Chapter 1

Rainbow Dash snoozed peacefully on a fluffy white cloud. She had spent almost an entire fifteen minutes practicing stunts and now she was having a well deserved rest. Until one of her ears perked up as she heard voices from below calling out her name.

“Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash!”

The voices were familiar, but she couldn’t quite place them. Dash stretched out, yawned, and poked her head through the bottom of the cloud to see who it was.

“Oh, it’s you three,” she said to Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle as the foals milled around beneath her.

“We need your help!” said Scootaloo.

“Sweetie Belle can’t stop hiccuping!” said Apple Bloom.

*Hiccup,* said Sweetie Belle.

Dash raised an eyebrow and dropped out of her cloud, waiting until the last moment to flap her wings and halt her decent. “So, you squirts having problems with hiccups?”

The three foals nodded their heads, one of them hopped slightly as she did so.

“Well never fear, ‘cus Rainbow Dash is here!” Dash struck a heroic pose, earning a look of admiration from Scootaloo. “I’ve got a surefire way to get rid of hiccups, just follow me round this tree and I’ll show you.”

Without waiting to see if they agreed, Dash set off at a quick trot, which the three foals struggled to keep up with.

“Come on,” said Scootaloo to her friends as the rainbow coloured tail disappeared round the tree. “We don’t want to miss this!” Whatever Dash was going to show them was bound to be awesome, perhaps it was even a new trick! One so amazing it could cure anyone watching! Scootaloo had never heard of a trick like that before, but she was sure that if anypony could do it, it was Rainbow Dash—

“RAWR!”

The sudden roar behind them caused the Cutiemark Crusaders to scream and leap into each others hooves for safety, resulting in a multicoloured pile of petrified ponies. They looked for the source of the noise, eyes wide with fright, and saw Rainbow Dash with her face scrunched up into the scariest visage she could think of. But without the unexpected loud noise to accompany it, it wasn’t particularly effective.

“H-Hey! What was that about?” said Scootaloo as she came back to her senses and struggled to break free from her friends’ embrace.

Rainbow’s face returned to normal. “Re-lax, everypony knows that the best way to get rid of hiccups is with a good scare, and I scared you guys good!”

“You could have given us a heart attack!” said Apple Bloom, not loosening her grip on the other fillies one bit.

“Yeah yeah, the important thing is that it worked and now you can all shower me with praise.”

Sweetie Belle opened her mouth to say something, but hiccuped instead.

“Huh,” said Dash, scratching her chin with a hoof. “I was sure that would work. Oh well,” she looked around shiftily, “I guess I’ll catch ya’ later, squirts.” Rainbow dashed away, leaving behind a colourful trail that arced into the sky.

Scootaloo shook her head. “I guess we’ll have to find somepony else to help us.”

“Oh, Ah know!” said Apple Bloom. “Ah bet my sister will know what to do, and the farms real close by.”

Scootaloo managed to extract herself from the rest of the Cutiemark Crusaders. “That’s a great idea! What do you say, Sweetie Belle?”

Sweetie Belle kept hold of Apple Bloom and tried to ask if the scary pegasus was coming back, but her question didn’t come out quite as she had imagined it would.

*Hiccup,* said Sweetie Belle.

“She agrees!” cheered the other two.

“Well, I sure as sugar ain’t what you’d call a doctor-pony, but I always said that an apple is good for what ails ya’.” Applejack held out a shiny red apple for the little unicorn to eat.

Sweetie Belle hiccuped once, before looking over the apple like she was checking it for dirt. Satisfied, she took a bite and began to chew. Applejack, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo all leant forward in anticipation.

*Hiccup,* said Sweetie Belle, after she had finished swallowing.

“Shoot,” said Applejack, “maybe you need to eat the whole thing.”

So Sweetie Belle did, and then the four others that Applejack produced. She was beginning to feel very full, when Big Macintosh poked his head into the barn to see where his sister had gotten to.

“Um, AJ,” he said, “Why are ya making Apple Bloom’s friends eat all them apples?”

“‘Cus Sweetie Belle here has a bad case of hiccups, and we’re gonna cure it with apples!”

Big Macintosh shifted his sprig of wheat from one side of his mouth to the other as he took in the situation, in particular he noticed Sweetie Belle’s growing signs of apprehension towards the pile of fruit beside his sister. “You know, apples ain’t the answer to everything.”

Applejack’s eyes narrowed. “You take that back.”

“Nope,” said Big Macintosh as he slipped out of view. His disappearance was soon followed by the sound of running hooves.

Applejack galloped past the three fillies, giving chase to her brother. “Ain’t no Apple gonna say that about apples!”

Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle were left alone in the barn. Scootaloo spoke up. “Who should we try next?”

“Ah think we should try Fluttershy,” said Apple Bloom. “She’s real good at keepin’ quiet so Ah bet she’ll have some way to get rid of hiccups.”

“Right,” said Scootaloo, “I think if we don’t get out of here soon then Sweetie Belle will come down with some kind of apple overdose.”

Apple Bloom gave her friend a look that suggested that such a thing was simply impossible, but the little pegasus had already turned away and begun to walk out the barn, so the other two fillies followed. Sweetie Belle’s trot was punctuated by the occasional hop.

“Hey, do you think we’ll get our cutiemarks for finding a cure for Sweetie Belle?”

“Ah reckon we should. Doctor cutiemarks.”

*Hiccup.*

“And Sweetie Belle can get a patient cutiemark!”

“Cutiemark Crusader Doctors, yay!”

*Hiccup.*

A short time after the crusaders had left, Rainbow Dash flew into the barn wearing a mask that she had ‘borrowed’ from Zecora. “Where did everypony go?”

Dash was surprised when Big Mac popped his head out of a hay stack to answer her question, “Apple Bloom and her friends were here just a little while ago, if that’s who you’re lookin’ for.” He blinked twice. “Why are you wearin’ that mask?”

“To scare away their hiccups. Why are you in that hay?”

“Hidin’ from my sister. If you see her, don’t say that you seen me.”

“Err,” said Rainbow Dash, as Big Macintosh disappeared from sight.

It was at this moment that Applejack ran into the barn and looked around. “Hey Rainbow, you seen my brother round here?”

“Nnope,” said the hay stack behind Rainbow Dash.

“Dang it, I could have sworn I saw him come in here. Well he can’t have gotten far.” She left the way she had come, before calling out, “Dash, do you mind helping me look for him?”

“Err,” said Rainbow Dash, as Big Macintosh ran out the other side of the barn.

The sound of running hooves caused Applejack to realise her mistake. “Wait a minute!” she said as she galloped back into the barn. “Come here ya’ big red varmint!”

In Fluttershy’s cottage, the silence was palpable. It was a peculiar kind of silence, the kind you get when three fillies and a mare are each concentrating very hard on holding their breath. It was the kind of silence that was exemplified by a clock’s ticking, which served to remind the listener that their ears hadn’t simply wandered off in search of something more entertaining.

Scootaloo exhaled loudly, followed shortly by Apple Bloom. “That’s hard,” said the little pegasus. “How are you able to hold your breath so long, Fluttershy?”

Fluttershy resumed breathing without making any noise whatsoever. “Oh, I’ve had some practice. Since I also look after creatures that live under the water I have to be able to hold my breath for quite a long time. I’ve found it helps to get rid of hiccups as well.”

“Is Sweetie Belle supposed to be turnin’ blue?” asked Apple Bloom.

The three other ponies looked at the little unicorn, whose white coat was indeed turning a pale shade of blue.

Fluttershy covered her mouth with her hooves. “Oh dear! Sweetie, perhaps you should let go of your breath?”

Sweetie Belle did so, and her normal colour returned almost immediately. She panted twice, smiled, and promptly hiccuped, which caused her to pout instead.

“It didn’t work,” Fluttershy said sadly. “But hiccups will go away by themselves if you wait. It may take a little while though.”

“But what if they don’t go away!” said Scootaloo.

“What if she hiccups so much that she gets a cutiemark mark for hiccuping!” said Apple Bloom.

*Hiccup!* said Sweetie Belle, in a panicky sort of way.

“Oh, then erm, perhaps you should talk to Twilight, she has a lot of books and—”

Scootaloo beamed. “Of course!”

Apple Bloom hopped up and down. “Twilights bound to know a spell that can help us!”

Sweetie Belle hiccuped, and they all ran off towards Twilight’s library.

Fluttershy thought about calling after them, but decided against it. “Well that wasn’t what I meant, but I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

A few minutes later, Fluttershy was preparing herself some tea, when she was startled by a rustling outside her window. She looked over and saw Angel looking back at her, which was odd because that window was at pony-height and she didn’t remember Angel being able to fly.

“What are you doing up there, Angel?” asked Fluttershy.

“He’s sitting on my head and he won’t get off!” said a voice from below the rabbit.

“Rainbow Dash? Why are you hiding in my garden?”

Angel looked pleased with himself for having apprehended the intruder, and continued to look pleased as his seat sat up and tried to shake him off, but to no avail.

Rainbow Dash scowled at the rabbit and blew him raspberry, which was soon returned. “I’m trying to scare the hiccups out of the squirts. Did I miss them?”

“Yes, just by a few minutes. They’re heading off to see Twilight. Did you borrow that mask from Zecora? It’s very nice.”

“Yeah... borrowed... Right, I’ll catch ya’ later!” Dash flew away, leaving Angel floating in the air for a second before gravity caught up.

Twilight wasn’t sure how she had been persuaded into casting spells at a hiccuping Sweetie Belle, but that’s what her afternoon had become. She could remember leaving the door open to let some air in, which also seemed like a homing beacon for various townsponies to wander in off the street. She had just managed to politely get rid the last batch before Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle had charged inside and talked very quickly, often over each other, with Sweetie Belle adding a hiccup here and there to further demonstrate their point. But what that point was Twilight couldn’t quite place. All she knew was that if she cast lots of spells then these fillies would get out of her mane.

Sweetie Belle had been turned various colours, became a reptile (but soon recovered), was able to walk on clouds if any happened to fly low enough, and could now taste magic. But since none of this had helped with her hiccups, she couldn’t describe what the taste was like to anypony and would soon forget.

Sweetie Belle had also been made to think that she was a fox for a while and had chased Scootaloo around the room until the spell wore off. Twilight decided to put a stop to it after that.

“I’m sorry girls,” said Twilight, hanging her head. “But magic can’t fix everything. Is there anypony else you haven’t asked yet?”

“Well,” said Scootaloo, still keeping Apple Bloom between her and Sweetie Belle’s sharp teeth. “We haven’t tried Pinkie Pie.”

“Then you should go see her at Sugarcube Corner. Her methods can be a little... strange but they somehow get results.”

“Alright,” said Apple Bloom. “Thanks for you’re help, Twilight.”

“You’re welcome,” Twilight called after the Cutiemark Crusaders as they left her alone with her library.

Twilight set about collecting her notes which had been scattered during the chicken chase, when she remembered that her door was still open, so she hurried over to close it before any more visitors arrived.

When she got nearer, there was a sudden flash of blue and the scariest face she’d ever seen appeared in the doorway.

“RAWR!”

Twilight shrieked, and instinctively teleported away, leaving behind a confused and slightly scorched Rainbow Dash who had been expecting three smaller targets.

The quivering unicorn remained hiding under her bed covers until Spike left the book fort he had been building and sallied forth to ascertain that the monster had gone. This took a while as he had wanted to finish his moat first.

In Sugarcube Corner, Sweetie Belle was trying to drink a glass of water while standing on her head. The glass of water was winning.

“That’s it! No, not quite that time. Almost! Oh, wait, that was your nose. Nearly there, just a bit more. A little to the left. I mean my left. I mean, my left when you’re upside down,” said Pinkie Pie, being helpful.

Between them, and thanks to Pinkie Pie’s instructions, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom had managed to get several glasses worth of water over the floor, one or two up Sweetie’s nose, and somehow the odd splash in her mouth as well.

Standing back, Apple Bloom admired their handiwork. Sweetie Belle looked rather unhappy with the results, and her occasional tremor suggested that she hadn’t been cured. “Ah don’t think this is working.”

“I dunno,” said Scootaloo, who was balancing an empty cup on her nose. “This seems kinda fun to me.”

“Ah meant getting rid of Sweetie Belle’s hiccups.”

Scootaloo nudged her cup onto a nearby table. “Oh, right. That.”

Apple Bloom tapped her head with a hoof. “Maybe we should ask her sister, Rarity.”

“Didn’t Sweetie Belle say that her sister was busy making dresses today?” said Scootaloo.

Pinkie Pie bounced into the conversation. “Don’t worry! I bet Rarity can spare a few teensy-weensy minutes to help with your medical emergency, even if she says she’s really busy!”

Apple Bloom reared up, their next destination determined. “Then that’s where we’re headed, come on girls!”

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo galloped out of Sugarcube Corner, shortly followed by Sweetie Belle after she had let some of the water run out of her ears.

Pinkie Pie hummed a happy sort of hum to herself as she cleared up the mess they had made. Part way through, she put down the mop and poked her head out the window.

“Hiya Dash!” said Pinkie Pie to the bush with a rainbow tail.

“WAH!” said the bush. “Pinkie Pie? You scared me!”

“No, silly, if I was trying to scare you I’d have said ‘Boo!’”

“Well keep it down, I’m trying to sneak up on Apple Bloom and the others.”

Pinkie looked around to check if the coast was clear. “Sneaking? Is this a game? Can I play? Oh wait, I’ve still got cleaning to do, and the girls have gone over to see Rarity.”

“I missed them again? What the hay!” Wings sprouted from the bush, and it poised to take flight. “When I find them I’m gonna make them jump so high that they’ll need help down from the clouds!”

Pinkie Pie watched as Rainbow Dash flew away and went back to her humming. “Hmm,” she said, pausing for a moment, “Dash isn’t planning to scare them, is she?”

She thought about it.

“Nah.”

At the behest of urgent knocking, Rarity opened her door to find Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle, who looked like she’d been caught in a storm.

“Girls, whatever is the matter? And... what happened to Sweetie’s mane?”

Apple Bloom took a deep breath. “We tried everypony and no pony could help but if we don’t get help then Sweetie Belle will get a cutiemark for it and then it’ll never stop and we won’t get our cutiemarks for bein’ doctors!”

Rarity looked a little confused. “Wha? You girls do realise that I’m quite busy, yes? And I’m not entirely sure I understood that thing you just said.”

Apple Bloom looked at Scootaloo, who shrugged. How could that have been easier to understand? Apple Bloom hadn’t even used any gaps.

Sweetie Belle hiccuped.

“Oh I see,” said Rarity, nodding knowingly. “You went to see Pinkie Pie didn’t you? Well I certainly think I can find a few minutes to spare.” Rarity turned and led them into her boutique, asking them to wait in her work room while she fetched some things.

A short time later, Rarity returned and wrapped a towel around Sweetie’s mane. Three interesting lollipops floated beside her. “Now, I’ve enchanted one of these lollipops with a spell taught to me by Mother. It has the power to cure hiccups but only if Sweetie Belle guesses the correct one.”

“But Twilight tried lots of different spells already,” said Apple Bloom, who was looking at the bright green candy on a stick.

“This is a special spell,” replied Rarity.

Scootaloo hadn’t taken her eyes off the lollipop made up of red, yellow and blue. “Why can’t you just tell us which one it is?”

“Because the magic only works if you make a guess—it’s an important part of the spell and I’m not allowed to give any hints.” Rarity walked over to her sewing machine. “I’m going to finish stitching up this hem while you decide, I’ll be back with you in a minute.”

The three fillies were left gazing up at the trio of floating lollipops, drooling ever so slightly.

“Which one do you think it is?” asked Apple Bloom.

Scootaloo pointed to her favourite. “I think it’s that one. It’s got three colours which means it’s the best.”

Apple Bloom shook her head. “Nah, you won’t be able to taste them properly if there’s three of them. Ah think it’s the green one, because that’ll be a nice, strong flavour through and through.”

“Hmm,” said Sweetie Belle. “Rarity knows my favourite is the raspberry and vanilla swirl, so I think it’s that one.”

Scootaloo tapped her head with a hoof, pondering. “But she said that she couldn’t give any clues, didn’t she? What if that counts as a clue and so she had to make it a different one?”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” said Sweetie Belle, now pondering along with Scootaloo.

Apple Bloom had a sudden thought. “But what if she knew that you knew that she knew, so she had to make it the third one instead!”

Sweetie Belle blinked several times. “I don’t think I know that.”

Silence reined.

“You should just go with that first one you thought it was then,” said Scootaloo.

“Yeah,” said Apple Bloom. “No use goin’ round in circles ‘cus all you’ll find is your tail.”

Sweetie Belle nodded. “Okay, I’ll pick the raspberry swirl.”

The three fillies watched as Rarity walked back over to them. “Have you had a chance to decide, Sweetie Belle?”

“Yep!” said the little unicorn. “We all talked it over, and I think I know which one it is.”

“Yes dear,” said Rarity, smiling. “So how are your hiccups at the moment?”

“They’re...” Sweetie Belle stopped and turned open mouthed towards her friends. They had just noticed as well.

“They’re gone!” cheered the Cutiemark Crusaders, bouncing around the room and over each other in celebration.

Rarity had to hide her smirk behind a hoof. “Well I suppose you won’t be needing those lollipops anymore then...”

The front member of the filly train came to a sudden halt, resulting in a collision with her carriages. The pile-up, as one pony, looked up at Rarity with wide, watery eyes.

“Oh alright then,” said Rarity with feigned defeat. “Take these and run along. I really do have quite a bit of work left to do.” She floated the treats over to the three young fillies: green for Apple Bloom, purple and white for Sweetie Belle, and red, yellow and blue for Scootaloo. It was almost as if she had planned this.

Each smiling gleefully and with a lollipop in her mouth, the Cutiemark Crusaders ran back outside and into the bright afternoon, pausing only to thank Sweetie Belle’s sister before leaving her in peace.

Rarity chuckled to herself. Distraction was the key, as Mother had taught her, and her own little distraction had been quite entertaining.

She rolled her eyes when she noticed that they’d left the door open and trotted over.

A horrifying monster leapt out in front of her.

“RAWR!”

Rarity let out a yelp and stood stock-still.

“Aw did I miss them again?!” said Rainbow Dash.

*Hiccup,* said Rarity.

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Comments ( 63 )

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mimezinga

mimezinga #1 · Dec 13th, 2011 · 1 · ·

Yay! Hiccups is up! Keep more cute coming uSea! ^_^

andrewmyles

andrewmyles #2 · Dec 13th, 2011 · 1 · ·

Short, simple and funny :)

Wanderer D

Moderator

Wanderer D #3 · Dec 13th, 2011 · 1 · ·

Cute! I thought RD was going to get Sweetie and cause her to relapse...

BlankFlankBrony

BlankFlankBrony #4 · Dec 13th, 2011 · 1 · ·

Good job on keeping me on my mental toes! The twist at the end managed to surprise me, even though I was starting to have a hunch as to what was going to happen. Well played, indeed.

JasonTheHuman

JasonTheHuman #5 · Dec 13th, 2011 · 2 · ·

A nice, funny story with everyone very much in character. Why aren't there more stories like this?

Azkhare

Azkhare #6 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

Great. Simple and not too long. Congratulations.

#7 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

I don't get how that worked. Great story, though.

TimeBomb0

TimeBomb0 #8 · Dec 13th, 2011 · 1 · ·

Very cute short story. Could've used a bit more detail in a few places, but certainly not a bad fic by any means. Stories that focus on being cute and close to the show's spirit are in short supply in this fandom.

Keep up the good work.

Chip Unicorn

Chip Unicorn #9 · Dec 13th, 2011 · 1 · ·

*wild applause*

Very light, very fun, and very silly story!

And scary Dash is best Dash.

RealityCheck

RealityCheck #10 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

heh. Cute.

ScottWolf

ScottWolf #11 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

Lol great story!

Easteu

Easteu #12 · Dec 13th, 2011 · 1 · ·

Short, light hearted, episode-like.
Best kind of story there is. Thank you uSea!

#13 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

You.
You did well.

mbpony 512

mbpony 512 #14 · Dec 13th, 2011 · 1 · ·

Ha, this really did felt like a mini-version of the show, and it was still funny to the very end.

Great job all around with capturing the characters voices and that small moment of Scootachicken.

Please do keep up such good work upon such future ideas like this one.

#15 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

The best way to get rid of hiccups is to give them to someone else.

Havoc

Havoc #16 · Dec 13th, 2011 · 1 · ·

Monty Python reference. I approve.

"...became a reptile (but soon recovered)..."

"Well she turned me into a newt!...It got better..."

Serindo

Serindo #17 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

To cute

#18 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

Being a very fluent reader I have to say I have never EVER thought of this idea of a story, that gives a strong point at the start for originality.
Also having that you made AJ's and Big Mac's AND AppleBloom's accent are practically SPOT ON that gives anOther up for me!
Only and I mean only think that baffled me is that at the beginning you used the word said being a writer I have been held accountable also for this. I derp a lot replace it with more interesting words...
Eg.
Instead of...
ScOotaloo said,
AppleBloom said,
Sweetie said,
Say...
Scootaloo stifled,
AppleBloom demanded,
Sweetie added in,
Y'know just gives more variety to an already amazing story, double awesomeness!

#19 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

#20 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

A fine, fine bit of reading. Congrats on being featured in Equestria Daily!

acemania

acemania #21 · Dec 13th, 2011 · 1 · ·

The thought of squeaky hiccups is making my head explode from the cuteness.

mrscribt

mrscribt #22 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

I like your...mane premise?

Mind you, reading that, I now almost want to hiccup myself.

Jazman71092

Jazman71092 #23 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

So cute!

musya_musya

musya_musya #24 · Dec 13th, 2011 · 1 · ·

cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FanNotANerd

FanNotANerd #25 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

Love it. Cute, funny, and I made the mistake of taking a bite of my sandwich when I read the punchline. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get this lump of sourdough rye out of my trachea.

Now for the review. Although it is quite well written, I'm noticing some use of passive voice at a couple points. Specifically, "She looked over and saw Angel looking back at her, which was odd because the window was at pony-height and she didn’t remember Angel being able to fly." Just rephrase that and break it up into two sentences. It makes for less detached reading.

Also, the dialogue statements don't have a lot of variety. It's always "he said, she said." Recommend replacing the occasional one with responded, called, huffed, etc. Just minor fixes, really.

Now for some random observations. "Sweetie Belle had been turned various colours, became a reptile (but soon recovered)". I see what you did there...

So, although there are some minor issues with form, structure, et cetera, the humor, cleverness and cuteness merits a 4.5/5. Very well done.

#26 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

64534

Ok I wasn't originally going to comment on this but I feel like it's my civic duty to vehemently disagree with this comment.

The nice thing about the use of the word "said" as a dialogue tag is that to a modern reader it's nearly invisible. The mind simply processes it appropriately and almost skips over it. Alternative dialogue tags draw attention to themselves and more often then not seriously disrupt the flow of a paragraph. While sparingly useful in terms of adding flavor and description to a scene, overusing said alternatives actually makes a piece look horribly amateurish. In particular, the more exotic a dialogue tag gets, the more ridiculous it looks in actual practice. For example: compare

"“Didn’t Sweetie Belle say that her sister was busy making dresses today?” said Scootaloo."

"“Didn’t Sweetie Belle say that her sister was busy making dresses today?” inquired Scootaloo."

Euch. It's horrid.

Anyway the phenomenon of over-avoidance of the word said is often known as "Said-bookism", and a quick googling of that phrase will give you some spectacularly awful examples and many other people ranting about it other than me.

Personally, I wouldn't be concerned as your writing was quite good and avoided this problem entirely. I just want to make sure that you avoid taking this well-meaning but very flawed criticism into account.

#27 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

She turned me into a reptile!
Well you're not a reptile now!
I got better.

#28 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

RD is awesome that is all

uSea

uSea #29 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

64534
64890
Said is good. I like said. Having said that, if it becomes noticeable (like it was) then I clearly used it too much.
What I should have done is used more... I'm not sure what they're called; action tags or dialogue beats or something, to identify the speaker.

Left Fimfic

Left Fimfic #30 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

This one really made me smile- it's funny, smart and incredibly sweet, and it almost feels like it could an actual episode. In particular the bits with Applejack made me laugh, especially the lines "we’re gonna cure it with apples,” and "you take that back." It's always fun to see ponies acting ever so slightly insane

For the record, I never noticed the word 'said' until it was pointed out in the comments. Maybe others wouldn't have done either if the comment hadn't been made in the first place? But in the list of all possible complaints you could make about a story, 'using the word said too much' comes pretty near the bottom. Awesome story

#31 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

Wow! I could almost see this being a real episode! Everypony was so in character that as I was reading through this I could almost hear them speaking. This is a very awesome fic! yay

BonnieRaincloud

BonnieRaincloud #32 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

That was supermegafoxyawesomehot! I liked the ending :)

JonOfEquestria

JonOfEquestria #33 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

Hey,

Wonderful, wonderful story. Feels just like the CutieMark Crusaders, and just like a real episode starring them.

Yours,

JMH

The Jack

The Jack #34 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

Hah! I thought RD would give someone else the hiccups at the end of the story, but I didn't think it was Rarity xD
Hilarious little thing xD

Atheron

Atheron #35 · Dec 14th, 2011 · · ·

haha Sweetie Bell got turned into a fox and began chasing Scootaloo around.....I see what you did there

Clockwise Gear

Clockwise Gear #36 · Dec 14th, 2011 · · ·

I don't have much to say that hasn't already been said, but I'll say it anyways:
This was a really cute story, and I loved it.

JAG

JAG #37 · Dec 14th, 2011 · · ·

Short, sweet, and to the point. And hilarious. And just generally all-around good. With a few tweaks and a moral, I could easily see this being an episode. So...yeah. A very enjoyable break from all the long, serious fics I've been reading lately.