• Member Since 10th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

StormFox


A sane Voice Actor in an insane world

Comments ( 83 )

damn, this is an old reboot

11150868
Yes well, I really have no excuse other than life hits ya, and hits ya hard. :ajsleepy:

i read this before the re-wright and enjoyed it so i'm looking forward to the re-wright ^^"

11150991
thank you and I hope you are enjoying it so far. there is a lot more to come hopefully before the end of the month. there is a lot of work that still needs to be done. :twilightsmile:

Good luck! will read when its get around 30-50k probably.

11151000
That shouldn't be too hard to do. :twilightsmile: There are more chapters being reworked on and will appear throughout this month.

Hmm, very interesting and fast-paced! Good for an action story, though it borrows maybe a bit too much from Raider's of the Lost Ark
Onwards!

Nice dream sequence, I like mystery peppered into the stories.
Careful though, there are quite a few grammatical errors in this chapter and some questions regarding the world-building I'll shoot down below

The first big breakthrough we’ve had in months. I know. No! I BELIEVE it will work!” a tone of determination behind the voice.

Have these two words exchanged places?

such craftsmanship only added more puzzles to this bizarre place. Perhaps it was something these people saw as a deity?

Perhaps what should be catching the attention most is that pre-colombian civilizations in South America didn't have horses as a frame of reference

But even then he doubted he would not be able to translate even close to half of this in his lifetime.

This sentence is a double negative, so I am pretty 100% sure that he doesn't not know what he is translating

Also realized his name can be abbreviated to A. Stone. xD
Onwards!

11152337
Now that you mention it, looking at it the second time, the second half rather does. Thanks for pointing it out haha. Guess I was too much into the zone to realize that. :facehoof:

There's a lot to discern and untangle here, I'll DM them to you via Discord

Hm, this is quite good! I look forward to more of this story:pinkiehappy:

11152363

This sentence is a double negative, so I am pretty 100% sure that he doesn't not know what he is translating

Ya'll best not be talkin' bad about the dulcet tones of mah particular vernacular, else IMMA PUT ON MAH TRUCKER HAT! :ajsmug: (You knock off the trucker hat) Ya'll plum daggon done gosh dang darned dun did it now, son!

:trollestia:

He's working for a guy named Sombra... and DOESN'T immediately suspect the guy is probably at least Bond-villain-level evil. He automatically loses 30 points for total lack of genre savvy! :rainbowlaugh:

Hmm, that manticore's not cute like the Pony World ones.

Imma blow it up, cuz it's ugly! (Sound logic) :pinkiecrazy:

No, Luna's speech is excellent! Really drives home the language barrier due to having been gone for a 1000 years. And otherwise, I'm really enjoying this. Ok grammar, excellent action, good pacing, and an engaging story that, so far, has told enough to be engaging but not enough that I can solve much. Looking forward to seeing where this goes!

This is a blast from the past.

Nice.

‘Come on brain think.’ It was difficult, my headache was returning with a vengeance, and making it hard to focus. I barely had time to, as a large chunk of the pillar I was hiding behind exploded,

Time to... what??

11174475
and fixed, thanks for pointing that out. :pinkiehappy:

11174648
No problem! That last chapter was pretty exciting. Last thing I will point out is that it can sometimes be hard to distinguish who is thinking or talking. It's not to important but just a note for future chapters. Other than that, the story is excellent so far!

Nice chapter!
Let's start of with the good; excellent pacing with the fight. That manticore really felt like a relentless predator and I was on edge while reading this. I really like the Gallus-Stone dynamic you got going!
I look forth to reading how our wounded heroes survive the night. Also, in regards to this mysterious 'Sunny' character...
Me thinks that it was Lulu's old gf and that Stone married either her human counter part or her part that got banished to the human world for some reason.

When I did I saw the manticore, who—looked at me rather puzzled, not sure as to what it was seeing either. It was then I noticed from my peripheral the spikes all around me. Each one embedded a good twelve inches into the wall and floor, yet not a single had touched me.
This was outright awesome. I was thinking he had been saved by Tia or Lulu, but man, this was a very nice way to portray he has some form of secret power.

The ugly.

Spikes showered through the door before the manticore’s mighty limbs torn in like the wood was mere paper. There was a pause and another volley of spines shot into the room.

The whole "tearing like mere paper" gets said before, this is a bit of repetition and can be easily fixed with a synonym.

Yikes, isn't this a bit too gory? The manticore prowled into the room with caution, its only good eye scanning for its prey. Parts of its face were blown off, torn muscle hanging from its jaw

after feeling like they had wandered about for perhaps forever, the two had made their way to another stone structure

Bit of a vague description of the castle considering we're in a chase scene, but eh, maybe it's a nitpick on my part

11187505
And this is why I enjoy your feedback Falk and able to point out these mistakes. It helps me become a better writer and know what I need to avoid and improve on. :twilightsmile:

It took every ouch of will not to

Ounce

So either He's her decendant or her reincarnation. either way great chapter

But ghosts? Fuck that shit, you can't stop a ghost with a 45mm or a punch.

It's a good chapter, but I've got a bone to pick with this. The CZ-95B doesn't fire 45mm rounds, those would be massive. It fires .45ACP, which is 11.43mm .

This premise is incredibly intriguing. Keep it up!

11195117
Thank you that means quite a lot. I'll do my best as the story goes on. :twilightsmile:

“The Heart of Ponyland, by M.A Shadowfax. It's really good if I do have to say so myself. Though not as good as his Magical Mystery Cure or The Return of the Elements..." Seems there was a certain M.A Larson mentioned and I didn't even notice!

‘I’ve been having these strange dreams lately.’

Nice KH reference

11195082
45mm is literally anti-tank grade artillery from the 1930s.

Somehow firing that from a handheld weapon would literally take your arm off from the recoil LOL

Comment posted by StormFox deleted Apr 22nd, 2022
Comment posted by Bossypants deleted Sep 25th, 2022

A burst of gunfire tore up the trees to his right; the last few bullets blew out a taillight. A macaw exploded in mid flight in a bullet-riddled burst of blood and feathers.

!!! NO!! NOT THE MACAW!!!

why are your able use YouTube links in your story? Though that was not ok to do? (i assume it because its music for reading)

Hmm, how odd. Just noticed that even though I've read every chapter so far, this is still showing up in my tracking as unread.

“Blitz! How're you doing you crazy bastard?'' Albert firmly clasped Blitz’s hand in a steel tight grip. Blitz return the shake in kind, but neither of them overpowering the other.

11283481
simply just music for reading if you or the readers wish to enjoy, not more than that.

11283571
oh as i expected thanks for clearing up also good work on the story cannot wait see how it ends

11283655

So, will the Wind of Music start playing the Benny Hill theme now? :rainbowlaugh:

Loved the chapter and the music choice Storm. Well worth the wait

It was like someone decided to wrap up winter and make it suddenly spring. Just looking back to where we was it like looking at night and day.

"It's snow! Snow in the same sector! Fantastic!"

"Fascinating."

That time Equestria was the Genesis Planet. :trollestia:

We smiled at each other and with spring in my step, we sang without a single care in the world. Our voices singing loudly into the wind in perfect harmony, walking the road that went ever on, and letting it sweep us off our feet to wherever it might lead.

We're off to see the Squizard! The horrible Squizzard of Horse. :trollestia:

And featured again at 10/17/2022

11396881
Cheese and crackers! :pinkiegasp: Once again this is a great surprise and honor to be on the front page. If anything, I should thank you all for the loving support. :yay:

Rarity’s ears flat against her head,

You accidently a word. It should be:
Rarity’s ears went flat against her head,

WHAT IS THIS TIMELINE?! XD Did Star and Trix time travelled and decided to stay and make sure the mane 6 are still the good fillies they'll be?

11396995
Simple answer: Its AU after all, anything and everything could happen or change. :trollestia:

Login or register to comment