The weird teacher
It had been a week, and the filly that Mathews had found was still rather...violent. She seemed to have calmed down since last time, and there was this butterfly that seemed to constantly taunt her in the yard, somewhat playfully, which seemed impossible to Mathews due to the usually life-span of a butterfly being at least a few days, whereas this one had stayed for a week. It might have been one of the species that could live for a few months, but why, then, did it stay at the house and constantly taunt Crescent? During the week, Fore had finished up Crescent's room, and tried to teach her to speak. She loved her room, and would stay in it for a long time. There was even a moment where she somehow made a hammock above the room and hid with her stuffed animals before jumping down onto the giant with a stuffed spider in hoof. Needless to say, a heart transplant was quite necessary.
Besides her fluffed up room and various other important things added to said room, the lessons in speaking that Mathews was trying to give to Crescent were bearing rotten fruits. She could only mutter a few words, and still, she had trouble forming them. He had no choice. He needed to call a specialized teacher, so, he did just that. Looking through the newspaper, the man found something of intrigue. There were a large amount of people selling their services to those who were willing to pay, and those who had the money. The problem with this is that he wouldn't be there, seeing as his vacation had been over for quite some time. The two days where he left the filly ended in a food disaster that would leave anyone in a state of insanity...if Mathews was entirely sane. Somehow, Crescent was toilet trained, so that was probably the only good aspect of this outcome. The rest remained uncertain. What WAS certain, however, was that a day teacher be called upon while Fore worked. This teacher could serve as both a Teacher and a baby-sitter of sorts, but was anyone going to be crazy enough to teach a miniature pega...uni...pegacorn thing?
The man could imagine it now. Every person that would pass by would laugh in his face or just walk away with an estranged look. If that didn't happen, Crescent was likely to pull something off with her "magic", and cause the teacher to run away screaming. To Mathews, the little filly was just a child with some issues, but to others, she was plain evil despite her tiny, fluffy, huggable appearance. She even taught herself how to do the "sad face", a most devastating technique that could break anyone if used appropriately. Despite this, he searched and searched, until he found one interesting individual. He was called Phillip Opathy. This teacher seemed to have all the necessary qualities, including taking care of animals and so on. If that wasn't just a bunch of bull. Mathews would have to take the chance, so, as much as he hated it, he needed to do it. He already had a speech planned, and today wasn't very bright. In fact, it was raining, so there was no way that letting Crescent out would be problematic.
It was almost time for him to leave, and Fore was getting nervous as he waited near the rainy door. It was almost nine o'clock, and he started to become fidgety. Finally, he saw a rather shiny car coming towards his house, but it was strange in coloring. Green and pink weaved and hopped over each other on its surface, although the driver seemed to be very aware of his surroundings and was driving very carefully. The windows were tinted in blue, so Mathews couldn't see inside. The vehicle slowly came to a halt in front of the house, and, with the engine announcing its well needed rest, the car door swung open, revealing a smiling character who was far from what Mathews expected.
This was wearing a uniform of pink and blue stripes, as well as equally pink and blue boots. The pink was the leather while the blue was on the lining of footwear. The entire outfit reminded Mathews of the Renaissance, or, at least, the Victorian era. The worst part was the black top hat and the hair. The hat seemed a bit sawed off from the top, and this man's hair was a mess. It was green, blue, and pink, and reached a little further down his shoulders. His eyes were what entranced Mathews. They looked like pink swirls. Phillip locked his car door and took a look at a confused man.
"Oh. I'm sorry. I'm going through a bit of a fashion crisis. These are contacts by the way." he said as he put a finger to his right eye and pulled away a contact lens, revealing normal, brown eyes.
"Oh. OH! I'm sorry. You must be Phillip Opathy."
"Yes I am." he said as he shook Mathews hand.
"So what's with the getup?" Fore asked while the two walked inside to the living room.
"I learned that shiny colors and funny appearances help students concentrate. Even my eyes work. Ha! So, what do you need? Animal obedience classes, teaching your kid about mathemativs?"
" 'Mathemativs?' " Mathews replied i confusion.
"Pardon. I meant mathematics. A little slip there."
"Oh. Well...actually...promise me you won't tell anyone what you see here."
"The Opathy family never lies." the creepy teacher promised with a hand on his chest and one in the air.
"Alrighty then. C'mere, Crescent!"
Almost on cue, a little equidae wearing an adorable little white skirt came in. She looked absolutely furious as she stomped towards the living room. It seems that she couldn't get rid of it, as she looked very tired as well. Phillip just stared at her with wide eyes and a scrounged up face. However, the second she looked up, she screamed and jumped back a few centimeters.
"Awww. She's all tiny and is wearing a wittle skirt. Imma PICK YOU UP!"
Before the filly could run away, she was already in the hands of the second, creepy giant and was being pressed against his face. Mathews tried to keep himself from laughing as he saw her shake a hoof of fury at him.
"She's the one?"
"Wait...how do you know it's a female?"
"The skirt, for one. Then there's the fact that I've dealt with many, MANY creatures in my life, and horses are one of the fine examples. You wouldn't BELIEVE the amount of farmers who have trouble with their horses." the teacher said as he lowered the filly.
"I guess that could make some sense." Mathews scratched the back of his head.
"So what do you want me to do?"
"Teach her how to speak."
"Hm. Why not how to fly? She has wings."
Crescent began to bounce up in joy after hearing that part of his sentence.
"I think that would be a bad idea." Crescent used the sad face attack. It's super-effective!"Hnnngh. No. She can't fly yet. She's too young."
"Obviously. Her wings aren't big enough to carry around her weight. Well then, do you have books?"
"Yes I d-Why aren't you phased by how she is and what she is?"
"I've seen weirder. In fact, I had a rather hard job before this. It made some things illogical. It was a bit, mmm, swirly when you tried your best. Some would become psychotic in the end because it was hard and impossible to understandable."
"What did you do?"
"I was a bank accountant."
"Rrrriiiiight. I'm going to my own job. Don't. Steal. Anything. I know who you are."
"Yadda yadda, sir. Yadda yadda."
Once the man had left, and closed the door, the teacher grabbed one of the books on the small living room table and opened it up. He hummed a bit, then, looking from the corner of his eye, he grinned and grabbed the little filly trying to discreetly escape. She waggled her legs everywhere and made little noises that sounded like grunts of desperation. Crescent certainly thought he wasn't what he made himself to be, although this all changed once she was placed on Phillip's legs and had that skirt taken off of her. The thing she hated was then thrown on the floor, and the new giant wiped his hands of the piece of clothing.
"Pink. Blegh. That doesn't go on you."
Crescent looked up at Phillip with big, bulging eyes of confusion, causing the man to start to whimper as he saw her face.
"NOOOO! Not the sad face! It's my one weakness!"
Crescent continued, but found a hand on her face, which made her lower her head.
"There. Now we're going to start with basic words and sound pronunciation. We'll start with Oval. You got to put your lips into a circular shape and expel air, like soooooooooo."
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man-pinkie hybrid?
1068170
........what?.........
Oh god.This will ether end with Mathews dragging a beaten up bleeding knocked out body of Phillip out the back door,OR everything will go right somehow.
Psycopath...
This fic is a side of humor you rarely see and i love it.
That new guy is pretty awesome. If i would see a real-life pony i think i will be very happy and then ask how i could possibly help.
1068198gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs3/1580934_o.gif
Not really. I just based his appearance on him.
1068206 Yeah, I know
Anyone but me notice his color scheme is similar to Celestia? And when i google searched his name a related word that came up as Philopatry? Meaning something along the lines of returning home?
Oh god this'll probably be about as bad as a Vietnam vet's PTSS...only with an adorable hellion pony...
1068235 Really? I thought I based his name and appearance off a more...similar character..
There is absolutely no way this'll end badly. Absolutely none.
1068329 No. He just looks like him.
1068247
I love you, and I hate you, I can't decide which is which, but hey.
encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRcwH6bu9eRAVxfKDYXeoTQw4mdigV213OsseBAhv9mNzuGbQ4-EQ
1068334zeldainformer.com/articles/momm.jpg
1068339
encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTVPqkTvuDxdjnd0_yiHXeN6dDCXy134_Uw1YC3T1O8mOcHJqF0rlx_qIFC7Q
from the swirly eyes i thought....screwball but colors not close enough........this guy is likely to cause some mind-fukkery......>.>
1068365
Look closer.
1068370
........i ran
i came, i saw.......
Philopatry is the behaviour of remaining in, or returning to, an individual's birthplace...
Philomathy is a love of learning, or a love of mathematics...
You sir are abusing your thesaurus hard with play on words and double meanings...
It's this guy!
static.fimfiction.net/images/avatars/16951_128.jpg
At least in appearance.
1068421 I didn't pay attention to those. There is unknown knowledge HIDDEN IN MY SUB-CONCIOUSNESS?!
Philip reminds me of Sheogorath. Also my crazy friend Shawn and Pinkie Pie.
im suprised how many people dont see it
By the end of this fic, I predict Nightmare/Crescent will become nice and sane, or crazier than before, but reasonable.
1068206where the hell did you get pictures of me mon?!
1068919 I dunno brudda. I just searched 'ere on this thing called da Internet.
1068929then who the heck uploaded my pic into internetz?
This new guy must be some version of "pinkie" in this dimension :P
1068941Wow. You guys just don't look at my profile pic, do you? I even made a story on the character. This one is just similar in appearance.
1068948 Nope, nobody is looking on your profile pic :P
I saw the pokemon reference
1069019 What reference?
Butterfly is Celestia?
Haha! that's hilarious!!!
... Wut.
"needless to say he would need a heart transplant"
We're all with you on that
1068948 Ohhhhhhh! I see now!
It's totally Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter! Right?
Please tell me there is a place where I can get this type of contacts spoken of!!
Anyone else getting a "naughty Fred" Vibe here?
Like our protagonist is going to come back to a pink baby alicorn that's sobbing horribly because she's lost her coat?
1072174i956.photobucket.com/albums/ae48/SacDarwinist/poster99350940.jpg
1072244
If it wasn't for the fact I've already upvoted your story, that image alone would have given you an upvote.
(well maybe)
I can't wait for more of this story.
Hmmm, he has my fashion sense, and I know someone who is going to be an accountant...I got towarn him before he becomes a psychopath and writes fan fiction about a colorful group of equines For the satisfaction of college students'
1072244 such a great show. It makes pinkamina look normal.
she would fit in that show.
1072464 I miss Courage the Cowardly dog.
I miss all the good cartoon network shows like edd edd and eddy, power puff girls, fosters and Johnny bravo.
1072597 Megas XLR, Samurai Jack...
1068170
Think more about Discord. He has his bit of fun.
Worship the great Chaos!
For lulz and fun!
P.S. Not the Warhammer type chaos, but the Discord type chaos. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png
It seems thta she couldn't get rid of it, as she looked very tired as well. Phillip just stared at her with wide eyes and a scrounged up face.
*that
1073942 Chaos? Sir, you have insulted me. Chaos is nothing compared to the Illogic.
1073952*fixed
1074034
Well, there is logic in everything, just not always it is easily understandable.
Discord said "what fun is there in making sense" but in the end... Things he did really did made sense.
*Nerd voice* And even if try to make illogic, it is still logic. While it has rules, it is system.
And I was mostly referring to looks. Screwball and Mad Hatter like. I like it.