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A world dominating company on Earth gets beaten and flee to a random location to find a new planet. They scout the planet to find it full of ponies. The leader then talks to the princesses allowing for the Overseer to stay whilst he sorts out Earth. The Overseer's bio-engineered pony then gets up to no good with the ponies on Equestria. Or did he have two?
one thing I would say is that you could maybe include the dialogue between the GM and Celestia, oh and this part confused me: "points to the sky where the Malevolence is", is the Malevolence sub-orbital at this point or not, because if it is not then that part does not make sence because you can't see things in orbit, just make that clear because it confused me a bit. other than that a good chapter.
I get this irritating feeling that there IS a plot in there, and that this was designed to be long-term..
But I can't find it.
But it's there. So I keep reading.
Also, needs more Portal references.
Subtle ones. Like Panels. No lemons or friendly turrets or portal guns anything obvious.
>>142664 Just that part. And don't feel bad. I probably am a bit too smart for my own good. I usually find inaccuracies in fics. You just had a lot of different tech doing a lot of things.
It was more how many errors than how bad they were.
The main thing I noticed was the shotgun part. A shotgun round (shot or slug) would do considerably less damage against an armored target than a rifle would. That was the worst mistake, as it should be known from real world gun experience.
Don't be offended by anything I say in critique, by the way.
I've written paragraphs (plural) of critique for authors much better than the both of us combined.
The difficult part is balancing artistic liberties with basic realities. In this type of fic, reality being secondary to anyone who hasn't studied weapon engineering. 
Like me...
>>158208 Stop being a whiny bitch and allow me to spend my time offering critique to help you be a better writer?
I do this for maybe six stories.
Feel honored; stop complaining.
We can not see inside your head, most of the combat scenes are gibberish to everyone else.
I host a role-play forum that is based in a post-apocalyptic environment. I've written and read plenty of combat scenes. Read Eragon. The combat scenes in there were spectacularly written.
"I, Atom and Hades" should be "Atom, Hades and I"
Other than that, I have a question: There's this video game called gundamn or something similar. Is this a crossover of sorts?
Is it based off any anime or similar? Cause a lot of the references and what is decidedly 'canon' (especially with the names of some of the tech) are completely new to me.
PS. "Cock and Lirms"
Shards of knife...... I'm going to assume you don't have much knife experience to go off of and that you didn't know what you're saying.
The only knife I've ever had break off was a cheap knife I bought at a gas station for $3 and it broke off at the hinge. A combat knife has one solid piece of high-carbon steel connecting he blade to the handle grips.
The conditions it would have to be put through to break are 400+ degrees farenheit, be used to try to pry something immovable by hitting the handle with a hammer.
Provided it's a good combat knife, which a soldier would have.
A good knife is over $60. A soldier's combat knife is usually $250-300.
The more you know, right? Correct me I I'm wrong, but England doesnt have a loot of weapon experience, right? Guns are illegal and swords / knives are frowned upon? I don't blame you for not knowing.
I think a quick edit could be done to make it an errand to get surgical thread and needle.
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