19: Recovery
Past Sins
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Chapter 19
Recovery
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Ponyville had survived the monster attack from the Everfree Forest, but not unscathed. The town had been ravaged. Yet, through it all, the most important part of Ponyville, its residents, had survived. Some had been hurt, the worst of the injuries being broken bones, but it was nothing that wouldn’t mend with time.
For the first couple of hours, most ponies chose to remain in the safe embrace of Nightmare Moon’s castle. Very few were able to find the courage to venture beyond the protective walls, and none got very far before their nerves and fears drove them running back to the stone fortress.
Despite their fears, the ponies of Ponyville knew they couldn’t stay sheltered in the castle forever. After giving everypony time to rest and recover, Ponyville’s mayor, Ivory Scroll, called on every willing and able pegasus. The fastest of the pegasi were tasked to fly out to the rest of Equestria, warning the kingdom that the monsters were now a much greater threat as well as seeking aid for Ponyville. The rest were tasked with taking an account of the damage the town had suffered.
It wasn’t long after the pegasi flew out that news of which buildings were destroyed and damaged began to stream into the castle, and the news was grim. Many homes and business had been utterly crushed. Some families lost everything except their lives and loved ones. Other buildings were on the verge of collapse and would require extensive repair to be made habitable again. It was news that left many ponies sobbing, but, through the tears, they clung tightly to their friends and families, thankful that they had somepony to embrace.
Despite the dark reality, glimmers of hope shone through. While she could not compare with Twilight, the Mayor began organizing the town’s populace. Under her guidance, fresh life was breathed into Nightmare Moon’s castle. Halls, which had been hollow and lifeless that morning, once again bustled with ponies coming and going in every direction. By the time the sun was nearing the western horizon, the castle had undergone a transformation.
To those who were without a roof over their heads, the castle became a refuge. The guard barracks, guest bedrooms, and larger hallways became a temporary home for ponies who had lost everything or were too scared to leave the castle. Cots and sleeping bags filled every available inch of space, but some ponies were happy to lay down on the floor with just a blanket and pillow. The beds in the castle were reserved for the sick and injured, but nopony complained.
For those who were hungry, the castle became a place to find a filling meal. Ponies who were willing to share their stores of food gave purpose to the castle’s kitchen. Simple, warm, and much-appreciated meals were quickly prepared and passed out to the hungry. They ate in the castle’s dining room, which, for the first time, was filled well past capacity.
To the ponies who were injured both before and during the attack, the castle's medical chambers once again became a place of healing. Dr. Stable, Nurse Tenderheart, and other volunteers tended to the needs of the sick and injured. It also became a place of reunion, where ponies were given the good news that their friends and family members had survived and were on the road to recovery.
Overall, the castle, which had once been a place of fear and dread, had become a safe haven in a terrible storm. It was a place where a pony could find rest, food, medical aid, and, most importantly, some peace of mind. The castle’s thick outer walls, which were being dutifully patrolled by volunteers, provided a sense of security to those who feared the monsters would return in the night.
Yet amongst the hustle and bustle that now filled most of the fortress, there was one hallway and room many purposefully avoided, even if it meant going along a much longer route through the corridors. A hallway where, on one side, there was a large pair of doors emblazoned with a royal seal of a crescent moon.
It was the hallway that connected to the throne room of Nightmare Moon.
It was in this hallway that Twilight Sparkle waited. She sat on the floor, her back and head resting against the wall’s cold stone as she stared at the ceiling. Inside the throne room, Nurse Redheart and Fluttershy were tending to Nightmare Moon while her friends and the other ponies that had helped get her into the palace had moved on to other tasks.
Twilight was the only one not doing anything, and it was a fact that nipped and chewed at the back of her mind. She felt she should have been doing something, anything. She could have been helping the mayor organize the relief efforts, or she could have been using her magic to help lift and move things in town. She, however, just couldn’t bring herself to step more than five feet away from the throne room doors.
Twilight wanted to be inside the throne room, if only to be there for Nightmare Moon. Nurse Redheart, however, had insisted she stay outside, turning the hallway into an impromptu waiting room. Twilight had protested, but Redheart wouldn’t budge. She explained in no uncertain terms that, while she sympathized with Twilight, she couldn’t have her in the room in case something went wrong.
Shifting her gaze away from the ceiling, Twilight looked through one of the nearby windows. The sky was starting to shift from a pristine blue to a warm, welcoming orange; it was a picturesque sunset that at least distracted Twilight from her concerns. She took in the spectrum of colors and stared until the creaking of hinges drew her attention to the opening throne room doors.
Nurse Redheart was the first to step out. She was carrying not only her medical saddlebags but also the doctoral bag Dr. Stable had Rainbow Dash fetch from the clinic. Fluttershy was following close behind, and she carefully closed the door behind her once both she and Redheart were in the hallway.
“How… how is she?” Twilight asked, afraid of what the answer would be.
“She was gravely injured, Twilight. We did what we could to tend to the wounds. She’s stable for the moment, but the next few hours are going to be critical. We’ve done all we can. Now, all we can do is wait and see.”
“Can… can I go see her?”
“Yes, but don’t take too long,” Nurse Redheart advised, “She needs rest more than anything else. Now, you’ll have to excuse me. I have to go check on the other ponies at the clinic, but Fluttershy will be right outside the door if you need anything.”
Twilight nodded and watched Nurse Redheart leave in the direction of the castle’s medical wing. At the same time, Fluttershy landed beside the door, placed a hoof on it, and nudged it open before turning her eyes to Twilight. “Are you ready to go in?”
Twilight was afraid of what condition she would find Nightmare Moon in and, for a moment, wondered if it would be better if she just stayed outside. Still, Fluttershy’s reassuring smile gave her some courage, and, after taking a deep breath, she slipped through the open door into the throne room.
The stained glass windows were still broken, although they’d been covered with banners from another part of the castle to keep the cool evening breeze out. Gentle white light came from the gemstones embedded around the walls, though many of them had been covered with fabric, creating a comfortable dimness in the room.
Near the center of the space, a makeshift bed had been assembled. Blankets, pillows, and soft cushions had been scavenged from all around the castle. The only bed big enough for an alicorn was up in Nightmare Moon’s private chambers, and Dr. Stable had made it clear Nightmare Moon needed medical treatment immediately, not after a team of ponies had gone upstairs, disassembled her bed, brought it to the throne room, and reassembled it.
The temporary bed served its purpose though. It provided a soft place for a wounded pony to rest, and, as Twilight drew closer, it looked like Nightmare Moon was asleep. Her eyes were closed and her breathing, while weak, was consistent. Her mane was beginning to look a little more like it used to, and, most importantly, all of her injuries had been treated. It wasn’t exactly top quality medical work, but Nurse Redheart and Fluttershy had done amazingly well considering the lack of supplies. They had considered putting her in the medical chambers with the others injured during the attack, where Dr. Stable and Nurse Tenderheart would be able to help with her treatment. However, not only was there not enough room in the medical wing for Nightmare Moon, but Redheart believed it would be best to treat her someplace private.
That all led to Nightmare Moon being placed in the throne room, where she slept soundly as Twilight walked closer. She didn’t wake Nightmare Moon; she knew that she needed to let her rest. Still, Twilight wanted to be someplace close. She wanted to be there when Nightmare Moon finally did open her eyes.
Thankfully, the bed that had been assembled was far bigger than it needed to be. While Nightmare Moon took up the center, there was plenty of space on the edges for a pony to lie down, and that’s just what Twilight did. She drew herself up onto a corner near Nightmare Moon’s head, laid herself down, rested her head on top of her forelegs, and just watched Nightmare Moon sleep.
~~~
Twilight wasn’t sure when she had fallen asleep, but she awoke to the sensation of somepony tapping on her shoulder. She sat up, yawned, and, after giving her eyes a moment to focus and adjust, she looked to see who was there. “Mayor?” she muttered groggily while rubbing one of her eyes.
Ivory Scroll nodded her head. “I’m sorry to wake you, Twilight, but can I talk with you outside?”
“Of course,” Twilight replied as she carefully got up from the bed. She looked back to see Nightmare Moon was still sleeping off her injuries, and she smiled a little when she saw Nightmare Moon’s mane looked thicker than it did when she had fallen asleep. It brought a little bit of relief to Twilight’s mind and let her believe that Nightmare Moon was, in fact, recovering.
A small cough from Ivory Scroll reminded Twilight why she had been woken up, and she quickly fell in line behind the mayor. They slipped out of the room and into the adjoining hallway quietly.
“I do apologize for disturbing you. I know you’re worried about her,” the mayor said once the throne room doors were closed.
“It’s okay,” Twilight reassured her. “She’s getting better, and that’s all that matters. Now, what did you want to talk about?”
“There are a few things, actually,” Ivory began. She led Twilight over to a window and pointed outside with a hoof. “First, I wanted you to see that.”
Twilight followed the mayor’s pointing hoof, trying to see what was so important, but Ivory Scroll seemed to be pointing at nothing. The window in question offered a fairly beautiful view of the castle courtyard, where a few ponies were walking back and forth. She could see part of the castle’s outer walls, and, beyond that, the sun hung just above the far horizon, setting the sky ablaze with the warm colors of late afternoon.
“Um… what am I supposed to be looking at?”
“The sunset.”
“What about it?”
“Twilight, it’s a little past ten. In the evening,” Ivory explained flatly. “The sun should have gone down over an hour ago. Ponies are starting to worry.”
Twilight stared at the mayor in disbelief, and she realized that she had slept longer than she’d thought. “Yeah… I guess that’s the problem when there is only one immortal alicorn in Equestria. I’m sorry, but I doubt Nyx is going to be strong enough to handle moving the sun and moon for at least a few days.”
“That’s why I wanted to talk to you. I’ve been asked to inquire as to whether the Elements of Harmony can be used to free the princesses. We believe that since Nightmare Moon imprisoned them, if she wer—”
Twilight, bristling, interrupted her. “You want me to use the Elements of Harmony on Nyx?!”
“No, I don’t mean it like that,” Ivory quickly corrected. “What I meant to say was: Is it possible for the Elements to undo her banishment spell?”
Twilight's anger cooled as quickly as it had ignited, and the gears in her mind turned as she looked out at the sunset. “I don’t know… maybe. I’d need to ask Nyx how the banishment spell works. Maybe then my friends and I can use the Elements of Harmony to bypass it, but I can’t ask Nyx anything until she wakes up.”
“I understand,” the mayor said gently. “When I realized the sun wasn’t going to set, I sent out several messengers to tell the rest of Equestria what’s going on. The pegasi weren’t happy since they had only just returned from taking my last set of letters. Thankfully, Rainbow Dash pep-talked them into flying out again, and the messages will, hopefully, keep most ponies from panicking.”
“Hopefully,” Twilight echoed before she turned away from the distant, perpetual sunset. “So, was that everything?”
“For the moment, though Applejack caught me on my way here. She was taking a break from the kitchen and wanted me to try and get you to eat something. From what she says, you haven’t had a bite all day.”
“Thank you, but—” Twilight began, trying to politely refuse the mayor’s offer, but her grumbling stomach betrayed her. With a weak laugh and a hoof placed over her stomach to quiet its protests, Twilight gave her head a nod. “Okay, maybe a sandwich.”
~~~
It didn’t take long for the pair to reach the castle’s dining room, and, despite the late hour, there were still several ponies loitering about. Twilight could only guess that some of them, like her, had lost track of time at some point thanks to the halted sunset.
“It looks like Applejack really did a great job keeping the kitchen busy,” Twilight remarked as she and Ivory Scroll crossed the room. She took notice of the number of ponies still eating at the dining table. “It was a good idea to ask her to lead the kitchen crew.”
The mayor nodded as she and Twilight got in the line for food. “Yes, it was, and the ponies helping her have really been going all-out. The food itself is pretty simple and bland, but it’s filling, and the kitchen crew is working quickly enough to keep most ponies fed.”
It didn’t take long for the pair to get their food, mostly because there weren’t too many ponies trying to get something to eat so late at night. Twilight used her magic to carry both her plate and the mayor’s, and, after the pair had found a place to sit at the room’s massive dining table, Twilight licked her lips and sniffed eagerly at the food. “Mmmmm… this smells so good.”
“Yes, it does,” the mayor agreed with a little laugh before taking a bite from her meal. Twilight was about to do the same, only to feel a tap on her shoulder. When she turned, she saw a particular mulberry pony standing beside her with a pair of saddlebags resting on her back.
“I hope I’m not interrupting you, Twilight,” Cheerilee said as Twilight turned to face her.
“Don’t worry about it. How are you doing?”
“I think I’m going to have nightmares for a few weeks thanks to that scorpio, but I’m fine otherwise. I just wanted to give you something.” At that, Cheerilee bent her head back, reached into her saddlebags, and pulled out a small stack of papers.
“What are these?” Twilight asked as the papers were set on the table beside her.
“Well, after what happened, I thought some of the fillies and colts around the castle needed something to do, something to keep them from thinking about what happened. Now, I don’t know how, but your friend Pinkie Pie managed to find a bunch of arts and crafts supplies. The little ponies spent part of the afternoon drawing… and I thought you’d like to have a few of the pictures they made.”
Twilight glanced at the stack of papers that had been set down beside her and used her magic to pick them up. She looked at the first one, a rather crude crayon drawing. It depicted a small, blue, stick-figure pony standing with two larger ponies, with squiggles of grass beneath and a big, happy sun in the corner. It was just the kind of image one would see hanging on a school bulletin board.
But what made Twilight stare was what had been written on the picture. Above the drawing were the words ‘To Nightmare Moon,’ while at the bottom the young artist had written “Thank you for protecting my family.”
Twilight flipped to the next picture in the pile. It was a better drawing, and she could actually recognize the ponies in the picture. She saw Applejack and Nightmare Moon standing on top of a defeated cerberus, which had little swirls for all six of its eyes. The text below the image read: “Thanks for keeping my sister safe. Get well soon Nyx. From: Apple Bloom.”
There were only a hoofful of drawings in the stack, but they all shared a similar theme. They were warm wishes and “thank you's” for Nightmare Moon. It left Twilight gawking in disbelief. She looked at each picture, went through the whole pile, and only then did she look back to Cheerilee.
“Did you…”
“Tell them to do this? No,” Cheerilee answered with a shake of her head. “It was Apple Bloom, actually. She started doing her picture, and, when the other little ponies asked what she was drawing, some of them wanted to do it too. I didn’t have a thing to do with it.
“Though, if you don’t mind,” Cheerilee paused and reached into her bag a second time. She removed from it a folded piece of paper which she set on the table where the stack of drawings had been a few moments before. “Would you give this to Nyx, please? That… that one’s from me.”
Twilight smiled, taking the folded piece of paper and adding it to the stack of crayon drawings. “Of course. And… thank you, Cheerilee, for bringing these to me.”
“It’s the least I can do, Twilight. Now, I’m going to go and try to get some sleep, but, if you need my help with anything, just ask, okay?”
“Okay,” Twilight replied before she watched Cheerilee walk off. She turned back to the stack of papers she was holding in her magic. She set them down delicately, as if they would turn to dust if she was too rough with them, and then quickly went back to her meal. She ate as fast as she could without being rude to the mayor or other ponies around. Then, once she was done with her meal, she took up the stack of drawings again and galloped from the room, so that she and the papers would be there when Nightmare Moon woke up.
~~~
Nightmare Moon groaned. She didn’t know how long she had been asleep, but that really didn’t matter to her at the moment. She was stiff all over, and any attempt to stretch and relieve that stiffness only made her realize how sore she was. She was lying on something soft but uneven, which was only moderately comfortable at best.
For a few minutes, Nightmare Moon was content with just rubbing the side of her head against whatever she was lying on, trying to relieve a small itch. Yet, as she became properly acquainted with how horrible she felt, the thing that pressed itself at the front of her mind was how dry her mouth was. Without even thinking, she licked her lips, hoping for a glass of water.
As if by magic, she felt something near her mouth and heard a familiar, gentle voice speaking softly to her. “Here, Nurse Redheart said I should get you to drink this when you woke up.”
The thing that was near her mouth was a straw, and, after fumbling with it for a moment, Nightmare Moon got her lips around it. She took a sip and shivered a little as the cool, crisp freshness of the water slipped over her tongue. Water had never tasted so good. She greedily drank it, not only to wet her mouth, but also to sedate her thirst. She sucked the glass of water dry in a matter of seconds.
When the cup was empty and the straw was moved away from her mouth, Nightmare Moon attempted to lift her head. She winced as the joints in her neck popped and cracked, but she forced her head up all the same before opening her eyes. She saw she was in the throne room, and she took notice of the bed she was lying in. Nightmare Moon also noted that she was practically covered from head-to-hoof in bandages and that her wing was held against her side in a simple sling.
“How are you feeling?”
Nightmare Moon turned and looked in the area near where her head had been lying. There, looking back with an honest and relieved smile, was Twilight.
“Sore…” Nightmare Moon replied as she laid her head back down.
Twilight leaned her head to one side as she stood up. “Well, you did get hurt pretty badly.” Then, with some careful maneuvering, Twilight climbed up onto the bed and put herself right beside Nightmare Moon’s head. She bent her head down and gently nuzzled at Nightmare Moon’s cheek. “I’m so glad to see you’re awake. You had me worried.”
“How long have I been asleep?”
“Don’t worry about that right now,” Twilight instructed as she stood up straight. She called on her magic, and, from nearby, a pitcher of water floated into view. She refilled the empty glass before holding the straw up to Nightmare Moon’s mouth a second time.
Nightmare Moon drank every drop, though she did not drain the glass as quickly as she had the first time. Her mouth was no longer feeling dry, and, as Twilight took the empty glass away, Nightmare Moon whispered a quiet, “thank you.”
“Do you want some more?”
“No,” Nightmare Moon replied with a weak shake of her head.
With a nod, Twilight set the empty glass over by the pitcher and turned her attention back to Nightmare Moon. “Are you hungry? I could go get you something from the castle’s kitchen.”
“I doubt there is much in there that hasn’t spoiled since the Children of Nightmare left.”
“Actually, the mayor and a bunch of other ponies have been using the castle as a kind of refugee camp. A lot of homes got damaged or destroyed during the monster attack, so they’ve been staying here. I hope that’s okay.”
Nightmare Moon let a thin smile creep onto her face. “I don’t mind, and… it’s nice to hear this castle can be used for something good.”
Twilight nodded her head in agreement. “It is. Still, do you want me to get you something?”
“No, I’m not hungry at the moment. How is everypony?”
“They’re fine,” Twilight answered softly, “Thanks to you.”
“I only bought time. It was you and your friends that got everypony out safely.”
“Something we couldn’t have done without you to hold back the monsters. You helped save lives, Nyx… you made me so proud.”
“Proud? How can you honestly be proud of me?” Nightmare Moon asked. She shifted her gaze to the far side of the room, unwilling and unable to look at Twilight. “After everything I’ve done, you should hate me, like they all do.”
Twilight lifted a hoof and ran it once through Nightmare Moon’s mane. The magical hair flowed around her leg like water, and it felt as cool as an evening breeze. “You’ve made mistakes, Nyx, but they’re mistakes you’ve tried to fix.”
“Nothing that I would have needed to do if I hadn’t been such a fool,” Nightmare Moon snapped, more at herself than at Twilight. “You were right all along, and I finally understand what you were trying to tell me. I may be Nightmare Moon, but that doesn’t mean I have to act like I did before. I didn’t have to listen to Spell Nexus or be the mare Celestia feared. Nopony could have forced me to do anything once I was fully resurrected.
“But… but I was so angry. I was angry at Celestia and… at you.” Nightmare Moon’s voice began to tremble as she fought back tears. “You let Celestia take me… you abandoned me and lied to me… and I hated you for it. I hated you so much.
“All I had left were my memories… all those memories of hating Equestria, of wanting the eternal night. My memories of being sealed in the moon.” Nightmare Moon’s voice dropped to a whisper, and she paused a moment. Twilight opened her mouth to offer her some comfort, but Nightmare Moon continued speaking before she could utter a single word.
“So I played the part. Like a stupid little filly in a stupid school play, I played the part of the monster. I played the role because it’s the only thing that felt true. It’s what Spell Nexus was telling me, it’s what Celestia feared, and it’s what my own memories told me was true.
“But I can’t be the way I was… and I don’t want to be like that ever again. That, however, doesn’t change what I’ve done. You and all of Equestria should just hate me… hate and despise me just like when Luna was Nightmare Moon… because that’s all I deserve.”
“No,” Twilight interrupted firmly. “No, that’s not all you deserve. You deserve more than that, and I don’t hate you.”
“You’re lying… just like you were lying to me before. You have to hate me. I’ve been the worst daughter in the world… you should hate me.”
“But I don’t, Nyx.”
Nightmare Moon gritted her teeth as her anger flared. “Don’t you get it?! No matter what you call me, no matter how I behave, I’m still the mare that locked up your mentor, that tried to kill you and your friends. I’m still the mare that usurped Equestria’s throne, locked you in a dungeon, and almost let Nexus kill you! I am, and forever will be, Nightmare Moon! So tell me, how can you not despise me?!”
“Because, Nyx, I’m your mother, and a mother will always love her daughter, no matter what.”
Nightmare Moon shut her eyes tight. She was trying to hold it back, trying to keep strong and resist, but it was all for naught. Twilight had broken down the emotional dam that had built up inside her. All of the pain, guilt, and confusion she had been bottling up was released, and it flooded her mind.
And so she wept. Nightmare Moon wept openly while attempting to blubber out apology after apology. Not since she had been a filly had she let her tears flow so freely. She cried and apologized for everything she had done, for everypony she had hurt, and for all the things she had put Twilight through.
She cried, and Twilight took it all in while trying her best to comfort the mare she called her daughter. She got as close as she could and nuzzled the side of Nightmare Moon’s head. It had been easier for Twilight to comfort her when she was still a little filly… but Twilight did her best. She did everything she, as a mother, could do to soothe her daughter. She even cried right alongside Nightmare Moon.
The tears that spilled from the pair’s eyes, however, were not just tears of sorrow. Some were tears of shared pain for the things they had both done wrong. Others were tears of joy, the pair sharing in an embrace they had been denied for so long.
After several long weeks, Twilight knew, without a doubt, that she had her daughter back.
~~~
Nightmare Moon cried for a long time, but, with Twilight’s presence, she eventually calmed down. She had cried herself dry of both her tears and the emotions she had bottled up inside. Overall, she felt better because of it. Still, as Nightmare Moon’s eyes dried, a single haunting question bubbled to the top of her mind… a question that she couldn’t ignore.
“Twilight… who am I?”
“What do you mean?” Twilight asked gently.
“I… I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m Nightmare Moon in mind and body. I was her in the past, but… I don’t want to be like that anymore. I want to be Nyx again, but… I can’t. I can’t go back to being the filly you found in the forest, yet I can’t go forward as the terror I once was. I’m stuck, somewhere in the middle… so, who am I?”
Twilight was silent for a time, needing to not only process the question, but also carefully choose her response. Her eyes wandered and looked across Nightmare Moon’s bruised, beaten, and bandaged body. She sighed and shook her head apologetically. “I’m sorry, Nyx, but I honestly can’t say. Everypony needs to decide for herself the kind of pony she is going to be, and you have to figure that out on your own. The only thing I could tell you is what I see.”
“Then what do you see, Twilight? I want the honest truth.”
“I suppose… I see a mare who is neither Nyx nor Nightmare Moon… or, actually, I see a mare that is a bit of both, if that makes sense,” Twilight began as she struggled to find the words to express herself. Thankfully, Nightmare Moon was patient and didn’t rush Twilight. She simply waited for her to compose her thoughts.
“Let me put it another way. Back when you were Nyx, you were… a little sensitive.”
“I was a coward and a crybaby,” Nightmare Moon corrected flatly.
“Okay, yes, but that wasn’t entirely your fault. You were young and you had been through a lot, even before I found you in the forest. I doubt any filly could go through what you did and not be a little traumatized.
“But you’re not like that anymore,” Twilight continued, smiling a little. “The Nyx I knew… she would never have been able to fight off the monsters like you did. Only a mare like Nightmare Moon would have been able to do what you did.”
“So even you finally admit I’m Nightmare Moon.”
“No,” Twilight corrected, “let me finish.”
“Sorry,” Nightmare Moon apologized.
“It’s okay, but you’re not like the old Nightmare Moon either, not anymore. If you were, you would have had the courage to face the monsters, but no reason to. When Luna was Nightmare Moon, she cared about herself first and everypony else second, if at all. If you were really that same pony, then you wouldn’t have cared about what happened to Ponyville.
“But the Nyx I know does care,” Twilight said as she gave Nightmare Moon a gentle reassuring touch. “She cares about other ponies, even putting them before herself. She cared about her friends enough that she performed in the Spring Festival Play, despite the fact I told her ‘no.’ You were there for them, and it’s because of that compassion that you were willing to fly out and throw yourself in harm’s way to protect Ponyville.
“So,” Twilight continued, “I guess you are a bit of both, perhaps even the best of both. But, as I said before, that is only what I see. It’s up to you to decide what kind of pony you want to be.
“And, by the way, I’m not the only one that thinks you’re not the same mare any more,” Twilight said as her horn began to glow. She turned her head and picked up a stack of papers that was lying nearby. She presented the pile, revealing to Nightmare Moon that the page on the top of the stack was the crayon drawing Apple Bloom had done.
“What… what are these?”
“Well, I think it’s best to call them thank you cards,” Twilight answered. Nightmare Moon took the drawings into her own magic and began flipping through them. Along with the picture from Apple Bloom, there were drawings from Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Twist. There were even a few from other ponies in her class, acquaintances who never really liked nor hated her. One such picture was from Dinky Doo, a crayon drawing of the alicorn zapping a hydra on the flank.
“There’s this as well,” Twilight said while holding out a carefully tri-folded piece of paper. “It’s a letter from Cheerilee.”
Nightmare Moon shifted her gaze and set down the crayon drawings before she gingerly suspended the letter in her magic. She unfolded it, and, after noticing the words were in fact written in Cheerilee’s hoof-writing, she looked to the top of the page and began attentively reading each line.
Dear Nyx,
Earlier today, when some of the fillies and colts I was watching started making get-well cards for you, I felt that I needed to offer a few words of my own. The first of those words are thank you. Thank you for saving my life. When that scorpio was about to grab me with its pincer, I had given up hope. I doubted I’d get out of that alive, but you flew in and saved me. I thank you for that.
I also wanted to say I’m sorry. I still remember what you said to me that night, when I let you play Nightmare Moon in the school play. I never meant it as an insult. I called the original Nightmare Moon ‘wicked and dastardly,’ but those words were never meant for you, a filly I called my student.
Your friends came to me at one time, back when you were making the night last forever. They asked me about you, asked why you were doing what you were doing. Their families weren’t telling them the whole truth, and I could tell they were worried. I told them the truth that I believed at the time: that you were confused about who you were, that you just needed some time, and that you would eventually do the right thing.
Thank you for proving me right, and, though you may now be an adult, I will always treasure the time you were in my class. While some of the students didn’t appreciate your curiosity, I found it refreshing. I hope that you never lose that drive to learn.
So, again, thank you.
Your Former Teacher,
Cheerilee
“It’s hard, sometimes, changing who you are, changing what everypony sees,” Twilight explained as Nightmare Moon stared at the letter and pictures. “Before I came to Ponyville, I was a bookworm with almost no real friends. But I changed. I started studying friendship, and I helped my friends just as much as they helped me. We’ve all grown because of the friendship we share. And you taught me what it takes to be a mother, to care for somepony like a daughter.
“It may seem impossible, but you can do it,” Twilight said confidently. “You’ve already started. These fillies and colts, they don’t see you as a monster anymore. They see you as the pony who saved their friends and families. You can be the mare you want to be.”
“Can it… can it really be that simple?” Nightmare Moon asked. She lowered the papers and looked at Twilight. “Do I just decide who I want to be?”
“No, it will be a lot of work and it may take a long time to be the mare you want to be. The first step, however, is answering that question: What kind of pony do you want to be?”
Nightmare Moon shifted her gaze down to her bruised and beaten body. She began to speak slowly, voicing her thoughts as they formed. “ I… I want… what I don’t want is to be queen. I don’t want to be a mare that ponies are afraid of. I want to be a pony with friends, real friends, not servants or subjects. I want to be a mare that makes you proud and to be your daughter.
“And… and I don’t want to care or worry about my past anymore. I know I’m Nightmare Moon, but I don’t want to be called that anymore. I don’t want that to be my name. I… I want my name to be Nyx.”
Twilight smiled and rested her head against Nyx’s cheek. “Well, to me, it sounds like you want to be a pretty amazing mare.”
“Of course you’d say that,” Nyx replied with a small chuckle, “you’re my mother.”
“Yes, but that doesn’t make it any less true.” Twilight said as one last laugh escaped her throat. She then glanced up at the throne room’s covered windows, and her smile withered on her face.
“Nyx?”
“Hmmm?”
“You remember earlier, when you asked how long you were asleep?”
“Yes,” Nyx replied with a nod.
“The honest answer is that it's been a little over half a day.”
Nyx tensed and tried to sit up from her bed and get to her hooves. Twilight, however, used her magic to force Nyx back down while a stern tone entered her voice. “Nyx, you’re in no condition to be moving around.”
“But what about the sunset? I need to lower the sun and raise the moon. Horse-feathers, if it has been half a day since I passed out, that would make it almost five in the morning.”
“It’s… actually closer to ten,” Twilight admitted.
“Ten?! It’s supposed to be light by now! I missed the entire night!” Nyx panicked, again trying to sit up while Twilight continued to hold her down.
“That doesn’t change the fact that you’re not strong enough right now to even consider handling the sun and moon,” Twilight snipped sternly before letting her voice soften. “Honestly, I doubt you’ll be strong enough for a while.”
“But what about Equestria?” Nyx asked. “It needs the sun and moon to move.”
Twilight sighed and nodded her head. “You’re right, Nyx, and that’s something I wanted to talk to you about. Nyx… can you release Princess Celestia and Princess Luna?”
Nyx stopped struggling to get up from under Twilight’s magic and, all too quickly, snapped, “No!”
“Nyx, they are the only ones—”
“Do you know what you’re asking me to do? If I let them go, I’ll take their place. They’ll banish me to the moon for what I’ve done! They each offered me mercy, a chance to stop, and I attacked them anyway. If I let them go now, they’ll show no mercy.”
Twilight gently shushed Nyx, nuzzling the side of her head. “I understand why you’re scared, but Equestria needs them back. What if the monsters attack again while you’re like this? What if it takes you weeks, or months, to get strong enough to move the sun and moon again?”
“I know,” Nyx begrudgingly admitted. “I know I need to let them go, but I don’t want to be banished again. It was hard enough the first time. The only thing that kept Luna and I, us… me sane was our anger and hatred. We spent those centuries plotting and scheming how we would get back at Celestia.”
Nyx trembled and drew her legs in close to her body. “But, if I go back now, I won’t have any of that. All I’ll have are my memories in Ponyville, and they’ll only make me long for freedom more.” She tossed her head and felt herself starting to cry again. “And, by the time Celestia and Luna let me go, or by the time I’m able to free myself, you’d be gone. You and everypony else would be gone. I’d never see Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, Twist, Owloysius, Cheerilee, or you again. The only ones who would have any chance of still being alive would be Spike and Peewee.
“I… I don’t want to go back,” Nyx said weakly, tears pooling in her eyes. “I don’t want to be alone again.”
“Shhhh,” Twilight softly soothed, doing her best to calm Nyx. “I know; I don’t want to see you get banished either, but you need to release them. Equestria needs them.”
“But—”
Twilight moved in close, hooked her forelegs around Nyx’s neck, and hugged her tightly. “I promise that I will not let Celestia take you away again. I’ll figure out some way to convince her. I’ll make her understand. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you don’t have to be alone for another thousand years.”
Nyx looked away from Twilight, trying to resist. She was injured, but she was still a full grown alicorn. She knew Twilight couldn’t force her to undo the spell that kept the royal sisters exiled. But… Twilight’s words, along with Zecora’s firm scolding from before the monster attack, rang in her mind. It was a bitter truth she couldn’t deny.
“The banishment spell… It’s simple to cast, easier to undo, and nearly impossible to break. It’s like a cell door. Without the key, the only way to get out is to smash the door or pick the lock. The Elements of Harmony smashed Celestia free when you defeated me, or rather me and Luna, in the Everfree Forest. Before that, Luna and I, when we were one, picked the lock of the spell when the stars were in proper alignment.
“But, for the thing or pony that cast the spell, their magic is the key to the lock,” Nyx explained. “Even you, without the Elements of Harmony, could undo the spell’s lock as long as you have a bit of my magic to act as the key. It does take some time to undo the locks, but, together, you and I could free the princesses within the hour.”
Twilight smiled and hugged Nyx’s neck even tighter while being careful not to choke her. “Thank you, Nyx.”
Nyx tried to smile, but the idea of her impending banishment was sucking the joy from her chest. “Y-you’re welcome, but—” She shifted her head and looked at Twilight with pleading eyes. “Can we wait a little while… just a few hours?”
Twilight pulled herself away from Nyx and frowned a little. “You know the sooner we let them go, the better, right?”
“I know, and I know you promise you won’t let them banish me, but I’m still scared,” Nyx admitted. “If we’re going to release Celestia and Luna, and, if you can’t stop them, I want one last memory. Just one last, good memory… something I can hold onto if the worst should happen.”
A comforting smile formed on Twilight’s lips. “I suppose Equestria can wait a couple hours.”
“Thank you,” Nyx gratefully whispered.
“Well then, how about we start this memory off with some food? I could go get us something to eat from the castle’s kitchen.”
“That… that does sound nice, and, after we eat, could we read a book together… like we used to?”
“Of course,” Twilight said as she carefully stood up from the bed. She was trying to keep her voice strong, though it had an audible quiver. “What story do you want to read?”
“You can pick, Twilight… you always pick the best stories.”
=====================================================================
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Dammit, I know you warned us with the sad tag, but these last three chapters especially have taken my feels and turned them into their punching bag.
Daaaa'wwww
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Damn, why can't I like and favorite it more then once!?
1183092
This. Completely and utterly this.
My heart......he.....is broken........too many hits to it......too many -topples over from feels overload-
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So many feels
Daaawwwwwwww too many feels
My feels have definitely taken a beating these last few chapters, as has my sleep schedule, but it's definitely a fair tradeoff
Aww... don't banish Nyx? Please?
Stay strong Nyx
show them your light and you'll never waver
show them your darkness and they'll never waver
show them your ultima and, I don't know
Good luck.
Please please please don't banish Nyx
Please! 
DFJKSL;FJDKL; curse you! im crying!
I’d never see Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, Twist, Owloysius, Cheerilee, or you again.
His name is spelled 'Owlowicious' according to pretty much every source I looked it up on.
I cried. Just cried. That hit me, hard.
Well done, sir. Well done.
THE FEELS OH THE FEELS, don't worry Nyx they won't banish you, you have embraced your good side.....that and Celstia essentially can't banish you after taking you from Twilight in the first place.......that conversation is coming too isn't it......oh boy
I don't want Nyx to be banished!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
I prefer 'thank you's.
...wat?
--
No... Can't be... C'mon, you know magic doesn't e--...
1304975
I can't tell what you are trying to say.
After all of us have clicked the like favorite and follow button if you make her banished by god we will unsubscribe then you will get an ANGRY MOB OF BRONIES COMING TO YOUR HOUSE TO MURDER YOU....With the help of Glados....
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Not only did this chapter punch a hole through my feels... But it spoke to me.
I can relate with what Nyx said, since I also don't have a flying buck what I should do and who I should be. But... If she can get through this state of uncertainty, then so can I.
I know we still have 2 feels-destroying chapters left but, Thank you for bringing this story to life.
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My tears. You has them.
All of them.
Manly tears have been shed.
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This story flipped my switch.
If I wasnt the cold emotionless rock the internet has made me, I bet Id be crying right now. Nontheless, Im smiling inside. Good show I say, Good show.
This is so beautiful... It got me right here, and I'm glad Nyx is a changed mare... *sniff* It's beautiful...
F-ing beautiful. I mean, just..just...
Oop, there is goes again.
THUMP!
(Nurse Redheart enters with shock paddles)
"Deja vu. CLEAR!"
Ok, only two chapters to go. I have my fingers crossed that Nyx and Twilight aren't going to be heart-wrenchingly separated...
BATTON DOWN THE HATCHES!! BRACE THE FLOOD GATES!! PREPARE FOR IMMINENT FEELS, BATTLE STATIONS EVERYONE!!!!
Is anyone open for a relationship.... i lost my feels to a heartless bitch, (which i fucking loved). I havent cried in over 10 months :( this story has been nibbling on my feels, but I really don't have any left
like Pinkie
And yes, I do have the brain of a mentally unstable psychopath
F7u12... why am i even doing this.
SO SAD wHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
1183092 Its more happy than anything. I can't describe it. Its like happy fell in love with sad then hanky-panky happened and this was born 9 months later
Did you by any chance write this to For Good from Wicked?
1437842
Cold Emotionless?
I'd think you would feel plenty of emotion, just of a small few. Namely, anger, rage. . . and more anger and rage and. . . uhm. . . and. . . KILL! MAIM! BURN!
1822264 I think the last three should be KILL! DESTROY! SWAG!
THE FEELS! O MY GOD THEY HURT!
Right in the feels
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Oh Nyx...
you are such a good mare. PLEASE CELESTIA AND LUNA, DONT BANISH NYX!!!
I didn't shed a single tear until I read that stupid letter from Cheerilee. Why do you hate me Cheerilee, why?
*sniff*, little Nyxie has grown up and is now a changed mare! *sniff* I'm so proud of you!
Cheerlies letter, more like letter of tears.
That... That really hit close to home. God dammit all the other times I looked one with a stone heart or laughed or wanted to take a book to a characters head but this time would have had me straight up bawling if not for will power. *slow clap* I applaud you good author.
carefully crawl out of the ruins of your feel bunker. Try not to trip on anything. Trip anyways. Fall face-first in the feelcific ocean. Drown.
Why? Why? Why?! Why have I not cried yet at all while reading the story?
I suppose one could think my crisis is similar to the one Nyx has been suffering. I don't know who I am. I'm not who I once was, and I can't see where I'm going. I'm blind in this new world, and I'm afraid. Not afraid of what I am, because I understand that if there's one person in this world that can best understand me is myself. Even if I don't fully understand who that is just yet. What I am afraid of is what I am not. I have not cried in many years, and I start to ask myself if there's anything left in this world for me to cry about. Have I already cried it all out? Do I simply not feel emotions in ways I should?
No. That's not true. I know I feel emotions, because if I did not, there would be no reason for me to write this. It's there; I can sense the emotions deep within my heart. But I suppose that I'm sort of introverted with me emotions. I have them, but they aren't to be put on display for the whole world to see. All I need to know is that they are there, and that they haven't left me.
These are good feels. This story hits just hard enough to make me think, but not enough to make me feel uncomfortable or
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So, I read this chapter on my phone. As soon as I finished it, my phone stopped working. This chapter has so many feels that it killed my phone.
