Tragedy can change a pony's life for better or worse. But sometimes, deep feelings of loss, anger, and unfulfillment can build up to the point of being unbearable, even when things are finally starting to look up.
Chapters (2)
Wanderer D
Joined 10th Jul, 2011 ·
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This story is full of D'AAW! I don't see any obvious errors or anything. Take my thumbs and stars!
That is, if you want them...
EDIT: Bravo, good chap!
rgifs.gifbin.com/1233928590_citizen%20kane%20clapping.gif
This was actually a good story. I wish you didn't kill Diamond Tiara though. Did I just really type that? You actually got me to care about the pony I hate the most. Congratz. I wish there was more story though. It was really good
One question was Tiara trying to kill herself or was she just cutting herself and it went too far?
...
wow.
...
Damn it.
Pony fics aren't suppost to make me think.
And yet this one does.
Holy fucking whit!! Man tears were shed!
that was awesome!!
One last thing and then I'm done posting on this fic. Would it be possible if, even though its kind of messed up, expand the story and show Diamond Tiara's fall in the orphanage? It kind of loses meaning when you just say Scootaloo did this but now they made up. It would add more depth and frankly I wanna see just how bad Scoots got.
Why are you making me want to cry.
Very good story SO SAD though.
Now I need to read something happy.
Wow that was tragic and sad as all hell. Congrats you got the emotions you wanted out of me.
Poor Diamond.
damnit D... just as the first quarter was making me yawn you go about doing THAT sort of scene and even throwing in a twist like that at the end. I guess now.. two well done Daimond Tiara stories and I only pay attention to this one now despite the art being done by the same artist? lol
I got spoiled. Norse's story and this one need to be posted on EqD without question!
btw "The had traveled halfway through Ponyville" and "her her head drooped" were the only two jarring moments that broke me out the story.
1040812 Glad you liked it!
I'll go fix now.
Spoilers!!! DO NOT READ BELOW THIS POINT IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED READING!
The end was ruined a bit but eh can't kill off Scoots, nope. Sisters dieing together and leaving SS to carry on with the pain of losing both her best friend and her lover over a secret held for almost two years from one who held her own secret love for her best friend...
That ending, while well done, reminded me of a few movies. I personally think the ending was cheapened a bit by sparing a MC to comfort SS. Scoot had already inhaled too much smoke, they were boarded up and trapped. SS would have to travel quite fast, inform the firepartment (or pegasi w/e) and sure SS would tell them they'd be at the kitchen but she wouldnt know where that'd be and ponies would need a floor plan to find said kitchen less they had someone who knew beforehoof.
Would of been more powerful without the somewhat foreseeable ending :P
w/e great story in any case. One story has DT 'abandoning' SS to die and this one breaks her down enough to kill herself off. I know people hate DT but "COME ON!" people... at least the Diamond in the Rough was a proper SS perspective that left you thinking. It was up to interpretation. Still, overall I did, after a quarter way in anyways, I really enjoyed it. The ending felt cheapened imho.
Oh.
My.
God.
This was truly amazing, Wanderer. Never before have I felt even the slightest twinge of compassion towards either Tiara or Spoon, but this makes me feel the feels as if they have never been felt before.
Jeez, I need to gather my thoughts. Truly incredible...
Norse.
Now off to read his story.
(I also thought it was really clever how you didn't use your normal scene break to preserve the illusion that this wasn't your story. Well done.)
1030288 Here's hoping you still like it!
1030582 Thank you, reading comments like yours really made me want to break in and answer before the reveal. If you felt for a character you previously hated, then I did something right.
DT... I think she wanted to kill herself, but after she cut herself and heard her sister and friend come looking for her realized she didn't want to die. It was a bit too late though.
As for the bullying part... I might edit it. The story still needs I bit of work, I think.
1030668 But... that's a good thing, right?
1033353 yay!
1033810 Glad you liked it, Denim!
I might attempt a happier DT & SP story sometime in the future.
1041359 It's kinda ironic, I figured it would be worse for both of them. They have to live with the guilt of what happened, and the knowledge that they came close to saving her but failed. In my original notes I had Silver Spoon mention that she had run straight for the closest pony available, that being Twilight Sparkle, who simply had ripped the back of the kitchen out and pulled out Scoots. Having magic, the hospital probably could clear her lungs well enough although maybe not fix permanent damage.
Ah well.
1045598
I thought it was a Norse fic, thus read into it more.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SWAPPING.
1042559 I'm glad you liked it!
TBH I always thought that SP was an easier character to portray as a good filly, and it was true... DT needs a dose of hard reality to snap out of it... although hopefully something less harsh than what happened to her here!
1045604 Are you saying my stories are shallow?
1045616
Erm...
Well..
Wait, what's that over there?
Runs away.
1045598 It would be cool to see what you can do with the story if you edit it. Now I need to read Norse's fic.
Wow, I never thought I'd ever feel bad for Diamond Tiara again after Fallout Equestria.
That truly takes talent.
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. It's a good day in hell when I get to read a fic with those two troublemakers.
It's very symbolic to have DT die in the ruins of an orphanage like her father. With the difference that FR died in the ruin of a dream for the future, while DT died in a burning nightmare of the past.
I noticed that you did not even mention Pearl Necklace at DT burial. Her character is the one in this story that really made me doubt it. She is so much of the evil stepmother, it's almost comical.
1051286 Well, I wouldn't call her "evil", really. Not in the sense that you're thinking. I imagined her as a self-centered b*tch, to the point of being neglectful, but not outright villainous.
1051436
Let me phrase is like this: If a lawyer by the name of Shifty Deal has to trick you into doing the right thing, you have a real problem.
Good god that was... I don't know! Heartwarming, heart-wrenching, superb, will-breaking, it was so many adjectives! Adjectives! Take mine! Take them all! What will you do with so many adjectives!?
cant read the comments.
give me a tissue please.
Wow. After this story i cant think of Diamond Tiara the same way ever again.
You made me feel bad for her.
Take your like and favorite.
My god.
You made me feel.
And that ending.
Good bye. I need to think...
Very well done! A magnificently touching story you've put together, here. There were a handful of small errors (the specific case I recall was a missing quotation mark), but otherwise everything fit smoothly into storytelling. Also, while the ending in general suited everything preceding it, it took me a bit of mental squirming to realize that your final line really was the theme you were winding through the story... Take from that what you will if/when you choose to tweak anything as to which you allude in an earlier comment. Favourited and +Thumbed for prosperity.
Afterthought: suggested background music of Brahms' Ein Deutsches Requiem (Op. 45).
Hm.
I'm honestly not sure what to think. I mostly liked the story, and the way Diamond Tiara was turned into a sympathetic character. I even could handle the tragic aspect of it, though I do believe killing yourself over your first unrequited love is taking things a tad too far. But still, somehow a pall hangs over all this that keeps me from really liking it. Thumbs-up, but no fave, I guess.
Also, two nitpicks: 1) Why is this tagged "Dark"? It's not remotely a gore story, and since it's not written from DT's point of view, we don't even get the insights into her downward spiral that would make this into a work of psychological horror. On the same note, where is the "Romance" tag? This is about a love triangle, for crying out loud, isn't that what that tag was made for? (It might mislead some people into thinking that the relationships are what this fic is mainly about, but the "Tragedy" and "Sad" tags should dispel that notion rather quickly.)
2) Why in the world would a broken leg permanently consign Scootaloo to a wheelchair? Leaving out for a moment that she could still fly, it doesn't sound like the type of injury that would leave permanent damage of this kind, especially in a world where healing magic is available.
It's nice to find a Diamond Tiara fic where she's fleshed out beyond just being a rich bitch. Tracking this story.
And I thought the first chapter was deep...this nothing short of amazing. Very deep, very dark, and very intriguing. Well done.
...Spoon's mom?
...You have thrown into question my entire view of Diamond Tiara... because you made me like her. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_cry.png
God dammit D, why you so good at this?!
I'm going to need to recover from this one for about a month before I can write Diamond Tiara in my own.
I knew. I knew the sad ending was coming.
Man...
You're a really good author, you know that?
You know, if you asked me which story I thought was truly written by you (of the two you swapped with NorsePony), I would definitely say Rough in the Diamond. Amazing, no?
The 'something fishy' feeling was very apparent in some of the LOEG stories, and some writers' style easily recognizable (butterscotchsundae or Lucky Dreams for example), but the swap you made with NorsePony was incredibly... fitting. 
I hadn't read NorsePony's work before the LOEG, but I'd read some of your works, and when I read Rough in the Diamond I totally thought it was yours. Heck, I still do. 
Now, allow me to express my honest opinion on your fic. But I'm afraid it's not hearts and flowers, so by the sun on Celestia's RUMP, please don't ban me from the site for it.
A curious thing, really. A couple of days ago, I received a review of one of my crappy stories on ponychan board. The reviewer said that poor characterization was the main issue of my story. He was right, of course, but only reading your story made me realize just how much an otherwise deep, moving, incredibly written, and masterfully executed story can suffer from poor characterization.
After all, if we choose to go without OCs, we are forced to work with characters that are given--their looks, traits, and behavior in most situations is defined by the canon. And if the writer breaks it without giving a valid reason for it, they have to be ready for readers' disappointment.
Let me dissect your story below.
==========================
You start with introducing Diamond Tiara and the beginning of hers and Silver Spoon's friendship. And WHAM!
dl.dropbox.com/u/5331373/wham.png
Right from the beginning you step away from the cannon. Would Diamond Tiara really care for a tiara given to her by an acquaintance? I don't believe so, not the Diamond Tiara we know from the show. But let's overlook that, on the account that she starts acting more like a pampered princess wannabe from there.
That's a curious thing there. In Silver Spoon's flashbacks (those are Silver's right?) you describe Diamond Tiara as her canon self, but I can't see much of that behavior in your story. It seems like the Diamond Tiara you introduce to the reader and Diamond Tiara other fillies know are two different ponies. Like what you tell is not the same as what you show. I hope I'm being clear enough, because I can't quite put my fingers on it myself, as much as I'd like to.
Anyway, let's go further down the story. Diamond Tiara looses her father, whom she loved dearly, and gets rejected by her mother. Well, if those aren't circumstances under which a pony can completely change her character, I don't know what are. If only Tiara was more canon in the beginning, the change of her personality would be more than justified here, and the story would feel much more canon-compliant.
So yeah, with that you give the reader a chance to get over the strange Diamond Tiara, who lands in the orphanage. And then BAM!
Would canon Scoots really do it? She is a rambunctious tomboy, she is overconfident, and daring, and strong-willed, and even violent sometimes. And she has every reason to hate Tiara. But would she actually stoop low enough as to become the same kind of bully Tiara was to her?
dl.dropbox.com/u/5331373/bam.png
Scootaloo acts like a total vengeful be-yotch, being a bully and stooping low enough as to actually hit and torment Diamond Tiara. Seriously?
Besides, Scootaloo still hangs with other Crusaders. But when nopony sees, she's letting it all out on Diamond Tiara. I mean really? Nopony, even her closest friends, would notice any change in her (or Tiara's) behavior?
Let's turn a blind eye on this for a second, and BOOM!
I'm not mentioning this to mindlessly criticize. Ponies may develop quicker than humans, after all. It's just that I found this strange. I just felt it was a little to early for them. The fillies were still grade schoolers in the canon show, right? Would a year and a half make such a difference?
dl.dropbox.com/u/5331373/boom.png
Scoots gets into a fight with Silver Spoon and suddenly ROMACE! What the heck? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Scootaloo.png Where did that come from? (Besides, I never considered you a shipper. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Queen_Chrysalis.png )
But OK, love is blind and all, let's forget about it. By the way, I said nothing about Spoon in all of my rambling above. It's because her characterization is quite good (in my humble opinion). She seems like a devoted follower of Tiara, even if she wished they hadn't bullied the Crusaders sometimes. But, if she was so in love with Tiara and all, how come she hooked up with Scoots all of a sudden?
As a side note, it all happened a year and a half from the canon show, right? Are the fillies big and mature enough to engage in some implied petting and what not, and develop spontaneous wingboners dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png when their friends share a passionate and hot kiss?
But OK, let's quickly skim through Scoots and Tiara's adoption, the forbidden love, and the inevitable crisis. Suddenly BANG!
Tiara attempting a suicide (and succeeding at it)? Seriously? I know she suffered a lot throughout your story, and had every reason to change rather dramatically (again, it would be incomparably better if she wasn't different so much from the very beginning), but would she just end (quit) her life so easily? I have a really hard time accepting that. She just seem... tougher than that. Both in canon and in your story.
dl.dropbox.com/u/5331373/bang.png
You do it to me again with the force of Fluttershy trashing the poor bear.
===
Well, my ramble has to end eventually, and I think it's as good time as any.
To summarize: the story is executed masterfully, the writing is extraordinaire (wouldn't expect anything less from you, really 
), the story is also very deep and moving. But it would feel MUCH better in general (it's my humble opinion, though) if it weren't about the characters we all know, and which feel very different in your story from what they're supposed to be. 
So, if you actually read all of that and haven't banned me yet from the site for
bashing your story to pieces like thatexpressing my honest opinion on your story, let me thank you for the whole LOEG gig. Not only have I met a lot of great writers, but I also learned so very much from reading their (and your) stories. The ability to compare so many different writing styles was an invaluable experience, both in reading and in learning to write. And for that, I sincerely thank you.1206423 This was actually very amusing to read
so don't worry, you're not banned 
There are very good points there, I think the only one I will defend (the rest being well, pretty much true thanks to lack of proper pacing) is that Silver Spoon's memories of what happened are tainted by her POV, whereas the rest is what 'really' happened.
They are conflicting a bit, but when you ask two people to tell you what happened, do you get the exact same story? 
1206477
So the difference between Tiara's acting and how Spoon saw it all was intentional. I actually wondered if that was the case, but ultimately decided that I may be over-thinking it.
Whew!
1206423
This line, so much!!
. [/controversy]
That, of course, is due to her selective amnesia
1247851 I don't remember the exact details right now, but I don't think I ever said that Silver Spoon was in love love with DT? She loved her as a friend as far as I'm concerned.
1248058
Technically, you should be telling Karach that.But, in The Rough in the Diamond she is!
That's the controversy, Rough is a prequel to this one.
1248117 Um... no it isn't... Rough in the Diamond was Norse's fic-trade with me for the LOEG event, but the stories are not related.
But yes, I should tell 1206617 as well... there 
Anyway, the idea was to write a brawl between Silver Spoon and Scoots and both discovering that they are in fact attracted to each other... after Silver Spoon finally manages to get through Scoot's head that she's being a bully. Of course I didn't write it so...
I just left it to imagination. I know, I'm lazy.
1248184
.
Me and expressing myself on the net
Well, of course it isn't! If these fics were in the same continounity, it wouldn't be a controversy, would it?
Just thee wait, I'll PM thou soon.
1248272
1248117 1248184
The sentence before is: "She seems like a devoted follower of Tiara, even if she wished they hadn't bullied the Crusaders sometimes. But, if she was so in love [yadda yadda yadda]". 
But yeah, I guess it could be misunderstood slightly. 
Talking behind my back, are you?
I am not a politician and my statements shouldn't be taken out of context.
Besides...
You haven't told that, true, but you have shown it! At least that's how it seemed in the story. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png The subtle differences between show-and-tell (or, in case of this story, between what you show and what you tell--I pestered you about it in my long-ass comment before
). It may be my over-reactive imagination, though. 
Imma be a dick and say that Diamond Tiara rage quitted life. LET YOUR HATRED FEED MY INNER TROLL!!!!
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_cry.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl_sad.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire_sad.png
JK, this story actually made me cry as much as My Little Dashie did.
You just stabbed me in the heart with this story.
Poor... everyone. Poor Diamond Tiara, for every reason ever. Poor Silver Spoon and Scootaloo, for living with the guilt.
It's really, really good, though.
Huh. I usually don't read non-mane 6 fics, but I randomly clicked on this for some reason and I'm glad I did. This is a really interesting take on Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon - I particularly like the narration style in between the other goings on. Anywho, nice job!
Damn. I really thought Scoots was done for at the end. This was darn tragic, I'll admit. This is why I love this fandom, really. I think there's literally a fic for everything, except maybe an epic devoted to Crackle, but I bet someone, somewhere is plugging away at one. This was really interesting, and I enjoyed it, despite the tragedy part, so thanks for a thought-provoking read