued to the book, but they were only doing it begrudgingly. The pony had gotten to page 127, and it was all mindless, babbling notes! Lyra decided to take a break, and glanced at the clock. It was 3:00 already!
Bon-Bon will be home soon! Lyra thought worriedly. She looked around the room. Today was my cleaning day! The now-panicked mare began rushing around the apartment, frantically cleaning and tidying up the place. As she was polishing the last table, Bon-Bon tiredly walked into the living area.
“Hey Lyra” she grumbled as she slumped onto the couch.
“Oh, hey Bon-Bon. How was work?” replied Lyra in a friendly voice.
“Ah, the usual.” Bon-Bon said. She began examining the room. “Wow, you really did wonders on this place!” she said in a more excited tone.
Lyra smiled and said quietly “Unicorn magic!”
Bon-Bon’s eyes met the table in front of her. “What’s this?” she said curiously, referring to the book Lyra had been reading.
Lyra panicked in her mind and hurriedly replied “Oh..er.. that’s nothing!” as she snatched the tome. She quickly magicked it into a corner and calmly trotted over to the couch.
Lyra is a crazy pony. Bon-Bon thought, pushing away the topic in her exhausted mind.
The two ponies spent the rest of the evening doing rather mundane events, such as eating, chatting, and just relaxing. At 10 o’clock, Bon-Bon decided to retire for the night.
“Goodnight, Lyra.” Bon-Bon half-yawned.
“’Night Bon-Bon. See ya tomorrow!” Lyra sang in a singsong voice.
Lyra waited in the foyer until she could insure that Bon-Bon was asleep. Once she heard light snoring coming from the bedroom, Lyra decided it was time to read. She snuck over to the corner where she had hidden the book a couple hours ago. Slightly less excited than she was before, Lyra opened up the large journal and began to read.
-15 minutes later-
Lyra was on page 201 by now. She was beginning to get to the good stuff, as the writer exclaimed his studies with monkeys and their fingered appendages.
“I can believe that these baffling…tools are very useful and versatile for the monkey. In my studies, these creatures can use their fascinating appendages to press and manipulate objects that a pony would have great trouble using.”
The next couple pages were just like this, explaining uses and anatomy of hands.
After page 215, the writer began talking about fictional creatures he dubbed “humans,” of which Lyra knew well. He explained that they may possess these “hands” just as the monkeys do, and went on to explain a very complicated spell that he believed would allow a pony to gain human-like hands.
Lyra studied the spell over and over, and after reading it approximately one million times, she felt confident that she could pull off this ridiculous feat of magic.
--Try 1: Lyra’s horn sparked and lit a lamp on fire, causing normal lamp to become soaking wet/charred lamp.
--Try 2. Lyra got one eighth of the way into the spell, before she noticed a cute little bug sliding across the ground. Long story short, the bug is now a pile of ashes.
--Try 3. The spell is halfway complete! All seems well, until Lyra starts daydreaming about what she could do with her new hands. Spell failure.
After many, many tries like this, Lyra was exhausted. It was 2 AM, she didn’t have hands, and the room was a mess.
Better try next time… Lyra thought sadly. She flopped onto the couch and fell into a fitful sleep.
--Unknown amount of hours pass—
Lyra woke up and groggily glanced at the clock. 12 PM it reads.
At least Bon-Bon wasn’t there. She probably rushed out for work hours ago, somehow not noticing the monumental mess that Lyra had managed to create.
Before she tried that spell again, Lyra wanted to be ready.
-1 hour later-
The room was covered in layer upon layer of bubble wrap. Lyra had covered up anything that might get damaged if something went wrong
“I’m READY!” she shouted.
Lyra calmly pulled out the book. She read over the spell a couple of times, and began.
--30 minutes later—
The bubble wrap is twisted and burned in some places. Lyra is covered in ash and smashed wood.
I give up. She thought, disappointed.
But then she realized…
I haven’t even read the whole book!
Lyra hovered the book over to her, sat in her favorite chair, and continued reading the massive literary wonder. It continued discussing humans, not mentioning the spell.
Until page 304, that is. It reads, in very sloppy and nervous-looking writing
“They’re coming. Just remember… when a unicorn performs a spell, it’s the object they’re focusing on, not themselves…”
Lyra flipped through the rest of the book, only to find blank pages. But at least she found the solution to her dilemma: Focus on yourself.