Make this a Trixie and Spike romance!

>>10070321007032

I'm not the person you want to write a romance story.  I suck at that genre. XD  I may try writing a one shot for some paring some day but that won't be for a long time.  

Ooh, this is gonna be good.

On a side note, you confused "it's" with "its" a lot.

Huh

dis gun b gud

also, good luck trying to eat love from Trixie. Not gonna happen, no, sir.

This has been really good so far. Can't wait to see how Trixie factors into the story. I'd love to see them shipped, but it looks like that won't happen. Still, you could give it a shot if it doesn't conflict with what you have planned.

Lookin' forward to more.

This is interesting. Why there are no more comments and likes?!!

Don't stop dude, I want to see what happens next. I'm not that excited about Trixie because I don't like her that much. However I'm interested to see what kind of development you give to Spike

There's a fanfic called "The Dragon that Would Be Pony" on DA. Although the author deserves credit for having a firm grasp on his prose, the story itself felt like it was written by one of the younger male viewers of MLP who relate to Spike's character and wish to see him rise into the role of a big action hero. While there's nothing wrong with that, every word in the whole darn story made it feel like it was written with the specific intent of being an action-adventure cliché. This fanfic is starting to resemble TDtWBP.

Spike's contemplation of his friends in the throne room reads like it's supposed to be a touching, soul-lifting moment, but it just feels flat and lifeless. If you can't make the character's passion carry over into the words, I recommend you settle for simply telling us that Spike considers the connections he has to his friends and reaches a decision based on how much he values them. Be practical if you can't be emotional. In the same scene, Celestia's reactions to Spike's decision also feel clichéd, as though you wrote what every piece of fantasy fiction told you how the wise leader should react to the bold hero. You gave Celestia no thought process.

And then there's Trixie. She falls prey yet again to the cheap, widely-accepted fan perception that she hates Twilight for upstaging her and wants vengeance. But in this case, it's totally excusable because it suits the story and it's downright adorable picturing her bumbling grumpily through the forest after Spike, who's barely experiencing any trouble. But she can be a badass when necessary, like dealing with that Venus Crittertrap. Is that a creature you came up with?

But the main thing that could use some improvement is your writing itself. for instance:

He immediately began to swim toward the other side of the river.  It didn't take long for Spike to reach the other side of the river.

You used the same subject ("the river") for two sentences in a row. It gets monotonous.

He shook off the water as best he could and continued onward toward the ruins...The ruins were within sight.  Spike carefully walked across the bridge and approached the open door of the ruins...Trixie cursed under her breath as she approached the ruins.

Please, try for some sentence variety; we have thesauruses (and imaginations) for a reason.

But he fanfic is still good. Your prose is pretty solid, just not very interesting or enriching. I recommend you watch as many shows as you can by Joss Whedon (Firefly & Serenity, Dollhouse) and Steven Moffat (Jekyll, Sherlock, Doctor Who Seasons 5 & 6). It never hurts to bask in genius. Keep it up!