Author of The Conversion Bureau: Last Man Standing. Hoping to write more when time presents itself.
A tragic accident robs Jay and many of his friends of their parents. Seeing no alternative aside from a life on the streets and poverty, they enroll in the Conversion Bureau program to emmigrate to Equestria. When Jay finds out that his close childhood friend and crush, Chloe, is going as well, he takes it upon himself to win her affection before the end of their ten day stay.
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OK, I just have to know. What the hell is The Conversion Bureau? I Googled it, and I learned nothing.
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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uHwM6jFStJxLTestWo3q7HqRLC5PVXbq7xIIEgSTAWY/edit?authkey=CI6W8t4P&hl=en_US&authkey=CI6W8t4P
Midnight Shadow put together the companion document that I linked above. Give it a quick read to get an idea what the Conversion Bureau is all about.
Its off to a good start. It felt a bit quick learning about Jay and his parents dying but that may just be the "first chapter" feeling that I am getting.
In any case I will await the next chapter attentively. Good luck sir!
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Don't worry, this chapter was mostly to set up the circumstances of why they were all going to get converted. And there will be many points in which Jay as well as others will reflect about what has happened.
I've enjoyed most Conversion Bureau universe fics and this one seems like another I'll probably enjoy. I agree with DerangedDingo a bit about how it seemed quick with the mass parental deaths but then again this story is to be about the kids and apparently Jay and Chloe as a focus. Well Jay as a focus at least until things between him and Chloe actually go somewhere.
mother of god another conversion bureau
I love the Conversion Bureau universe. I've been (slowly but surely) putting together a fic that kind of zooms out on the scenario Blaze made, and I'm glad I'm not the only one still posting about it.
Yes! Yes! Yes! I cannot get enough Conversion Bureau, and Windchaser is good. Happy day!
I didn't even need to read it to 5-star it and fav it, just having Windchaser's name on it is enough for me. And the chapter didn't fail to deliver haha, can't wait to see more.
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I'm glad you think so. And just wait for the next chapter. Already at work on it, and at less than a quarter done, it's passed the first in terms of length.
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Yay! I love long chapters! I'm hoping to finish Chapter 2 of my very first fic tomorrow sometime, though mine aren't as long as yours
Very nice start, makes me with I could do a Conversion Bereau story.
Yay!
I love conversion bureau stories.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
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*Swats with rolled up newspaper*
read first, fav after.
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*cuffs upside the head*
I already knew it'd be 5-star material, I didn't feel like scrolling back up to do what was inevitable anyway
Not much plot, a little light on pathos, but we have the makings of a story here. It's a little bit just-so, but competently written.
fantastic
Another good read, hoping to see more soon
This just keeps getting better; I am enjoying the sensuality of the meals, and the details of every little experience. It's interesting to visit a high-class Bureau, something rich and wealthy compared to the usual, more industrial settings. This Bureau is positively pastoral. I'd like to go to this one, it's fun.
I am absolutely looking forward to the next installment, and I am really enjoying this. Very nicely done.
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I had a very distinct image of the bureau in my head. I tried my best to capture as many details of what I saw in my writing. It's a bit of a combination of architectural inspirations. A very utilitarian design with a both simplistic and yet complex layout. The world in which this story takes place isn't as dark and horrible as the Earth from 27 Ounces and your other stories, but it very well may be on its way there. Bland, prepackaged meals is a norm for most lower and middle class families should they be able to afford them. Companies having almost complete control over their employees through tight contracts.
The experiences in the bureau are supposed to be full of color and life, compared to life back 'outside', whether it be through the ponies or the food. I wanted to capture just about every experience Jay would come across throughout the day.
I can't help but wonder quite what's up with Peach...
I must say I'm impressed with the descriptions of the bureau, even though there's some 'dark spots' where you don't know where the character is, (That would only be 2-3 times that happens and it seems to be there to not slow the story down too much.) I must say, this is already one of the better stories I've read - and you're only on the second chapter.
Kudos to you.
You've done it again Windchaser. This story is starting out wonderfully, what with the fine details and somewhat sad premise. I must say that I would find Jay unbelievable if only for the fact that he doesn't seem to be deeply saddened by his parents passing, but I quickly realized that he really didn't seem to know them. So I guess it wouldn't be unrealistic to feel that way. On another note I bet that Jay is still just allowing everything to "sink in" so he probably isn't thinking much about it.
Loving how you portray all the new experiences that the group is going through, can't wait to see how this develops.
fantastic
I too am likening this story so far. But I don't know if it's just me reading too fast, but it feels that your environment is lacking. Is this world as futurisitic as the other TCB stories?
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No it isn't. I see this story maybe taking place in the latter half of the century, but not as decrepit or 'shiny' as most futuristic settings portray the future. Drastic changes in society are much more gradual than what many people believe. In the 50s, they thought everyone would be driving around in flying cars by 2001. The actuality of the future almost always falls short of the reality of the future. I will go into more detail about what the world is presently like in future chapters, though.
I think that it might be better to go back and try to make it clear that the time frame is 2000s and some meta would be nice, seeing that you may want to explain the ponies position on taking over, even though we are not in a decline just yet.
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I don't want to really put much attention on the outside world because that's not the focus of the story. The story is about the people and ponies in the bureau and their interactions. I'll let the reader come up with those details on their own, should they desire to. I'm sorry if this detracts from your enjoyment of the story, though.
This is the third time I read this
A very nice chapter, and feel good for Andrea that she's a pegasus, admit I'm really curious now to see if Jay will become a unicorn or an earth pony (admit that while I think unicorns are good for theoretical and fine-detail manipulation due to their magic, I just see earth ponies as being engineers above the other two species)
MOAR! Please.
I like the "feel good" vibe from this chapter. I am very impressed with how well you are blending vital information into dialogue, and how each character really feels like they have their own manner of speaking. Bravo sir and I can't wait for more.
Thank you so much for the new chapter. I am just happy as strawberry cobbler to read it.
I've been hoping that you would continue with this story. I especially liked the camaraderie during lunch, the little sister getting to join her brother, and of course seeing Andrea healed. I really like the diverse moments, possible with such a concentrated cast.
Yay the magical update!! You have no idea how long I have been with for this,so please keep it up!
my mind.... IT DEMANDS MOAR!!!
An excellent chapter, and I really hope things work out for Jay, it blows that he worked that hard on the brace for Chloe to act like that
woah. my mind command worked. MY MIND DEMANDS A MILLION DOLLARS!!! ........damn.
A lot of wonderful moments here. Your dessert descriptions are mouth watering.
I have one thing that jarred me slightly; it just seems to me that Jay would interact more with Peach Cobbler after each dessert than just 'it was magnificent'. I would. I would at least say something like 'At first the ice cream seemed weird, with all the colors, but the flavor was so good that in the end I really liked it. And the filling was incredible, because of the way the texture contrasted with the cake." Or something like that. Probably it doesn't matter one whit to the story, of course, but it just seems more... real, to have some short discussion there.
Then again, I tend to concentrate too much on moments as opposed to pacing, so, maybe I am being silly here.
This is really, really excellent.
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In hindsight, I agree. I'll expand the exchange a bit.
D'aaw, poor Isaac.
Uh, and, y'know, Jay. The main character of this story.
I appreciate the reference. A real treat for those who've read your other works, especially Last Man Standing. Keep up the good work!
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This story officially takes place in the same TCB universe as Last Man Standing.
What else can Earth Ponies bring out of the ground, anyways? Could a skilled master of growing magic grow a stone house out of barren ground? Make a spring? What do you get when you give a group of Earth Ponies a volcanic island?
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Yeah, obviously. And that's great! It'd make me smile if somehow every TCB story could co-exist in the same universe, but unfortunately that's not really possible. Oh well!
.......why so short?
Loving it so far.
Ooh, plot twists! Also, way to tease me Windchaser, now I'm going to be speculating all night as to what happened to make Andrew leave
:O CLIFFHANGER! I hope we find out soon, this'll annoy me until I know...
Gotta love plot twists but I feel sad for Jay since he made that brace for her to draw with, even thought most ponies can draw with their mouths, he still made it and he gets brushed off. But please keep up the good work.
I swear you are writing these things behind my back aren't you and I would of have expected something like this to happen. Oh well please continue to write while my back is turned facing towards a shiny object that is distracting me.
Oh my, quite a few updates lately. Always a good thing in my opinion. Now lets see here...
Poor poor Jay. I hope that he can overcome his broken feelings. I honestly had hoped that the brace would work out. But hey, on the upside he still has some awesome friends, I am certain that Austin and Firecracker will cheer him up. (Austin already did it seems.) And speaking of those two.
Oho, Firecracker had all the mares huh? Well I guess that you could say he *puts on sunglasses* Was quite the Stallion. Him and Peach will make a good couple, if he can break his old habits that is.
When Austin came out I was pleasantly surprised. I honestly thought that no one would ever touch on that subject. (Wanting to go to Equestria just for the acceptance that is.) So bravo to you. I guess we learn something every day.
I'm enjoying this so far, even through my splitting headache, nausea and delirium, so you're doing something right
Twists and turns... keep it up!