Not bad, a few simple mistakes but nothing too bad. I'll see where this goes.

WHOA! Way to many errors! You need to put a space after a comma!

That being said I will favourite this to see where it is going.

i swear to drunk i'm not god

its a nice idea but a lot of errors but i will see were this story gose ether then that good work.

Damn, Good, some errors, nut other than that good

Thanks for the support guys! I'm glad to see people like it,and i apologize for the errors,I need some people to proof-read it,if they wouldn't mind. I'll continue on with the story,and improve it to keep ya'll interested. Again thank you for reading so far!

I present to you, Chapter 3!

Woohoo

i thought apple jack would be wearing dragon bones armor by now but was wrong twilight there was a time you were cool and obvious spike plan wont end good

>>10761091076109>>10760951076095 Thanks for commenting, and to be honest I was originally gonna have Trixie kill Spike in some plot twist, but that would deem to evil and 'out of character' so I scrapped the idea. This book is to intertwine with my other book coming out tomorrow, I'll reveal the name of the book when I get at least 10 commenters

Also for the dislikers, what's wrong with the story? I wish to know so I may improve it

YAY!! i like this story but it i could be better.  it seems the story is just being rushed and im hoping you can make seance a bit longer. Its a good story keep it up!!

>>10767751076775 I'm glad you like it, and I apologize if it seems rushed, i'm really trying to get to the interesting part which will be the longest(next chapter) So I can begin my next book, stop writing this one and continue to work on that, then come back to this so they intertwine with each other perfectly. I'm glad you enjoy this book and hope you will continue to read it.

>>10767401076740

I haven't disliked your story but some reasons that others may have done so are as follows:

1 It feels rushed

2 There is barely any thought delving (something which most romances have lots of)

3 The characters just seem . . .          . . . off

4 It's kind of all over the place (see 1)

5 IT JUST FEELS UNPROFESSIONAL!  Honestly its nothing like the top stories on this site.  I like the concept of this story but the execution is pretty awful.  Why?  It just is!

>>10781151078115 While I may agree with some of what you said, some do seem to bother me quite a bit. When you say the relationship doesn't have any thought, I say my next chapter will focus more on these two and see where they're relationship heads on as they leave Ponyville. The rushed part another gentleman has told me, and I told him as well this story needed to be sped up to coincide with my upcoming story, but assurance the next chapter will be at least 3,000 words long. The characters seeming "off" for in your case I'm guessing Rarity and Twilight, is actually my favorite part of your comment. If you read CLOSELY and watched a certain episode of this show, you'd notice the particular words I decided to use for when Rarity poured Twilight a cup, go look back and read it. The 4th reason you wrote I'm not so sure about, it seems in place and on check to me. And your final reason "It feels Unprefessional" Sort of offended me, but I respect you're opinion. I believe you didn't read and understand the concept of my story quite well, which is ok. I hope you get to understand it, and will continue to follow and at least try to enjoy the rest of the story. I hope this clears any questions you, or anyone else might have about what I'm doing here.

>>10786821078682

I'm sorry if I wrote offensively (I was kinda in a bad mood earlier).  What I meant about the unprofessional comment is that in comparison to other stories I've read, this one doesn't quite grab me as much.  I can't really explain why but it just doesn't.  However I am kind of a hypocrite cause I couldn't do any better, please regard my last comment as only my opinion and not a personal attack on your writing.

Also . . .

If you read CLOSELY and watched a certain episode of this show . . .

I've only seen about 8 episodes so chances are I haven't seen that episode.

Its quite alright my friend, and if you look on you dashboard I left you a surprise . I really want to grab you personally now, that's how determined I am now to make you want to remember this, that's the goal of this book. I understand you were in a bad mood, we all are sometimes.   As I can see you say you didn't see The Canterlot Wedding, so the point in this chapter is missed for you, you MUST watch that episode to understand where I'm going at with this whole story

Drunk Spike

Image: http://mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3322-1330549587107.gif

As for the criticism, no, it's not perfect, but what is? For a first try, it's pretty good, and the mistakes can easily be fixed by a spell checker or a pre-reader. All in all, nice story! Keep up the good work

Why thank you, that comment made my day today! I hope he cleared up any criticism about perfection, oh and look out for chapter 4 folks, it'll come out pretty soon...

>>10760011076001"as Rarity began pouring her a glass, with a green glow from her eye quickly flashing on the drink." Is Rare a Changeling ?

>>10912941091294 Oh my goodness, you were the first person to notice that! Good job, and *Drum roll please* Yes, Rarity is in fact a changeling. I can't tell you why or how, for my next story(I think you've read it) will reveal why Rarity is one. I hope you'll continue to read anyway, and will stay for the Shocking Conclusion. Again, you won't believe how happy I am you noticed,now keep quiet for the ones that didn't find it lol

Listen to this, you did a good job!

>>10913571091357

Image: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=356753527688774&set=a.353628054667988.83987.100000623891504&type=3

>>10913571091357

Do you know why my pict is showing up in the comment ?

>>10913841091384 Hmm that'd be a big no. I can't see it lol

Great story thanks for recommending this one in your other story

And while it has it's flaws I say to hell with it the story has me

Hooked I would fav if the damned iPad would let me

I hope you release new chapters tomorrow because it's my birthday 17ofAugust

>>10971601097160 Oh my goodness, tomorrow is your birthday! I'll make sure to give you a special surprise for it. Thank you for reading and approving my story, you don't know how much it means to me. Oh and don't worry, favorite whenever you can, I'm just glad you like it

Chapter 4 has arrived just in time for Mindless Brotaku's birthday! Let's celebrate everypony!

Omg thank you this means a lot more than anything thank  good sir I hope you get featured on equestria daily

>>11043951104395 Your very welcome! But I'm not done yet, wait until tonight or tomorrow morning for more! I really appreciate your kind words, but I'm content with making you and many others happy! Have fun today with your birthday, have an awesome one buddy

spike tricking a conductor with trollestia threat

Wow he has grown into quite the wise guy all he needs now is a carrot and some what's up doc

>>11050721105072 Lol I knew someone would catch on to that eventually. I left some clues in the story, hinting towards some surprises and a hint for the end of the book, can you find them all? Oh, and how was Zecora's rhyming, was it good or needs improvement.

Why do I think that they're going to join up with Zecora on her quest?

Also, romance tally

>>11663881166388 Sounds about right, though you're missing one unknown couple lol. Also you'll find out a LOT of shocking things next chapter, should be out tonight with a special reward for all my readers, since they were all so patient.

Edit: Chapter 5 is coming soon everyone! Be patient, and wait by tonight I promise!

>>11676421167642

Ah, I wasn't sure, but me thinks

>>11693701169370 lol nice but you'll find out eventually

The end is near......part 1 of the finale is up!

(A surprise awaits all of my faithful readers tonight)

Oh... well shit.

the fuck is going on? i iz confuzd

>>11700591170059 Where are you confused? Its simple lol, Rarity is a changeling, Spike and Sweetie Belle are trapped in a cave, and Twilight and her friends are stuck with Shining Armor!

>>11708411170841 iz happening relly fast

>>11710171171017 trust me, It's gonna be a LOONG way until the end, yes Endgames is the final chapter, but it's 3-4 parts. I apologize if it seems 'rushed' my friend, and I understand your concern. I needed this chapter out today. Though I assure you, the last parts will be 4,000 words each. I always keep a promise, and I wouldn't want to dissappoint my readers. So please everyone bear with me, and just stick along for the ride!

Oh no Spike, you were hit by a falling branch! What's that, you think you might be dying? Here, let me get my violin...

Image: http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/LeBron-James-Smallest-Violin-Gif.gif

I like the story, though. And it's good that Rarity/Changeling is only being incredibly obvious in private. Just like the show!

>>11718651171865 I'm surprised you didn't use Mr.Krabs for this lol, but yeah I'm trying not to stray TOO far from the show, but I'm not gonna stick exactly to it. This first part is preparing for the longer parts, which I'm excited to start writing about! Although you must expect it by Thursday, or at least next Monday, I'm on vacation from Friday to Monday. I'm glad you enjoy it, and I'm SO happy I got to 1,000!

>>11698671169867

Finale ? Will there be more ?

>>11797221179722 Sorry for not answering earlier, I haven't been feeling well lately. Sadly, no this chapter Endgame is 3-4 parts, and that should sum up "My Sweet Burning Desire". "How To save A Life?" will pick up where Burning Desire left off and finish the story altogether. After these two books I'll make a book dedicated to Twilight, Cadance, and Shining Armor in their younger days. THEN (probably in November/December) I'll be releasing a new book, I can't tell you what it is or what it's about but it will be good, and it will be LONG. A multiple part book hopefully. These books are part of a series I'm making, and I'm glad people are supporting and are giving me suggestions on what to do.

>>11872421187242

COOL!!

Aw, shit. CAUGHT!!

Chapter 6 and a story preview shall be arriving soon, thanks for the patience

Been working so hard I forgot I was reading fiction but great job I might suggest this as a cover image

Image: http://th09.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/065/b/b/sweetie_belle_x_spike_by_fiftyniner-d4rzj8i.png

>>12401151240115 Thanks for the suggestion! Although I got a friend of mine working her flank off just to draw me something, so I'll just wait until she's done. Though I'll probably use this too if she can't finish it immediately, and when she's done I'll use hers.

Shite just got interesting.

Really good fanficion.

Image: http://789chan.org/cwc/src/13458646038.gif

Well, I'm not a brony but I do really love this fanfiction. I hope you get your 1000 views soon, my friend.

>>12411191241119 OMG thank you SO much my friend! It warms my heart so much to know I got somebody who isn't a brony to like my story! I'm very thankful for your approval, for it tells me my hard work and effort is paying off. Thank you for giving my story a read, and I hope you will continue to support me and my other stories.

TAKE THEM TAKE ALL MY INTERNETS

>>12431211243121 Lol thank you, Ah'm mighty thankful ya'll like the story!

Would Butter Scotch happen to be a reference to the fanfiction writer ButterScotchSundea?

>>12447091244709 How did you know that? You MUST be Starswirl the Bearded's son in order to notice that! Yeah I'm a fan of her work, and I thought nobody would notice that and it would be a little joke for me. I'm going to feature her in my next book, but she doesn't know yet. Good job on noticing that though, have a flutteryay!

>>12482191248219 Lol. I first started reading her stories on Deviant Art,  and I only found out a few months ago that she was on this site. You just never know where you'll find people anymore!

Haha that was pretty funny . I didn't notice any errors but then again I usually dont which is why I have my own pre-reader. Can't wait to see more

DERPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! . Loved it so much and I was a bit scared with the possible cupcake reference. So cute

>>12484761248476 I know right? I found out a while ago she was on this site, its truly amazing how things like that can happen!

>>12489521248952 Thanks for reading buddy, and new chapter is coming this saturday! I personally love this couple, and my favorite part was Fluttershy and the "to the moon" joke, I truly enjoy writing this story. I think I may write an extra chapter after EndGame, ALOT of people enjoy it.

Aha I knew it. I knew that Rarity is a changeling. (Saw it in the comments while scrolling down) But as soon as I saw the green light I knew it instantly. Can't wait to see Spike's plan fail (we know it will)

This idea seems pretty good! The only issue is that the pacing seemed kind of fast. I barely had time to process the relationship between Celestia and Discord before I was suddenly thrust into a story about Ponyville. If you spend a little more time on description, this would be excellent And Scootaloo/Pip? That's the first time I've ever seen that, and it seems

>>12503141250314 Where have you been man? Its been TOO long lol. Anyhow I'm sorry for hearing that, but Celestia and Discord's relationship was a memory, and was never meant to be a detailed love story lol. Although for that couple, you'll get a fairly decent surprise

>>12504221250422 Well, I've been in Alberta for about a week, and camping in Ontario for another week, and on top of that, I'm just getting back into school this week, so there hasn't been much time for Fimfic lately. I'm trying to get on more, though, at least on the weekends.

>>12504351250435 Me too, I just got back in school. I'll update this saturday a new chapter, and it is 4,000 words! I love it so much, and I KNOW you will too. Besides I've been hoping you would update Two Best Sisters, still praying for Left 4 Dead lol. Glad to hear from you again though buddy, and I'm excited to see more of your terrific work

>>12508261250826 Yep, I'll probably get a chapter out at some point this week. Keep up the good work

HA! Nice, but he got drunk much to quick even for being a baby dragon and Twilight went a little over the top, plus he didnot even really do anything to Rarity for her to get so ticked. Love the FlutterMac though, big fan and a few spelling errors, I'll be watching for this but slow it down and add a bit more detail, it felt really rushed.

DERPY!!!!!!!!!!!! BUCK YES!!!! And if this was not a SpikeBelle then I would have stopped reading it it's feels so rushed and cheezy , to be honest the only reason I still  is because it's a SpikeBelle. Whatever happened to friends first? And Spike just out of the blue tells Sweets he loves her? What the hay? Yeah...this needs to be re-done, maybe even the whole story...but I like chapter one so that's all good....slow down my friend, build up their love not force it, next chapter we go!

Hmmm.....this was seriously OOC and it really annoyed me, but now that I know that Rarity is a changling, that sort of changes things hmmmm...still it felt really rushed and not given enough detail of WHY Spike and Sweetie Belle love one another...I...I just don't know.

>>12716461271646whoah! I didn't notice your posts, i apologize. you see let me explain this to you, this story isn't what you're expecting AT ALL. All doubts and such, throw em out the window right now, you're in for big surprises. I do need to put in filler chapters though, for I agree it needs to be prolonged for people to understand where I'm going with this. Although Twilight did what Twilight does best, I feel I portrayed her nicely, but I'll still consider your suggestions. For Spike, being younger the cider takes a harder toll on him, since he's not used to it and such. For Rarity being upset, thats her sister, her younger sister so shes upset. Also shes a changeling, as you've noticed. The chapter coming out today will explain everything, along with slowing things down and being more detailed. you must bear with me, since this is the second book I've ever posted here. Out of character, I must disagree with sadly. Just bear with me and wait for tonight's new chapter. I assure you, this next chapter will piss some readers off, and most likely dislike Spike for quite a while

HA! The changling queen, very nice touch, though the Spike 'dying' part was not needed and Zecora just seemed to disappear...how odd. At any case, Rainbow Dash/Pinkie roamnce OH YEAH! Onward with the story!

>>12801841280184 Second story, not book, and as for the new story....hmmm....it seems ok, felt a bit like Romeo and Juliet to me and really fast paced for some reson but I liked the SpikeBelle in it and I hate Diamond though what happened to Sliver Spoon?

>>12837351283735 Lol who said Spike died? He's just hurt...real bad. Also Zecora's in a different cave far from theirs, she didn't disappear like magic. Also thanks for the review, and expect a chapter tomorrow!

Edit: I apologize to all my readers, my computer has broken down and needs repairs. I'll have to update Saturday, or put it on hiatus. I'll decide tomorrow, again I apologize for the delay!

lol spike

we'll there fucked

Two zebras who hates sweeetiebelle and shes a pony. that equestrian racismlol  lol

Celestia has crush on discord ok i want to die now lol

I hate discord more then anything

oh the drama been wondering where it went too

ehh young love is simple so it didnt seemed that rushed trust me my little brother got a girl from a diffrent class then him to be his girlfriend in under an hour

i might be wrong but when raritys eyes glowed i thought she might be a changling but who knows.

called it thought she was a chanling but didnt think she was that changling

My good sir I must say I require more of this story because once you've had a fangasm you can never have just one ..............seriously though I do require more

...is Twilight PMSing? But besides that, it's a good start. I'm mighty interested how it will go on...

My fans I've returned from months of hard work and struggles! I'm shocked at the intense support and appreciation I've gotten, and proud to say more chapters shall be coming!