Not bad for a first fanfic! Some of the formatting was a bit funky, and some grammar elements were missing, but overall it was a pretty good fic! Have a moustache

>>sierra_seven_

Thank you very much!

I hope to get better and write more.

>>10058911005891 I eagerly look forward to it. Just remember, the hardest part of writing is convincing yourself it is actually good, which it most certainly is

I need to first cry and then write something.

How did they died? ...It's all i can say now, until i calm down...

Please explain us what happened. So i can feel... uhm... better? Yes, let's say that i will feel better if i know what happened.

awwwww how did Applebloom and Sweetie Bell die?

>>10059411005941

I'm sorry... I can't give you the reason for their deaths.

I wanted to leave that to readers imagination.

I was thinking of putting a reason in, but I felt it would be best to leave it to the readers imagination.

Sorry.

>>10059501005950

I'm sorry, I can't give you a reason for their deaths.

I wanted to leave that to the readers imagination.

I was thinking about putting a reason in but figured it would be better to leave it to readers imagination.

So sorry.

>>10059571005957 D'aaaaaaaaaw that Fluttershy's face! :3

Well, off my dreams to figure that, since it's midnight here in Italy.

I'm still crying, by the way, this is pretty heavy stuff...

I last cried like this when i read "My Little Dashie"... well, like that time but probably i'll not gonna cry for three days in a row... Or so i hope...

Seven Asses.

Aww, that's was awesome. Some tears were gathering on my eyes.

Hope to see more of your work.

i like the story, but i wasn't touched at all, mainly because my heart is made of stone, but she should really join them.

after-all, they can't crusade forever, right? (sarcasm)

all in all, i didn't really like this story much...

>>10059811005981

I'm sorry this made you cry, but did you really compare this to My Little Dashie?

I love you!

My Little Dashie is a work by the Gods.

I don't believe this fic is anything compared to it.

I thank you so much for your amazing comment!

>>10060141006014

I'm sorry to hear that, but thank you for the feedback

I promise to get better at writing!

Cute idea, but your writing needs to be fleshed out more (mainly the dialogue). Definitely not bad for a first fic. I think if you read some stories and study how some of the good authors on the site work, you can learn and write something better.

Overall, not bad. And thank you for avoiding most first fic stories, which is "I am an alicorn and I can defeat absolutely everything possible". No. Seriously. Thank you.

>>10060461006046

Haha not a problem.

I wanted to go for something simple as a first fic.

Thanks for the feedback I will use those tips.

Yet again thanks!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqXPrylWkBE

When scootalo starts talking to the girls, play the link.

>>10060701006070

Oh man...

You made me have feels.

Thanks for letting me hear this amazing sound.

>>10060911006091

Your welcome!

P.S

Someone is being watched, and it's not me...

>>10061201006120

Thank you very much!

I feel so loved tonight!

I enjoyed this fanfic very much . Keep at it!

This had a lot of grammar issues, mostly punctuation with a few capitalizations, but I enjoyed this story. Pretty good for a first timer.

In This River - Black Label Society

As i liked the story but i have to amit i dident even shed a tear to MLD yet somehow i cryed like a little filly about this

     This was great, especially for a first fic! Yeah there were some grammar issues but that didn't detract from the story for me because you put a lot of heart into it. You can definitely tell a story, and that's what's important; all that grammar stuff becomes less of a problem the more you write. I dunno if you've seen any of my writing but I write evil, soulless grimdark torture fics, so I'm not easily phased but this made me tear up more than a little. I really liked it. Write more! Were you to write something poignant like this with flawless spelling and grammar I could see it getting featured.

Keep up the good work!

DWK

>>10064141006414

I must check your work out then, I'm a big fan of grimdark and torture.

About the grammar, yeah I'm not the best at it.

I need to get an editor who would look over my work and point out stuff like that to me.

Sorry, but for now (until I get one) that's the best I can do.

Thank you for your lovely comment.

Wow I acctualy cried to this.

>>10060171006017 Yes i do. Because it's one of those thing that you don't forget so well... Or quick.

This was pretty heavy. All i can say is that it was pretty heavy, like MLD, according to me.

>>10094241009424

Well thank you for that.

You have just made my day.

>>10094361009436 Hold on a sec, this was your first fanfic? Wow...

>>10094421009442

Yeah first thing I have ever wrote.

I hope to get better in the future.

I really want to become an excellent writer.

>>10098701009870 Honestly, you're already very good!

Very sad indeed

great fanfic made me cry

>>10338691033869

I'm happy you enjoyed it!

But sorry about the tears.

>>psicosis its OK its late at night and everypony is sleeping am going to get some sleep keep up the good work (sighed your fateful fan Yoshii)  

>>10338841033884

That made me grin ear to ear.

Thanks for being my fan!

an inspirational speech and a song

>>11084621108462

Thanks for those I guess.

MW2 is meh, but RVB is awesome.

>>11093071109307

i think we need to lighten the mood with a kid getting owned on xbox

>>11103201110320

Thank you for the watch and the entertaining video!

>>11103361110336 your welcome

i laughed like crazy the first time i watched this video

you produced tears , well done and every bit worth your recommendation to read.

>>11139281113928

I'm glad you enjoyed, but sorry about the tears.

They happen, not ashamed to admit it.

I loved it but when Scootaloo starting talking to Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, and when she thought she heard their voices; I cried

>>10060701006070 The link is broken you foal! Not to provoke anger in you... eep!