• Member Since 4th Aug, 2011
  • offline last seen Jun 21st, 2021

Harmony Spirit


E

After her return, Princess Luna has taken back the night. Though it has been a thousand years, things seem the same, until she meets her new Commander of the Guard. Life in this new age seems much nicer, but still a bit slow. Nodding off, what will she find in her daydreams?

Princess Celestia has had a busy day after the Longest Day of the Year was cut short by the return of Nightmare Moon. She has her little sister back, and peace has returned. In her first night to herself, in a thousand years, will she find sleep easy? Or will there still be lingering nightmares?

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 5 )

A nice story. I liked it. :unsuresweetie:

You may already know this, and I mean it kindly but your grammar and punctuation are horrible; this whole things needs a serious rewrite.

Also, there are a few outright typos. For instance, Shale is the compressed form of slate, both of which are a type of rock. I'm pretty sure when you wrote 'shale' you meant 'shall', the first-person verb of the future-tense intentions of the speaker.

You've also got too many commas. Can't quote the rules for commas off the top of my head, and I know there are professors who say rules don't apply to commas, but there are rules that you start with, and those are the kind of pauses in speech that aforementioned professors are referring to when saying commas are outside of rules. They're not; not really.

Anyway good luck on whatever rewrites or on your next project or whatever, and thank you for sharing this view on the shadow entity known as Nightmare.

Hmm .... I think I should soften my blow a bit.

I'm ... guessing english isn't your first language? That would of course explain some of it ... particularly the odd phrasing / 'tone' that, while either grammatically correct or nearly so, just doesn't "sound right"

And, I've read worse too. I can tell what's going on at all times, but between the odd structure and incorrect comma / etc usage it sorta ... grates on my nerves. :pinkiesick:

The reason I'm commenting, you understand, is because I liked the story enough to read it anyway. That's why I'm recommending you try to clean it up.

Do you hang out in the IRC channel? err, you may know it as the "chat' button off to the left, there. If you happen to find me, I'll see if I can't find some time to offer specific rewrite suggestions.

:pinkiehappy:

3036
It is, but I went through school with undiagnosed dyslexia, so for most my life, I hated to read and write cause no one could grasp that I had trouble with reading, not being lazy. Did not help that my schools were also very "Lesson 1, master in a week, move on" So a lot is self taught in writing. I learn best through doing in trail and error. Also getting some pointers from readers.

This last year I have gone from a private writer, working in secret with no judgement or corrections, to trying to publicly show off my ideas. (very bad at taking criticism, but trying to get over that)

Am glade, despite the horror that is my grasp on written English, you did read through.

as far as the chats, I usually only stick around to update the main story I am doing, editing a bit more with the understandings that I have gained since I started it. So not really in the chat area.

What the previous poster said. But in all a great read still. You could try posting your stories for proofreading(there's info on how to in the FAQ)

Still, a good story, not too dark, and it doesn't truly impact the canon, such as it is, which is also a good thing.

i came here exspecting some trippy avatar stuff :pinkiegasp:

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