Rarity runs into an old high school classmate. No one has seen him since he moved away junior year of high school. Now she learns why.
Chapters (4)
Frizzy
Joined 10th Dec, 2011 ·
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I like this. I wanna see where you go with it. Please the master
or she will order me to throw pies at you.
Daaaang Rarity must have been feeling ultra guilty to confess so quickly. I can't wait for more!
I'm prone to waaay too long explanations, so I'll limit myself to five, unless you want hear more. Then just inform me.
1- How is rarity the kind of pony that starts malicious rumors, even if it was high school?
2- How does starting high school rumors get actual drug dealers and pervs (and this is Ponyville?!) to show up at Penn's door?
3 - The story layout needs some work, the slightest bit hard to tell who talking or when they switch.
4- Did high school rumors really make his life that bad? What did the drug dealers and pervs do when they showed up at his door? FORCE themsleves in? I'd believe that in a really stretched scenario.
5- If Penn tried to kill himself 5 times, then I think in later chapters you should show him to be a bit more unhinged. Just a bit, considering he underwent treatment, so for the most part he would be fine.
Sorry. It's the first chapter. I shouldn't really judge until after at least three. So we'll see...
Decent work, old chap!
very nice
Pretty good, but just a couple things.
1) a lot of people aren't aware of this, but every time another person (or pony) speaks it's a new paragraph.
2) Good job
The concept's actually quite interesting, though the story moves too fast. The stuff you've just told us could have been revealed over the course of several chapters. This would keep your audience in anticipation of what Rarity did, you could develop Penn's back story more, and throw in flashbacks of high school life.
Will not rate just yet, since I'd like to see where this goes and any eventual changes to the first chapter. I like the concept, and with practice, the execution will improve, so I'll track this. Keep on writing.
i am almost crying.....
to late!
keep on typing! and update soon plz
This is very well done.
I have one comment that no one else has mentioned: it's about your description. "Noone" isn't a word. "No one" is what you mean. 
123115 thank you, sir.
Keep this up! I wanna to read more chapters! Especially of what Rarity will do in her attempt to fix this situation if its salvageable.
Im going to track this!
It's a common mistake and I know that I've done it myself too many times to count. But it's killer for a reader to have a paragraph go on with multiple people / ponies / dragons / etc talking at the same time. I can barely stand it. And there needs to be a clear line between what the character says and what her or she thinks.
Personally, I do something like:
"What, already?" Spike asked, and he scrunched his face up in genuine surprise. He hopped down the steps. Wow, I can't believe Twilight did what she asked. That's nowhere near enough time.
Short but good, keep it up!
When next installment of this story would be?
316992 it's on hiatus, so I don't really know right now.
I dont know if you've changed this by now but what others are talkimg about (understanding who's talking) isnt a problem at ALL for me.
First thing that comes to mind: a fic called Canon x Cannon... don't know why.
1453960 Yeah, I think I stole this premise from that. Sorry.
Update! o:
Update?