Teen rating?

Anyways, good effort. 3 Starry-Eyed Raritys out of 5

"So far I’m planning one with Rarity, Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle, and probably Applejack too. I would have included Rainbow, but I just can’t see it happening in my head."

^ What about trying Pinkie Pie?  Both her and Spike have some real good interaction going in the show (right after Twi and Rarity)and she was the first one to call him Spikey Wikey.

  Anyways I love the direction and pacing so far, definitely tracking.  

well here's an idea for a 'twist' to get the RD's pairing (because I honestly want to see as many spike shippings as I can )

you remember the first episode? when RD crashes into Twilight? Well what if she crashed because she was caught off guard by the beauty of the dragon (just roll with me on this) when she finds out he likes rarity, she has stronger doubts and represses the feelgs for him... causing most of the distance we see between them...

but again it's just a twist to join them together...

Hmm.... Not a bad idea there. But for the time being Im just gonna focus on those four of the Elements of Harmony. Besides, I got a pretty kickass idea for a Pinkie PieXBig Macintosh story. Might be awhile before I get to it though........

This is pretty good. I definitely want to see what happens next.

No Arnbo-Spike? wah. but okay. This is good. It's got a nice start already.

I like it! Next chapter? As pacman5698 of Youtube, I hereby give you an official Pac-Stamp of Awesomeness!

>>10422311042231

Thankyou so much for the Pac-Stamp!!!!

I'm about halfway through the next chapter, so expect an update anytime from tomorrow afternoon to the next day.

Expect a lot of this:

Cheesy but adorable.

Uh oh, is Thunderlane a stallion that...tried to take advantage of a certain fashionista?  

Just discovered these tonight, and read both :) Due to my disorganization, I wouldn't be a good grammar checker, but I'd like to say that I'm a huge fan of Spike-Rarity, and I love this story so far! I assume the scene in Chapter One at the beginning, when Rarity says "oh what am I to do?" refers to the affection clash of both Spike and Thunderlane? ;)

Keep up the amazing work, personally I hope Spike and Rarity become a couple, this story got me sooo excited for that, to be honest I predict Thunderlane will be a douchebag, but nevertheless I can't wait to read more :)

Excellent story. Keep up the good work!

Thunderlane is with a mare or should I say marefriends?

Sweet this story is awsome.Can't wait for chapter 3.

>>10590931059093

Your name.......it is awesome.

Excellent story so far, keep up the great work.

HE his vision danced along the top of the desk ...

Spike let himself fall back down onto the BAD

Only two spelling mistakes I see. Good job on this chapter!

He had never been within mare's bedroom alone before Should be in, not within, and you need an, a, after it.

he allowing his eyes to scan over the room. Allowed, not allowing.

Interesting. Two possible direct outcomes from the events here. Rarity will find him curled up with her bathrobe which would be awkward, and/or Spike will be praised or scolded for straightening her vanity. I would personally suspect praised, since she would see it as him wanting to thank her for letting him stay in her room and she had mentioned it being a mess. Indirectly, the colt will either create serious doubt in Spike or something else will happen related to him. Spike is pretty good at rationalizing though, the observation that he wasn't Rarity's type was well played.

>black colt

I suspect Sparity-rippling events will happen.

>>10751711075171>>10759181075918

Thank you for the corrections! I'll have to make a list and get to it eventually (I'm writing this all on my iPad, not the best of word processors but its pretty gosh darn convenient).

Thank you all for the support, I'll be starting chapter 4 tonight

>>10775151077515 The infamous iTech auto-correct! What horrible, accidental, inappropriate things will be placed into your writing without your knowledge? DUN, DUN, DUN!

Interesting hmmm.

Damn, it was going so well to. I didn't notice any issues by the way grammar or typo wise. A friendly tid bit of information though, you only need three ... to make an ellipse. It's a little cleaner looking and most word processors will recognize it better. Nothing majorly concerning though.

Great job with the story so far. I get the sinking feeling that a major conflict in about to ensure between these three characters. I can not wait to read the next chapter.

Mother.........of..............Celestia this just got serious.

Thunderlane. Well Looks like I have to go kill a certain pony.

"Baby can you had me the big gun?"

Image: http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110126015404/halo/es/images/1/13/Halo_3_Sniper_Rifle_by_TomGraham.jpg

Lets do this

CRACKKKKKKKKKKKK.... sorry that was the sound my and Spikes hearts breaking at the same time.

... update

...soon

personally, the first thought that gone through my mind after reading the end of this chapter was a continuation of my own design (which you may use, but I doubt you'd need any help) where Spike pretends to feel good for her, and after being given the day off (as for Rarity to prepare for her date) Spike walks into the everfree forest and nests in a empty cave, not to be noticed until well after dark when Rarity returns, (the date having gone well, but not very) but assuming Spike tucked himself into bed, she doesn't notice he left until the next morning when she goes to wake him up... and while searching for him, she realises the obvious facts and finds the packed love she bares for him...

it literally took me two seconds to think of all of this after reading that she said she had a coltfriend to him... and I just felt like saying this sorry

anyway, Great fic and I can't wait to read the next chapter

>>11185201118520

I will be. Just for you.

Ah crap. Rarity, trust me, Thunderlane is nothing compared to the ladydragon known as Spike :)

No one will ever find the body, its time for spike to get carnivorous!

Yehhh Thunderlane...Rarity's something Spike wants, and when Spike wants something he has this little habit of growing as big as a mountain and crushing everything in his way...might want to start running now dude

Hnng, this broke my Sparity boner badly. o_e

"I-I just wanted to see who was making music I suppose. And just what are you doing out her hmm?"

I think you mean here.

Also I think this is the first fic I read that actually has a black stallion in it. One that is normal anyways.

Spike, she WILL be with you one day :)

>>11388761138876

I know right!? It's like if it's black, it just HAS to be a demonic force from hell.....or a vampire. Ugh

>>11390801139080

hmm the black stallion with the white mare XD

Soooo trying not to do some interracial jokes right now!!

>>11391151139115 and that's how zebras are made

>>11391631139163

I'm one joke down now lmao

Dam Spike I feel for you it's not easy take my advice. Drink some vodka till she's single agian then try. It works! Sometimes.

Well, that sucks for Spike I am very curious to see what happen next in this story.

I have the *sneaking* suspicion that one of Rarity's dates may not go well, if I remember earlier chapters correctly....  May have to reread to confirm.

Why no update?  

>>12608181260818

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten!!

I guess I owe you guys an explanation so here we go:

I'm going to school in Victoria, Texas. Now apparently these people hate transfer students or something, because I've been having to drive about an hour everyday to get back and forth from school. And of course that alone isn't good enough for them to get the lead out and process my Financial Aide stuff. I dunno really what's going on, but the fact of the matter is that I'm not left with much time for myself. However, every Wednesday I have the extreme misfortune of having to stay on campus for twelve solid hours waiting for a night class because I simply don't have the gasoline to make double trips.

That being said, I have about a good three hours to write on this story. And yes I have been writing.

I've gotten Applejack into the mix! And with my ideas for the spin-off, she's gonna have a lot on her plate.

>>12620221262022    Bummer man, I feel for you.  I don't have a car for school and have to walk everywhere.

Wow, 12 hours?  That blows.  Hopefully there's something to do around there.  Still, I find I do my writing best at school.  Just remember to grab a hot drink, it's great to have one of those by your side.

Also, yay Applejack, woohoo!!

I'm so glad this updated. It motivated me to get back to writing, thank you.

No errors of any significance were found so I guess my only gripe is Rarity writing Spike off so completely. That can't really be changed though seeing as it's part of the story. Good job.

-Sturrn

Please do continue soon! I really wanna know what happens next.

I'd normally smack ya for talking to the audience, but I'm gonna let it go. Only cause this is so good though

P.S. I will never understand how the youngest of the family has the strongest accent. It's not logical, damn it!

Great job with this chapter the dialogue between Spike and Applejack was very in character and I am instated to see what happened next and how Spike will act when he finally meets Thunderlane. So keep up the great work.