Book I: Britannia and the Holy Hoof-Grenade

by Hazel Hooves

Appendices

Appendix I:
The Royal Equestrian Expeditionary Force

For the benefit of those not particularly well-versed in the organisation of our nation's armed forces (and there are few who truly have a really concise idea) it may be best to explain exactly what function the Royal Equestrian Expeditionary Force fulfils. My apologies in advance, but to quote from a fellow military writer:

"...If the adage be true that international diplomacy is the application of the correct amount of 'carrot', coupled with the correct amount of 'stick' then, to analyse the make-up of Equestria's military, it might behove us to, instead, think of the 'stick' as a 'sword'.

"The ornamentation of this 'sword', its decoration and engraving, could be likened to the pomp and ceremony that serve to entertain and reassure the public: the changing of the Royal Guard, the Wonderbolt Aerobatic Display Team etc. The strong blade with its well-honed edge would represent the various brigades and regiments that compose the Royal and National Guard: from the elite of Princess Celestia's Own Life Guards to the Royal Artillery, The Royal Air Service, The Royal Naval Service, The Royal Medical Corps and right down to the various Municiple Militias.

"Now the R.E.E.F, in the context of this analogy, could be likened to a grizzled, battle-hardened pony casually sharpening said 'sword' as they are stood behind a figurative Equestrian diplomat, who would be the equivalent of the 'carrot'. The metaphorical pony is in the background; 'he' (or indeed, 'she') is separate from the fine talk of negotiations but they are still, unarguably, there honing 'his' (or, indeed, 'her') weapon. Oh, they aren't doing it in a threatening manner, perish the thought! No, they're just maintaining the tool of their trade. Swords become blunt, you know? This one, possibly, after it had been used after the last representative of a foreign power felt that the lovely terms the Equestrian Government had offered them weren't to their liking. Speaking of which, why don't we have a little chat about these positively wonderful treaty papers we have right here?..." -Forlorn Hope pg.54

This particularly florid and yet rather crude analogy does seem to provide a decent summation, although I feel my fellow writer is showing his colours somewhat in regard to his take on Equestrian foreign policy. To simplify: The R.E.E.F represent the more proactive side to our otherwise reactionary military. They are, as Forlorn Hope arduously asserts, the martial side of the diplomatic and ambassadorial wings of government: there to support Equestrian interests in negotiation with both friendly and unfriendly nations.

As a result of their primary role, they are often the first to the front in the event that any conflict may arise. As these are rare within our recent history, with our diplomats being very skilled in their work and great proponents of the 'Love and Tolerance' approach, the R.E.E.F also finds itself used in less combative roles. Crucial services in a number of fields have found their way into the Force's remit: whether it be exploration, reclamation of various ancient magical artefacts, logistical support and the distributors of aid and relief in extreme environments or during crises.

Its composition has been described as 'rag-tag' by some critics within the high echelons of the military as, at any time, it may count among its number various civilian operatives: scientists, explorers, medical practitioners, scholars, researchers, merchants, engineers, meteorological and meteorologistical specialists, magical technicians, native guides and other assorted field-agents. Also, as well as the R.E.E.F's official command structure (recognisable by the regimental badge and coral-coloured uniform facings) they may also call upon officers and soldiers from other regiments in a form of 'Army Exchange Program' for want of a better term. The use of 'Irregulars' is also present in other divisions of the military but certainly not to the extent found within the R.E.E.F where maybe "twenty to thirty percent" (EMoD figures 960 AC-30 AS), of serving members have been drawn from other regiments and divisions.

The use of such soldiers provides the R.E.E.F with a remarkable diversity that allows it to apply the right specialists to the right areas whenever needed while other regiments are tied up by their sheer logistical size or a lacking in Equine Resources. Not only that but, unlike other Irregulars, soldiers on loan to the R.E.E.F may actually be integrated into the official command structure of the division itself if other suitable personnel can't be found or, quite simply, if they are the best mare or stallion for the job.

So it is less that the Royal Equestrian Expeditionary Force is 'rag-tag' but that it has the mutable ability to be infinitely specialised. Though its 'Colt-of-all-trades' nature does make it less effective compared to dedicated regiments and divisions should a full-scale war be unavoidable; it is a conjecture of mine that the R.E.E.F's poor standing among High Command is less to do with how 'effective' the division is and more to do with the monstrous amount of paperwork generated by its actions and the tangled web of its command chain (which, believe me, makes sense when you get used to it). That and 'taking the fight to the enemy' has always been a tricky subject amongst the more cautious members of the Ministry of Defence.

As a relevant aside: it should be noted that, unlike other divisions, the R.E.E.F maintains a register of 'Camp Followers' consisting of various civilians, family members and other non-combatants that may travel along with active personnel provided the mission in question isn't classified. Major Quarter Mane, as one of the highest ranking officers at the time of the Buckswana Expedition, was clearly able to use his influence to ensure his daughter was able to join the trip, something that would be unthinkable in more stringent divisions of our military; for better or for worse.

Further Reading:
Get Your Filthy Hooves Off My Dessert: An Analysis of 'War Chariot Diplomacy' and its Role Within Equestrian Foreign Policy and the Fallacy of 'Love and Tolerance' by Forlorn Hope (Extreme Caution Advised. The author's flagrant torturing of the Equestrian language surely must be a crime under the Charter of Equine Rights- CC)
Equestrian Ministry of Defence Military Records Sections CXVII-CCIIX, Royal Canterlot Archives: Public Viewing Section
Coral in the Veins by Tempest Vortex, former R.E.E.F operative and Squadron Commander, Royal Equestrian Air-force
The Ponies Who Serve: A Brief History of the Equestrian Military by Carbon Copy

***

Appendix II:

The Buckswana Expedition of 976 AC

I have glossed over the details pertaining to the R.E.E.F’s presence on the Zebrican sub-continent in favour of focusing on the parts that are more important to Britannia’s story as a whole. However, the expedition represented quite an important leap forward in the diplomatic relations between Equestria and the Savannah Confederacy.

Up until that point, relations between our two peoples, though by no means unfriendly, were distant and our interactions were limited to that between occasional travellers and explorers. However, as items of produce, manufacture or scholarly interest began to be exchanged, a growing desire for further trade arose. A fashion for Zebrican exotica became all the rage among the elites of Canterlot during the late '60's and early '70's along with new foodstuffs, medicinal plants and natural resources. A similar desire was felt on the other side and so, with trade becoming more lucrative, it was in the Equestrian government’s interest to open up further diplomatic talks and trade routes.

The expedition headed by Major Quarter Mane of the R.E.E.F and Keongozi (lit. "Senior watcher") Zeonda of the Zevera Assembly was merely the culmination of three years of ongoing talks and path-finding to come to a conclusive plan of action that would benefit both nations and further the bonds of friendship between them. Most of the member states, herds and kingdoms within the Savannah Confederacy agreed to the cause during the Accord of 975 AC that took place at the Zebra "Capital" of Zevera: the great lake and communal water source which is a state of neutral territory between the diverse nations of the Confederacy. Other races who likewise pledged to further the aims of greater reciprocation were the Okapi, the Antelopes, the Giraffes, the Wildebeests, the Rhinoceri, the Hippopotami and the Elephants.

The last holdout, isolated by jungle and treacherous mountains, was the kingdom of Buckswana whose traditional knowledge of certain medicinal plants and potions was of great interest to the Ministry of Health and Well-being. Despite the setback of the night of July 21st. (the asanbosam attack) which left three members of the expedition seriously injured, they pressed ahead. In fact the trials that the party endured may have worked to their advantage as, impressed by their deeds that night, “particularly by (those of) the leader of the Equestrian Contingent’s daughter” -Plumbline Pg.67, diplomacy went better than expected and a plan to build links by rail, road and air from the coast to the interior was agreed upon. Our peoples have largely enjoyed a friendly dialogue ever since.

Further reading:
Paths Less Trotted: Travelling in the land of the Zebra by Capt. Plumbline, Royal Regiment of Engineers (Retired)
Speaking in Rhyme: Life among the Hoofed Peoples of the Savannah by Dr. Living Stone

***

Appendix III

Asanbosam & the Zebrican Jungle Manticore

The asanbosam that the expedition encountered are an example of just one of the many strange and deadly beasts known to inhabit the jungles of Zebrica: a wilderness untamed by ponykind much like our own Everfree Forest only on a much larger and more dangerous scale. Britannia and Zeneela’s impression of them provides an evocative image corroborated by others who have encountered these unsettling creatures “...the hairy Sasabonsam (sic) has large blood-shot eyes, long legs, and feet pointing both ways. Its favourite trick is to sit on the high branches of a tree and dangle its legs so as to entangle the unwary hunter.” -Blood Orchid Pg.435

Their name seems to roughly mean "Smelly hook-clawed blood demon" in Quaghili, proving that the Zebra language can be very specific at times (though raising the possibility of there being other varieties of blood demon purely by implication. This is Zebrica we're talking about here).They are a vampiric beast in nature, said to gorge upon the still-living blood of their victims. This, paradoxically, may explain why it was that Zeneela was able to survive her graphic injuries as severing a vital blood vessel would no doubt kill the victim too quickly for the creature to receive enough of their perverse sustenance.

Another creature of note in this account would, of course, be the animal that took it upon himself to repay Britannia’s caring nature with an undying loyalty and fierce devotion: the Zebrican Jungle Manticore (Panthera scorpius zebricanus) she aptly named “Roary”. Many of my readership will know him as the figure she occasionally finds herself paired with in certain recruitment posters and photographs and there are likely to be many among you who have even seen the beast in full force on the field of battle. As such, you will well appreciate the ferocity of these creatures that seem to combine the body of an enormous lion, the wings of a bat and the poisonous tail of a scorpion.

By nature these creatures tend to be loners in their native land, except during the breeding season when males will fight for the attention of the females. Cubs are usually born in litters numbering two to three and they remain with their mothers for some time until finally forced to fend for themselves by the, no doubt long-suffering, female. Although a winged creature they are unable to achieve true flight, instead using their wings for gliding and for increased height and distance when pouncing or climbing among the crags and cliff-faces that they tend to use as sites for their lairs. Their tail is capable of injecting a powerful venom used to disable their prey and mark their territory as each manticore's individual secretion carries a unique scent, or so magi-zoologists theorise.

Britannia has often speculated about how it was Roary had been injured and abandoned as a cub but came to no real conclusions. Maybe it was a case of uncharacteristic carelessness on the mother’s part or due to an attack by some larger predator (the fact that such things do exist gives one pause for thought when contemplating taking a vacation to the land of the zebra) Another possibility is that the family encountered another lone male who took it upon himself to make the mother go back into season by killing off her young. Such is the sad but all too real truth about life for these predators.

The fact that Britannia has any control over such a potentially violent animal, despite her continued assertions that “He’s just a big softie, really,” must say something for her force of personality or the high regard the apex predator holds her in. One possibility, as conjectured by contacts at the Biology dept. at Canterlot University, is that he thinks of Britannia as some kind of mother figure. As he has never been forced to ‘fly the nest’ so to speak and having no motivation to leave her side (I have it on good authority that rumours of a manticore population being present within the Everfree are unsubstantiated) his loyal and, somewhat, friendly nature may be down to some sort of unchallenged infantilism on his part. Alternatively whatever happened to him as a juvenile may have, metaphorically, knocked a few screws loose. Not having known any other manticores personally (and having no desire to, I might add) this is pure conjecture on my part.

As an aside, one might wonder what she feeds such a large carnivore. By all accounts it’s best not to ask, but, apparently, sardines, milk and large quantities of Kit-e-chow™ are involved to some extent. Military Supply Inventories can make for fascinating reading sometimes.

Further reading:
The Fauna & Flora of the Zebrican Sub-Continent, Volumes I to XVI by Prof. Blood Orchid

***

Appendix IV

The Holy Hoof-Grenade of Amity

The myths surrounding this example of ancient Equestrian apocrypha: its origin, the lack of clarity regarding its purpose and the stories that surround it, are a source of great debate among magical scholars. It has been a part of the public consciousness for centuries, as fashion dictates: through the medium of books, stageplays and even motion pictures. Even the anonymous author of the Daring Do books was inspired to reference it in book 6 of the series: Daring Do and the Sovereign’s Orb. For further insight into these matters, however, please consult the volumes recommended at the end of this appendix.

In regards to how this enigmatic magical device relates to Britannia, as a symbol of her Special Talent, I still have no real idea but you may glean greater insight than I with continued reading of the Unofficial Biography. Her personality and actions at this obscure and very private part of her life are derived from a combination of my own interactions with her and interviews conducted with those members of the expedition I was able to gain an audience with. As for how she reacted when she realised she'd earned such an unusual and iconic mark, all I was able to get from her on the subject during our last interview was, “Like any foal would, I suppose.” a characteristic understatement or, possibly, a true lack of realisation of how unlike other foals she’d been. Mpira wa Dhahabu Britannia indeed.

Further reading:
The Encyclopaedia of Equestrian Antiquities, Vol. IX Canterlot Archives Press
The Holy Fire & The Holy Hoof-Grenade by Dr. Sacred Enigma, Professor of Runes, Glyphs & Symbology at the University of Canterlot
A Catalogue of the Crown Jewels of the Royal House of Equestria by Chief-Warder, Raven Wing of Her Majesty's Guardians Most Extraordinary of Her Majesty's Royal Fortress of the White Tower (Royal Treasure Vault Guards)

***

Story written by Hazelhooves. Britannia's Character design is © B.U.C.K, the Brony UK Convention http://www.bronyuk.org/ . My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is © Hasbro & all its subsidiaries and partners. This fan fiction is written as a not for profit creative exercise. All characters and settings are © their respective owners. The 'Holy Hoof-Grenade' is somewhat lovingly ripped off from Monty Python.

Comments

[Sb129]

just seeing Britannia automagically makes me think of Code Geass

[Hazel Hooves]

1022381

What am I going to do with all these moustaches? *starts distributing them among random passers-by*

Share the awesome

[Starlight Mystery]

I love your fanfic! Are you gonna write more about Britannia and Roary?

[Hazel Hooves]

1041524

If I can get my headspace in order, yes. Though we're fast-forwarding ahead by about 10 years or so, Thanks for the positive vibes

[Starlight Mystery]

>>Hazel Hooves Ok, I'll be keeping an eye out.

You're welcome!

[KartalTheWriter]

Dude, I haven't read this yet, but it's in the queue, and I would have read it anyway because of THAT TITLE! You are brilliant! I'll edit this after I've read it.

[James Washburn]

This godamn thing. This was a joy to read. If you write more, I'll read it without a pause.

[Hazel Hooves]

1086164

Thanks for the encouragement.

The 2nd instalment is in my headspace at the moment and will be written once further water testing has taken place. There will be action, tragedy, perils, eighties-style club music, conspiracies and a terminal amount of guarding things... Oh well, being an Equestrian soldier can't all be glamour and adventure :P

[dingapaki]

Oh man, this was awesome. The style of writing is unusual for a fanfic and really cool - I loved the "further reading" suggestions. Looking forward to the sequel

[Hazel Hooves]

1088515

Thanks. You muscled through the appendices. Have a cookie

[asinineAbbreviations]

Is the title a pun of the Holy Hand-grenade from Monty Python?

[Hazel Hooves]

1091074

I believe that was the original idea. Britty's character design was developed by the B.U.C.K convention for whom she's a mascot.
I've made some Monty Python as well as other British comedy references in the piece but it's not overwhelming.

Love those movies though

[Hazel Hooves]

1088295

Thank you, the work of Bernard Cornwell has been an influence here. Though my work sadly contains a lesser degree of dastardly Frenchmen to confound.

Griffins on the other hoof, well, we will see :P

[asinineAbbreviations]

1091780

They're really good. My favourites are the Holy Grail and the Life of Brian.

[Hazel Hooves]

1091793

I think Brian is the smarter of the two and my personal fave but Holy Grail has enough off-the-wall silly and endlessly quotable lines to make it a fun movie to keep revisiting (and annoy everybody by saying 'Ni!' randomly)

[asinineAbbreviations]

1091823

"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries! Now go away or I shall have to taunt you, a second time!"

One of my favourite lines.

[Hazel Hooves]

1091978

I like to think that something similar to these lines were the rude words that Zeneela said in her own language in Part II of my fic.

[asinineAbbreviations]

1092055

What? She said that Britannia's mother was a hamster and her father smelt of Elderberries? That doesn't seem like that bad of an insult. Welll, aside from the hamster thing. And the elderberries... you know what? Forget what I just said.

[Hazel Hooves]

I've added an Alternative Universe tag. Read the blogpost 'Transcript Vignette' to get an idea why. Sorry if those kind of stories aren't your thing and you wanted to follow this story but I feel the artistic direction of this series kinda needed it.

[Phoenix Quill]

I'm going to have to read this.
I'm not British, I was born and raised in California... Still wish I was from England.

[Chicago Ted]

I'll just leave this here:

[deathtap]

As stated, woefully underrated. It deserves more appreciation.