Me gustA

I See potencial

This might be the best though out story out of all the pony Skyrim fics. Will watch.

It felt a bit rushed at when the mane 6+spike were leaving for Canterlot. But as FlyingBiscuit said, i see potencial

Could be really awesome story.  On a side note, although it might be fun to do, try not referring to the writer in the story, it kind of pulls you out of the immersion in the story.   Keep up the good work!

Interesting,will keep a eye on this

(track) ugghhh that's the 57th story I've added to my list of tracks

>“The time we warped into Clonetrooperkev's room.” Pinkie Pie said. The writer shuddered when he wrote that line.

Lolwut.

Pinkie y u dare to teleport?

By Odin's beard! You know surprised I was when I woke up this morning and saw a slew of emails all about this story. I guess I have no choice but to continue now :)

>>6145861458

I'll skip it in the future. But who's to say it didn't happen ;)

>>6144861448

I like the cut of your jib sir.

>>6145761457

Don't worry, I'll see about getting some dialogue rolling for when they travel there.

>>6164261642 This was a nice chapter, good dialogue between all the girls. But please dont refer to them as "the mane 6". Use something like: "Twilight and her friends were enjoying a nice ride in the carriage supplied to them by Celestia."

>>6172561725

idk man, I kind of enjoy the name. But the people have spoken, and the name will change.

>>6172861728 Dont get me wrong, you can refer to them as "the mane 6". Just not in a fan fic. It dosent fit imo. Again, a great chapter. I am looking forward to the next

>>6173361733

Your wish has been granted. As a host of a Children's show said long ago, with words of wisdom.

"That ought to keep the little fuckers happy."

But no seriously. Comment and Rate Everypony.

Dun dun dundundun dun duuuunnnnn

>>6187861878

What tune you dunning there friend?

The end of the world....there's always duning at the end of the world.

Also reading the applejorn part in previous chapter to skyrim music....awesome.....just putting it out there

>>6193061930

Glad you enjoyed it :)

“Sparkle, don't hold a grudge please.” He said while looking at Canterlot in his window                                THE PLOT THICKENS!

>>6214062140

Um . . . yes the plot did thicken :) Thank you for taking the time to point that out sir or madam.

>>6225062250 Sir, and you are welcone!

Cart full of apples out of fucking nowhere

Kidding lol, but yeah they were in a carriage a moment and the next a applecart full of stuff appears, just like in the show if i think about it ,so its cool.

Celestia and Luna think they can control hundreds/thousands of their own kind, yeah that cant go wrong for them.

>>6318663186

Hey I have a very good reason for Apple Cart! And that reason is

Image: http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/entries/icons/original/000/006/453/BEAN.png?1311637954

Magic *snort snort

But yeah I'll try and fix that up for you :)

>>6319763197

nah its ok,i accept the "Its magic,i aint got to explain sh*t" theory all the way

Pinkie Pie is one giant example of it.

>>6319963199

If you direct your gaze to chapter 1, you will see a new applecart sentence. It's been put in there thanks to new technology that- I feel like George Lucas :)

Faust Damn it Twilight! haha good one :) Cant wait to see what happens next.

Faust Damn it... FAUST DAMN IT?!?!?

Image: http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/entries/icons/original/000/004/077/Raisins_Face.jpg?1286515652

This is good

Ok I'm here! I've read the first chapter, and have a few things that could be edited.

Now I can tell you that that (Grammatically correct double that!) prologue:

"Many hundreds (I'm sorry... Hundreds? Luna's banishment alone took over 1000, I suggest Thousands) of years ago, Alicorns roamed around Equestria unhindered and without suppression. It was said that they showed their might at every turn to any creature that was around. But one day, these Alicorns vanished from Equestria. The only two living Alicorns are the rulers of Equestria, Princess Celestia, and Princess Luna. They rule with an even hoof and care for all ponies." Could be a ton better. It could initiate drive, purpose, and tension all at one, if it was written successfully. You see, without a successful prologue, your story fails at grabbing attention. You need a meaningful prologue in order to instill the kind of anticipative fear that you must instill in the reader for these kind of stories. I'll put this through my awesome filter and see what comes out.

Now I may give you some warning about my filter, it's hard to process something that I don't agree with, like some grimdark, Molestia, and Cellestia the tyrant. Now this story would fall into the category of Cellestia the tyrant.

Okay here goes...

Thousands of years ago, before the time of harmony, lay a time of chaos and destruction. The Alicorns were to blame. These horrid beasts sought out destruction of all the lesser species, species that were not worthy to roam the world, and they did so freely and without hindrance. Until one day, the stars had had enough of the destructive forces of the alicorns, and saw them as a threat had they found a way to spread. The stars blessed upon this world a mighty foe against the alicorns, his name was Draco (Star constellation of the dragon, AKA Draconis). Draco was a wise and benevolent creature, who sought purification and harmony for the land, he was the first among a race known in his tongue as 'Alikiin'... The Alicorn Born... The Alikiin could only first be found as a dragon, until several hundred years after Draco, his grand son Riscor. Riscor was the final dragon Alikiin, and the only way that he could be sure that all chaos was removed from this world was to trap all the forces inside himself, The Great Sacrifice. The forces were far too great for his form, he was viciously warped into a beast of pure chaos as they passed through him. However with the last bit of harmony he had he created a portal for the forces to flow into, a portal to a place of unknown figure only known as (Wait for it... waaaiitt for it...) Oblivion (Well if this is an Elder Scrolls crossover, you might as well have the Plains of Oblivion here as well). Unfortunately, the last bit of harmony that Riscor retained was not enough for all the beasts, two remained, but when their souls were forced through Riscor all chaos in their form left them, they defeated Riscor and trapped him and all chaos he absorbed. With that the powers for the Alikiin were lost to the land. The two Alicorns left sought only divinity and equality for the world they were in. With their mighty powers untainted by chaos, a world began to form. They populated the world with various forms of creature, and made three different races in their figure, Unicorns, Pegasi, and Ponies of the Earth. The two alicorns grew to love the world and all that was in it, they named it Equestria, and they ruled it with harmony and love in their minds. The two alicorns came to know each other as Cellestia and Luna, Princesses of Equestria.

Okay, that's ALL of my creative energy gone for the day, I cannot continue. My mind literally wont continue. So that's all I've got for a prologue, though it could be better still.

Now for character development, I like to use a specific kind of strategy, anyone with half an imagination can use it.

(This works well with OCs)

Get the emotion, personality and figure implanted in your mind, then, as that character, figure out how (s)he'd react to a situation... Then write it down. SIMPLE!

... That's all for now...

...

I need a coke...

EssMan out.

PS: Make sure you add scene breaks between scenes:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ or --------------------------- or **************************** or even *_*_*_*

Also you could use

[ h r ] without spaces.

EssMan out.

>>6378563785

Essman, your comment STRONGEST there is! I'll get into fixing it a bit later but you receive the Congressional Medal of Awesome as well as a Commission to the rank of Fleet Editor of the FimFiction. *salute* Without you, our stories would be fail and I hope that through my mess that you enjoyed yourself.

whats the shipping?

>>6380463804 ¡Gracias mi amigo! I should probably set up like a whole 'submission' thing in my blog part.

>>6382263822

Orion will be shipping with Twilight and a few others that have yet to be revealed. No worries though ;)

Ok... umm... I see Cellestia being a tyrant... but Luna as well? I'm not sure...

BTW good story so far, take my advice from before... and yeah...

EssMan out...

>>6386463864

Yessir. And if you'll check, the prologue in Chapter 1, you'll find it was written by a very wise man

... I APPROVE .

Essan Manar...

Image: http://troll-face.ru/static/images/obama_not_bad.png

I might configure something to go with that... Hmmm... Can't think of anything...

Essan "EssMan" Manar out...

>>6378063780

Well yes. Since Celestia already has goddess status, I asked, "Who's more powerful than her?"

ALL BOW BEFORE THE CREATOR OF THIS UNIVERSE

FAUST! WE AWAIT YOUR COMMAND HOLY ONE

But I hope you like it :)

>>6400464004

Lol liked the name that much aye?

“Welcome back, my people.”.    Moar! Naow!

>>6431964319 Indeed

>“The end of Equestria as we know it.”

I heard this thing before, but it was Earth. In End of World parody.  

Oh dear,knew Celestia would do that but really didnt want to believe it.

Im sure the other alicorn will betray them and they will see the errors in their way *cough* yeah right *cough*

>>6522365223

Oh dear Doctor . . . you have no idea what's coming next

It seems things have gone from bad to worse for Twilight and friends. I'm curious on how this will turn out and as to how well Celestia's "family" will get along with each other.

I'm sure there will be a Paarthurnax like Alicorn that will help the elements

this is based of elder scrolls right and the alicorns are demons/dragons so that makes orion the hero right

>>6531965319

Orion is a hero based on his actions in the latest chapter yes, but there are more chapters and there will be more heroes that will rise :)

Very fun. I will confess ignorance of the actual plot of the Elder Scrolls, and I still enjoy the story. Good job sir (or madame).

Wow saw that coming but didn't want o believe it

>>6537865378

It'd be sir and don't worry, Elder Scrolls can be difficult to follow. I'm kind of going my own way with this so no worries

Uh oh, looks like hard times ahead for pacooooooooo.

>>6551565515

Beg thy pardon?

>>6552665526 Dress.mov

Cool story bro!

>>6552665526 Dress.mov Search in on youtube.

In other news, YOU CAN SOUND THE ALARM YOU CAN CALL ALL THE GUARDS YOU CAN FENCE OFF YOUR YARD YOU CAN PLAY ALL YOUR CARDS , BUT I WON'T! BACK! DOWN!

>>6562465624>>6603966039

Both of you,

Image: http://rlv.zcache.com/poker_face_rage_comic_postcard-p239813175277203736z8iat_400.jpg

Did I do something wrong to get the parody video and Eminem?

>>6606066060 Of course not! This story's the shit! I'm just imagining what's going to be happening to Twilight and her friends and thought that song symbolized a rebellion well. Either that or I'm loosing it

add i wasnted to have a clop with luna celestia and somother alicorns (just kidding or was i )

Awesome

Hmm... I have a son?...

Orion Manar...

Do you know what I did to him when he got back from Canterlot after he got expelled?

I wondered... What the buck happened? Then congratulated him for pulling the greatest prank know to pony-dom... Then grounded him.

Btw... ¿Dondé estoy? (Where am I?) I'd freak out if 7 figures just magically appeared in my house.

*Reads chapter one again... Oh! That's right! I go insane!

One last question... What does Orion look like? I have either forgotten it of there isn't a description in there. (If there is point me in the direction, I would like to make a surprise for ya .

>>7045870458

Well, since Essan did write the book, the only book on Alicorn history, I figured that he'd have to be the be the father. Also you're dead. Sorry.

Image: file:///C:/Users/Kevin/Desktop/Orion

My character

Image: file:///C:/Users/Kevin/Desktop/Nova%20Wave

Nova Wave

Image: file:///C:/Users/Kevin/Desktop/Typhoon

Typhoon

>>7045870458

Well that failed. Anyway I'll try to post some pictures up of the OC's as they come to me. Typhoon isn't really important since he is in fact . . . DEAD.

And no description on what he looks, just you know- an unknown pony going back :P What's the surprise?

>>7051870518 ohh thats what yoou were trying to do...

>>7051870518 oh and I know what typhoon looks like... Que Black Ops:

Mason: He was a f-yay-ing burned baguette!

In other words; he is a pile of ash...

It's epic so far, oh and... MAKE MY SON FIND MY RESEARCH JOURNALS!!

I upsets me that none of the names I suggested made it in... Yet. Make it happen, kev!

>>7120871208

The names will appear, we've got a lot of story to go through. A LOT MORE

WHAT...Luna was forced into becoming evil....damn that's heavy

quite interesting I must say

>>7121571215 *squee*

>>7121571215 Seriously though, Luna was forced into being Nightmare? Shit just got real!

>>7124771247

Celestia has done a lot, and she ain't done yet ;)

DAMNIT!! Find the right research journals Orion!

I really shouldn't be reading this... The ideas Celestia the tyrant will weaken my ideas for Harmony, Nature and Anarchy.

Oh and make Orion and Twilight drunk and have them wake up in the same bed. Not inconspicuous or anything.

Perverted the elements....

sounds like something from a clopfic sorry, maybe use corrupted instead?

Pinkie is chaos....makes sense

Indeed, Pinkie Pie being chaos does make sense. It's quite possibly the only thing that explains how she does what she does. Now I'm a little more interested in what Rarity is supposed to do. It seems that the info was left out since all that was mentioned about Rarity was that she could get anything be it through persuasion, bartering, and even thievery. While that info is interesting there was nothing mentioned about where she should go to improve her abilities like the others.

Discord wishes he was half a chaotic as Pinkie.

More! Naow!

>>7695876958

Ah, but you forget, there is a magic retcon genie that heard your wish. Rarity will be taken to the diamond dogs to learn ;)

>>7714277142

Perhaps later. I have to go now. My planet needs me. Planet being sleep and me needing sleep. That makes sense now right? Anyway, I'll try to get the next chapter up soon. But for now, sleep *plays Skyrim theme*

>>7718077180Sleep what's this sleep you speak of? (turns back to skyrim, continues playing)

Maybe the Faust we with you Clonetrooperkev.

Will be interesting to see what happened to spike if you plan to mention him    ,maybe Celestia will turn him into a big ass dragon servant of hers for Twilight to rescue him later.

CHAOS PINKIE!!

Discord x Pinkie = ∞ points.

yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes

This fic just keeps getting better and better :)

>>7701977019

Ah but you forget. While Pinkie is chaos, Discord is an unwieldy chaos. You can't have too much chaos or order for that matter. The world needs balance in order to not be destroyed. What does that have to do with anything? Perhaps it will give you insight into what Pinkie will become ;)

>>7766877668

Thank you very much. Although it's not hard to rise from shit to not complete shit :) But I'll keep the shit coming

>>7768577685 cant wait for more shit :)

I noticed in the earlier chapters that Luna didn't seem to happy with how Celestia and the rest of the Allicorns plan has been turning out, so I'm kinda hopeful for Luna to do a heel face turn and Betray the Alicorns, how would Celestia treat that I wonder? .

Great Story so far, looking forward to new additions

>>7786577865

Like a pie in the oven, you have to give it time to develop. And who knows, perhaps we'll see someone that would make Celestia look like a Super Friends villain ;)

well. I wonder who the unkle is.

Malbatorius black alicorn. Solid red eyes. black snake like pupils.

random names for alicorns. Malbatorius(hopefully a reapeting adversary). Lufanarius. Night flight. dead weight. ill think of more later.

SPAAAAACCEEEEEE!

Sol. Terra.

Like Luna, it's a Latin name for a celestial body.

Sun and Earth, respectively.

Have you thought of calling the Daedra the Neighdra?

>>8173981739

That is clever, and I have been needing some ponified things in this story. We'll see how it works out. :)

>>8175981759

Daedra? ...

...daedric...

Oblivion.

Morrowind...

And..

FUS KY RIM!

Fus Ro Dah!

Fus Ro Yay!

(suddenly, an explosion visible from the view of entire galaxy appears).

The will journey long and hard...and pick up fuck loads of misc quests along way

And so the Journey is about to begin