i think i like where this is going

Gah!  Too bucking short!  And I mean that in the best possible way, because I really want to get deeper into this!

I think you're carrying an admittedly weak concept very well.  I'd love to see a longer chapter with more characterization, because frankly, all we know at this point is that this mysterious pony is a musician.  These first two chapters have all the good points of a pair of prologue-style introductions, and there's a lot of way this could go from here.

Now, show us that conflict, soldier!

>>10016951001695 Thanks. I'm distinctly sorry for my short chapters. It's something I struggle with constantly. I don't like to do what my AP English teachers used to call "BSing it," because it's just fodder. However, I also have trouble not doing that because I want to characterize so much. I usually over-edit, and that's probably what happened here. I hope you remain entertained, good sir.

I'm going to assume you mean to say that jazz is the best music ever and all the other words are just typos.

Why? Why do you make these chapters so short, It feels like absolute torture .

Im about to go to sleep.

I see this.

Who needs sleep.

>>10079511007951 Sleeping is for losers. Let's all have a big MLP party and go completely bat-sh*t crazy!

When I first read "Her heart began to pump and sweat..." I had the strangest image in my mind... Then I re-read the sentence and chastised my brain for putting in random pauses for no good reason. Just felt like sharing that. Good story so far, time to keep reading

>>10079731007973 Now your speaking my language.

>>10081111008111 Day made by that comment, I'm now going to reread chapter 1 just so I can laugh at my own awkward sentence structure.

>>10082311008231 Glad the comment was enjoyable The structure is alright I think, maybe just a little bit odd at times, but when I read that particular sentence my mind decided to trip over itself and insert a pause which confused me until I re-read it. I finished reading what you have posted of the story without any more incidents like that one, and I'm enjoying it I look forward to seeing more chapters for this.

"And he's got quite the flare for music..." Just thought I'd point this out, it's 'flair.' Sorry if I appear as rude to you.

>>10102311010231 I would love to use some clever defense of that, like  "the symbolism in this story is all sparks and flames in case you hadn't noticed," but that's just not true. You're right, I'm wrong, I'll go fix it now.

Words cannot express

How amazing this story is.

>>10251961025196 How about one word?

Awesome.

Damn, one word less and it'd be 1,337.

Moar.

Good God.

MOAR.

5/5 smiles + a dashie

small, brown basked

Basket, I think you mean.

Okay, I finally got back to reading this.  I didn't want to read anything until after I had finished my own story, but I said I'd be back, and I am!

First off, the technical criticisms:

- Every new paragraph needs an indent, whether dialogue or prose.

- You tend to do the same thing I do, which is insert commas in places where you pause in speech but aren't needed in text.  Example:

When he arrived in the marketplace square, he found Octavia dancing wildly, a violin at her jaw.

To be grammatically accurate, it should just be "When he arrived in the marketplace square he found Octavia dancing wildly, a violin at her jaw."  I've been so guilty of this same thing it's hardly even funny.  The key is to think about separate ideas rather than actual pauses.  Your writing style isn't particularly laconic, so don't fall into the trap of just "writing how you speak".  That sort of thing is more suited to comedies and fics like Through the Eyes of Another Pony, which revels gleefully in its absurd nature and loose writing.

- I still want MORE.

Every paraphraph is good, but I just want to go deeper.  More of the "where, why, how" type of stuff.  You can NOT elaborate too much as long as you're advancing the plot and giving depth to the characters (IMHO...).  And if you're still worried about over-editing your stuff, find an editor to help you out.  It worked miracles on me, and I wasn't a bad writer before I started.

And the praise!

- Loved how you paralleled this last chapter.  Took me a moment to catch up, but then the "I C Wut U Did There" took over.

- Normally, I would be annoyed at how fast they're going, becoming attached with so little interaction and context, but dammit, sometimes that happens.  I wouldn't say no to more elaboration about their feelings and why they're getting into them, but I just don't care if there's not.

can i have some cheesecake? sorry that's my only question.

really nice story, im going to be sad when its over

>>11268471126847

I recommend The Cheesecake Factory, unless you're on a diet.

If you are, then no, you may not have cheesecake.

Heh.  I still like it.  The plot devices are a bit convenient, and you do have a bit of a problem with passive voice.  Granted, I didn't really notice it until this chapter, but I recognize it now that I've seen it.

Looking forward to the finale!

aww was hoping for a little more but still a really good story

Will you be makeing more fic's like this one because i liked it alot

Who is your favorite background pony?

And who is your favourite Main six pony? (I hope to celestia you say Rainbow Dash)

Hmmm... Nice start. It's soft, inviting and pretty good for an OC story.

That awkward/awesome moment when you realize that your favorite musician lives close to home.

Well at least you mentioned Vinyl here... As well as Pinkie... Hehehe...

Awwww.... You're starting to have Dreams about him Tavi!!! Wish my dreams were a lot more controlled like that... And... ya know... Not just a bunch of random craziness.

Wow... I guess it's true. Rumors do spread like wild fire in smaller towns.

Isn't it just a bitch to control your emotions when you have no idea what they are?

I am not the only one whose interested in that little foreign colt right? WHERE IS HE FROM?!?!!?

Kindness and Honesty to help these two out with their complicated love feelings? Yeah I can see that...

Also... Call me obsessed with this show... But this came to mind at their concert scene:

DON'T JUDGE ME!!!!

Awww.... Very sweet! And not as predictable as I thought it would be... Very nice! A good story over all.