Before I read I just want to point out a major plot deficiency. They are not carefree at all.
Applejack: Has to buck Apples on the farm and do chores all the time
Rainbow Dash: Has to clear the clouds and do the weather.
Fluttershy: Has to care for her multitude of animals
Twilight: Has to keep up on her studies and write to princess Celestia on her findings.
Pinkie could be the one who is the most Carefree, since all she has to do is work at Sugar Cube Corner and make swwets. Not to mention baby-sit the twins.
Secondly im pretty sure her friends wouldn't ignore her or do any of these things the story sais they are. It all seems so...unreal, unbelievable.
I second Vinyl Shy's opinion. I can see Rarity setting her friends up on dates, but rape? Is it just that you needed a darker tone or what? The fact that they all would be ignorant of her is unbelievable, as Rarity has displayed disrespect to her friends and not the other way around. It seemed well written, but you started an awful lot of sentences with but. It's just a general rule not to start with but. I'd suggest toning the story way down.
Alright, I'm gonna be honest, here. When I first found this, and saw its like/dislike ratio, I entertained the notion that hey, it might still be okay. So, seeing as I didn't really care much about the story, I'd skipped the Prologue. Chapter One, the Fluttershy chapter? Ehh, negligible. Rape-equals-love is a trope I've seen too many times to really care for, though it's usually with tsunderes, not derederes. Chapter Two, Applejack? I don't think the author was ever near a farm, if he thinks three unarmed cops can pin a farm girl without getting a few bruises in the process. There's one girl who had gone to my high school who could punch a charging bull and knock it senseless, and her muscles weren't from kicking trees like AJ's, they were just from heavy lifting, horseback riding, and tending crops. Chapter Three disturbed me. I can see Pinkie being the innocent one. I could see her getting raped, and then, even when faced with someone who saw it happen, or at least the aftermath, still be able to wear a fake smile and act as if everything was fine. No, what disturbed me was the utter lack of concern Rarity showed in this chapter. "Oh, AJ's a strong pony, if she's crying for help, maybe she's had enough..?" But with Pinkie? "Bah, who can understand her, anyways! She's likely learned her lesson, probably! Time to go to her birthday and pretend like nothing's different, now!" And then there's Twilight. While it's admirable to not call the sheriff's office if the town deputies were raping your friends, but you have a direct line to the fucking princess. I don't give a damn what their reasons are, if you have a direct line to the ruler of your country, then you should fucking use it.
I decided to come back and read the prologue before I read Rainbow's chapter, and here's where I finally give you your well-deserved thumbs-down:
But it would be two birds with one stone: bringing her so helpfully into adulthood while also doing her the favor of dispelling her misguided notions of homosexuality. What better way to show her the pleasure of men than to have her experience it directly?
And who better to make her into a woman than the very men she respected most? It would be glorious. Lovely. Rainbow Dash being united in sexual awakening with her heroes.
That would be her pièce de résistance.
As a guy who has three friends who are homosexual (two girls and one guy), this displeases me greatly. If she's so "grown up" and "mature," then wouldn't Rarity know that love can form in all shapes and sizes? It's hard to imagine a pony like Rarity laughing off a friend's sexual preferences just because she hasn't had her cherry popped. "Oh, she's never been with a man, so she's still a virgin, as other girls don't count!" Using that logic, then all men are virgins until they've had a dick shoved up their ass, as Rarity's definition of virginity is penetration, not intercourse.
All in all, I give it a 3/10. The story is shit, the sex scenes are varying between boring and frustrating with how the girls are so stupid when they have much more common sense in the show, and it's basically a "Teehee, I'm going to have Rarity rape her friends because writing a fic where she sets them up on dates and plays matchmaker would take too long!"
yeah so a friend (and I use the term loosely) recommended this fic to me. But then again another person recommended I read the Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon death scene form "Cheerilee's Garden" and since I was dumb enough to read that I decided yeah why not read this to.
Before I read I just want to point out a major plot deficiency. They are not carefree at all.
Applejack: Has to buck Apples on the farm and do chores all the time
Rainbow Dash: Has to clear the clouds and do the weather.
Fluttershy: Has to care for her multitude of animals
Twilight: Has to keep up on her studies and write to princess Celestia on her findings.
Pinkie could be the one who is the most Carefree, since all she has to do is work at Sugar Cube Corner and make swwets. Not to mention baby-sit the twins.
Secondly im pretty sure her friends wouldn't ignore her or do any of these things the story sais they are. It all seems so...unreal, unbelievable.
I second Vinyl Shy's opinion. I can see Rarity setting her friends up on dates, but rape? Is it just that you needed a darker tone or what? The fact that they all would be ignorant of her is unbelievable, as Rarity has displayed disrespect to her friends and not the other way around. It seemed well written, but you started an awful lot of sentences with but. It's just a general rule not to start with but. I'd suggest toning the story way down.
1009491
I third their options. This story doesn't sound real and is so OOC, it is not funny, but you do have me intergied.
1008507 The opinions have been quadrupled!
1008507 It's a Clopfic. Are you gonna read it or not?
This is going to be one of the most fucked up pieces of literature that I will ever read... I'M SO EXCITED!!!
~SolidFire
Oh great, It's going to be, I guess, one of those stories. I just need to clean the dust around Cupcakes and Sweet Apple Massacre.
1008507
They wouldn't ACTUALLY do those things, but that's what it seems like from where Rarity sits. She's going to make sure her friends are all right.
Alright, I'm gonna be honest, here. When I first found this, and saw its like/dislike ratio, I entertained the notion that hey, it might still be okay. So, seeing as I didn't really care much about the story, I'd skipped the Prologue. Chapter One, the Fluttershy chapter? Ehh, negligible. Rape-equals-love is a trope I've seen too many times to really care for, though it's usually with tsunderes, not derederes. Chapter Two, Applejack? I don't think the author was ever near a farm, if he thinks three unarmed cops can pin a farm girl without getting a few bruises in the process. There's one girl who had gone to my high school who could punch a charging bull and knock it senseless, and her muscles weren't from kicking trees like AJ's, they were just from heavy lifting, horseback riding, and tending crops. Chapter Three disturbed me. I can see Pinkie being the innocent one. I could see her getting raped, and then, even when faced with someone who saw it happen, or at least the aftermath, still be able to wear a fake smile and act as if everything was fine. No, what disturbed me was the utter lack of concern Rarity showed in this chapter. "Oh, AJ's a strong pony, if she's crying for help, maybe she's had enough..?" But with Pinkie? "Bah, who can understand her, anyways! She's likely learned her lesson, probably! Time to go to her birthday and pretend like nothing's different, now!" And then there's Twilight. While it's admirable to not call the sheriff's office if the town deputies were raping your friends, but you have a direct line to the fucking princess. I don't give a damn what their reasons are, if you have a direct line to the ruler of your country, then you should fucking use it.
I decided to come back and read the prologue before I read Rainbow's chapter, and here's where I finally give you your well-deserved thumbs-down:
As a guy who has three friends who are homosexual (two girls and one guy), this displeases me greatly. If she's so "grown up" and "mature," then wouldn't Rarity know that love can form in all shapes and sizes? It's hard to imagine a pony like Rarity laughing off a friend's sexual preferences just because she hasn't had her cherry popped. "Oh, she's never been with a man, so she's still a virgin, as other girls don't count!" Using that logic, then all men are virgins until they've had a dick shoved up their ass, as Rarity's definition of virginity is penetration, not intercourse.
All in all, I give it a 3/10. The story is shit, the sex scenes are varying between boring and frustrating with how the girls are so stupid when they have much more common sense in the show, and it's basically a "Teehee, I'm going to have Rarity rape her friends because writing a fic where she sets them up on dates and plays matchmaker would take too long!"
Thrackerzod: I DECLARE THIS CAN NOT FAIL!
yeah so a friend (and I use the term loosely) recommended this fic to me. But then again another person recommended I read the Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon death scene form "Cheerilee's Garden" and since I was dumb enough to read that I decided yeah why not read this to.