coolio

Holy hell

Stories off to an awesome start, fav'ed

>>10718861071886 I sure hope so!

>>10719891071989 Hahah, I'm glad you like it!

And once again, your ability to describe awe-inspiring set pieces leaves me dumbfounded

Nice! Are you going to turn Twilight on Celestia? That'd be kinda twisted.

>>10720291072029 Heh :D Thanks! I know I sure love writing it! Haha.

>>10721081072108 Oh no, I have other things in store for her...

It is well written, but I cannot feel nothing but disgust after reading. Especially from what you done with Twilight.

I do not think that I will watch it. Too dark for me.

>>10728071072807 Haha, if it makes you feel any better, you are meant to feel disgust at this point!

So Tartarus is a mixture of Hell, Mordor and the Negative Zone? Interesting Althought poor Twi... Cutting of the alicorn of an unicorn must be pretty painfull. As I understand she is now without any magical power, correct? That would be like cutting the hands of an human, depriving him of the tools that actually define humanity. She is now just an earth pony how cruel... My and my fantastic racism But when I consider the facts: a maimed, young and innocent mare in a place where torture, rape ans pain are the standard social begaviour, than I have to wonder if you don't have something against her

>>10728111072811

I told that it is well written, and I suspected that it was written in that way intentionally.

Kinda reminds me some good fictions (not fim) which used Lovecraft based mythology.

Well, I expected good writing from author of 'The Sun Whispers Your Name' :)

But I still cannot read about Twilight in that state.

I suspect that you will change things in future, but I do not want to hit another cliffhanger while things are as they are.

So, do you suggest me to came back later when several chapters are released ?

Let´s get to reading!

____________________

Well.. Very well written, the story just completely sucked me in, you really put a good storyline there and I can not wait to read more! Twilight will suffer, bwhahaha :D.  Thumbs up and faved. :)

Oh... my.  So dark.  I like dark.  This is really dark.  I like this.  A lot.  I only fear for Twily.  Though, I guess I should, at this point.

Dear Sweet God...  That is just awful.  I knew this was going to be dark, but Twilight's life is literally now just hell.

Quick question:  Is this story being set apart from your other work in progress, or is this going to be a part of it?  

I don't remember if you've answered this or not, sorry if you have.

As for the story itself, pretty freakin' brilliant.  Your prose is a tad purple, and before you take that as a bad thing, I enjoy purple, just don't go over using similes and you'll be fine in my book.  As for the description in general, I don't think I've really ever written anything that has painted such a bleak and depressing picture in my head, and red for that matter.  It was great.  I was sketchy with the first person POV at first as well, but I think you've pulled it off so far.

And your characters, gah!  They're vile and down right disturbing, but some of them are oh so very interesting.  Albeit they're not really someone I'd want to get to know, just due to the fact that whatever it is I would discover about them wouldn't be very pleasant, and they probably don't think about too much anyway.  I particularly like Skelleitzor, if only because he seems to be the only playful thing down there -- playful in a twisted and warped sense, mind you.  I do question what he is, though.  He's lived countless millenia and he himself has even mentioned he does not know who he is.  The Little Prince calls him a Shadow Wraith (and I myself don't know what that entails), but he can also shape shift, it seems.  How do we know that wasn't what he originally was?  We can't, not really, all speculation and such.  I find that interesting.

Also, it's actually hard for me to comprehend in my mind just what Beelzebub looks like.  That may just be for the better, though.

Moving on, I don't quite understand what Skelleitzor was trying to say when he mentioned "ponies never change" and "The Midnight One".  He goes on to mimic Celestia just to point out the terrible grudge The Little Prince has against her, but I still don't see what that has to do with Luna =/

As for the problems with this and EqD, the only things I can really think of is the over all dark place you've written, the rather extravagant description, or the first person POV.  If it's neither of those, which I don't honestly see too much of a problem in, then I don't know what it could be.  I guess I'll be awaiting that blog post and it's in depth explanation.

And once more, poor Twilight

>>10730991073099 Oh yes, no magical power from her. Well... to an extent.

And heavens no! I adore Twilight, haha. This story was really hard to write in some parts for that very reason. The more I make a character suffer, the more I love them. If I didn't like her she'd be dead, hahaha.

>>10731171073117 Well, the entire story should be up in the next couple of days, so yeah, I guess you could do that! You certainly wouldn't have to wait terribly wrong before you could read the entire thing in one go!

>>10737851073785 Poor Twilight. She certainly gets the rough end of this stick, haha. Thanks for reading!

>>10741311074131 I also like dark, haha. Which perhaps is self defeating, but ah well. Do what you love!

Thanks for reading!

>>10743071074307 It is set apart from the other stories. I did, however, steal heaps of the world building from it, so you will certainly see similarities and names popping up again, but they're technically different universes.

Yeah, I love having shades of purple in my description (much to my editor's frustration at times, haha). The key is moderation, I guess. Can't go too far in one direction otherwise then we start having a problem.

Most of the bad guys were really interesting to try and construct; it's far too easy to fall into villain clichés and keep them two dimensional. I know with this I really tried to give each one their own living breathing personalities while keeping them all suitably creepy and in some cases downright dangerous. Skelleitzor was always a particular favourite of mine, as well. I got the idea for his character in my head and I couldn't get him out. And so here he is! Creepy and trolling!

With Beelzebub... rotting flesh, white eyes and a horn. There really isn't too much more to describe than that. The eyes are what's important most of the time.

As for Luna... I have a sneaking suspicion that there are some answers given next chapter!

Thanks for reading, and thank you for the comment! They certainly make my day!

This is how a Dark Fic is written!

Now to relish in the deliciousness of it.

...

I have relished and it was satisfying.

>>10773941077394 Haha, I'm glad you're liking it. Thanks for reading!

Omg... this is beautiful.

Is it just me, or do I sense shades of Barlowe? I'm definitely sensing Dante and Milton. This is in no way a mark against anything, ever. These are some of my favourite things, and then ponies. Oh good lord I'm back in the pony Inferno, it's just... I can't... omfg just wow~

So happy.

I know I have more (and more coherent) words in me to react to this but I can't for the life of me untangle them right now; you'll need to give me a moment.

More. More.

OH. MY. GOD! My friend, you have earned an instant watch just from that chapter.

>>10778771077877 Oh man, now I want to get my hands on a copy of Barlowe. It's so expensive, though! D: Interestingly, Dante's Inferno is another item on my 'to read' list. Fortunately with that one, I have a link to a free version online, haha. That kind of imagery is definitely what I was taking inspiration from. I know my demons' personalities drew quite a heavy influence from Doctor Faustus, which rests within that same hell archetype.

Regardless, I am super happy to hear that you are enjoying it so far! Thanks for the comment!

>>10779791077979 Hehe, I'm glad you're liking it! Thanks for reading!

>>10771661077166 The more I make a character suffer, the more I love them...  The more I make a character suffer, the more I love them... The more I make a character suffer, the more I love them...

You know that a healthy relationship works a little bit in the opposite direction do you? We care for those we love, and make the ones we hate eat theit own faces or cut their bellies open, nail their guts to a tree and make them run around it till they die. The Hussite Wars are such a wonderfull source of inspiration...  

>>10785751078575 Wait, wait, wait... Are you telling me that I am meant to treat the people I love... nicely?! Good lord... that explains so much.

Hahah, but seriously! I put the characters I love into stories, and generally terrible things happen to my characters so they can learn something, or to show a particular theme or idea. Let's face it, it sucks to be my characters, but hopefully stories come out that aren't completely awful!

>>10787721078772 Yeah I know what you mean Suffering is also a good way to make the character more sympathetic or to explain his background and motivation if he's more of a anti-hero or even a villain. Considering this tendency of yours and the great job you've done with All paths lead home, you should maybe consider making a story in the Fallout:Equestria setting. My newly found love for that alternative universe has nothing to do with it of course

>>10788821078882 Oh man... I've always wanted to do a story in the Fo:E universe... but I could never live up to the giants. I would have to have the absolute perfect idea, and so far, inspiration is yet to hit!

>>10788971078897 You could never live up to the giants? Filly, please! All paths lead home, althought more like Mad Max or Stalker in my opinion, is practically Fo:E but without guns and pegasi extinct

>>10789481078948 I would be so depressed because I would be constantly comparing it to Project Horizons. It's my favourite fic in the fandom for a reason! Haha

>>10790121079012 I know it sounds wicked but until now I've only read Heroes and Guise of Chaos, two wonderfull side stories with characters so flawed and yet determinated to be better ponies that it's simply awesome, and only started reading Fallout:Equestria, so PH still lies somwhere behind the Horizon. The best part about the setting? Ponies are suddenly able to be psychotic monsters! As an example lets use my favorite arsonist bitch from GoC - say hallo to Cinder "Cindy" Trails

Image: http://th09.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/067/0/7/you_almost_burned_me__by_kibugamikenzo-d4s3cs9.jpg

>>10790791079079 Oh man... PH... PH is one of the most entertaining stories I've read, published or not. And I adored the original Fo:E as well.

Siiigh. Who knows, maybe one day I'll come up with a good plot idea for one of my own.

>>10790981079098 I have to read them, the problem is I've get something that could almost be called a life that inteerferes with my hobbies I don't know if it helps, but as I've noticed a repeatable motive in the Equestrian Wasteland is maim, rape, kill in whatever order you choose

I hope this ends well

>>10841421084142

Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8qjbipHFh1qeznsgo1_1280.png

Yup this fic definitely goes to eleven

>>10842341084234 Hahah, I try not to do things halfway!

These are the times I don't understand FIMfiction.

How can a story this good have only 19 likes?

Madness I say! And not the Spartan kind.

Now to wait for the next installment.

>>10843241084324 It's the grimdark curse! Haha. That and the word count. This site has a scarily short attention span. That's why you hardly see fics over 10 or sometimes even 5k words in the featured bar, haha.

Regardless, thanks so much for reading and thanks for the comment!

I don't know if I like where this is going... Especially because I don't know where this is going. But it's very well written and I'm a very curios person. Good story. So far.

*secretly gives you a Schnauzer *

By the darknes between the stars... I'm glad. I'm so glad. I was already afraid he had some fealings for Celestia. Luna is best shipping when it comes to Alicorns Hm... Shinings dead? Considering that I dislike Cadence and the lose of her husband would surely bring her pain I would say I'm alright with it. Of course I'm still sad about Twilights faith... When I think about your tastes I think a downer ending is the best possible what we can get

>>10847511084751 Hehe. Mystery! I like it! I'm glad you're liking the story, and thanks for reading.

>>10849251084925 See! I told you; I kill characters I don't like! Haha. I was at a loss at how to knock Cadence off in this story, though, unfortunately. Ah well. Next time!

As for the ending... well, I am full of surprises! :D

>>10849531084953 You sir are morbid Not a monster like Pinkanon and his Cupcakes, but the best option I can think about when it comes to an ending is:

a) A... The Prince, whatever his name is,  saves Twilight and betrays HIM, dying in the conclusion of his actions + gaining the Princesses forgivness.

b) As a), but he doesn't die but stays trapped in Tartarus enduring torture till the end of eternity.

c) He tries the above but fails, HE wins and the Prince get's to be Belzebubs toy for all eternity.

d) Everyone dies and the universe comes to an end. Happy End

>>10850821085082 Pfft... it's totally none of those...

Oh lord now I have to re-write the entire ending! D:

>>10851971085197 HE will accept the ponies friendship and everypony will have cake, that's actually poisoned to kill every enemy of Equestria?

Still just as dark as ever.  And I sill like it.  The darkness... It pleases me.

>>10782041078204

I didn't want to make a comment before reading the second chapter, given to the fact that it actually appeared exactly when I was going to read this, but:

YOU DIDN'T READ DANTE'S INFERNO YET?! WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!

Sorry. But seriously. WTF! There is one book about this pathetic hell/heaven-stuff worth the time and you didn't read it.

And don't come with that 'But the translation from old-italian is so dry'-mimimi!

Going for the next chapter and a more..polite comment.

Yes.

First off, I shall thank you for writing this. It reminds me on something, something that went into the dephts of my mind in the past weeks, something that I definely shouldn't forget one more time.

Then: This was (is, will hopefully stay) beautiful. Nothing to say about your word-generating and stuff, and since this is a seperated storyverse (isn't it?) I haven't to break my head for any answers I'm still missing, just like what created Tartarus etc.. Pure enjoyment!

Alas, you said no cliffhangers. Can't accept that statement to 100%. This gave a bitter-sweet taste into my mouth, making me call for more tortured Twilight. Even if it seems that Aurvandil (as long as you like the name..) is going to develope a more helpful relationship to her, I request a mature-rating for further ..actions. I say it as it is: I would certainly love to see our Twilight bleed, broken.. Aww, I want to see that lovely, lovely little foal slaughtered just one time. - But, do it with love! Teach me war!

Hmm, I think my dark side is getting up again, you shall not see more of this (for now).

- I'm out!

The Sun Whispers Your Name was the first fanfic I ever read on FIMFiction. You have no idea how excited I was when I found a new story on your page. I'll just go ahead and auto-like/fav

I'm still trying to get past how dark this is, though.

>>10854831085483 //Shifty eyes... Mebby... You will have to wait and see!

>>10856061085606 Hehe, I'm glad you're liking it!

>>10865061086506 I'll read it, I swear! I will, I will!

I originally did plan on making it a whole lot darker, but I eventually decided against it. After all, I don't really have the pull that someone like SS&E has and even he can't get a mature dark fic off the ground! Still, there is plenty of Twiabuse here, hahahaha.

>>10876011087601 Well I'm thrilled to hear that you have been enjoying my work! Rest assured, there is a lot more coming (and none of it is quite as dark as this one, haha).

Thanks for reading!

Chapter 3 is pretty good! 5/5 !

The description of how he thinks of Luna and what he acts is awesome.

Really glad to read your new story.

I enjoyd The Sun Whisper Your Names

And I also enjoy this.

I recently read Immortal Games and your newly updated fictions too.

Oops. I like this kind of fictions. :D

Great battle scene!

GJ!

I liked it.  Really well done.

Notbad.jpg

>>10971851097185 Hehe, I'm glad you enjoyed it! And there is something important to know in this fandom, and that is epic adventure is the best genre. Hands down, without a doubt. Ponies and action, they just go so well together!

>>10972681097268 Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!

>>10973591097359 Meme references in the comments. Oh yes! Heights of fame now! Hahaha. Thanks for reading!

This story is both beautiful and epic. Really can't think of any other way to describe it. Very well done.

>>10975631097563 Exactly what I want to hear! I am very happy to see that you enjoyed it. Thanks so much for reading and for taking the time to comment; it really means a lot!

Loved it! You receive 5 Spike for it:

Really enjoyed it

Only real complaint is that it could have been a bit longer. His change of heart was somewhat abrupt.

I never know what to say when fics reach their conclusion...

Short? Yes. Great? Also yes. Epic fantasy is best fantasy, and you are awesome at writing it

>>10900521090052 HEY! I was right! Version A) from my last post did come true, but you cheated and resurrected him with the Orbital Freindship Canon

Besides that it was a very nice chapter and, as >>10971851097185 already pointed out , the descriptions of his thoughts about Luna were especially entertaining

Mucho gracias, thank you very much and vielen Dank for uploading this a day early. I'm really feeling satisfied now.

This chapter made my day indeed, even if it was kinda hard to read. Got seven times interrupted alone at the big-bad-gate-scene. And I'm not talking about the battle!

She was broken.

--The pleasure!

And now, tell me, is this finished? This could be an acceptable ending and the ending-credits are indicating something like that, too. But still, it's tagged as 'incompleted'. Sounds like an 'everything is super-duper cool, you saved Twilight and now we all love you again'-epilouge to me.

P.S. Is there something like a premium-watching-function to get rid of the commercials?

>>10843401084340

Yeah well I much rather take my time with a story which has more words and chapters, because for me it is overally better storyline.

Also, I started up on fics which have about 10-15k words, so when I came to fics which had like 8k, I was like pfft what´s that

This chapter took me more then hour to read though, gonna read chapter 3 tomorrow... I hope the ending is... somewhat dark and cruel for Twilight. Not that I dislike her... I like(love ) her, but now after all happy endings, why not to read about Twilight and her friends getting pwned, Luna and Celestia getting raped and whole world basically burned to ashes I am such a pervert, I know

>>10976411097641 Hehe, thanks!

>>10979801097980 Yeah, I was worried it would come across like that. It was the risk I took making him so compulsive and driven by his emotions naturally, haha. Still, I am glad you liked it!

>>10985361098536 Epic is definitely what I was going for! Haha. Thanks for reading!

>>10986061098606 Resurrect him? Oh heavens no! He saw the stars at the end, yet when the gates open the sun shines in... A different kind of freedom for him. You don't get off scott free after what he'd done.

>>10986171098617 You never saw it being tagged as incomplete... It was all just a dream!

Anyway, I am glad that you liked it overall! I know I sure enjoyed writing it, haha. Dark stuff can be a heck of a lot of fun. Thanks for reading!

>>11007441100744 Yeah, I like longer chapters myself. Around 10k is a nice middle ground, I feel. Still, one day I want to write a 20k chapter. Just... well... because, haha.

Poor Twilight, hahaha. She cops so much! I feel so bad for doing such terrible things to her. She needs some love and TLC!

>>11035961103596 Pffff... Redemption trough dead is... easy The eternal void or making him live with the shame and  conscience pangs poisoning every moment o his very existence - that's the spirit!

>>11035961103596

Oh man, i finaly read through chapter 3 and it was amazing. From the moment he saw Luna eyes in Twilight eyes (or thought that they were similiar) I knew that he would save her at the end. I am just wondering, what happened next? Did he died, or is he sealed in hell forever with all that scum?

Also, I will soon read through more of your work, I really really REALLY like your style of writing. And it all began at the glorious "Sun whispers your name"

Oh and don´t worry, Twilight will be loved enough... Tonite..

>>11054601105460 Well I am thrilled to hear that you liked it overall! As for his fate, he's essentially dead, but his soul managed to escape the void, so in that way he gets some sort of redemption.

If you do read any more of my stuff, I really hope you enjoy it! Be careful with anything before All Paths Lead Home, however. I sucked a whole lot more before writing that story than I do now, haha. Cringe worthy, really!

Image: http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/074/5/6/cute_twilight_sparkle_by_kenta1616-d4susae.jpg

And look at that! How can you not love that?!

>>11097391109739

Traitor deserves nothing more than a death.

I was reading that fic about Derpy today, and though it was little bit short it was nice... I didn´t want to spam below every fic of yours so I decided to not post there and just wait for your reply here

And about Twilight... Oh I think I... eem.. That I... Okay you are right

>>11100111110011 That derpy fic... Oh God help me. You're actually reading them. Don't say I didn't warn you! They're terrible I tell you, terrible! D:

>>11150011115001

Oh it´s not that bad you are making it to be... You really don´t need to worry

Thank you for the story.

I do not regret a bit about reading it now.

It is far darker than my likes are, but it is really-really good.

The only regret I have - is that I started it while there was only first chapter released - your writing is too good and images were too alive frozen in that awful cliffhanger you have there.

And have another great personal 'thank you' from me for taking time to answer to my sobs in chapter one comments and convincing me to come back to finish it.

>>12125841212584 No, thank you for giving it a shot! It means a lot to me! I'm definitely glad to hear that you enjoyed it.

Well, that was dark all right !

>>17492781749278 Hehe, sure is!

Goodness this fic is really awesome. I'm not sure how I came upon it, but I definitely do not regret even one word I read.

It's a real shame it has so little recognition...

>>17494021749402

That was honestly one of the best things I have ever read. Well on par with SS&E's story, without suffering from purple prose.

The pacing was good, not too fast, and without too much purple prose. The descriptions were awesome, I could really picture them in my mind. And Him... I felt the pressure of His presence over His minions, how they silently wait for hours until He aknowledged them...

The main character was really deep, and I quickly grew attached to him. Some may argue that Aurvandil's heel face turn was a bit fast, but I think he had lost his memories of Luna, replaced by his hatred of Celestia ; and he needed to be remembered this, so he could realize what he was doing. Twilight was really well done in this role, keeping hope despite everything else.

No, honestly, I loved it ! And will read it again :)

(By the way, did SS&E read it ?)

>>17496191749619 Hehe, thank you for your kind words! I really appreciate them! I am glad that you liked the descriptions and world building, because they are by far my favourite parts of this story, too.

As for whether or not SS&E read it, I am pretty sure he has no idea it exists! Haha. I know I never told him. And besides, it's probably for the better. I think I my newer stuff is a lot better ;)

Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to leave your thoughts! It means to world to me!