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An opportunity to learn about more of the history of magic has turned for the worse and Twilight is stuck in the middle of it all.
How will Rainbow Dash react when she has been tasked to save her crush from the unknown evil that inhabits these old ruins?
This story is my attempt at the National Pony Writing Month mentioned on EQD.
Wow this looks great! It has Rainbow Dash as main character to start! Didn't notice any writing problems that slowed the story, so I must say well done! It has sucked me in, and to end this chapter like that is just... just.... gah! I can't wait for the next chapter!
I just wonder if the other two rescue members will be someponies we know or not. Well this has the looks of something that will be quite the read! Liked, favored an watched! This is an interesting story I must say again. I look forward to what you through at us. Keep up the great work and have a great day! 
While this is good enough to earn a thumbs up, it's not quite enough to earn a fav from me.
This is because of various elements..
* Characterization problems, for example:
"Oh quiet you, it's kinda hard to get the right words in my mouth let alone get into the right situation to ask her about it. Luna knows I want to tell her but I don't want to cause problems if she doesn't like me back."
'Oh quiet you' is a rather.. Rarity sort of thing to say, and quite un-RD-like (not blunt enough).. I'd suggest something like 'Ah shut it' or 'Oh stop it'
(In comparison, what Spike said, and the rest of what RD said, were in-character.)
* run-on sentences or sentences that simply contain excessive detail, for example:
She cleared her mind with a noticeable shake of her head and secured the letter,
could be reduced to 'She shook off those thoughts and secured the letter,'
It's a good rule of thumb to keep your sentence structure simple. Using more sentences is typically much more readable than having a few complex ones.
* There are also a few sentences that seem like they won't make sense as they are. I suspect you have left out a word or two from them. For example this:
Celestia smiled at her student's antics as memories of years past have many instances like this where the curiosity of Twilight was so vocal that's on par with an avalanche in size and speed.
(that sentence is also lacking commas)
If I understand your intended meaning correctly, what you want is something like
"Celestia smiled at her student's antics. Her memories of years past held many instances like this, where the curiosity of Twilight was as vocal in size and speed as an avalanche."
Hope this helps 
Thank you!!! I'll keep those in mind while I'm writing.
I am writing as fast as I can.
Let's just say Rainbow Dash isn't that observant... I'm sorry if it wasn't exactly obvious, it just seemed like it to me.
Thanks
Thank you 
There is a reason for the OC tag...
>>1110694 Darn, well, I tried. (I've only played ME3, and haven't gotten that far)
Also, I can't say your welcome without giving a reason for your thanks 
This story still pulls me along, no matter the length or any other factor that could change that. Always a fan of action/adventure. (And TwiDash)
Hmm, yeah, that works.
Nice work, check next chapter for more game refrences
Nice job, check next chapter for more refrences
Nice job!! Enjoy your muffin
Good news everyone!
Find the videogame reference to claim your muffin. (Think Dead Space...)
Ok so for my first action fan fic i love it love the adventure suspense and the "unkown " of the thing it could be also being a huuuuuge fan of twidash it keeps me going better not dissapoint jk im accepting and novice at critisiim anyways if anyone feels up too it please read some of my fanfic i need comments and readers so i know im not killing the story ya bye
THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER
This story almost complete but I got some other ideas for stories and I would love to have someone look them over before publishing. I can send you some ideas if you are ready.
Everybody is welcome to help me out and I'll do my best to help you in return.
Pretty good a bit fast for my tastes however, sorry. but i will judge this as fantastic and yes you could improve on it if you chose to however I think your improved writing skills would be better revealed on your next story once you finish this one. anyway glad I met ya bro, hope to see ya around more.
Edit: i probably would have made guestaments on what you would have done next in the story but you allready dropped the ball on that subject.
Great new chapter. I've seen way too many fics where it turns out they both like each other, but I have to say the setting on this one puts a fresh perspective on it. If I may provide one criticism, it's at this line:
"*Sniff* Thanks Dash, that helped." Twilight said as she tried to wipe away the tears.
I'm not exactly a writer, but from all that I've read (proper publications or otherwise), I know that adding actions into the middle of sentences like that is a big nono, this isn't an IM conversation they're having. You need to put it out into words. It should look something like this:
Twilight sniffed, a small smile playing across her face. "Thanks Dash, that helped," she said as she tried to wipe away the tears.
I can't wait for more, this is certainly different to the usual TwiDash shipfics I read, and it's working out great.
>>1209596 You my friend get a salute and any flavor of muffin you want...
As long as its blueberry.
Aw i'm so glad you like my comments I LOVE YOUR STORY!
Well let me just say that I'm SO FUCKING HAPPY 
that this updated, and this chapter didn't disappoint, though i'm sad its over.
But I know what you're talking about with being tired of a storyline and all-- I've felt that way countless times before.
As for story ideas... hmm. Can't think of any at the moment. Have to get back to you on that.
But I'm watching you now not creepy because I want to see whatever you do write
YAY!
also go pats
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