After Twilight fails a spell (again), the Mane Six are shocked to find themselves in a towering forest. And even more surprised to see that they're cats.
Warning: Based after the sixth book of Omen of the stars. Contains spoilers.
Cover art by me.
After Twilight fails a spell (again), the Mane Six are shocked to find themselves in a towering forest. And even more surprised to see that they're cats.
Warning: Based after the sixth book of Omen of the stars. Contains spoilers.
Cover art by me.
*Sees this on the front page*
OOO! OOO! OOO! OOO! WARRIOR CATS CROSSOVER! YES!
Now to actually read it.
EDIT: Although there were a few spelling errors, I love this so far! Can't wait to see who (or what) this monster is.
oh my god, i haven't read these books in years and now you make a crossover. I am very happy now ![]()
hehehe youve done it again, namnam. now to do a hunger games crossover... ![]()
EDIT: "what? who's there? stay back! i'm awesome!"
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after reading this i felt so old because i only recognized a few of the characters
you know what.
I'm gonna do one revolving around Scourge and Bone. ![]()
Noone's invincible? I think Twilight will fin she's sorely mistaken.
Man, I remember Warriors.
*Nostalgia Explosion*
BRB gonna watch 90's cartoons.
Give me a minuge
*goes through awsome transformation into a critique* ok, time to review
Idea: you don't know how long I have been waiting for a crossover such as this one. And the mane six as cats just makes it better.
Grammer: this looks like a well writen story, just try to space out your sentances. I don't want people complaining that you did not space them and put them in one big paragraph
Chapter Lenght: try to at least make your future chapters a little more longer. In a readers point of view, finishing Chapters 1&2 is as quick as Rainbow Dash going to the bathroom
Overall: despite what i said about grammer and the lenght of the chapters, this is the best idea for a crossover, it's rare trying to find stories like these. Since this story is incomplete, I wont give you my final verdict until the story is complete. All you gotta do is fix those problems and everything will go smooth. I'll also track the stiry to see how it goes, and thumbs it up since I like the warrior cats ![]()
Saw this, insta fave! Now to read the story! ![]()
Edit: Pinkie breaking the fourth wall, ThunderClan, noew prophecy, ponies, my mind is blown. All I have to say is make the chapters longer and fix up the spacing between the sentences, like what Crimsonbrony2507 had said, if you work on that, then this will be one interesting fic.
Well, that's nice. Thanks for telling me how the last book in the fourth series ends and the fact that Firestar loses his last few lives. Nah, it's okay.
make the next chaptur alrdy! >:O
no but srsly, take your time, it's all good![]()
Hoooooooo boy, where do I begin? ![]()
First off, its about time someone did a crossover like this. Props to you for doing it. I will be following this one closely.
Now here are my thoughts:
1. Pacing. watch out how you fast you go about this. Try to draw out your chapters as much as you can. It is important to make the reader feel as though he is really there, and a good pace will help with that. Right now your fic feels rushed. Just take your time and put some more... juice into each chapter if you know what I mean.
2. Formatting. Your formatting is not bad; it does not suffer from the 'wall of text syndrome' that runs rampant around this site. However, it is close. The best way to format is to copy how others do it. Forgive me for tooting my own horn here, but here is a short excerpt from one of my stories to show you how I format:
The forest was going about its normal business. Birds sang their songs and greetings to each other from their homes in the high branches. Squirrels and other small creatures darted quickly across the ground as they went about the daily search for food. Insects of all kinds roamed undetected, shielded from sight by the many leaves and shadows of the trees that blanketed the forest floor.
Suddenly, the singing of the birds stopped. The many creatures halted as a single figure trekked its way through the trees. The whole forest seemed to halt its normal order of things in respect... But also in confusion.
On any other day, the forest would rejoice over the arrival of their rulers; their protectors. On any other day, the birds would sing a bit louder to welcome the bringers of day and night.
But this was not a normal day.
Today she was alone.
This ties in with pacing as well and you can see how I set up a scene here. It creates something that will encourage the readers to read on. The formatting I used separates different parts of the scene and makes it easy and enjoyable to read, and many other writers on this site use a similar style. It is not wrong to copy a formatting style.
3. Story. Obviously I do not know where exactly you are going with this, so all I can tell you is to be sure to have some kind of story plan either in your head or written/typed somewhere, preferably the latter. Something that will keep the story both interesting and focused.
4. Grammar. I am not a very good grammar editor, so just be careful as you write. Watch out for run on sentences and all that other stuff ![]()
5. Characters. Brush up on the characters you are using. Read and watch again how certain characters act in both Warriors and MLP. You have not done anything bad, but I have to wonder (for example) why Lionblaze was so eager to share the fact that he can't be beaten. His presence should have been (IMO) enough to intimidate any cat smaller than him, in this case the mane 6. Just watch for things that may betray a character's style. (Many fanfic writers, myself included, have trouble with this. Don't think that I am pointing you out or anything
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6. Pinkie Pie. (On a side note i can't wait to see how the clan cats react to her antics
) This one is up to you and it is your story, but I suggest not letting Pinkie Pie just 'know everything'. Once again, up to you.
I am a novice writer and only started writing a few months ago, but those tips are just some of the things that have helped me write.
Overall analysis: This fic needs work. Once again I commend you for writing a Warriors crossover but I also want to see something very good come out of this, hence the advice I gave you. DO NOT ever get discouraged. In all honesty it takes some guts to grab these two universes and smash them together.
The things is, this will either go really well or really badly. The best thing you can do to make this one work is to get creative. Have fun with it!
However, if you If you need any advice or if you want a prereader, just let me know. I won't be able to help much with grammar, but I would be happy to give story advice.
I wish you the best of luck in writing this story! ![]()
Brambleclaw is best warrior.
ASDFA KEEP GOING
I haven't seen anything related to Warriors recently, so I think this has high potential. Changeling Princess out!
Okey this is gonna be crappin awesome!!!!! I can't wait for Lionblaze and rainbowdash I bet there r going to get together sooo well. Enough to much Cinderheart jealous? This is gonna be sooooooo Awesome!
Okey first off, GREATEST CROSSOVER EVER!!!!
Second I think that you are rushing the story a little. Like when Lionblaze talks about him self being invinceable I don't think he would say that to a stranger..... But good story other wise
Lolyes.
Edit: I can SO see something happening between Rainbow Dash and Lionblaze. XDD
Dude. This is not what I meant about fixing your mistakes. I POINTED OUT YOUR MISTAKES. FIX THEM GOD DAMNIT ![]()
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Better. The formatting made for much better reading, and this segment flowed a bit more smoothly. You did a fairly good job of setting some kind of environment in the beginning.
However, here is what you should work on:
1. Dialogue. You actually did much better in this chapter than the last, but at times the dialogue felt clunky.
example:
"Sharing tongues is when you gossip while grooming a Clanmate or during a Gathering, a cat from another Clan. StarClan is where a cat goes when he dies," Lionblaze meowed. "But if you were evil, you go to the Dark Forest."
Twilight fell behind after she notice the change in Lionblaze's mood.
At no point did you clearly show a change in Lionblaze's mood. Yes you mentioned he froze up for a moment here:
Lionblaze froze for a moment. When he recovered, he meowed "In the Clans we train all the cats. Most end up being warriors, but once in a while a medicine cat takes on an apprentice," Silence befell the group. "My brother, Jayfeather, is a medicine cat." he said with a note of pride in his voice.
but you never indicated a mood change. I read it as though he were merely dodging Twilight's question as to not reveal his Starclan given power.
Indicate mood change like this:
"Sharing tongues is when you gossip while grooming a Clanmate or during a Gathering, a cat from another Clan. StarClan is where a cat goes when he dies," Lionblaze meowed. Suddenly, his tone darkened as he continued. "But if you were evil, you go to the Dark Forest."
That is just an example. ![]()
2.PACING. Agian, it felt slightly rushed. Not as much as before, but still a bit rushed. Just try and draw it out more. The atmosphere you set was good, but just try and expand upon what you establish in each chapter.
You did better with this one.
Just keep improving and this will become a really great story.
Okay i'm a little confused because I never finished power of three, but did jayfeather get his sight somehow?
This is gonna be epic!
Lionblaze and Rainbow Dash this is going to be a pretty interesting mix.
Ummm... Did I miss a chapter?![]()
What happened?![]()
Why are they all suddenly training to become warriors?![]()
You were going at a fast pace with this story before, but now you just powered up the hyperdrive!![]()
And what happened to the formatting? ![]()
I thought no one will make a warrior crossover! Well lucky me! To bad in the prologue you spoiled the rest of the omen of the stars ): I only needed to read 3 more books in 3 days once I bye them ![]()
Broken italics in the last line.
Otherwise, good to see a new chapter up!![]()
Dang! I was going to write a MLP/Warriors crossover! Oh well. I'm gonna read this soon. ![]()
Dark forest moves? If I know twilight, she might not resist the temptation of learning such a dangerous art. But I pray she refuses, as well as the rest of the gang.![]()
Also, I decided to quit going all nostalgia critic on you. Im just gonna read the story anyways. Despite it's mistakes![]()
I remember this map... good times, good times... i want the next book in the series plz!!! anywho i love your fic so far keep it up!!
"All cats old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath Highledge for a Clan meeting!" oh man I haven't read those words in years * *nostalgia attack*
Okey you have no clue how much I exploded in side with this chapter ![]()
Fluttershy eating a dead animal. Poor girl is gonna put herself in a comma ![]()
The amount of Warriors/ponies is not sufficient to my needs. I...need...MORE!!!! ![]()
OMG! I finally got around to reading this. KEEP GOING!!! Please? The way you write the characters is nearly spot-on and the idea is amazing. I'm going to be keeping track. ![]()
First I saw this. It didn't fully register. Then I was all like HOLY SHIT INSTA-FAVE!
And now I love you!![]()
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Try to make chapters longer. Like, REALLY longer. Try to combine some things.
Add some details, I think the Mane 6 would react quite differently to being turned into cats. Have Rarity make a comment about Opalescence, make the time before the partol longer, have them freak out! This is a good fic, but it REALLY needs more detail.
Good luck.
OMFGGKIDAOJFIAFNJKAL!!!!!! Warriors Xover!!! BUCK YESH! ALL OF MY INTERNETS BELONG TO YOU!
*cough* Sorry about that...
Anyway, haven't read it yet, but will post a comment on what I think.
Prologue verdict:
A cat so white it almost appeared to be pink bounced up giggling. "We're cats, silly filly! Wake Rarity up, we have to find ThunderClan." -- Pinkie Pie, you so silly.
~~~~~(((0)))~~~~~
I liked it but I agree with Helljumper117 about this story needing some work, and in my honest, Power of Three only, opinion, Lion Blaze seemed a bit OOC in this prologue
Chapter 2 verdict:
From previous experience with Warriors fanfics on Fanfiction.net, this is average. But, this story does need some work if it's going to get any decent fanbase. It's a longshot, but try out the Proofreaders group and see if there is any Warrior fans there. I honestly doubt it as I had only learned of the series four years ago in the 6th grade. (And turned into an instant fanboy in the process, due to my love of fantasy/fable stories)
I agree with Literature on this one as he brings up all of the points that I was going to address.
Yay!
But seriously, one bite of a mouse wouldn't be enough to sate someone's hunger.