Why did you rewrite it it had like 4 chapters and i liked it better when he was a killing machine

OOh. I like this rewrite. Nice

>>10426021042602 Mostly cause I really did need to make a rewrite. The human wasn't really a killing machine per say....

Okay, he was good a killing ponies. But this wasn't about a gore fest. Anyways, TB3 and I had talked over the past 3 days, and I explained to him what i wanted, and he got it down pretty well.

Besides, we are working on the next chapter as we speak. He doesn't want to be acknowledged, but he is the main writer, I am just the idea guy.

The re-write does seem to be better then the original

>>10426481042648

I didn't want it to be a gorefest but I liked it when he was more badass and more like a person who every one they've ever loved or cared for is being taken and turned into ponies who have no recollection of their previous lives and their loved ones

He should be a guy who wants to free his people at any cost even if it means being  a menace and killing any thing that stands In his way

That's what I would do just fight till I die or win

>>10426571042657 Thank TB3, I was pretty much going into this blind. Unlike the other stories, Relics and Dark Space, I am in the dark on how to go about this. But he helped out a lot, so give him your thanks as well.

>>10426741042674 Believe me when i say that he still that guy, but against enemy ponies. PHL groups he will see as allies and friends. Just because he is not screaming his head off doesn't mean he is a weakling.

You can blame me for that. TB3 just fleshed him out for me, gauging on what I wrote and how I wrote him in the later chapters.

Awesome! Way better then your first uploads! Can't wait to see the next chapters!!

I like this story for its idea as it was.

Then you two, TB3 and Redskin122004 SUPER CHARGE IT!!!

Image: http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcThKCSdxMTfYFcy0XqB9su2V7mi3KwPSvYNi3xa0aRm3XxBbWZp2f7V64VK

Image: http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2517/4194259736_0b3d3edfeb.jpg

Ok, this fic has masterpiece written all over it!

Much better than the original. The grammar's much better and the flow's smoother. The character's more well rounded and you offered more glimpses into the "Dark Equestria" that this guy escaped from.

So, "Dark Equestria" Cheerilee, Doctor Whooves and Vinyl are PHL soldiers? I'm looking forward to tales of badassery from those three in the future!

Also, will the Solar Tyrant (Dark Celestia) and the Celestians (her loyal followers) somehow find this Equestria?

I said this already but I love the plot. A Human on the run from the "Dark Equestria" lands in an Equestria like the one from the show.

Excellent rewrite!  I especially like the way the PHL has been expounded upon here.  The idea of a group of ponies and humans fighting together for the freedom of both Earth and Equestria is a heartening one.    

I only got the indulgence of reading through the comment section of the original version. Quite a laugh I might add... (skimmed through the first chapter too but very quickly)

The few typos aside, this is good. Nice intrigue, flows smoothly, and the many plot points you introduce have the feeling that they're there for a good reason and will be explained in the course of the story. Both thumbs up!

Wait... Derpy is MARRIED!?

That's a thumbs down then...

Hmm a rewrite... well as others have said it is somewhat better in terms of base writing style, with a larger amount of depth with Lyra's and Twilight's scenes. Although the human seems to be much less... intense, a little soft really with all the exposition he gave to Lyra. With the explosive attitude previously we could feel the intensity of his beliefs, and the conviction he put in his actions. But now, he seems as exciting as a damp rag.

Now, this is good! That guy still has no name but everything else, wow! Shaping up very nicely.

And someone knows his classics: Grundels good!

Will you include the fight like in the original? With chest-beating primal fury? Because that had a certain larger-than-life quality that showed how alien the human is to this equestria.

>>10450861045086 The fight is still on, but it will be more in depth if TB3 cleans it up and adds a bit. Right now I am re writing a rough draft to include more info on Earth and its battle against Equestria. Will be more on par with Dark Space battle sequence if I work on it.

First off, I'd like to say that I was one of those enjoying the story as it was.  That said, I will admit that this rewrite is superior, so good job to both of you so far.

Need MOAR!!!

Ok wow, I'm at a loss for words. The previous version of this fic was good, rough but good, but this version is superior by far. Kudos to both of you, I think I may have found a TCB that I can look forward to.

Breathtaking.

Interesting. You've definitely caught my atten--

"Lyra Heartstrings, former Equestrian ambassador to the United Kingdom...

How did you get my story notes?

>>10665851066585

Image: http://twilight.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/134457426729.png

I have no words for this other than Go on.

Oh wow, I am very very interested in this! Twilight's confusion is organic, but she's defintiely going to try learning! And I love Lyra in this! She's both interested but is still deeply confused, and also compassionate. Can't wait to see how this Celestia and the Mane 6 react to their TCB counterparts (and hopefully rip them a new one!)

>>10695291069529

My story has something no one does....

My story has past present and future events....

My story has a reason why all this happens...

Trying to take Rarity's head off. A perfect defense!

Loving it so far.

Holly crap what a beatdown

That was an awesome chapter! So much action! So much story! Can't wait to see what happens next!

by nurgle i need more

>>10747521074752

Me and Tb3 are working on it. Next chapter should be in the coming week, but no promises.

MOAR!

I saw him with a M4 strapped to his back, where the hell is it? oh and it would be a whole lot funnier if he had forgotten that he had grenades on him to kill them.

>>10751451075145

What gun? There was no gun. At least not yet anyways. maybe i missed something.

>>10752041075204 I took another look at what was on his back and realized that it's the star-spangled banner.

>>10752121075212

O...K?

GAH! Cliifhangers! How i loathe thee!

Oh my, that was fucking brutal.

BUT I NEED MOAR

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(sorry, it needed to be done. )

I know some people are still gonna come in with outcries of 'marty stu' for that fight scene, but really, I think it's pretty realistic of what would happen when you drop a battle hardened marine into a situation and put him up against untrained, if extraordinary, civilians.

>>10757991075799

Believe me when I say this. He is more than a simple marine.He is kind of special.Lil

Hmm. So he's a Marine?

I love how you integrated the flashbacks into the story. And the glimpse of the world this man came from adds greatly to the contrast between the Dark Equestria and this Equestria, which is more like the show.

On a sidenote, the alternate Element Bearers must be really nasty if merely seeing Mane Six caused him to fly into a berserk rage.

Also, will this Marine eventually learn that the Equestria he's in isn't the one he escaped from?

Finally, will we see the two Equestrias collide?

>>10767171076717

Patience my dear reader you can't rush art!

God damn, talk about an ass beating.  Well lets see if in the next chapter Celestia reacts as badly as she did in the original.

Ok, for some reason I am envisioning this guy similar to Bane from Batman (a mix of the comic book Bane and the movie Bane) and I can see him doing this.

Image: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/8a/Bane_breaks_Batman.png/175px-Bane_breaks_Batman.png

>>10772341077234 I know you people are going to scream "HAXS" later on

SO MUCH WIN!!!!!

>>10772581077258 And we are going to love every minute of it. Well, I will, don't know about anyone else.

>>10768871076887 indeed master indeed

Wow just wow the only thing I got to wonder is why he did not try to break their horns.

>>10782951078295 give it time

>>10752311075231 I believe he was talking about the story cover art BTW is it from freedom fighters?

>>10783911078391 it was the only thing I could find and still fit. I was looking for something like those pictures called the two sides of harmony

Also yes it is

Nice. Now i wait for Celestia :P

>>10784011078401  Ah Freedom fighters part of a healthy gaming childhood along with Kingdom hearts and star wars battlefront.

Why does Pinkie Pie call him a Brony?

He obviously isn't that much into Love & Tolerance.

>>10804351080435

Ask TB3, i think it is a play on the word 'Hey Bro!'

>>10755721075572

Image: http://publishersearch.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/cliffhanger.jpg

Oh....Okay. i guess i will let go now.

Enjoying this story immensely, thank you for sharing it! I will definitely be following this one :)

Oh, and it's nice to see Lyra given some limelight. Great backstory on her sofar! I can see her being the 1st to help the humans :)

Image: http://iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/covering_fire_by_paper_pony-d4m290k.gif

>>10878071087807

Believe me when i say that this story will have a lot of explaining in it. In the form of memories and such, so it doesn't divert too much from the main story. It will explain a lot that most TCB stories seem to skim over.

Let me get this right: This is a rewrite version of the original story and the human character is toned down in this one? The guy that was rambling and cursing like a maniac and gleefully insulted the ponies while trying to cripple them is the toned down version? Do you still have the original chapters lying around somewhere? I really want to see how this guy was before all the changes.

Speaking about the human character, at first I didn’t like him because of all that random cursing and screaming. He really sounded like some kind of psycho, but I think that was your intention and considering what we know of his background his behavior made. Most likely he also has some psychological problems thanks to all the stuff he witnessed. Still, I’m glad that acted more rational in the second chapter.  

The battle scene in chapter 2 felt a bit too constructed. While he tries to run away from Twilight he conveniently stumbles over the rest of the Mane Six and finish them off one by one, while ranting about how much he hates all the Ponies. Especially the ranting part felt a bit out of place. Why wasting energy to tell them how evil they are, instead of just beating them up? Again this is probably justified by his background but the character is more likeable if he doesn’t act like he’s off his meds.

Also where’s Luna? As far as I remember he only talked about how evil Celestia was. So what happened to her sister? Is she the good sister, again? Still on the moon? Killed off by the human resistance? Still around and evil?  A lot of TCB stories to portray the ponies as evil and Celestia as some Pony-Hitler but ignoring her sister or turn the whole story into a NLR vs. SE with humans thrown in the mix.

That said, I like what you did so far. A human from a Ten Rounds universe in a peaceful Equestrian is an interesting concept and has lots of potential. I’m looking forward to the meeting between the human and the good Celestia. It’s going to be awkward.

One last thing: Why was Lyra hiding behind a bush in the first place? Is this a new hobby of hers?

>>10973631097363

Hehe, this is 'tone down' compared to the original. The original was all screaming and all about bashing skulls and stuff.  Basically, no character development whatsoever. More akin to 'ARGH! HUMAN SMASH PUNY PONY'. Sadly i deleted those chapters once i partnered up with TB3.

The human, which will be explained a bit more in the coming chapters, is still an ongoing developing character. We, TB3 and myself, decided to build him from the ground up as the story progress. We still have a lot info yet to be put out about him, mainly the name and his life, but we think giving bits and pieces would give him a bit of an strange allure. Already you know his basic bits, we are just getting started on his life.

The scene with Mane 6 fighting is a bit contructed, giving it a bit of dragon Ball z kind of feel to it. I didn't really want to do it like that, but it came out like that. Still, instead of long drawn out speeches, i tried to make them short and to the point. Why he went back to try and finish the job will be explain further on.

TBC Luna has yet to come out in the story for a reason. Please wait until further notice.

.....hehe....yes..awkward....

Its Lyra, the human/hands eccentric pony.....It felt right at the time, and still does.

Lyra: „Celestia is ready to meet you. Remember what I ‘veI told you? “

Human: “She’s not like the Celestia I know. She’s a kind and benevolent ruler who deeply careers for her people.”

Lyra: “Go on…”

Human: “And she would never force other species to become ponies against their will.”

Lyra: “So what are NOT going to do if you see her?”

Human: “I’m not screaming or calling her names or try to strangle her.”

Lyra: “Very good. So I think we can enter the throne room now.”

Celestia: “Welcome human. I’ve already heard about…”

Human: “It’s the Solar Tyrant! Die you cunt! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! CUNT! BITCH! CUNT! ARGGHHH!“

Lyra: „Well, at least I tried.“

Awkward indeed.

>>10986121098612

you are way way off base.

Just wait until friday...or saturday.

Oh I like this, I want to see Celestia's reaction to her evil Counterpart. When can we expect the next chapter? Do you have a schedule for updates?

Lack of updates saddens me.  Though I can't really piss n' moan, it took me a month to update my story.

>>11270771127077

>>11270931127093

It should be up this week. Right now I am waiting for TB3 side of the story. He is the the other writer of the story and he add a bit to the story to make it flow better. Right now though, he is in the middle of something at home, but he has worked on the story for the past week, so he should be almost done.

Right now, i am making the rough draft for chapter 4, so don't worry, we both are working hard to make this story work. I want this out as quickly too!

Twilight smiled fondly as the young dragon walked away, Peewee perched on his shoulder. Finally assured of a moment’s peace, she lay down on her belly, and turned to the first chapter of ‘Daring Do and the Fallout Quest’, by the acclaimed authors Kay Kat and Somber Bush.

‘If I’m going to tell you about my adventures as Daring Do…’ she read aloud. ‘I’m going to first have to tell you about pithbucks…’

Fallout Equestria reference >;3

Wait... if he's a Marine, why didn't he try to cut his neck open instead of stabbing himself? It makes no sense.

I just realized something, they hit the shield directly, instead why didn't they just pile their nukes along one of the edges and detonate them that way? from what I've heard this shield destroys physical objects that cause the explosive reactions, you blow them up before they hit the shield you got either a massive crater with no shield (or a big hole in it) or nothing happens at all

Titen AE refrence FTW

octarine

ooohhhhh shitd goint to hit the fan

Yes! Another Chapter for the win!

“Twilight Sparkle...” Lyra said at last, tone firm and commanding as she crossed to the library’s front door. “I leave things here in the capable hooves of thyself and the Elements of Harmony. Guard our guest well until we return.”

“But, Princess, where are you going?” you mean luna right?

>>13109931310993

All of Twilight's protests make me worry that maybe time travel *does* work that way. What with her always being wrong about what's scientifically possible.

A lot of what happened in this chapter was...   a bit too over-the-top for my taste.  Marcus seems like a mad dog, and Celestia is...  pretty aggressive too.  Having said that, I'm glad to see the story progressing.  There's a lot of fascinating ideas in this one, and clever little details.  Keep it coming!

BTW...  I'm surprised Tyrant Celestia even has a sister.  She seems like the sort who would have rubbed out Nightmare Moon rather than banish her.

I always wanted to know what happened during their little exchange, thanks for elaborating on it

Damn, nice chapter.

Okay, good.

Now moar!

if thats okay with you...

>>13110211311021 You say that, and yet you haven't corrected it yet...

>>13112101311210 At least in TCB: Not Alone, Luna fully supports Celestia and her actions. Dunno if the author pulled lore from that fanfic, though.

Long chapter and plot advancement, I like!

>>13112101311210

I can see Marcus as a mad dog.  He's on the verge of having his entire species wiped from existence, by a brutal, genocidal group of aliens.  For the last however many years, he's known little else but war and bloodshed.  At that point, I can see him being prepared to do literally anything.  No matter how long of a shot it is.

Especially to a dead ringer of the greatest monsters he's ever known.

“Twilight Sparkle...” Lyra said at last, tone firm and commanding as she crossed to the library’s front door. “I leave things here in the capable hooves of thyself and the Elements of Harmony. Guard our guest well until we return.”

I think you meant LUNA in that passage...

>>13109931310993>>13117891311789

made the change. thank you for pointing it out.

Huzzah! Huzzah! This Equestria is going to help Earth

*Claps slowly.*

this is freakin a great story.

So that explains Marcus's supernatural strength, speed and agility. He's got magic tattoos. Unfortunately, it seems to come at a cost - heightened aggression.

Still, nice to see what's going on Earth and "Dark Equestria". And Vinyl with a minigun, do want!

All I can is...rape time for TCB Equestria!

Yay!  The rewrite is finally up to the point where the original left off.  I cannot wait to see where you take us from here!  

This is good it shows perfictly what would happen if someone from TCB Earth arrived at cannon Equestria

Interesting, Equestria is declaring war on... Equestria... Mind boggling, and I love it! This is better than changelings, and heck Discord should love it! (ponders a moment) He may even be the perfect guy to help in a war of this caliber... who knows?

Enjoying the story immensely, keep up the great work!

Image: http://thespiritscience.net/spirit/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/shit-hitting-the-fan.jpg

Image: http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/mly0582l.jpg

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

Best chapter so far! :D

“He is dangerous, Madam Heartstrings” Lyra interrupted. “Not of this world, not of our kith or kin. His very essence breathes the stench of Discord...”

I think that's Luna speaking, not Lyra.

>>13142881314288

Damnit....seriously? Fuck alright, i got it.

>>13130211313021

Shhh.....

Be quiet....You will ruin the fun for everyone!

>>13112101311210>>13116811311681

There is some things that Marcus did in the past that made him who he is in the story. It nearly destroyed him.

>>13120981312098>>13124491312449

hehehehe I can't wait to see your faces later on....or at least your responses.

>>13143131314313 First play epic sax guy from >>13130751313075

Image: http://iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/62580__.gif

Image: http://iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/64237__safe_princess-celestia_animated_artist-bednarowski.gif

Image: http://iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/w3YT9.gif

Can't wait to see whatcha got in store for us!