When spartan B311-627 is sucked into a slip-space portal he re-synchronizes with regular space time ending up in orbit of and eventually on a strange planet with even stranger creatures.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 1st Apr, 2019
- offline last seen January 15th
Strangest Things
I'm not even sure how I got this picture, or this name.
Strangest Things
Joined 1st Apr, 2019 ·
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9615812
I really hope not, but yeah, looking at the past... it's very much possible.
Also, why are there no character tags?
Who is this from the perspective of? The AI Kai?
Yeah... not gonna read. Two reasons:
1. It'll never be completed or updated regularly (like most Halo crossovers on here)
2. I'm no longer a fan of the franchise anymore.
H5 was the final nail in the coffin. At first I wasn't at all bothered by it and enjoyed the gameplay. But then I realized how big and complicated the lore was becoming; also the major plothole of Halsey being welcomed back on the UNSC's side when she was clearly wanted dead in H4 by them previously.
Sure the books fill this in... but 343 should know that not everyone is willing to spend money on something that may or may not fill them in in on the details. Or that people just don't like wasting time reading novels and instead want to live the adventure within the game.
This is why I see now why most veteran Halo fans preferred the original trilogy: no major time jumps that require printed reading to catch up on lore, simple gameplay mechanics, and a smooth easy-to-follow story line. Quite honestly... all the Forerunners should've remained dead, and all their history lost forever. The ongoing Human-Covenant conflict along with the Flood should've been the only remaining thing throughout the series.
Sorry for ranting, but I just had to get that out of my system
. Nowadays I prefer Far Cry as my favorite FPS game, mainly because of the open-world sandbox environments, and the weapon customization
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I think this has potential. As such, I'm posting the spelling/punctuation errors I spotted, as well as points that I wanted to clarify or suggest improvements to.
Should have a comma after "lock", not a period.
Don't think there's supposed to be a comma between "were" and "twelve".
This isn't a complete sentence, as it's missing the predicate (aka the verb).
This needs some kind of change, perhaps adding "with" after "stood".
"The spartan" should have a non-capitalized "the".
Since we've switched perspective, it might be more consistent to place another divider above this sentence, like you did previously.
Think this needs a comma after "chance" as well.
This needs spelling correction and probably another comma after "spell".
"A" should be probably be capitalized, since it starts a new sentence.
"Without" should be one word.
What exactly is spinning? Was he was literally spinning around in circles, or was it his shielding, or part of his armor?
Is this his thoughts, or info being provided on his HUD? If it is his thoughts, how does he know to use the word "alicorn"?
Assuming that he deems plasma to be lethal force, why is he responding with non-lethal force? That's usually a bad idea for a civilian or LEO, much less a soldier who would presumably be trained to use lethal force as the first response to an attack.
Wait, so his suit's shielding was containing Shining and Cadance's bubble shield? Was it absorbing the energy, or was his suit's shields projected away from the suit?
I'm going to assume that Celestia's gait would be different from a human's, so perhaps "a person" isn't quite the right description for her approach.
"Hello" might be more impactful on it's own paragraph below the sentence.
In Halo lore Spartans are usually capitalized. Is the lack of capitalization intentional, and if so why?
As a side note, I'm listing the MJLOLNIR IX's major features as shown so far. Let me know if I missed anything:
9615828
Yeah... also, the publication dates don't really match up with the 'timer' ('10 hours ago') and the last time the author was online was apparently last wednesday...
9616216
Well, I'm gonna keep my eye on this one in case this is actually one of the rare cases when a Halo fic is finished.
To be honest, I still love Halo, and its lore is one of the main reasons, but yeah, the way the story was told wasn't exactly the best lately, to say the least. I wouldn't even have a problem with a more complex plot if it was portrayed in the games in its entirety. Novels are nice as spinoff stories, but making reading them basically essential to understand the plot just doesn't really make sense. I'm still wating for the PC port of MCC and Halo Infinite though. Kinda want to see how it works out.
9616549
. If only they reached out to the fan-base as soon they took Bungie's place in the game's development to ask them what they wanted in the next installment.
Frankly I think 343 just likes to find ways to make even more money off of an already best-selling franchise: which of course kills that reputation when doing so
I never said I hate the franchise to be clear; I just don't find it fun to play anymore... especially solo. I think you can see where I'm going with this
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Anyway I might check out Infinite because it looks like an open-world genre, but I'm still not sure
.
9617033
), Halo 5 could only bring joy when played in coop... except they removed split-screen. Yeah, I've no idea what they were thinking with that. And yeah, Infinite looks like it may be good, but sadly most of these 'returns to the roots' in gaming failed utterly... so I guess we can only wait and see.
Maybe you're right, I guess we'll just have to wait and see if they really dedicate themselves to the port as much as they say they'll do.
But yeah, I can definitely see where you're going, and generally I can quite agree. While playing Halo 4 solo was still fairly enjoyable (except for the parts where the new design of Cortana was shown... I still shudder at the thought
Switches from third to second person a few times, may want to go back and fix that
I and pretty much other like-minded people knew it: the story died... and just after two chapters? Wow. Not only that but the author seemed to have left the site before even making a bit of a name of themselves,
Man how pathetic
.
Update
Noice
Oooook
This is a pretty good start for your story. A few hick-ups here and there but not so bad at all. Just take what you hear as “stuff that needs fixing”
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If this really is your very fist start at writing something than go for it. Everything you will be getting is just “Constructive criticism” and should be used to help you get better at writing. I hope you come back and continue it. This looks like a really good story
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