Alexstrazsa
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In her youth, Twilight Sparkle discovered a way to infuse technology and magic. 20 years after her breakthrough, she is now the CEO and founder of Sparkle Industries, and one of the wealthiest ponies in Equestria. Her relatively perfect life goes sour, however, when she is captured by a group of griffons who want to steal her technology.
wow, way to go! I really like how this is shaping up. I truly think this will be a great crossover.
As it appears you will involve Trixie, I wonder if she would take the role of Obie or Rhodey, or someone else.
Anyway, keep it up, I am terrible at criticism, so I won't give any, and I love that twilight is the 'tony stark' of the story.
The writing style is good, and i enjoy the way you have set up the company`s history. but at this point you don`t see twilight being a very damaged character, unlike the "real" stark. He was a billionaire, Cassanova, genius, womanizer: and twilight`s just a wealthy nerd with a slight drinking problem, who even admits it.
The writing style is good, and i enjoy the way you have set up the company`s history. but at this point you don`t see twilight being a very damaged character, unlike the "real" stark. He was a billionaire, Cassanova, genius, womanizer: and twilight`s just a wealthy nerd with a slight drinking problem, who even admits it.
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Twilight suffers from extreme OCD and inferiority issues remember?
>>1280242 As great as that series is touted to be (I've never played it thus I won't comment on the veracity of the statements), Iron Man was originally thought up by Stan Lee, the guy who practically defined modern comics. Iron man is a LOT older a concept than Deus Ex, but they share similar main characters. I personally wouldn't mind seeing this fic combine a bit of both Iron Man and Deus Ex. Mostly, I'd suggest spicing with a bit of Deus Ex because Twilight literally would be performing augmentation on herself and Filthy (or whoever plays Stain) can be doing covert research on it as well as black market weapons deals.
Finally, I would suggest calling her Iron Mane (better than mare because it leaves the gender to question, and anonymity is power in superhero circles) and it has a bit more of a ring, in my opinion, than Iron Mare, but that's up to you Alex. I can't wait for more of this.
Looks interesting, didn't even see where it came from
, but isn't Griffin spelled Griff'in' not Griff'on'?'the body may heal, but the mind is not always so resilient' my favorite line across ALL games I have played, make it so Twilight is forced to rely upon an external source to keep her heart beating and have most of herself replaced with robotic parts and we have a good Deus Ex/Iron Man mix
oh no i have a strange feeling rarity will be like obadiah stane
I like this so far. I just started my own MLP superhero fic, and I'm pretty darn sure it won't be half as good as this one already is.
One of the things that made the movie feel awkward to me was putting Tony Stark's abduction at the beginning and then building back up to it. You've fixed that slight bit of awkwardness, but exchanged it for another one, though it's equally insignificant: twenty years is a pretty big jump for characters we've become familiar with. True, they were young and Sparkle Industries would need time to grow to the point it needs to be at in this story, but are you sure fifteen years wouldn't have been just as good?
Anyway, since Spike is already Twilight's number one assistant and old enough for the age difference to be pointless, it's clear which role he will be playing. If Spike and Twilight don't develop the same romantic bond that Tony and Pepper have, I'ma gonna be a little disappointed. Not very disappointed, but a little. Looking forward to more.
>>1283419 That I agree with, Rarity seems as though she would be the villian in this, as well as Filty Rich, hmm...wonder if the Mane Six (Minus Applejack and Fluttershy) cuold be villians as well, love Iron Man one and two but I felt like it needs more enemies then just the Iron Monkier and Whiplash, you know?
Love the story so far, really and I'm 100% down for Rarity/Fancy pants for even though she's my least favorite pony as long as she's not with Spike then I'm ok with whoever she is with long as it's not Twilight as well, not sure if there is romance in this or not though...hmmmm....can we have Derpy Hooves in this as well please? And I always had great respect for Fancy Pants can't wait for the next chapter, also, Twilight drikning? Shit...keep that up, where is Owl and Peewee though?
>>1283860 I know, EVERYONE forget about the poor animals which is odd because the ponies and other creatures are all just that...animals, how can we always forget about Peewee, Opal, Gummy, Winona, Tank and Owl (can't spell his or Opal's fully name) or even Angel? Damn....we are not that great at this huh ? Or even Pila what's her full name. The Princesses pet.
>>1284512 Yes, Yensen did the surgery.
The biggest problem I have with this story are the EoH.As the bearers of the Elements, the Mane 6 would be forever in each others lives until such a point that they are no longer the bearers, be that until they are dead or the EoH move onto a more fitting group. This is all conjecture however.
>>1280292 Well I would hope so! It's kinda hard to tell a complete story if all we have to go by is pictures!
Including this story, I am currently tracking two MLP/Iron Man stories. This one makes much more sense in my head, and I see it going far. A few reasons; it is not a carbon copy of the movie, it's actually got Twilight in a believable position for her to make the Iron Man (or Iron Mare in this case) Armor, and the antagonists are believable.
A few observations I want to make sure I'm right on though:
1) MECCs (I don't really remember what the acronym stands for) are basically batteries that use magic instead of electricity. Correct, incorrect, partially right and/or missing a few important points?
2) The Mage Reactor is different from MECCs in that it doesn't just output energy, but also creates more than/same amount that it outputs, thereby making it a source of infinite magical energy. Correct, incorrect, partially right and/or missing a few important points?
Now for a fan question that you can feel free to ignore all you want. What role does Trixie play into this? Is she a good guy, bad guy, or simply an important side character? The evil Trixie is kinda predictable (though I'm not trying to shoot that idea down), and stories that have Trixie turn out for the good are actually kind of refreshing in my opinion (Not trying to tell you how to do your story here, and I am honest-as-Applejack not being sarcastic), but this is your story (which is turning out awesome) and evil Trixie or good Trixie, I am going to enjoy it.
Twenty years later......
To be honest, when I read that, I wanted to drop the Wii remote and walk away. That is an insane jump of time for me. 
But I pulled through. This story is pretty well composed for a crossover (7.5 out of 10 for both mlp and Iron Man). What I'm noticing, however, and something I'm sure you can improve on, is I'm seeing several of the same words.
i.e.: drink. Syn: beverage, liquid
This is proving itself to be somewhat promising. Though based on what I know on Iron Man, I think I know how the story will end, but the suspense! Killer thriller!
I'm gonna add my like and favourite now.
SHE DID WHAT!!??
She stabbed herself. Just flat out stabbed herself. No specifications to whether or not she got those 3 inches. Sooooooo, I'm assuming the scalpel was 3 inches wide. 
That's a pretty big scalpel! Either that, or it's my little-to-none experience with them.
Still, scary.
One Question. This may seem a little stupid, but...... Why is Twilight afraid to die? She gave hints earlier suggesting she didn't care very much anymore. And her death was kinda inevitable anyway.....
Oh, wait, I'm forgetting this is a crossover. Twilight no die.
Yeah, that was a stupid question...
Good Twilight! Now build a magitek armor.
*Human/esper hybrid not included*
Yeah, it has to be said how Tony Stark ends up with a hole in his chest big enough for the reactor is kinda glazed over in the film.
Still, I do miss the days when he had to plug himself into a wall socket to recharge.
Ignoring my ramblings, this is a really good story.
Interesting different take on Tony's kidnapping from the first IM movie. Now, is Garrett's mob 'official', 'disavowed' or geniunely rogue/independent in terms of the Griffin Empire's intelligence service? That alone will determine a lot of how Twilight is treated.
Damn talk about bucking painful and Big Mac as War Machine? Bad ass! I don't trust that Giffion and she give in a little to easily where as Tony fought and then some before he said yes, and even then he built a metal suit of armor...wonder what Iron Mare would look like......and Trixie as a villian? BUCK YES...in all honesty she is my favorite villian though so I can't wait to see more of this.
>>1284059 Knew it...just can't spell it and Ahhh....very crafty, I like that, very well...continue.>>1284476 Brohoof! Let's get some bad ass Spilight going on here! And does anyone know that Spike is played by a female voice actress in the show? How disappointing.>>1284388 You know Gilda playing at the terrorist leader would be so bucking bad ass.>>1284397 I knew it!!!! I just can't spell it to save my life...thaks bro and amazing pic of FlutteMac, big fan of that pairing.
Cutting yourself open and putting metal in. Suddenly I'm reminded of this:
Twilight invented a fleshlight?
>>1284978 Ouch that would be painful! also i have another theory for who war machine would be.. Rainbow Dash. if this story is going taking specific parts from the movie iron man (which i belive it will but idfk) then Rainbow Dash would be in the closest thing to an air force, she is on the most advanced team of flyers in their world so i'm going out on a limb here and saying she would be the pony version of rhodey (think i spelled his name wrong ) in this story.
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GRrrrr! No pain, no gain!
Huh? Who knew cutting myself up would hurt so much?
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