• Member Since 21st Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Dec 14th, 2021

Dennis the Menace


T

"Who are you?!"

Lyra wrenched her hands together, strands of teal hair falling over her golden eyes. Suddenly, she seemed so small. She didn't answer. Couldn't? It hurt to remember, hurt to say. She was lying, or maybe it was the truth, and she really didn't know.

Cover art done by the amazing Conicer and bunnish!

Chapters (18)
Comments ( 1463 )

sounds good.:twilightsmile:
I WILL READ LATER!:pinkiehappy:

Yep. Read Later as well. Though only 'cause I'm writing a new story right now.

Calling it now... gonna be featured.

Hmm. Intriguing, certainly. A lot of questions have sprung up, and I look forward to their answers.

Comment posted by Tyek deleted Dec 10th, 2012

1632246
Haaaaaaaaaiiiiiiii...

A firm 'read later' for interesting idea and EPIC USERNAME :rainbowkiss:

DAT TITLE.

DAT AUTHOR.

FAVED AND SAVED

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME COPYING YOUR SPEECH STYLE

Well, since Art Inspired called it to become a featured, I'm leaving here already my pointless comment in the hope of promoting my own page.

I'm just gonna say something dumb like 'I'll read later'
Actually just because it looks like an interesting idea: thumb up without read. :yay:
Oh, yes, and to help it feature, and make my propaganda worthy.

This is about two orders of magnitude better than the last couple of Pony Among Humans tales I've read, and three better than the one I planned out but didn't actually write.

Featured within the next six hours. Book it.

HUMAN BLOOD HAS IRON. SHELLFISH BLOOD HAS COPPER.
I'm tired of this false notion of how blood tastes that was propagated by Stephenie Meyer

Humanized?

Could do with a slightly more elaborate description of what I'm about to read.

1632199

A.D.H.D.....do you actually have it or do you feel the need to pi(ponycensor) people with that 'disability' off?.......'disability' though? DAMN THE GOVERNMENT WITH THEY'RE SUB LABELS!:flutterrage:

Interesting start for the story. Also, I'm pretty sure that Seattle is not the biggest city on the West Coast. I think that title goes to the City of Angels. Though it is the biggest in that neck of the woods.

definitely gonna read this sometime soon.
oh btw, after having just read Background Pony, anything with "Lyra" and "amnesia" in the same sentence fills me with dread :twilightoops:

Amnesiac Lyra... where have I read that before?

Will read this later, got some cleaning to do.

1632503 yes i do have an it really bad where the fish acids that keep me hydrated and not thirsty are sucked out of my body. But i just pickedthis as my user name cause...well im really bad with coming up with good user names:fluttershysad:

DIS CRAP IS GONNA BE AWESOME :pinkiehappy:

EDIT: Yeah, it was pretty good, i guess. Could do with some more editing.

1632488

It tastes like metal, I chose "coppery" because it sounded better than "irony"

1632586 Actually, that's probably the best explanation I've ever heard. Or you could just say "metallic."

I. Am. Pumped. I have been looking forward to this ever since I read your blog about it, this.... is gun be gud!

1632449

The entire reason I wrote this was a challenge to do a PonyFall story that didn't suck.

I remember reading your preview of this on one of your blogs, and just practically craving for more.
AND IT'S AWESOME!
I wonder what's in the phone, and how she got here, and why isn't she talking? I need answers, dammit!

Adrian could summed up as average,

Could be summed up

No spare change, dummy.

Emergency calls are always free on a payphone. They even have stickers on them to mention it.

Adrian noticed her hand clutching something at her chest: an iPhone.

The only problem was that it required a pass code. There was no use in trying to unlock it.

An IPhone lets you dial emergency numbers even when locked.

His neighborhood could easily be described as suburban

Why in the name of all that is holy did he not take her to a hospital!?

Not once did her expression change from anything but a permanent state of shock.

Sure you know, she may have been raped, or be drugged up to hell and back, and sure you could plug your phone in now that you are home...but don't call the cops or anything.

She gave an adamant shake of her head. She even managed to mouth, "No", silently.

You are still legally required to alert authorities even if the subject does not wish for help, if you have reason to believe they do need help.

The quality of the writing isn't bad. You do a good job of describing the characters and getting their emotional states across to the reader. However the characters act in overly contrived ways to get them into the position you want them in.

Comment posted by Dennis the Menace deleted Dec 10th, 2012

Called it.

1632340 So predictable, right???

The only thing I dislike about it so far is my brain trying to furiously figure out where in Seattle this kid lives.

1632488

Hemoglobin would hardly taste like iron, since it's an iron compound which barely features Iron.

Okay, please tell me that this has something to do with The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

1633227

Not at all. It just made sense. She's a girl. She has a tramp stamp.

1633326 Oh. Boy that title is getting annoying. Every time I see a story with a title like this I think of that movie. Darn it.

Metallic taste also works. No need to get as specific. Not that something that nitpicky matters at all.

Comment posted by banjo2E deleted Dec 10th, 2012

Space Needle

CN Tower came to mind...But more elegant, higher and cooler? More lights on it?
Whatevs...
1632831
Choose a old Motorola.....

All those little objects described in detail....
SPONSORS!

1633720
And do you think he really cares if you read it now or later? :P

I dunno, I just never understood what compels people to post "I'll read it later" all the time on FIMFiction. Who are you talking to? Who cares that you're reading it later instead of now? It doesn't make any sense.

1633727

RIGHTO. INSTEAD, GIVE ME LIKES. IT MAKES ME MOIST.

:rainbowlaugh:

"Lyra, that's a bra."

Beyond awkward.

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