The Gates of Tartarus have been breached, releasing evils long since vanquished back into Equestria.
Celestia sends her student Twilight Sparkle to investigate the Gates of Tartarus, but when things don't go quite as planned the young unicorn is forced into a difficult position. Through blood and tears she will be tested harshly, both physically and mentally. With unparalleled strength of self and unwavering faith in her princesses, Twilight takes up a mantle that no pony should ever be forced to bear.
Can't forget to mention Ping111 and Inquisitive Dash for helping out with pre-reading and pointing out errors when ever they have the time.
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That Collab Project I've been working on... It's alive!!! If you like my work, feel free to give SotES a try!
considering the cast i can safely say death is only the beginning for twilight
ps great chapter also
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1500595 You suck.
1500597 No I am just quicker on the draw for things I like
1500595
The almighty power of FIRST!
I should've taken it for myself.
1500597 ps HI
1500613 But I wan' it!
1500614 Hello to you too my good author sir
1500621 Should of been quicker then
1500634 Curses!
1500614 So did I foreshadow or am I grasping at straws involving death not being the end
1500627
*Tips hat* G'evening sir, i see you enjoyed the first chapter.
1500644 Next time gadget NEXT TIME!!!
1500659 Lolz.
1500656 Very much my good man it was pleasant and dark yet had a undertone of this character will come back and a hint of badasserie
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is this kokusho?
1500664 I am glad you enjoyed ps I forgot this picture encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRo6cSbplKTGXiug1G0G_3PgYvke1BNRrIuQXTr4S0chSe8kd9L
1500655
I can't really say anything on the subject. All i can say it that because you want to know what is going to happen, I actually have to put chapters out.
Motivation I need it.
1500680
Quite close honestly
1500694 never mind
1500694 also yay motivation. On an unrelated note do you play magic the gathering
1500697
LOL yes!
Bonus points if anyone knows where the "Power of the Creator!" Line comes from.
Funny thing is I forgot to mention in the description that all of my stories exist in the same multiverse...
1500718
I dabble in it every so often, havent played since Rise of the Eldrazi though, but I still bought the golgari/izzet duel decks and the golgari/izzet decks from RtR, plus a fat pack.
1500735 I thought to kokusho is a monster from the game
1500747
Yep, our antagonist(?) was nameless until one day I looked through my shoe box and saw the card.
Oh lordly, i didnt describe his clothes
Everyone who is fav'ing this story, thank you! You give me the strength to continue writing!
1500759 Not going to lie all that your antagonist? needs is a quote like this
or
1500791 pppfff clothes are for people that were alive at the time he escaped the underworld he wouldn't have clothes
1500811 crap I mean its your story author dude just saying <.< >.> think he bought it?
MORE!!!!
1500811
Sounds legit
though they will get described in the next chapter, which may or may not come soon. Depends on how much inspiration I have for my Air Gear crossover.
1500853 seriously though give him a quote worthy of the ages
1500871
Oh he'll say something, when I get enough of his character down pat and figure out how exactly I want him.
1500886 encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSSBcyGX3kBiUsidjueVkwxUY1PTn-3QTtrtNyChMxDsVdh_w8G8g
I can't thank you readers enough.
I swear I will try and make this a great story!
I like what i see celestia made a mistake FINALLY took long enough ...................
This is for you 1500487
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I'll read when I find the time.
Lookin forward to chaptah deux::
As the old, and wise man said "Shut up and turn the page already".
just kidding, but no really, I cant wait for the next chapter
This has potential.
However... *puts on her pretentious critic hat* there were a few parts where the pacing felt a bit rushed. The exchange between Luna and Celestia could have had a bit more detail. I understand they were pressed for time, but some dialogue of them working out just what could be happening at the gates could have helped.
Also, it felt a bit OOC (by fanfic standards at least) for Twilight to simply rush in without her friends in any potentially dangerous situation, regardless of whether or not Celestia explicitly instructed her to do so.
There are also a few areas where the writing felt a bit awkward: Twilight had stopped shivering awhile ago, even though this creature was opening the gates none of that dark, murderous power that she could feel from the Gates was flowing from the being in front of her.
I am having a difficult time understanding what you are trying to convey here. Has Twilight been emboldened by something? Does she not perceive him as a threat for some reason? Barring that, the entire sentence feels like its a run-on. You could split it into two.
Twilight had stopped shivering awhile ago. Even though this creature was opening the gates none of that dark, murderous power that she could feel from the Gates was flowing from the being in front of her.
Your idea feels solid. I am actually very interested in seeing where you plan to take this idea. I haven't read any sort of fiction where the one token character is killed outright as a threat reveals itself. This could lead to very interesting developments with the rest of the main cast, exploring how they cope with the loss and face the threat without their friend . I am assuming that is your plan. However, your rather detailed description of her death leaves little room in my mind for her to come back physically at least. Just take your time and maybe hand it to a pre-reader or two, and you could have yourself one hell of a fic here.
*removes pretentious critics hat*
1501880
Thank you for the feedback. It's much appreciated, this story was actually on my list of unpublished stories. I had it in a few groups, waiting for a some prereaders and editors. No one though it was interesting so I had to do my best on my own.
- The royal sisters are always hard for me to write, people will punch your buns for any little thing. Hopefully as the story continues I'll feel more comfortable with them and they interactions will be more detailed and flow better.
- I agree with the Twilight comment, but sadly she had to hold the idiot ball to kick start the plot.
- I like your assumption, but like I said above I can't really say much about it.
Please, continue.
1502414
Oh idiot ball. How i have missed thee.
as a famous LPer says: "AND SHE dies"
NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!!!!
Interesting story, tracking.
Damn. It takes guts to kill off a main character this early in the story.
1504407
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^ My true nature
Oh boy, a new story.
Let me see here...ancient evil that is a human?
I can dig this.
What is this? Twilight is going to confront him? Nothing too bad should hap-...huh.
Well then...that's new.
The community demands more of this.
1506694
Ask and you shall receive.