Comet Flower is the daughter of Celestia's biggest secret: her first attempt to make alicorns. After Luna was banished she resolved to make an alicorn apprentice to save her when she returned. All good spells are tested though. Comet's parents were as worthy as Celestia could see. A bat pony night guard out of a job and shunned because of Luna's betrayal. Falling in love with a unicorn being groomed under Celestia's tutelage, it was scandal. Though Celestia was still uncertain about the spell and for the most part it failed. Now hidden away from the world with their two kids their youngest decides she is "normal" looking enough to go out into the world and find her place. The only problem is her magic. With alicorn parents she also received magic but without a horn. Instead her wings glow as she uses the magic she was born with. A secret she will have to keep in order to blend in.
Characters adopted from: JustOurAdopts
Cover image and characters made by one of the artist of that shared account: KinaEclipsed
Go check them out and tell them I sent ya. They make amazing stuff and are great friends.
Edited from chapter 5 by: Nailah
I'm hooked. Going to go ahead and place this one on the shelf.
Im interested, and i have forgot to click post when i made a huge paragraph about first impressions of the story *sigh*
The story is at the first glance not well explained, that could come with next few chapters so we are all willing to wait. But the premise is promising.
From what I can tell both of Comets parents are Alicorns due to Celestia playing around with a spell to make a student promising enough to be her pawn to save her sister which is exactly why i think the two went into hiding so Celestia couldnt find them. Presumably to pressure them into helping on top of the scandal and everything that happened during Luna's fall. There could be ALOT more going around that Comet heard from her parents and going defensive and wary of both sisters especially Luna and/or Celestia is one of the KEY features i would love to finally see in a story.
An individual not willing to bend and trust explicitly due to the crimes done to her parents ect.. Her parents even warning her to not get cought by them indicates that.
The one thing that stands out is Celestias and Lunas quick apprehention of Comet........ Its too fast and too clean. Comet didnt put in any fight even with explicit warnings from her parents that warranted absolute fear and an instincive defensive charge of her magic.
Some revision maybe should be given here. No questions were asked and it was just ''do it '' sort of deal even without implied or else....
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This is all of course assuming that they were hiding from Celestia to begin with. If they are in fact hiding FROM her then it is, in fact, odd BUT if they were hiding FOR her, with her in on it, it becomes a different story. You'll just have to wait and see how it unfolds.
Eh so far I like Comets attitude towards the royal siblings and her points and irritation she showed. What i dont like is how both of them behaved like they deserve to be talked to like they are her betters and even during their speech were saying like they deserved to be properly spoken to and not with anger.
I also see the unfairness towards Comets parents and i do want to see this story end up with Comet exposing that more alicorns exist and that Celestia did buck up with her misguided search for Lunas redemtion while ruining other lives and swearing them to secrecy.
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I think it is important to point out that only Luna reacted that way. She is still young and hot-headed. She feels a sense of entitlement still. Celestia was upset not at being spoken to in such a way but more what was said. As stated in the short description and made clear in these two chapters, Celestia is ashamed of what she created with her failure. So her failure being shoved in her face by a pony that would not exist if not for it was what got to her. It's why it took her so long to recover from Comet's anger. Celestia is not entitled, she is facing something she never wanted to. Just like with Luna. Celestia basically embodies perfection to most ponies so any crack in her armor can be fatal and she hates that.
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Hmm OK now i understand the grand picture abit more, but it would still be better if this was known from the get go in the ''prologue'' and the basics of the what happened scene the readers dont have to guess or read comments to understand why and how. A perspective explaining a few things and why Celestia views Comets parents as a failure is also a huge question and why she hides them away.
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I plan to explain that and more in the next chapter. A little bit of patience and all will be answered. At least your current questions. I am sure many more will come up.
The one comment from me: it could use some more proofreading.
For example, some sentences become confusing without proper punctuation. It slows the reader down.
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Thank you for your honesty, on this subject we actually agree. I did not have the time to put into finding a proofreader until just recently. Trust me that is on the list of things to do before the next chapter. I am not at the stage where I can proofread my own writing so I always prefer to have an outside eye. Sadly I am well aware that my sentences can be confusing to people who are not me. I try to improve myself all the time though.
I highly appreciate the feedback.
If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
I’m so glad these things are starting to actually come out more frequently. This story sat around for a bit.
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Comet has a lower more monotone voice that does not betray any emotions she does not wish to express while still being sort of girly.
Daisy has the voice you might imagine a flower would have sweet and airy with a gentle tone.
Night has a deep voice with a low rumble kind of like the sound of heavy rain on a roof.
Star has a sort of jock voice quite masculine while also sounding like he is constantly smiling while he talks even when he isn't, he speaks in quite a cocky tone.
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I have a tendency to forget all about writing when something big is going on in my life. I had a rough time the last several months but for now everything is as normal as it can be for me. I know it doesn't make up for it but I appreciate you coming back.
that great story yo got there. but i'm hopely if you have time to do Monster High Ghoul's Out in Equestria story so it can be find out what next chapter.