VinTavia I like it. It's got a ring to it.

>>6000360003 thank you.

I like to call it Scravia...

(Vinyl) Scr[atch](Oct)avia.

Scravia!

>>6012060120

Wow, that is actually the first time I've heard it that way.  It sounds pretty nice to be honest... ^^

Anyway...

Okay, dude, for a first fic this is decent.  I'm questing whether or not you looked this over before you posted it though...  

To me, it felt rushed and the descriptions made it a little confusing throughout the story.  That is just me and my opinion though.

Now I have a question:  Would it be okay if I took the chapter and revise it a little, then send it back to you and see how you like it?  Feel free to say no though, I won't mind at all

Quick thing before the end, when your I's are alone, you have to capitalize them.  They do not stay lowercase in the sentence.  Just thought I would put that out there.

>>6013160131go ahead you can use it I need help with it.

And yes it was kinda rushed i did in 3:13 am so it was hard for me to really read it carefully tired and all thoses mistakes only happend because i was tired.

thanks for your honesty about the name and story.

>>6020760207

May I ask why you were up at 3:13?

I can think of hours of the day where you would be a lot less tired

>>6037860378 to be honest  i spent the day looking for a new pup to bring home and i had a DJ gig to do at the bar  plus the rest of the day i spent with my friends. then i got a few email to put it on then so i just oh what the heck to it. so ya sorry that the prologue was crap ill fix it consider this a prototype.

Awesome start Dude

P.S. If you want to know who this is, then gimme yo hat.

I made a profile on here, and turns out, Roseluck wasn't taken. I'm lucky. xD

I really like the story. I guess I should make one too?

>>6122161221 -. - i don't have a hat but i would gladly love and tolerate you with my foot

>>vinyl scratch  I'll see you at school...^^;

Oh wow, I'm such a n00b.

>>6217662176 I'll learn

I've read alot of OctaScratch and this one isn't half bad

thank you

Interesting,  I give it a 3/5

Really good start, buddy. :D

You just gotta fix all the grammatical errors and this is set. :

>>6605966059 sorry didn't realize. lol only looked at first sentence and said yup that's enough ill fix tomorrow promises.  good night

>>6595865958 thank you.

Sometimes the flow felt off (Maybe it's just me) Otherwise, nice story. Also, do you read the story aloud to yourself? I've found that it helps a lot with flow and misspellings.

Why is she scared, she's not blind... right?! Either way, I can't wait for more

>>7333473334 thank you well to be honest all of the mistakes are because I'm rushing here and there with it but finally learned to take my time with the story and have fun with it, well more fun anyways.

Thanks again for your comment and honesty.

BLUE MUST DIE

Wow, that Blue needs to be punished! Anyways, nice story! The time laspe parts could be left as something like '~~~' and then a simple sentance or two telling the time. Otherwise, awesome read man, can't wait for more! (But I can wait as it'd be all the better

Ow...

I feel like I just got hit with the antagonistic subtlety of a roid-raging gorilla...

>>7591275912 yes, ye... wait no love and tolerate. but i guess we can love and tolerate with our foot/hoof

>>7606376063 what?

>>7599575995 thanks I'm really glad you like it

>>7617076170

The forced antagonism brought on by Vinyl's eyes. Sure, red eyes are unusual, but that's a bit much for just the eyes...

The antogonistic pegasus is definitively the most extreme anti-fillyfooler I've seen to date, and her reaction to Vinyl's eyes is beyond over-the-top.

Not to mention burning the houses down, and yet somehow getting away with it because the police believe that Vinyl did it solely because of her unusual eye color.

>>7617476174 I didn't go fully in depth with what happened, thats because I'm working on another story on the side,

about Vinyl's full past and her side adventures

>>7622576225 Cant wait to see it lol, I love Vinyl so much

>>7672676726 Who doesn't I'm just lucky I got to have her name as my username in time

>>7591275912

Hold on man, I've gotta go find my cudgel...

Well, I can say that the story picked up, and took quite a depressing turn.

That truly sucks for Vinyl, what a horrible life to have had

>>7683876838 thanks for your comment

Gawd damn, Vinyl you hardcore and crazy for drinking half on of that!

On another note, This was a pretty good chapter. The romance between those two felt a bit rushed though, but that's just me. Anyways I'm going to repeat myself and say this is a pretty good chapter you wrote.

awww that such a sweet ending to the chapter and a little funny

please post more and soon

This has my approvala

>>7804578045 thanks

>>>7804978049 wow you really liked it? thanks I'll try to get chapter 4 up as soon as possible.

>>7807678076 lol thanks.

Wow, this was awesome , although the relationship did feel a bit rushed... but near death experiances can bring people (and ponies) together, with a stronger bond then before, anyways, just remember to take your time and have fun, that's the whole point to writing imo

''When she let go of the unicorn she lost all power in her limbs, and just collapsed straight to the ground.''

I don't think it's clearly, who is the 2nd she. Kinda... confused me? Had to read over it 2 times or so... Well, I think it's just me and my germanishious sight of english.

Anyways, great story so far.

>>7815178151

Why are you surprised people like it?  Like I told you, you have a good story on your hands.

Well, you seem to have improved with this chapter, and it was oh so very heartwarming ^^

...Aside from the vomiting, and the blood, and the funeral that almost was.

Nope, still heartwarming.  Good chapter, looking forward to what comes next

The part with Golden Harp was a little bit strange... I don't know how to get it written in english words, but well... Imma start with the love part:

With an easy no. No to this rushed thing. So she fell in love with a mare, she knew for about 12 hours - and from those 12 about 8 hours asleep. Pretty fast to fall in love with someone (I won't use somepony, because this is a serious issue in very many Fan/Shipfics). Crush yes, love no.

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Your timefeeling is fucked up - or you can't really get it on the point.

about half an hour later, or such, maybe, perhaps, it could be, i don't know - i'm the writer, but i don't know which time it is

blergh.

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Your is not You're

"If your truly sorry then you will make us something delicious to eat."

----->^

"Where do you think your going?"

---------------------------->^

"Don't say your sorry, you don't know what sorry is yet."

---------------->^

you get the idea what i mean?

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''Golden Harp received a look from Octavia that would make Celestia step down from her throne.''

Funny metaphor, but it just doesn't fit

I think i found about two or three others, pretty much the same issue.

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"Come on Vinyl they deserve to know about your past too."

No they don't. Either you wanted Tavi to be a little bit dumb at this part, or I just don't know... Vinyl doesn't even know the people, who are playing in the orchestra. It's not like her fear's been, to get kicked out of the city again (well or have to leave again).

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''Vinyl just looked at the ground for one hour.''

"Two? I saw you looking at the floor for about 20 minutes."

Okay that proves it - that's what I call a fucked up timefeeling.

I'm pretty confident that you will come up with 30 hour days?

What do you think of:

''The phrase kept racing through her mind. Her body went numb, as she got absent in mind, she couldn't even focus her eyes - the eyes, which were the reason of getting rejected to do what was her hearts desire.''

Just keep any time outa it.

*plays joker being german*

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Anyways - the story has great approaches and a good plot (). You should nevertheless work on those mistakes I mentioned up there, [irony] it's not like it would help to get the story more fluent [/irony].

I'm looking forward, to what this will get into + one last thing - the your and you're mentioning by me was pretty dicklike, I know.

Anyways, 0:30 AM is shouting at me.

>>7815778157 thanks I glad you like it and you're right about having fun and stuff but I enjoy it so ya.

>>7824378243 well you asked why I'm surprised. It's because I never once in my life ever shared a story or something that a deeply enjoy doing with other people so to see that they like it, it makes me happy.

I will need a pre-reader so please if anyone wants to help leave a comment.

another good chapter, i really enjoy anything with Vinyl in it please keep up the awesome work

''Yes, yes it dose Mrs. Scratch''

kinda funny, because two lines earlier vinyl says something about the good grammar of octy.

"You're such a silly filly, a angry Octy is a cute Octy... well a even cuter one."

an angry, an even

''Vinyl shook her head, "Yup" ''

uhm isn't shaking your head not denying something?

''Yes I know but at least can you at least not dress incorrectly?''

sounds not so good.

''The two mares shook there head and continued to walk in the building.''

their heads

well, that's for the misspellings and phrasings. I enjoy the plot so far, but I think Octavia is slightly OOC - besides she's in love and such.

I'm looking forward to the other chapters.

>>8421484214thanks chapter five will be out a little late because holiday and stuff but I'll try a little holiday special and such.

>>8422384223 Thanks a lot I owe you one.