This story is a sequel to The Fallen Age
Long ago, before the rise of Equestria, long before the Three Tribes Era even, Equus grew and prospered under the rule of the seemingly immortal Empress Cosmos. For two thousand years, she and her five Exarchs guided the many races of the world into a better future.
And then, she vanished, and her name and all she had done was forgotten.
Ten thousand years have passed since that night. Her Exarchs have not been seen in millennia, and the few who do know of that time think they died long ago.
The civilization she helped create is now forgotten by most, destroyed in a war born of xenophobia. One that heralded the rise of the Three Tribes Era.
But now signs have begun to appear. A long-forgotten prophecy is about to be fulfilled. The once and future ruler of Equus is about to be reborn. But what does this have to do with Twilight Sparkle and the five new ponies who have just arrived in Ponyville?
whoa. good start. a few typos and missed letters but those are the only issues i saw. nice.
Okay wow, good start. Minor spelling errors here and there, but nothing that ruins the story.
I also have had a similar idea to this but on a much... well bigger scale. You'll probably finish this before I finish mine anyway. I look forward to where this goes.
Just a heads up. In future chapters, if you find mistakes, please send them to me in a pm instead of in the comments.
Someone has already pointed them out for me for the first chapter.
9298800
Thanks. I'll say this though. Though this is for one universe, the basic concepts for who and what Cosmos is extends to all of my stories. Pony or not.
No matter if she never appears in them. But more would be spoilers.
9298932
ah, so you're creating your own multiverse.
9299026
Yep. There will be mentions of other franchises scattered here and there past a certain point. But we won't visit them.
this is a quite interesting story, can't wait to read more
Eyy that's a pretty interesting concept, also came out during my birthday so it must be destiny. :ok_hand:
9308359
Naw. Just dumb luck since that's when it passed moderation. Though I do plan to make the finale of the current arc, hopefully to be out on my birthday in December.
love it can't wait for more updates
Colour me interested, want more from this please.
Man I enjoy the story idea, but you desperately need an editor, or to proofread yo chapters.
9311405
Hey, I'm happy to have anyone point out mistakes. Just send them in a pm instead of the comments. As for a proofreader, all they would be able to help with are the mistakes since the entire first arc is set in stone as to what happens and when.
Past that and up to the coronation, well I'm more open. But that'll have to wait because Twilight's rebirth as Cosmos will have a major impact on the Friendship Games. But that would be spoilers if I said more.
now I want a soda... I am aware this has nothing to do with the story but im just saying it anyways :P
9312349
Thanks and fixed.
Very interesting concept so far, I'm looking forward to reading more! <3
ooooh i saw that planescape torment refrence!
oh you just wanted to make this a smorgusbord of forgoten realms refrences didnt you
gonna bring up candelkeep or whatever the name of the library fortress from cleric qunintet was next?
keeps reading to find out*
9314767
Keep reading it is. D&D does play a part in the story. Thing is though, Equus doesn't connect to any of the worlds or settings anyway. Cosmos got to Carceri because she can literally go anywhere she wants regardless of what might prevent it normally. And she makes sure to take only what she wants or needs and nothing else.
I'll say this though. There is an entire sub-story within the main story that involves D&D worlds. It's going to be a sperate entry from here. But it's happening within this one. But that won't be for a long while yet.
critique/story guess and rant follows read at your own risk aannnnnd in an attempt to subvert expectations, you instead throw in a twist that causes more problems then solutions
having the girls not be these 'exarchs' over complicates maters, between the remain 5, these new exarchs and the old ones, you've overstuffed your cast of characters...i can already tell this is going to cause the story to be a train wreck at some point...my advice, ditch this idea now while your still early in the writing, having the girls and the old exarchs but heads is going to cause enough strain
i know you said not to make assumptions but to be blunt, i've been reading complex stories since i was 8 years old...i can see this shit coming 10 miles away and ic an tell you this falls squarely into a place you don't wanna go.
don't get me wrong i can guess the why of it, you wanna pull this as far away from cannon as you can to make it more your own work...but if you didn't want to involve the girls, ya should have just made this empress character a full oc with no connection to any established character and have the story just 'happen' to take place in Equestria.
9314795
so cosmos is a planeswalker then, i have a charicter thats like that she created a magical artifact that lets her shift between the various realms of reality and even take a fragment of her own with her, allowing her rather...overpowered nature to work regardless of what realm shes in...thoooough as cosmos has said the lady of pain is...not someone that my charicter would mess with...in general fucking about with giant gods whos motivations and ideals are fundementaly unknowable is a bad idea
9314834
I was expecting this to come at some point. And I see what you mean. In the very beginning it wasn't going to be as complex as it will be. At some point though, that plan was thrown out the window, and I honestly can't remember why I did.
As for the rest, and the suggestions, honestly it feels like putting conflict in it for the sake of having some at all.
And to be blunt, I'm not asking people to like the story or what I'm doing in it. I honestly expected this to get far more downvotes than upvotes because of what was going to happen. And I more than likely will in the end.
I went in with one single udeal. If only one person liked it, then I would be happy. I can't please everyone, and I won't try too either. That leads to a trainwreck of a story.
If you want more, I can give a pm with it.
9314847
Planeswalker is one way to describe her. In her case though, this form is just an aspect, avatar (whatever the right term is) of an even greater being.
And she knows that in this form as well. Even as she's doing this, her mind is also doing an infinte number of other things at the exact same time. You wouldn't know it though.
Cosmos isn't even her real name. It's just one she uses often when she decides to live a life in a universe, among many other names.
No one actually knows what her real name is. It's not something that can be said that mortals can comprehend. If she does decide to say it, it drives that being utterly insane as their mind is broken trying to make sense of it.
Saying this here since it has no bearing on the story.
9316766
a primal god then, similar to elder gods but with a moral leaning towords what mortals would consider 'good' though still with a mind and existence outside what mortals can grasp, primal gods also tend to represent 'foundation' elements, things that without which no other aspects of the world could be there...like time-space, mater, or energy.
semi unrelated tangent below, read at your own risk:
and given what you've hinted id guess cosmos true being represents either 'reality' or 'existence' as a whole...which would ironicly make luna her inverse if true, as one of luna and discord inverse to her if such as both represent fantasy in some way, luna represents dreams and discords chaotic power invalidates the laws of reality to an extent...she could probly shut him down at full power as its been shown int he show that he is still bound by certain rules [his power 'is' still a form of magic, and thus anything that shuts down magic renders him powerless the show also adds an implication that makes him seem alot weaker...every change he works, every action he takes ceases to be once he stops focusing on it or his power is disrupted...which means discord, for all his power and perhaps because of his very nature lacks the one thing that would make him truely powerfull...permenency, he cannot create anything that will last beyond the amount of time he wills it to.
9317225
Close. More like she represents everything that was, is, and will be, and everything that could never be. Literally every concept you can think of, and everything you can't, is in her and she represents.
In the grand scheme of the multiverse, she is at the very top of the pyramid.
She does have an inverse. But it's not Luna. Or any character from MLP. But we won't meet until this is at a certain point, and that will be the one shot spinoff.
This is an interesting story to read. I love how you strucutred it and bopefully you can continue doing what you are doing
9336349
Thanks. I have a couple more chapters set around the time when Moon Petal and the others took a nap. One shows the end of the Apocalypse War (and I think does a good job explaining why it's called that), and the other showing exactly what Amber found in the ruins.
The trouble is when I should publish them here. If I do it before the reveal chapter, it'll explain who these five are and why they're so important before I want it out. I know one person already's figured out who they are, but is being nice enough to keep it to himself.
They also have an impact more than for who they are and how they tie in to Cosmos. And it is not a good one. But more would be spoilers.
I doubt it's sombra, I doubt he's THAT old
*after reading the end* That's not good, things are going to get worse I just know they are.
9347596
Who is dumb enough to count Sombra as a worthwhile threat anyway? Season 5 doesn't count since Starlight fucked with time and those timelines were destroyed every time they went back.
Besides it has to be an actual threat, and G1 was full of them.
9347890
Here's the thing though. They have to get worse for this to work. And it's not just what is growing in the shadows either.
9348914
I knew it.
9348902
Actually plenty of people count sombra as a threat, we just didn't see enough of him to know how much of a threat he was.
Gen 1 villains huh, I think I have a pretty good idea of who it is then 🐐
9349797
Let me rephrase that then. Smart people don't see him as a threat. I get it, Hasbro wanted him to be along the lines of Sauron from Lord of the Rings, but they failed miserably to make him to me.
That's my opnion, and people who don't like will just have to bucking deal with it.
9350059
Smart people see him as a threat too, in fact some of the best writers on this site classify him as a threat.
Heck, just look at the season 5 finale, Sombra was using the crystal ponies as freaking slaves! He was a literal TYRANT for crying out loud, even the princesses had a hard time beating him! The only reason he was defeated in the season 3 premier was because the crystal heart exploded him after shining armor won the wife javelin contest!
The following was taken from Google for the definition of the word threat
Threat: a menace of bodily harm, such as may restrain a person's freedom of action.
Sorry for my little rant there but I just wanted to show you that sombra is a real threat.
9350139
Season 5, does not count to me until Hasbro says that timeline still exists or not. If people do. that's their thing. It's just not mine and that won't change.
Plus I've someone 100 times better for the role here.
9350181
Well you should still take season 5 into consideration because that's what would have happened had they never stopped him.
Also I already made a guess on who it is just look at my previous comments, it ain't that subtle...
Well... that happened
9350391
Blowing up the Tree of Harmony? Yes. Yes it did. No I'm not sorry either. Luckily for Equestria it didn't destroy the Elements of Harmony. The girls still have them.
9350473
Yes, but why did you blow it up. You weren't quite clear on that
This chapter feels rushed. At least the first part.
9350922
There wasn't a need to do those episodes scene for scene before the Cragadile incident so that's probably why, and then no need for anything more after the Tree of Harmony than what there is.
9350486
It wasn't serving a purpose the way the story goes foward number one, and because I've never been a fan of it since it was introduced.
I'll be honest. Not everything that happens will have a reason explained in story.
Uh-oh that's not good
Is twilight actually going to die at the end of this or are you just building up suspense?
9352063
That's for me to know and everyone else to find out.
9352069
?ebyam a s'taht oS
9352073
I'm not telling.
9352075
Yes it's backwards
It says, "So that's a maybe?"