Apple Bloom is two words.

Granny is way OOC, but I get what you're trying to do.

Congrats on posting your first story!  I've got to say it's a really promising start.  This is a subtle and vivid character sketch that I hope will get the attention it deserves.  You've put a lot of care into showing the details of Mac's farm life, and that tells us a lot about the character via implication that many writers wouldn't be skilled enough to attempt.

It feels less strong when you're giving voice to the other characters, but that might be a natural consequence of Mac's stoicism; he never properly gets to engage with his family in the same way that he wordlessly does with the sheep, and so they don't get to play off of this character you've built -- the other Apples' lines feel as though they're not really about Mac in the same way that the rest of your story is.  (Granny's the exception -- there's some good tension building there, but I do agree with the previous commenter that she feels a bit ooc.  The show doesn't paint her as terribly expressive nor coherent, though I can see her trying to maintain a presence as a domineering matriarch behind closed doors, her family humoring her while she's there and then ignoring her while she's not.)

Cheers, and thanks for writing!

>>10060791006079>>10064011006401

Y'all are right, Granny is OOC. She was simply the unfortunate victim of the stories need for an antagonist. Sorry if GS is a character you like.

Horizon,

Thanks for trying to give me an out.:) But it's just that I need work on interactions between characters.

Thanks guys for reading and commenting. :) much appereciated